|Every edition of BFN is compiled|
in accordance with official 10 Downing Street guidelines on accuracy and veracity.
The Met Office is facing charges of Triumphalism after rubbishing a forecast by a rival weather service of temperatures dropping to around -17 deg.C during the first week of the month. Under the new labour business code, being right is no excuse for taking excessive delight in pointing out a competitor's blunders.
I told you so!
The message falls on deaf ears in this country that the way forward in recycling is to let people dump all their waste in one big bin so that it can be taken to a Refuse Reclamation Centre and sorted there.
This point has been proved by a local council in South Florida, which tried the one-bin approach and found that the recycling rate went up by 70%.
See the advert immediately below this section for more information on recycling
While the boss was a visit to China, and hoping to grease up the hosts and do his post-office earning potential some good, scotch gordon's regime was busy blaming the alleged global warming catastrophe on India. The argument was typically spurious: China is the world's leading polluter but the Chinese admit they're doing it, while the Indians are in denial, and so they are to blame for all the world's ills.
Members of the European Parliament were all set to ban patio heaters as part of their futile campaign to 'tackle climate change' when they got a reality check from an expert. Compared to consumer goods like plasma TVs, the poor old patio heater is a very minor producer of carbon dioxide and, as usual, the Eurotwits are looking in entirely the wrong direction for unloading blame.
And compared to the amount of carbon dioxide produced by the European Parliament in its pointless, monthly migration from Brussels to Strasbourg to massage French egos, patio heaters are whiter than white!
BlackFlag News is pleased to re-announce that this ground-breaking work by one of Romiley's most distinguished authors can be read on-line. This is the way recycling has to go!
Read the Book on the Romiley Literary Circle website
Read about the Book and the author's other works on the Romiley Literary Circle website
Category : The future of recycling in a violent & lawless society.
|History rewritten for no apparent reason|
Marinus van der Lubbe, the Dutch arsonist who set fire to the Reichstag in 1933, has been given a cosmetic pardon under a German law passed in 1998. Criminals convicted during the Nazi regime are deemed to be innocent as Nazi laws 'went against the basic ideas of justice'.
The decision has triggered a flood of demands for pardons from the descendants of thieves, murderers, racketeers and other criminals, who were gaoled or executed between 1933 and 1945. Most of the applications are expected to be withdrawn when the plaintiffs realize that such a pardon conveys no right to cash compensation.
The Federal Bureau of Investigation has compromised several major cases by failing to pay the bill on phone lines set up to eavesdrop on criminals. An audit by the US Justice Dept. has found that private firms pulled the plug on the Feds when their unpaid bills reached tens of thousands of dollars. As a result of the loss of evidence and continuity, up to eight multi-million dollar investigations have had to be restarted more or less from scratch.
A spokesman for the Bureau put the blame squarely on a director of communications facilities in the accounts department, who picked up his slack habits with money while working for peter hain, Britain's Minister for Orange Tans.
From disgraceful to disgusting
scotch gordon broon has graduated from stealing private pensions and savings to body-snatching. He has come down in favour of the 'dead meat is fair game' side of the transplant argument. If he gets his way, all bodies will be available for harvesting organs for transplants if the deceased failed to register an opt-out on a government-operated computer system. And we all know how secure and dependable government-run computer systems are under labour.
What a surprise!
The president of Interpol, the international confederation of police forces, has been obliged to resign as he faces charges of corruption, fraud, money laundering and racketeering in his home country. When he's not lording it over Interpol meetings, he's also South Africa's top cop. 'Nuff said!
JUST PLAIN THEFT
The energy companies have raised their prices 'to reflect the cost' of permits to release climate-warming gases issued under the EU's Emissions Trading Scheme. But the companies were given the permits for free. So the price rise is simple theft, but is this rotten government doing anything about it? Of course not!
Sauce for the goose . . .
It has been calculated that the average copper solves just 10 crimes per year, and each one solved costs the taxpayer £10,000! This is being used as an argument for performance-related pay for the police. But the same has to apply to the MPs who created their working environment. So we're not expecting anything much to happen on this front.
