|That's it for democracy in Russia!|
Russia's FSB (formerly KGB) agents are busy checking all rocks in public places in and around Moscow to find out if they're really high-tech message drops for British spies. That job done, the unlucky FSB faces the additional problem of locating similar devices, which could be hidden in bricks, stone and concrete construction blocks, hollow trees, substantial wooden fencing posts and all sorts of other places.
In the meantime, President Putin has sent a personal message of thanks to our temporary PM for this excuse to shunt more political opponents into concentration camps on trumped-up charges, and his help in ensuring that Democracy never raises its poisonous head in Putin's Tsardom.
The FSB slipped up badly by over-sexing their scandal with poorly forged letters, allegedly from MI6 to Moscow-based human rights group. At least the KBG could afford competent forgers!
|First whale visit to central London in recorded history|
A northern bottlenose whale, which swam up the Thames to the Battersea bridge area, had to be provided with a River Police protection squad when the staff of the Japanese embassy turned up on the river bank brandishing harpoons.
The whale was hoisted onto a small ship for transport down-river to deep water but it failed to survive the stressful voyage.
Westminster council's jobsworths handed out parking tickets to the tune of £300 to the people trying to rescue the whale.
The whale's skeleton is destined for a place in the archives of London's Natural History Museum when the post mortem is out of the way.
|Good news for space-bound boozers!|
Residents of the International Space Station will soon be allowed to enjoy an alcoholic drink. The official reason given is that the Russians decided that a small ration of alcohol would help to prevent weight loss in their cosmonauts when they have to do strenuous manual work.
As it is known that booze was allowed aboard the Mir Space Station, the explanation has a certain amount of credibility.
But the real reason behind the suppression of NASA's puritanical ban on drink is thought to have a lot to do with the problem of attracting sufficient numbers 'space tourists' at $20 million a trip to make a meaningful contribution to the cash-strapped ISS project.
Stardust payload arrives safely
Launched in February 1999, the Stardust probe looped around the solar system, gathering speed and collecting interstellar dust, before reaching comet 81P/Wild 2 on Jan. 2, 2004. The vehicle took photographs and flew through the comet's coma, trapping particles ejected from the comet in a collector packed with aerogel an ultra-light, solid, foam material comprising a minute amount of silica surrounding of a lot of space.
The probe's next job was to return to Earth with its trophies and drop a lander into the Earth's atmosphere at a record re-entry speed of 29,000 miles per hour. This happened on January 15th while the mission's directors prayed that they wouldn't witness a repeat of the Genesis affair of September 2004.
The 400 lb Genesis return capsule contained material captured from the solar wind during 3 years of orbiting the Sun. Unfortunately, a gravity-detecting switch, which was supposed to open the parachutes when it detected the Earth's gravity, had been installed backwards. As a result, the Genesis lander hit the Utah Test and Training Range of the US Air Force (near of Salt Lake City) at 200 mph. [see picture, right]
Luckily, the Stardust lander was assembled correctly and it made a soft landing in the Utah desert after providing a fiery spectacle in the night sky for local residents. The mission's instigators are hoping that the scattering of tiny bits & pieces will provide information on the formation of the solar system 4.6 billion years ago, and they hope to make a living out of the material at least for the next decade.
Off to the Outer Limits
NASA has managed to launch the New Horizons mission from Cape Canaveral after delays due to bad weather and a local power failure. The probe is due to start examining Pluto in 2015.
Glasgow council has begun a rolling ban on glass containers in the city's pubs and night clubs. Which means that all beverages beer, wine, champagne, etc. will have to be consumed out of 'plastics' rather than glasses. Drinking straight from glass bottles is O.U.T. and customers will have to receive the contents of a bottle of champagne by the plasticful, as they won't be allowed to have glass bottles at their table.
The tourist trade is aghast at the ban.
Planting trees to remove carbon dioxide from the atmosphere is a waste of time as far as doing anything about global warming is concerned. Why? Because trees release enough methane, a 30x more efficient greenhouse gas than carbon dioxide, to reverse (and a lot more) the cooling effect due to fixing carbon.
