|Every edition of BFN is compiled|
in accordance with official 10 Downing Street guidelines on accuracy and veracity.
It's official! It wasn't scotch gordon who pushed labour into a deposit losing, record breakingly bad 5th position behind the Greens and the BNP at the Henley by-election (Boris Johnson's old seat). It was harriet harperson with her plans to discriminate against white, able males in the workplace.
More unintended consequences
scotch gordon has triggered a wave of demolitions of commercial properties. It looked like a great stealth tax to remove business rates relief on empty commercial properties in April 2008 and force the owners to hand over millions of pounds even if they have no rent income. But in a collapsing property market, property owners have taken the extreme step of having empty buildings knocked down so that no tax becomes due.
A prime example is the fate of The Lightning, a pub on the A40 in Ealing. The former watering hole is now a pile of rubble with a huge sign saying: "SORRY Mr. BROWN No empty rates on this one!" The pace of demolition is now such that a number of council are taking legal advice on what can be done to stop it as they are worried about piles of rubble being left in town and cities, possibly for years, on sites which provide the council with zero income.
|Romiley Bomb Site Open Again|
17 weeks. That's how long the 6-week job of redoing the drainage in Romiley Park lasted. The park, especially the centre feature, now looks like a training ground for tanks and the council seems to have abandoned it completely.
In fact, residents are not even sure if the park is open officially as the barriers on the paths were just tossed to one side rather than collected, and the 'reopening' could have been just the work of weekend yobs looking for somewhere to sit while consuming carry-outs.
|"It was them bloody Northern Lights|
wot got me lorst!"
Drivers who stray off course even though their vehicle has a sat-nav system now have a decent alibi. Researchers at Bath University have found that the electrical & magnetic effects of the aurora borealis can prevent sat-navs from locking on to satellite signals and also scramble the data coming down to the ground.
London teacher persecuted for 'going green'
Mr. A. Gniwosch of Tottenham sought to minimize his carbon footprint on a family trip in Wales. Alas, the police thought that 13 people (4 adults, 7 kids & 2 babies) travelling in a Volvo built for 5 was pushing the envelope too far. And so Mr. G.'s green ambitions cost him a grand (the fine with court costs) plus a one-year driving ban.
More unintended consequences
Train tickets bought on the day, which is what travellers prefer, cost up to 7 times more than tickets bought in advance. As a result, people are being priced off the trains and driven back to their cars which is precisely the opposite of the government's policy.
If the labour party gets its way and has lap-dancing clubs called "sex encounter establishments" then all government offices should be renamed "fraud encounter establishments".
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The BBC is sending SWAT teams to sort out 50 derelict sites around Britain. Which conjures up visions of blokes in flak jackets with lots of guns blowing away anyone and anything that gets in their path.
But, to come down to earth, the Beeb's acronym stands for SpringWatch Action Team, and the members of the teams will be beautifying rather than exterminating with extreme violence. So yet another example of the BBC indulging in false advertising and creating false expectations.
Cutting carbon dioxide can wait
The US Congress has decided that climate change posturing can wait until next year to avoid damage to the US economy and increased fuel prices. A bill to spend $6,700,000,000,000 [Is there that much cash in the world? Ed.] has been dropped. There will be no mention of emission-cutting before 2009, which makes it a problem for the next president.
Carbon con-men strike back
Having lost all credibility with their dodgy computer models, the 'managed climate change' scammers have changed direction. They now want one billion dollars to spend on a global centre for climate modelling. Which will relieve them of the burden of actually having anything to show for the cash for a couple of decades and until most of them have reached retirement age. Nice scam, guys!
|IT security at the Home Office is so good . . .|
. . . that hackers were able to infiltrate its Crime Reduction website and set up a phishing page for customers of an Italian bank.
IT security at the Cabinet Office is so good . . .
that a senior official was able to leave an envelope full of top-secret documents about Al Qaida on a train. The culprit is suspended (on holiday with full pay) and reported to be facing the sack, but a sideways promotion is the more likely outcome under labour's No Blame, No Responsibility culture.