One jump ahead of the Old Bill
The Electoral Commission decided that peter hain's failure to declare £103,000 of donations to his labour party deputy leadership campaign deserved more than the customary slap on the wrist. So they have called in Scotland Yard to investigate him and his staff. A number of reasons for failing to declare the cash have been suggested, including:
To stop the trade unions finding out how much hain had received from business sources
To stop the labour party finding out how much he'd raise in total and demanding 15% of it
To avoid disclosing that hain was getting money via the Progressive Policy Forum, a 'think tank' which doesn't do anything, not even thinking, and which seems to exist only for passing cash to hain
To hide the fact that the PFP had given to hain, cash from people who had donated to the PFP after refusing to donate to hain's campaign
It's him to blame
The guy responsible for all the world's financial ills is French, he's called Jérôme Kerviel, he's 31 and at the time of writing, he was in the process of being sacked by Societé Générale after he lost £3.7 billion of the bank's money by rogue trading. The bank's attempts to rescue its position are being blamed for the global stock market crash at the middle of the month.
Kerviel kept betting on a stock market revival and the bank didn't keep an eye on what he was doing. As a result, SocGen's profits will be down this financial year from £4 billion to a lousy £400 million. So someone must have benefitted from the shambles!
Who'd have thunk it?
Coppers in Basildon are patting themselves on the back for coming up with a brilliant way to cut crime on the streets. They spent 4 days shadowing the town's major yoof criminals and intimidating them into behaving themselves. The plan ended crime on the target estate and dropped the crime rate dramatically afterwards. But police forces elsewhere are reluctant to try it as they know some scumbag 'uman rights lawyer is bound to leap out of the woodwork to waste a lot of their budget with vexatious litigation.
Headline-grabbing but no beef
The government is eager for us to believe that it is about to abolish some of the pointless form-filling, which this same labour lot imposed on the police a few years back. But when you look at the fine print, there's very little substance and it was just a spoiler, which was rushed out a week early and aimed at taking attention away from a Tory plan in the same area.
BlackFlag News is pleased to recommend this excellent collection.
The world's best jokes about an Englishman, a Welshman and a Scotsman have been rewritten for a combination of a paedophile, a trainee suicide bomber and an email spammer.
Lots of laughs with no offence for the politically challenged!
The handy pocket-size softback is available from Romiley Bookstore, 101 Riverside Drive, for just £9.99 / €17.49 plus NO VAT because they don't believe in it.
The creator of the Flashman books has died at 82. He earned a crust as a journalist, working on The Scotsman and becoming deputy editor of the Glasgow Herald. He also wrote film screenplays, including those for several Musketeers films, Red Sonia and the Bond film Octopussy. But Mr. Fraser is best known for developing the career of the school bully in Tom Brown's Schooldays. As an army officer in Victorian times, Flashman had a licence to blunder around the world, winning fame and fortune by accident.
Based on the old ploy of 'rediscovered documents', in which a fictional character is thrust into historical situations, the series grew to a dozen volumes sent Flashman all over the British Empire from Afghanistan in the first book (1969) to Abyssinia in the last (2005). The books were a celebration of the empire and a counterblast to political correctness. One of the set, Royal Flash was filmed (1975) with a screenplay by the author.
The Toshiba system for high-definition DVD players has been declared dead in the water following a decision by Warner Brothers to release their films only for the Sony Blu-ray system from later this year. Both systems provide pictures of the same quality but Sony's player costs 50% more than Tosh's.
The world's most famous mountaineer has died at 88. He is still officially credited with being the first human to stand on the summit of Mount Everest; he is certainly one of the first to do so and live to tell the tale. He and Tensing Norgay completed their climb of Everest just a few days before our present Queen's coronation in 1953.
"Great British achievement: World's Highest Mountain conquered by a New Zealander and a Nepalese Sherpa" was the headline which wasn't run at the time. Sir Edmund copped for a knighthood right away. He also did Antarctica, the wilds of North America and Canada, and China in later years. He will be remembered particularly in Nepal for his good works in that small, and often forgotten, backwater.