BlackFlag News is pleased to announce that this ground-breaking work by one of Romiley's most distinguished authors, and a founder member of Romiley Literary Circle, can now be downloaded in PDF format.
Get the Book free from the RLC Downloads page
Read about the Book and the author's other works on the Romiley Literary Circle website
Category : Military fiction An alternative, profitable future for Britain's armed forces if freed from political interference.
Written 30 years ago but now becoming new labour policy!
|Voluntary ID cards you have to have?|
The government keeps insisting that ID cards will be entirely voluntary, and the people who buy one won't have to carry it. At the same time, lord falconer's department of constitutional affairs is planning to get local councils to cross-check data from the national id card database with their electoral registers to identify people who don't have an ID card.
With typical labour party sneakiness, this information was released under the cover of the Xmas holidays.
The government is planning to replace the present locally managed electoral registers with a new, centralized, electronic electoral register (if it can find someone who can supply a computer system that works). This system will be the basis for a plan to identify people who fail to register for an ID card, or who fail to update their details if they change their address, and fine them up to £2,500.
A mini-brothel on a street near you soon?
Following on from its campaign to put a super-casino on every high street, the Ministry of Culture, Gambling and Horizontal Recreation plans to put 'several' mini-brothels within easy reach of the casino. Up to 3 prostitutes will be able to work in each establishment, which will be granted an automatic 24-hour licence to serve alcohol, tobacco and Class B & C drugs.
The Albania Mafia, which controls 72% of London's brothels, is reported to be highly delighted with the success of an extended campaign of lobbying MPs.
A member of Romiley Philatelic Circle has asked us to help establish his provenance of this postmark, which appeared on a postcard sent during the summer of last year.
Someone is having us on
A red sky in the morning is supposed to be a bad thing but we got a very spectacular one in Romiley at about 08:08 on the twelfth, and nothing terrible, weatherwise, occurred.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Crooks In Action
As a public service, Jenson Farrago is offering access to his collection of bogus lottery, phishing and other email spam. CLICK HERE to find out what miracles they offer.
The exclusive right to deliver letters in the UK has expired after 350 years. Big business is likely to be the only beneficiary of the change as the Royal Mail retains an obligation to deliver mail round the corner and to the most remote parts of Scotland at the same price. Servicing this requirement, plus an enormous black hole in its pension scheme, means that postal rates are bound to go up especially after the Royal Mail introduces its new pricing scheme based on size and weight rather than just weight.
The labour party would like to apologize for introducing the George Orwell '1984 Experience' 22 years late. From 2006/01/01, the police can arrest people, and take samples of their fingerprints and DNA, for any offence at all no matter how trivial. Worse, they can also arrest people if they only think they might have committed an offence. Our labour government sees a huge increase in intimidation by the police service as the only way it can hope to stifle increasingly widespread political dissent.
There is also the question of the hidden agenda. The government is planning to get everyone in the country busted at least for an imaginary offence to build up a DNA database covering the entire country and everyone who visits it, no matter how briefly. [This is why Customs officers are frequently seen bagging and tagging used paper cups and fag ends.]
The double Oscar-winning Hollywood star, who managed to combine glamour with a ready sense of humour in her many roles on the big screen, has died at 85. She started her Hollywood career being killed off regularly, she took a time-out on the Broadway stage and she returned to the movies bigger and brassier. In addition to appearances in 156 films, her screen credits include pouring iced water over Oliver Reed during a TV show and getting into a punch-up with him.
Shelley Winters appeared in a wide range of films from Westerns and Alfie to crawling around a sunken ship in the action-adventure The Poseidon Affair. Off-screen, she was much-married and much pursued by Hollywood's big beasts, and well known for speaking her mind and not putting up with people who proved a disappointment.
The prime minister's illegal war in Iraq has claimed the life of a 100th member of the armed services. Cpl. Pritchard of the Royal Scots Dragoons died at 31, a victim of a bomb placed in a road by terrorists. He leaves behind a wife and 3 young children.