They won't learn!
scotch gordon has launched a new spin campaign aimed at countering the general cynicism about labour's soft attitude to crime and criminals as opposed to actually doing something useful.
Limitations of statutes
Coppers from Scotland Yard are burrowing in Bulgaria in an attempt to nail someone for the murder of journalist Georgi Markov in 1978. He was killed by an agent of the Bulgarian KGB, who injected a pellet containing ricin into Mr. Markov's leg. The investigators have until September to find evidence. Then the Bulgarian 30-year statute of limitations will let the guilty parties stay free.
Two of the prime suspects have already been written off (via suicide and a dodgy car crash) and another member of the conspiracy got a 16 month gaol sentence in 1992 for destroying evidence.
Limitations of statutes II
The government is trying to sneak in a system under which the length of a criminal's sentence will depend on how full the gaols are. So anyone planning a murder is advised to keep an eye on the prison population. A smart choice of timing might mean just a token community sentence instead of life inside. [Or what passes for life imprisonment under labour.]
Beginning to see the light?
Having seen the effects of 11 years of new labour lunacy, the chief constable of the Nottinghamshire police has realized that all coppers need to be retrained to use common sense. They needed to be blasted out of their 'quick tick target' culture and taught to use experience, discretion and fair play; all concepts alien to labour's top-down control culture; in their dealings with the public.
Convicts in gaols in Brazil have found a cute way to smuggle in drugs they use trained pigeons fitted with a back-pack, which can also house a mobile phone.
Launched in 1967 by our present Queen, this Cunard luxury liner was decommissioned in the presence of the same lady. It was the fastest passenger liner around, and the best way of crossing the Atlantic by far. It survived duty as a troop carrier during the 1982 Falklands war and finally fell victim to the latest 'elf & safety regulations and fashion.
The owners decided that a refit to include the demands of 21st century cruisers; including rock climbing walls, skating rinks and shopping malls; would make the ship unprofitable. So the QE II is now destined to become a floating hotel off Dubai.
It is to be hoped that QE II will enjoy a better retirement than the Queen Elizabeth, which was destroyed by fire during conversion to a floating university in Hong Kong harbour 30-odd years ago.
Ellas Bates b.k.a. Bo Diddley
One of the greats of rock 'n' roll had died at 79. His first single, the eponymous Do Diddley, was released in 1955 and he enjoyed a string of hits for the next 7 years. He created a body of work which was embraced by Buddy Holly, the Rolling Stones, the Yardbirds, the Who, Bruce Springsteen, et al.
He was a pioneer of the electric guitar with added special effects, and he continued working to his final year. He received a lifetime Grammy award in 1999 after being inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame and being awarded his own star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame.
He was a man well aware of his own achievements and influences, and rightly so, and a performer who was never paid what he was owed.
The man who brought Candid Camera to Britain has died at 80. The concept was a big hit in the United States and the British viewing public embraced it enthusiastically. Mr. Routh was an amateur hoaxer, who succeeded in getting people to pay him for doing it. The programme ran for 7 years in the 1960s, hitting the buffers only when a more laid back attitude in Britain deprived the hoaxes of their initial impact.
Candid Camera prepared the way for the likes of Beadle's About and Game For A Laugh. Mr. Routh starred with Kenny Everett and Germaine Greer (a.ka. Golly because of her hair) in the Granada TV series Nice Time (1976) and went on to re-invent himself as a writer of off-beat books.
The drummer with the essential Sixties band The Nice has died at 65. He had been working on the London club circuit for 5 years when the band began its 2-year run. Going beyond pop to quote from classical music, jazz and stage musicals, Brian Davison, Keith Emerson, Lee Jackson (& David O'List) rattled the top of the British charts and performed with full orchestras before the band self-destructed.
Brian Davison performed with several bands afterwards, including the short-lived but memorable Refugee with Lee Jackson & Patrick Moraz, but he refocussed himself as a teacher. He reacquired the taste for performing, and gave up drinking in his forties. He worked with a wide range of musicians at his home in Devon, and teamed up again with Emerson and Jackson in 2002 for two Nice revival tours.