The man who gave the world the Hula Hoop has died at 82. He founded the Wham-O Toy Company with his pal Arthur 'Spud' Melin in 1948 and supplied the citizens of southern California with boomerangs, catapults, crossbows and other sporting goods at first. Then the company took a walk on the wild side. As well as Hula Hoops, it also made popular Silly String, the Frisbee (which was originally called the Pluto Platter by its inventor), the Superball and lots of other fun gadgets.
The weirdo chess wizard has died at 64. He began his chess career at 6 and won the US adult championship for the first time at 14. His tactics included making his opponents squirm and trying to crush the other guy's spirt. He became an American hero when he beat the Soviet champion Boris Spassky in 1972.
Then he descended into bizarre behaviour and he was stripped of his title when he refused to defend it against Anatoly Karpov. There was never enough money on offer to satisfy him, he came to despise the United States as much as Russia, and he ended his days in exile in Iceland, having renounced his US citizenship.
peter hain from office (but not Parliament)
The minister for fake tans was booted out of his two jobs as the police launched yet another investigation into labour party finances. The prime monster tried to explain why hain's failure to declare £103,000, some of it from dodgy sources, of the £200,000 which he raised for a spectacularly unsuccessful labour deputy leadership bid. But the best that old scotch could manage was that hain isn't corrupt, he's just incompetent.
His argument was supported by the fact that hain used to preside over the Department of Work & Pensions, when he wasn't pretending to be Welsh Sec., and hain did nothing about the £2,300,000,000 which the DWP loses every year to fraud and staff bungling.
hain announced that he quit his ministerial jobs, but not his parliamentary seat, to 'clear his name'. No doubt he is confident that the friends of labour at the DPP's office will make this latest inconvenience go away, as they did with Cash for Honours, etc.
Derek Conway (from Parliament after the next election)
This Tory MP's smug world came unhooked when it was revealed in the tabloid press that he had been paying a small fortune in salaries to his two sons, who had been recruited as research assistants while away at university. In the absence of any record of what they did in return for a total of £83,000, Conway received a slap on the wrist from the Commons. But his party boss, Dave the Leader, expelled him from the party in a cloud of indignation. So when scotch gordon finally summons the nerve to go to the country, Degsy will be history.
The nation's favourite prankster and a charity fund-raising champion has died at 59. Jeremy Beadle was a serial practical joker, who burst into the nation's consciousness as one of the four presenters of Game For A Laugh, which was essential viewing during the 1980s. He pursued his talent for making people do daft things in Beadle's About and You've Been Framed, and he threw himself into charity work when his TV bubble burst, raising over £100 million, for which he received an MBE in 2001.
This author, humorist and broadcaster has died at 66. His freelance writing credits include Punch and doing daily newspaper columns. He also worked for BBC radio & television and created numerous books. He became well known for his Let's Parler Franglais! series; a mock study course based on the way French has become anglicized. He also published a Latin phrase book with his own translations of familiar words and expressions. Collections of his newspaper articles have appeared in book form and his busy life also included being a jazz musician and performing in TV travel features.
Ever eager to spread the tax load, the government has come up with a couple of new taxes for local councils to impose on their customers:
First up, 'elf & safety regulations have been sneaked out to make it illegal for anyone to collect a new wheely bin from a council depot. Instead, the customer has to fork over to the council a delivery charge of £60.
Secondly, in areas where motorists are charged for parking a vehicle outside their own home, council inspectors will be going round with tape measures to find out if the vehicle is longer than 12' 10". Owners of any such vehicles will have to pay 50% more unless the vehicle is longer than 14' 7", in which case they will have to pay double the present tax.
Phrase of the Month
fiscal arithmetic translation: scotch gordon is lying to you with fiddled statistics.
The future involves a bright, radioactive haze
The government has decided that it will kick down all planning obstacles in the path of private companies which want to build nuclear power stations in Britain.
The down side is that scotch gordon & Co. have neither a strategy for disposal and safe storage of radioactive waste nor one for disposing of the reactors when they reach the end of their useful life. So it looks like the taxpayer will end up footing the bill after the operators have taken lots of lovely profit (minus the usual bungs to the labour party).