Future candidates for the chop?
1. Free to use cash machines by 2010 Nationwide Building Society.
2. Corner Shops by 2015 the Commons All Party Small Shops Group.
3. 25% of all final salary pension schemes by 2011 the National Association of Pension Funds.
|How easy is it to get a mortgage?|
GMAC-RFC gave one of £207,000 to a black criminal in his 30s, who stole the identity of the 55-year-old white Englishman, from whom he rented the house in question through an agent. The criminal claimed that his income was £120K per annum and he managed to spell both of his victim's names wrongly on the application form. GMAC-RFC ignored 5 letters from the victim's brother warning them about the fraud, and the police (no surprise) didn't want to know either.
The criminal had the mortgage payment delivered to a bank account, which he had open for the purpose. Then he split with a banker's draft for parts unknown. GMAC-RFC seems to be under the illusion that they were taken by 'a sophisticated fraudster', which says rather a lot about GMAC-RFC's level of sophistication.
Editor's Note : This item DOES NOT constitute an invitation to perpetrate a similar fraud on what is obviously a highly vulnerable company.
2,000-year-old con-job about to be exposed in Italy?
The Italian court system is having to deal with a theological battle between 2 pensioners from the town of Viterbo, near Rome. Both attended the same seminary school as teenagers but only Enrico Righi became a priest. Luigi Cascioli became a militant atheist, who is suing the priest because Father Righi makes a living out of “abusing popular credulity”.
Father Righi says there is plenty of evidence in historical texts to support the existence of Jesus. Signor Cascioli points out that most of these texts are unreliable, they were written long after the events described and early Christian writers confused Jesus with John of Gamala, a contemporary anti-Roman Jewish insurgent.
That is why the author of The Fable of Christ is accusing Father Righi, not to mention the whole Catholic Church, of breaking two Italian laws: "Abuso di Credulita Popolare" (Abuse of Popular Belief), which is intended to protect people against being swindled or conned, and "Sostituzione di Persona" (impersonation).
Signor Cascioli started his campaign three years ago, after Father Righi denounced him in a parish newsletter for daring to doubt Jesus's existence as an historical figure. Judge Gaetano Mautone has been trying desperately to duck the case ever since, but the Court of Appeal told him to get on with it in December of 2005.
"Gaol fat johnny as an example to other tax dodgers!"
Some people are hauled into court if they go fourteen quid into arrears with their Council Tax. But the deputy prime minister has paid absolutely bugger all on his central London residence since he took office in 1997.
Of course, the state of total chaos in the office of the deputy prime minister is to blame, not the bloke who's supposed to be in charge of it, and he faces no stiffer penalty than having to pay the back C-Tax. And probably not with interest added on.
As he claims £20,000 per year from the taxpayer in housing allowances, perhaps his customers are entitled to know what he spends it on. It's certainly not going on his C-Tax.
p.s. johnny's disgraced colleague blunk is under investigation for evasion of C-Tax on his official residence in Belgravia, which he continues to infest even though he's not entitled to be there.
German courts adopt EU referendum swindle
Disappointed at the 8½ year sentence for manslaughter handed to Kassel Cannibal Armin Meiwes in January 2004, the German supreme court decided in April 2005 to put him on trial again for murder. The case starts this month and Mr. Meiwes faces the prospect of another trial next year if this one fails to produce a sentence which is long enough to satisfy the German legal bureaucracy.
Previous reports: Dec 2003 the trial | Jan 2004 German police set up 'Cannibal Division'| Feb 2004 sentence review | Oct 2005 Indian Zoroastrians recruit Meiwes |
Just passing time inside?
What do lifers do to while away the days behind bars? John Pilley has sex swaps. He became a 'woman' and got himself moved to a female gaol after an £11,000 operation 7 years ago. Now, he wants to be turned back into a man. And guess what? The taxpayer is expected to stump up for this latest op, bringing the total cost of his messing about to £50K.