The last of the US Air Force's 'gravity' nuclear weapons were removed from RAF Lakenheath "sometime in the last few years" on the orders of President Bush. Our accident-prone labour government has such a shameful history of losing important items that Pres. Dubya felt safer with his nukes stored elsewhere.
Wendy Alexander (as labour leader in the Scottish Parliament)
She failed to declare donations to her leadership campaign, she became mired in sleaze despite a thorough whitewash job by the Electoral Commission, and she faces being banned for a whole day!!! from the Scottish Parliament.
So she plans to duck below the parapet for a while. And none of it is her fault it's all the fault of the Scottish Nationalists, who didn't have the decency to look the other way when they spotted that a fellow MSP had broken the law and she expected to be entitled to get away with it.
The Aussies are going home, abandoning the not-so-good life in credit-crunch Britain and Canada is offering to fast-track visas for Brits with talents. The way things are going, just the old, the sick, the unemployable and the bogus asylum seekers will be left behind to inherit the wreckage of the new labour project!
David Marshall, MP, from his Glasgow East seat
He's pleading stress as the reason for abandoning his safe labour seat but the nudge-nudgers are saying that he's getting out one jump ahead of embarrassing questions from the sleaze-busters about expenses payments to family members.
Algis Budrys (Algirdas Budrys)
An American science-fiction author, who established himself in the 1950s and 1960s, has died at 77. He wrote 10 novels and some 200 short stories while working as a magazine editor and publisher, a book reviewer, whose offerings were good enough to be published in collected form, and as a lecturer/instructor at writers' workshops. His Cold War novel Who? (1958) was made into a film starring Elliot Gould and Trevor Howard.
Hillary Clinton (from the race to the White House)
"It was the baggage wot dun it!" Mrs. Clinton's bid to become the first female president of the United States of America hit the buffers way later than it should have because she refused to face the inevitable.
But it was the weight of history and the dead bodies and her sense of entitlement to the nomination and her husband Bill glowering in the background which finally did the trick, leaving Mr. O'Bama free to concentrate on coming second behind Mr. McCain in November and 'Slick Willy' to get back to bamboozling more millions of dollars out of people with more money than sense.
Nice to know the system works!
Dave the Leader gave the Tory leader in the European Parliament the job of weeding out all the cheating bastard MEPs, who are breaking the rules on expenses. And lo! The first thing he did was shop himself for getting half a million quid paid to his own company.
Once the spotlight was turned on just what Tory MEPs are up to, the newspapers went into a 'name & shame' frenzy. Which leaves us thinking that if the Tories are this bad, what's going to come out when they start investigating what labour MEPs have shoved on their expenses?
How about a labour MEP paying his boyfriend £30,000 per annum to be his secretary when he's not fund-raising for the labour party?
Caution over Canada
Struggling Brits are being told that they can sell up their miserable little properties in the UK and buy an enormous house and a better life in Canada if they have marketable talents. But they should know that Canada is great for people who like long, freezing winters with eternals nights and steamy/humid or baking-hot/dry summers. Worse, the country is still recovering from a lengthy spell of big government and big taxes under its Liberal party, and it is being described as 'economically complacent'. So maybe emigrating to Canada isn't such a brilliant idea after all.
It's all about the money!
The reason why brown labour isn't completing in the David Davis 42-Days by-election is now plain. Having come 5th in Henley behind the BNP, and having lost the candidate's deposit, scotch gordon has decided he can't afford to drop another £500 with his party £25,000,000 in debt.
It used to be Ulster that said "No!" but the Irish republic had issued a rebounding negative to the Lisbon treaty in the only referendum held on it. The result was 28% said NO, 25% said yes and 47% Did Not Vote. We British were promised our own referendum but, unfortunately, the promise came from the labour party and scotch gordon reneged on it.
In Brussels, the leaders of the European scammers are saying it's business as usual, nothing has changed and the Irish will just have to keep having more referendums until they bloody well get it right.
It is significant that the Irish PM admitted that he hasn't read through the treaty. That's because it is written in deliberately obscure language so that it can mean whatever the EU's dominant leaders want it to mean in the future. We can take it as read that scotch gordon hasn't ploughed through this dire document himself; which hasn't stopped him driving it through parliament. Which says rather a lot about his integrity and support of British values and the British way of life.