Another fix on the way
Body-snatcher broon's latest brainwave is to chuck £11 million of taxpayers' cash at a scheme aimed at falsifying the statistics for organ donation to produce a fake rise of 50% in the number of organs donated.
Any old excuse will do
The big banks, hauled into court, have finally come up with a justification for charging £38 for a small, involuntary overdraft, which actually costs them £2.50. Apparently, they don't think they have to be fair in their dealings with their customers and they do think they have a licence to rip the punters off for as much as they can get away with.
It's only taxpayers' cash
The chancellor, a.k.a. him with the eyebrows, has come up with a solution to the government's Northern Rock pickle. Everyone in the country; infants, pensioners and illegal immigrants alike; has to give two grand to Richard Branston, the prime minister's oppo.
It's only taxpayers' cash II
To allow his MPs to look police officers in the eye, scotch gordon has cut their latest pay rise to 1.9%. Showing typical ineptness, he failed to take into consideration the added perks that MPs get; such as being allowed to claim without producing receipts, up to £43,000 for items costing £250 or less; and the extra £10,00 which they will be able to pay to family members pretending to be office staff. Not to mention the vastly over-generous pensions which MPs receive out of the taxpayer's pocket.
A scoundrel wrapped in the flag!
Something else scotch gordon, the man who pretends to be the epitome of Britishness, is to blame for evicting Britannia from the tails side of the next issue of 50p coins.
Rewriting the rules for the NHS
From this month, only healthy people will have access to the full range of NHS services. Anyone who's fat and/or a smoker will be told to push off and come back when they're slim and/or nicotine-free for 3 months.
This is bad news for the firms which are selling outsize beds and operating tables able to handle 50-stone patients, but the government's debt mountain is catching up with it, and it needs a few unhealthy people to die off to make room for the flood of uncontrolled immigrants.
This Comes As No Surprise Department
The latest research has shown that the fluorescent 'energy saving' light bulbs favoured by the EU's governments are a health hazard and of no real benefit to the environment. Quite why the EU insisted on abolishing incandescent light bulbs, which are no more expensive to run in the long run and not a health hazard, remains one of a long series of mysteries if fraud & corruption are excluded from the equation.
Good News, Bad News
Good News scotch gordon has promised everyone an NHS MoT to identify people at risk from heart disease, strokes and diabetes.
Bad News The government announced the same policy in 2006 but nothing was ever done about it.
Curiously, scotch announced his Big New Idea not long after he reduced funding for treating people with the above conditions and he was careful to avoid giving a timetable for bringing in his health checks. So it looks like it's just another case of 'Grab The Headline And Forget It'.
You, too, could live forever!
It's official! Moderate drinking helps you live longer as long as you take exercise. But raising your glass counts as moderate exercise, especially if you're drinking pints!
The easy way to lose weight!
Good news! Chewing lots of sugar-free gum containing sorbitol as a sweetener make you lose weight. Bad news: lots of sorbitol has a dramatic laxative effect and it's an extended attack of the trotskies which causes the weight loss.
Every breath chokes you!
Good news: The Chinese government is reducing air pollution in Peking for the Olympics.
Bad news: The pollution level will still be 3 times the safe level after the reduction. Which is why British athletes are to be issued with special face masks in an attempt to keep them alive until after they have competed.
Just a thought . . .
What does it really mean when they say someone was treated for shock? Does it mean the doctor bought the guy a drink?
You just can't win!
For ages, the government has been badgering us to eat 5 tons of fruit a day. Bur surprise! A research project funded by the same govt. with our money has found that schoolkids become hyperactive and disruptive 'banana louts' if they're taken off their usual diet of junk food.
|Rebuild or Rename?|
Diana's Ditch, the overblown and badly designed & engineered 'memorial' in Kensington Gardens, is sinking and needs rebuilding, according to a bloke who used to work for the firm that was called in to sort out its problems. Alternatively, it would be renamed blair's bog and left as it is as a fitting monument to the nation's other people's princess.
Word of the Month
Stagility creating an impression of nimbleness while standing still, e.g. scotch gordon's policy of calling daily press conferences to pretend he's going to do something useful in 5-10 years' time.