'Wendy's Finger' couple gaoled in USA
A couple who planted a human fingertip in a bowl of chilli in the hope of defrauding the Wendy's fast food chain have been sent to gaol in San Jose, California. Anna Ayala got nine years and her husband, Jaime Placencia, got 12 years, four months. Mr. Placencia bought the decapitated digit from a construction worker for $100. Ms. Ayala has a history of making false claims against large corporations and settling out of court.
Their scheme has cost the third-largest burger chain in the USA some $2.5m and it has had to sack employees because of lost sales and the negative publicity.
|The AA a lifetime of service?|
A Sheffield man, who was an AA member, died of a heart attack at the wheel of his car. When his brother-in-law tried to recover the car, it wouldn't start so he called the AA and quoted the deceased owner's details from his membership card.
The response from the AA was that the membership had lapsed with the car owner's death and the only way the brother-in-law was going to see a mechanic was by joining the AA himself.
Fashion plan for taxi drivers
The cowboys operating Lowestoft and Great Yarmouth railway stations have told taxi drivers to give them a miss if they're wearing cords. A jobsworth for the rail company said, "(cords) can look quite scruffy when they get faded (and they can become) frayed and looked quite nasty at the knees." Under the company's new code of conduct for taxi drivers, denim jeans, T-shirts and trainers are also banned.
|"They never taught me that in school!"|
The labour party, it would appear, is dead keen to add a new topic to the school curriculum the art & practice of sexual deviation. Campaigners seeking to legitimize the activities of homosexuals and transvestites, aided by the Metropolitan police, would like children to leave school proficient in their diversions even if they can neither read nor write.
labour short-changes anti-yob campaign
Our temporary prime minister promised to spend £90 million on a crackdown aimed at troublesome neighbours and yobs. But his labour party colleagues have decided to let him waste only £25 million.
labour party political correctness blows a fuse
Only the nyekulturniy jobsworths of the Department of Culture, Media & Sport would include in a list of English Icons, the ship SS Empire Windrush, which brought the first Caribbean immigrants here in 1948. What the bloody hell is that doing on a list with Stonehenge, the FA Cup and a nice cup of tea?
The significant omissions are also indicative of the present regime's lack of cultural awareness. St. Paul's Cathedral couldn't go on the list because it's not 'inclusive' enough, HMS Victory was instrumental in beating the pants off the French and the Spanish, and as for the British Museum, it's far too full of loot trawled from foreign parts!
And just to twist the present government's envious socialist tail a bit, it has been suggested that fox hunting, which is still going on, ought to be on any list of British icons.
YER PRICE HAS GONE UP, YA BASTARDS!
Everyone was predicting the price of the Grauniad would go up after its transition to a 'too big to be a tabloid, too small to be a broadsheet' format. The increase came this month up 10p to 70p and the proprietors were so embarrassed about it, they neglected to put the usual warning on the front page of the previous Saturday's issue.
BUT YOUR SECRET'S OUT, YOU MISERABLE SODS!
Compensation even at a budget price
The European Court of Justice has decided that budget airlines do have to pay compensation to ticket-holders if they cancel a flight for the airline's convenience or bump someone off a flight. The budget airlines also have to pay out for delays of more than 2 hours, and compensate people who had to buy meals, or hotels rooms, while hanging around.
Delays caused by bad weather and air traffic controllers going on strike still don't count.
As dumb as it gets
For the benefit of anyone who thought all the complaints about dumbing down under our labour government are mere nit-picking; apparently, you can get a GCSE in Science if you can tell the difference between a picture of a black rabbit and a picture of a white rabbit. 'Nuff said!
brown wins 'Worst Chancellor Ever' award
The trade gap in November 2005 was £6 billion the worst since records began in 1697. No wonder the present chancellor is eager to shed his job as his already tattered reputation for fiscal prudence rips apart a little more.
Terrorist let-off cancelled
IRA minister peter hain has been forced to cancel his shabby scheme to let fugitive terrorists escape punishment for their crimes. Apparently, his chief backers, the IRA, walked off in a huff when they found out that the deal wasn't exclusive to them.