The Lisbon Treaty may be dead, but . . .
The French are planning to hijack a British aircraft carrier to include in an illegal European Union navy which, the French hope, will replace NATO in our part of the world. scotch gordon is not expected to put up any resistance in order to curry favour with the de facto bosses of Europe.
French name & shame worst man in the world
Prime Monster Sarko knows who made the Irish vote 'NO WAY!' to the Lisbon treaty and who is responsible for one million children around the world starving to death every year peter mandelson, the disgraced former British minister & smug bugger blair crony, who is now in Brussels posing as a trade commissioner.
The revelation was made all the more piquant when scotch gordon, who is famous for loathing mandelson, had to leap to his sworn enemy's defence with his insincerity indicators flashing at full brilliance.
A stiff upper lip works after all!
Research by the University of Buffalo has shown that most people were right all along. Counselling is a complete waste of time and money, and public sob-ins don't help people who indulge in them to cope with tragic events any better than those who grieve in private and keep their dignity in public. Lip-tremblers come off worse but creating a soggy British upper lip is one of new labour's core objectives, so no improvement in British stoicism is expected.
Wimp culture thrives
Sales of oranges are falling year on year as people in the new labour paradise are becoming incapable of performing the simple task of removing peel.
A spokesman for Fruit Watch told BlackFlag News: "The labour party's nanny state culture is depriving people of basic life skills. Very soon, banana sales will be on the slide as people forget how to peel them."
The government is responding by launching a Peeling Task Force as a longer term solution to the problem and scotch gordon's crony eddie (he's talking) balls is expected to announce that peel removal lessons and a new GCSE will be introduced in the coming academic year.
The latest hospital shock, horror!
Cleaning wipes impregnated with disinfectants and antibacterials don't kill superbugs like MRSA, and their use can actually spread superbugs if they are used for anything more ambitious than spot cleaning.
The brown plague
Vast armies of civil servants are going sick with stress now that scotch gordon is prime monster. The rate of sickies has accelerated everywhere but the Treasury. Now that scotch is no longer throwing tantrums, and hurling mobile phones around, the stress rate there has dropped by one-third!
|Collapse of brown party II|
scotch gordon officially became the least popular labour leader of all time this month. The Guinness Book of Records has been contacted about an update for the next edition.
The official scotch gordon first anniversary poll puts the party standings at: labour 25% support; Liberals 20% support; Tories 45% support; the rest 10% support.
Congrats to DodgyStats.web!
This thriving Internet mathematics and statistics service provider has just won the contracts for supplying data for official statements to both the Home Office and Downing Street.
Reverse Psychology In Action
The government told motorists not to panic buy before the Shell tanker drivers' strike began knowing that people would rush to the petrol pumps right away. But the 'don't panic' message was sneakily issued early in the hope that the fuel companies would be able to restock petrol stations after the panic buying and before the strike started. Cynical, or what!
The government dithered about issuing the 'don't panic' message for so long that it was issued too late to stop some petrol stations from running out of fuel when the tanker drivers leapt out on strike.
Reverse Psychology In Action II
Having quit his seat on a point of protest, David Davies gets to sound off about labour's Big Brother Society by Stealth knowing that labour and the Liberals won't field candidates to oppose him in his by-election and he'll get his seat back. Calculating, or what!
Spit the bones out of this!
The Commons speaker is under investigation after his cleaner was awarded the MBE in the Queen's birthday honours list. Opinion is divided on whether or not having to put up with gorbals mick, and/or going for taxi rides at the taxpayer's expense with her mate mrs. gorbals, merits a medal.
Drizzling on his parade
The Queen has deleted President Mugabe's hon. knighthood but big British firms are still shoving cash into the old boy's pockets to keep him looking cheerful.
A curious consequence of the blair era is that labour MPs are no longer investigated for sleaze or outed by the BBC. Only Tories are scrutinized these days because it is expected that labour MPs will be on the fiddle but as labour is in power (sort of), then nothing will be done about it.