Slogan of six months ago
In June 2007, scotch gordon promised; "A new government with new priorities".
We are now in a position to translate that as: "The same old mixture of sleaze, shambles & spin".
Is that any better?
According to scotch gordon, his man hain isn't corrupt, he's just useless! So he should be allowed to keep his 2 ministerial jobs as it's illegal to discriminate in the workplace on the grounds of incompetence.
What does the sign on tony blair's desk say?
THE BUCK$ $TOP HERE!
Believe it or what?
According to the National Office of Statistics, the former British favourites bacon & eggs and roast beef have been dropped in favour of organic muesli and sushi. What utter bollocks! Small wonder that no one believes the statistics which this seedy government trots out.
|It's only taxpayers' cash|
The Big Lottery Fund is supposed to distribute money to good causes. So why has it given £250,000 to the Trivial Democrats running Stockport Council for a project to "improve the way staff manage moods". £883 million has gone to other councils for similar abuses of the system.
Brag and move on?
In one of their promotional newsletters last year, Romiley's Triv-Dem councillors claimed that the drainage problem in Romiley Park has been solved and there will be no more flooding. The picture below suggests that it was just a new labour-type claim involving grabbing a headline then moving on without actually doing anything about the problem.
Romiley Park, 2008/01/21
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"The US is faced with a miserable choice of candidates for the president's job. About the only one who has made a worthwhile contribution to society is that McCain bloke, who invented oven chips. So maybe he should get the job."
As peter hain exits stage left, pursued by the Old Bill, it would probably be quicker to list the cabinet members who aren't under investigation for dodgy fund-raising. Alan Johnson, another former labour deputy leadership hopeful (a john prescott wannabe?) was next into the frame for dodgy goings-on. But he's also saying he's innocent, so everything is okay.
A remarkable lack of noise!
How strange that labour failed to have a real go at the Tories when the Commons decided to administer a slap on the wrist to MP Derek Conway over what looks like serial embezzlement and criminal smugness. It suggests that most of them are operating the same scam.
Conway was banned from the House for 10 days and ordered to repay £13,000 of the £83,000, which he paid to members of his family, who were employed as 'invisible' research assistant. Sounds like a typical new labour non-punishment with the criminal taking a healthy profit and not going to gaol.
|Free heart attack with every ticket!|
Train fares have gone up so much that it's now cheaper for two people travelling from Bristol to London to take a joint taxi for the trip. The government says it wants travellers to pay more for the railways; which means it will continue to tax people at the same level, but it will waste the money on something else other than railway infrastructure.
As a form of compensation, the government has let Network Rail take longer than necessary over its Xmas/New Year track repairs so that passengers get a longer journey for their increased fares, and they get to experience coach travel as well as train travel.
Govt. gets tough with mobile criminals. Maybe.
Drivers using a mobile phone while in motion OR STATIONARY are now liable for up to 2 years in gaol (or 3 weeks after the usual discounts). BlackFlag News would like to know if the penalty also applies to drivers who use a mobile camera-phone to get pictures which will be used to shop someone else, who's talking on their mobile.
Too tough to handle
The Dakar Rally has been cancelled on the eve of the event because the organizers have been unable to find a safe route from Lisbon to Dakar. Morocco, Mauritania, Mali and Senegal are all full of idiot terrorists and criminals with guns, and these countries all have a government which can't control its vast, empty spaces.
The Daft Things You Think
A BFN correspondent writes : I was at the CNN website looking for something American when I spotted an item on a crashed airliner with the dateline "Heathrow 2:40". I looked at my watch, like you do, and it was only 2:35, which left me wondering how CNN could have the story 5 minutes before it happened. When I clicked the link, all became clear. The time was actually 14:35 hours and the item on the Boeing 777 crash was a video clip which was 2 minutes and 40 seconds long. Ha, ha! Silly me.
We're getting there
What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? Half way! What do you get if you cross the world from Peking to London on a British Airways 777? About 200 yards short of the runway. That's the march of progress in action.
No surprise here, then!
The government's policy of pricing poor people off the railways has made our train fares the highest in Europe.
No our fault, Gov!