Ming the Lacklustre versus Dour Gordon? Who'd want to see that?
The Nationwide Building Society is offering a current account which pays 4.25% interest on the contents. The 'Big 4' Barclays, HSCB, Lloyds-TSB and NatWest in contrast, can manage only a paltry 0.1% on some of their current accounts.
A further sign of how ashamed the labour government is of its war in Iraq the Ministry of Defence is keeping figures for the number of service personnel injured in Iraq a Top Secret.
The anti-smoking lobby are really scraping the bottom of the barrel with this one; apparently, blokes who smoke 'at an early age', i.e. before puberty, have fat kids.
A more taxing existence
The Office of National Statistics had reclassified the fee for the TV licence from a 'service charge' to a 'tax'. A service charge is defined as a payment for which the customer is entitled to receive a direct service in return. A tax is a payment with no obligation to provide anything in return.
Education & Training on the job
The Greater Manchester fire service has spent £130K on new reclining chairs for 41 fire stations. These pieces of high-tech furniture can also be used as beds for the night shift but no one is allowed to use them until they have been on a training course in their use. GMFS has produced a 4-page instruction manual but a spokesman was unable to say how long it will take to arrange training courses for all firefighters and examinations to ensure that they are properly certified in the use of their new furniture.
"The big hold-up is training the training officers," the spokesman commented. "And then we have to sort out the balance between classroom theory and 'in the field' practice for the examinations."
|Power Ranking meaningful activity or just|
The first bid for a place at the top of the 2006 Power Ranking for The Biggest Waste Of Time Of The Year is the plan to introduce a Power Ranking for the world's wonders. Only the pyramids survive of the original list of 7 wonders and they are eligible for the new list along with the likes of Stonehenge, the Great Wall of China, Angkor Wat, Machu Pichu, Petra and the Taj Mahal.
The January shortlist omits Newgrange in Ireland and, obviously for reasons of political correctness and bad Europeanism, it includes the Eiffel Tower, which is distinctive but hardly wonderful certainly no more wonderful than Blackpool Tower, which didn't make the shortlist.
Polish all you like, mate, it won't make no difference!
The Russian government is spending £70 million a year on PR aimed at trying to repair its generally grotty image. After all, think Russian and you automatically think of the KGB (now the FSB); the Russian mafia; armed forces which will sell everything they have in the way of equipment, nukes included, to anyone with a few bob; a regime which bungs political opponents, and their supporters, in concentration camps; and the regime which facilitated the poisoning of Ukraine's prime minister and threatened to cut off their gas for daring to court the EU.
Sounds like the PR guys are facing an uphill struggle!
Venezuela further along the road to ruin
Don't expect a cup of coffee if you go to Venezuela. The government decided to double the price which processing firms have to pay to coffee ranchers, but it refused to let the price of roasted beans and ground coffee go up to take account of the increased production cost. The result was processers refusing to sell their product, empty spaces on supermarket shelves and the National Guard looting coffee warehouses at gunpoint on the government's orders.
The same situation is developing over supplies of sugar, chicken, powdered milk and maize, so President Chavez is threatening to nationalize coffee production to frighten his subjects. And it looks like he might end up with the labour party dream of a totally nationalized, and totally bankrupt, country eventually.
Smoking ban bog-up
The waste of space Scottish parliament has made a total bog of its no smoking laws. Instead of grasping the thistle, the MSPs have given local authorities the final say. So it's okay to light up in a bus shelter in some areas but not in others, where smokers could be hit with a £50 fine.
The farce has been made even worse by the facts that (1) bus shelters offering less than 50% enclosure are 'smoking allowed' even in the territory of a 'no smoking' council; and (2) these councils are not planning to put up signs to indicate which bus shelters are which.
Here's an interesting twist on Scotland's no-smoking bus shelters under the regulations which come into force on 2006/03/26, the owner of the bus shelter, usually the local authority if they haven't been privatized, will be liable for a fine of £200 for failing to prevent smoking, e.g. by putting up signs. And if the 'owner' fails to pay up promptly, the people running the council could be prosecuted and fined £2,500!