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The International Astronomical Union has sunk itself deeper into disrepute via its attempts to define a planet; an exercise performed without consulting most of its own membership. Worse, the whole process has been dismissed as scientifically pointless as the concept of a committee voting on which bodies receive planet status is "just not science".
As the objects under consideration range in scope from a 500-mile-wide round rock orbiting a dead star to a gas-ball brown dwarf 70 times bigger than Jupiter drifting on its own in space, sticking one size fits all labels on them adds nothing to the process of understanding them.
The whole mess has its roots in an anti-democratic decision taken in 2006 to evict Pluto from the list of planets. The IAU came up with the term Plutons for Pluto and similar objects, perhaps in homage to the Vogons of The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy fame, but they had to think again when geologists pointed out that they already used the term.
The next effort was dwarf planets, which meant that the king of the asteroids, Ceres, also had to be reclassified. This year's name is Plutoids, and it applies only to bodies which orbit the Sun beyond Neptune's orbit, so Ceres should become an asteroid again.
As another complication, Pluto spends some 20 years of its 248-year journey around the Sun inside the orbit of Neptune. So if we're going to be really picky about it, Pluto can't be a Plutoid for this period, so maybe it can be the 8th planet while Neptune is the 9th?
The IAU now faces the prospect of being sidelined by a rival organization, which concerns itself with objective science rather than "cultural sensitivities".
A new Japanese computer model suggests there may be a planet a whole lot bigger than Pluto lurking in the Kuiper Belt. Planet X, if it exists, has 30% to 70% of the mass of Earth and orbits at 10,000-20,000 million miles from the Sun.
The object would be bigger than the planets Mercury (5.5% of Earth mass) & Mars (11% of Earth mass), and make Pluto (0.2% of Earth mass) look like a midget.
"I'm on a train, reading top-secret stuff."
Why do senior civil servants keep leaving top-secret documents about Al Qaida and how to finance a terrorist organization on trains? It's all part of a scheme to get them banned from the indignity of having to travel with the common herd on trains and get they their own official car plus chauffeur for their document-reading journeys.
|Relief is at hand!|
The space shuttle Discovery's primary mission for this month used to be to deliver the Japanese Kobi module to the ISS. But the shuttle also took along an essential piece of last-minute supercargo a polish plumber.
A motor in the Russian-built toilet packed up last month, forcing the crew of the space station to pump their wee manually; a job which involved 10 minutes' toil by all of them working together. NASA is expected to approach Congress on the QT for a sub to cover the plumber's call-out charge.
"McCain would like to see a man on Mars" was an eye-catching headline in the SpaceDaily.com newsletter. BlackFlag News would like to nominate scotch gordon as the man who gets the trip to Mars preferably with a one-way ticket.
Job done on Mars? Maybe.
The Phoenix lander dug a trench at its north polar landing site on the 15th and exposed some white lumps (bottom left of main picture & inserts) the size of sugar cubes. The lumps were no longer there when the lander took another picture 4 days later. This has been taken as evidence that the lumps were water ice, which sublimed into the atmosphere when it was no longer insulated by a layer of soil.
The only slight problem with that theory is that some white streaks (middle of main picture) in the June 15th picture (left) look unchanged in the June 19th picture (right). If they're supposed to be exposed ice too, why haven't they sublimed?
The 'Stupid Boy of the Month' Award
goes to Lewis Hamilton, who put himself out of a good chance to win the Canadian Grand Prix by running up the back of Mr. Raikkonen's car in the pit lane. Raikkonen was waiting at a red light but Hamilton didn't spot the red light and also didn't spot that Raikkonen was stationary.
Mr. Hamilton has been done for driving with his brain disengaged and, at the next race, he will be dropped 10 places on the grid from his qualifying position.
When the EU constitution is in place, the French (with German help) will insist on a European army. Which means more cash extracted from British taxpayers, more cash going to usual suspects and more cash lost from the EU budget to fraudsters.
The French are hoping to use the EU army to demolish NATO, which they left because they objected to the Yanks running it, and put themselves back on the world stage. It is expected that the French role will involve posturing while troops from other countries; mainly Britain; will be sent into war zones.