Britain has an 11-year backlog repairs for the potholes in its roads. Local councils, which waste a whole HEAP of money on pointless 'monitoring' jobs and other PC bullshit, are blaming the government for not giving them enough money.
Dangerous drivers on the loose!
Women with an overlong fringe are putting themselves and other motorists at risk. Surveys made this month found that half of them don't bother to make sure their hair can't fall into their eyes before they start driving and 60% of them have no problem with taking their hands off the steering wheel to re-arrange their hair.
The real worry for other drivers is that if a woman with an unsuitable hairstyle is involved in a crash, the woman's insurance company could refused to pay her claim on the grounds that she was 100% to blame for an avoidable crash.
|Music while you zap!|
A firm in Arizona has made a breakthrough in the field of personal protection devices. Taser International is now selling a high-voltage zapper which doubles as an MP3 player when the threat level is close to zero. Customers are advised to keep a close eye on their battery level to make sure that they have enough power to deal with a sudden emergency.
The Colt Firearms Co. and Smith & Wesson are reported to be experimenting with building a personal music system into their conventional sidearms.
More good news for music-heads! (sort of)
The EU has told Apple to stop ripping off UK customers with music downloads which cost more than downloading exactly the same product in Europe. The bad news is that Apple is free to continue the rip-off for another six months.
How bleedin' Gallic of them!
The French government has banned the use of X-ray scanners at Calais. The devices have been used for years to check vehicles for stowaway illegals but the French now say they breach EU elf 'n' safety laws and they can be used only with the written consent of the stowaways. Maybe the scanners can now be used to hunt for the marbles which the French have clearly lost.
Nazi Germany the new model for the European Parliament?
Democracy has been abolished in the European Parliament. We are now officially living in a one-party state and all opposition is banned.
Fed up of being embarrassed by dissenters, the German president has acquired the power to rule by decree, just like a certain Mr. A. Hitler did in 1933. He can fine and/or expel any members who rock the boat even if they are acting within the rules. So anyone who dares to stand up and say there should be a referendum on the Lisbon treaty, or protest about anything else off the party line, will get it in the neck.
Preserved for posterity
Demark's national library is buying up the 12 cartoons of the prophet Mohammed, which were used as an excuse for rioting and murder in the Islamic world in September 2005. They will not be put on public show; rather, they will be preserved for future generations as documents which have created history in Denmark.
Having failed to get any change out of the courts when they tried to sue the newspaper which published the cartoons, the Danish Moslem Society will not be burning the library down, in line with its policy of ignoring 'all future provocations'.
Double-inflation (at the very least) increases in train fares.
Network Rail and its 20 'specialists', who threw a sickie over the new year period, and caused chaos for rail travellers and cost their company £15 million in compensation payments for ruined journeys.
We would like to couple with the above, Transport Sec. strewth kelly, who did a scotch gordon disappearing act while the railways were in shambles over the Xmas/New Year period.
David Gee of the Quaker Joseph Roundtree Trust, who's upset because Army recruitment literature doesn't include a section on the ethics of killing and the joys of pacifism.
peter hain, minister for fake tans, who's an arrogant bastard who doesn't think the rules should apply to him when he takes dodgy cash donations from a think tank which does no thinking.
The Tate Gallery, which buys work from its own trustees with public money to their profit and career enhancement.
The Progressive Policy Forum, a think-tank which does no thinking and seems to exist only to raise funds for the benefit of peter hain's empire-building aspirations.
Paul Burrell, whose 'secret' 'evidence' was exposed as nothing much at the Princess Di inquest fiasco.
The judges & magistrates who give bail to killers and then blame the government for their own twisted interpretation of the law.
Avon Fire Service, which operates a racialist recruitment policy aimed at excluding white males, allegedly to meet government targets.
Paxo using the deficiencies of Marks & Sparks underwear to advertise the bulk of his trouser tackle.
Anyone who pretends that MPs aren't ripping the taxpayer off something rotten with their bogus expenses claims. Not to mention all Speakers of the House of Commons, who won't let full details of MPs' expenses claims see the light of day.
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|Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression.|
Sole © RAL, January 2008.