History re-writers at work again
The Roman church is on the point of trying to rehabilitate its mythical arch-fiend, J. Iscariot, on the grounds that his character was assassinated to build up their mythical hero, J. Christ, and the mythical Mr. Iscariot has been vilified for far too long.
Turn-about is fair play!
The US supreme court passed a law in June last year permitting private property to be confiscated by the government for commercial developments to the public benefit. So activists in New Hampshire are planning the compulsory purchase of supreme court judge David Souter's 200 year old farmhouse and its 8 acres of land.
Los Angeles businessman Logan Clements is behind the scheme, which is intended as a protest against the abuse of 'eminent domain' rulings. He believes that those who advocate or facilitate the system need to experience its consequences so that they can understand why it should be abolished.
Don't Be Evil unless there's some dosh to be grabbed.
Google has climbed into bed with the repressive Chinese regime, but only for purely commercial reasons. Offering censored data from the company search engine is something which Yahoo! and MicroSoft are already doing in China. So, as commercial company, Google felt obliged to do likewise.
"What does it matter if the leader of the Trivial Democrats is a boozer? People only vote for them to stop labour or the Tories getting in. And it's not like he's ever going to be running the country."
"And it's not like he'd do a worse job than the present gang of spivs and scroungers."
"Why is it we always have to have a crap Scotsman as the leader of a political party or the 'leader in waiting'? Why can't they give the job to a crap Englishman for a change?
"What is the point of Menzies the Merciless? He'll be well past retirement age come the next general election so the Triv Dems are going to have to do their leadership election all over again in a year or so if he's 'coronated'."
"Since when did the 'police service' become The Society for the Abolition of All Comment About Sexual Deviants Other Than Those Made by Fully Paid Up Deviants and Their Apologists?"
"Sadly, the higher management of the Metropolitan Police is tainted with institutional stupidity."
"Does anyone really care who gets to be the leader of the Trivial Democrats, alias the Monster Raving Pervert Party?"
Because Windows was not properly shut down
one or more of your disk drives may have errors on it.
To avoid seeing this message again, always shut down
your computer by selecting Shut Down from the Start menu.
"What if you can't access the Start menu because Windows, or some other buggy, useless bit of software, has crashed the computer so thoroughly that nothing works any more?"
"Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel" Samuel Johnson as quoted by James Boswell in 1775
Following the collapse of his campaign to save Africa, chancellor gordon brown is trying to get himself noticed again. His latest wheeze is to wrap himself in the flag by proposing American-style nationalism for Britain; including a Union flag in every garden and a mass cancellation of all the grovelling apologies offered by the present prime minister for great British achievements of the past.
He also wants a British Day corresponding to the 4th of July, and he has offered his own birthday as a suitable candidate.
GBH of the eyeballs or 'Typography as Terrorism'
Since 1984, the Royal Mail has produced an annual collection of the year's special issues in book form. Each set has its own chapter and there are philatelic mounts to display the stamps with their story.
The 2004 book, designed by a bunch of cowboys called GBH, has to be one of the worst examples of book design of all time. It's clear to anyone who opens this creation that the GBHers didn't waste time on anything as basic as proofing printed pages. The big giveaway is their use of pale grey text on white pages. The guys at GBH obviously haven't grasped the first principle of book design namely that if you can't bloody well read the text, then any effort that the writer puts into it is completely wasted.
GBH evidently belongs to the school of designers which believes that text should be reduced to a grey smudge on the page so that the customers can gaze in admiration at the layout without being distracted by boring old words.
So BlackFlag News has a spot of simple advice for book-buyers. If you see the name GBH anywhere on your prospective purchase, put it down right away and buy something else if you want to be spared the frustration of illegible text.
"How would you define the activities of a Friedensverbrecher, which is the opposite of a Kriegsverbrecher?"
|This edition of BlackFlag News was compiled in accordance with official 10 Downing Street guidelines on accuracy and veracity.|
| ||Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression.|
Sole © RAL, January 2006.