The plan is seen as revenge for the demise of the French language, which has been eclipsed by English as the world language of commerce & politics while French is absorbing so many English words that it is disappearing faster than the South American jungles.
Democracy, African style
President Mug is threatening to start a war if he loses the presidential run-off in Zimbabwe. He seems to have the Chinese weapons to do it, not to mention the backing of his equally democratic neighbours.
Zimbabwe to run out of bullets
The Mugabe regime has warned its electorate that if they don't vote for the Great Leader, they'll be shot. But the latest opinion polls suggest that most of his customers would rather be dead than persecuted by Mug for another 5 years (if he lasts that long).
Aliens are infiltrating the government and planning to invade Britain. Send for the latest superhero to thwart their knavish tricks! So Marvel Comics have put our sinking prime monster into their Captain Britain strip as the man who can save the world.
Note: No British comic publisher felt that it could dump such an unlikely plot on its readers out of respect for their intelligence.
What about an American?
The race for the soon-to-be-vacant job of President of the United States of America seems to have come down to a choice between an Irishman, Mr. O'bama, and a Scotsman, Mr. McCain. Which leaves the rest of us wondering why God's Country isn't insisting on having a proper American in the White House instead of some foreigner.
China returns to its fantasy world
Having had time to recover from the shock, the Chinese government has ordered the nation's journalists to stop writing negative stuff about the devastation caused by last month's earthquake. Instead, it wants only upbeat, heroic rescue stories and not a word about the corruption which led to hundreds of fairly new school buildings collapsing.
Anyone who mentions the possibility of strong aftershocks affecting Peking during the Olympics will be charged double for the customary bullet in the back of the neck.
"A tragic failure of leadership"
Nelson Mandela's verdict on Mugabe or the rest of the world's verdict on Mandela's dithering over condemning Saint Mug?
God, Guns & Gonads made America great Official!
The 2nd Amendment to the US Constitution says that Americans have the right to bear arms as a member of a well-regulated militia. But the Supreme Court has handed down the perverse ruling that anyone at all can have as many guns as they can afford regardless of criminal tendencies and mental capacity. So maybe it's just as well that flying to the US is getting to be too much hassle and much too expensive!
Mugabe regime "More legitimate than brown's"
The fire & brimstone emanating from the UK has been ignored by the African leaders holding a summit in Egypt. When asked to comment on our prime monster's resounding condemnation of Mugabe's being sworn in as president of Zimbabwe before the latest election results were published, African leaders take delight in pointing out, "At least Mugabe held an election."
Gordon Mursell, Bishop of Stafford, who would like to see people who don't think that government's can affect climate change in a useful direction burnt at the stake for heresy against the new religion.
The government's plans to convert the August bank holiday into a bogus brown celebration of Britishness.
West Wiltshire district council, which has ruled that if you can't move a wheely bin using 2 fingers, it's too heavy for their weakling bin men to empty.
South Yorkshire Police, which let thieves caught stealing lead on a church roof walk away after a ticking off.
labour's Bedroom Tax, which will let councils grab over £1,000 off people who want to build home extensions.
scotch gordon's assertion that 'no deals was done' on the 42 days' detention issue and the vote was won by 'the strength of the argument' (derisive laughter) and not because he promised £1.2 billion to the 9 DUP MPs and a further £500 million to bribeable labour MPs.
The House of Commons rules, which let the Wintertons, Mr. & Mrs., pick up £130,000 of taxpayers' cash in expenses for renting a flat which their family now owns.
John Glieve, deputy governor of the Bank of England, who is getting the push for not doing his job while the spivs running the Northern Rock bank ran it into the dirt.
The labour party for not fielding a candidate against David Davis in his 42-days by-election.
Transport minister tom harris (MP, fat salary, gold-plated pension, unaudited expenses), who thinks people in Britain never had it so good and he can't understand how anyone can be miserable with scotch gordon bogging things up at 10 Downing Street.
Culture vulture sec. & prime ministerial hopeful andy burnham, who tried to got himself noticed by smearing David Davis and Shami Chakrabarti of Liberty, only to be savaged by labour's wimmin.
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|Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression.|
Sole © RAL, June 2008.