2010/February    draft	Every edition of BFN is compiled in accordance with official 10 Downing Street guidelines on accuracy and veracity.

NHS DEATH NEWS    No one's to blame? How many people would the Mid-Staffordshire NHS Trust have to kill needlessly for this rotten government to realize that some bugger isn't doing their job properly? Obviously, the answer is more than 1,200, but how much more? Perhaps Gordon F. Brown could knock off his bullying for a couple of minutes to suggest a figure.

SLUMP NEWS    No one's to blame for this, either If you suddenly notice you're £281 worse off than you were in 2005, it's as a direct result of the last half-decade of Brown economics. Guess what, someone knows who's to blame for this! If you suddenly notice that there are more terrorists around than there were a decade or so ago, it's because European governments have turned into wimpy pacifists who won't spend money on adequate defence, President Al O'Bama reckons. Get your hankies out! The latest alibi for Gordon F. Brown's failures and the culture of bulling he's created is that he's in a job no one can do.

DOSH NEWS    Quick fix won't work, Govt. admits The City Minister, Lord Myners, has broken ranks to admit that taxing rich people with a 50p in the pound rate won't save the nation from the Brown Slump. Rich people have a talent for hiring accountants who can find ways to dodge any tax, he almost admitted. Just look at how much cash Tony Blair is hanging on to, he could have added. A tax on jobs? The US government and New Labour have fined the aerospace company BAe £286 million for doing what every other big company in their field does – bribing foreigners to win contracts to protect British jobs. As Greece drags the eurozone into crisis with its reckless spending, the British nation gives thanks for William Hague, who kept us out of the euro while T. Blair, lord sleaze, N. Clegg, K. Clarke, M. Heseltine et all tried to get us in. Shame, innit? Lord Sleaze is moaning that the Labour party has no money to fight an election. But what he's not admitting is that it's because Tony Blair and his cronies were banned from selling peerages and knighthoods to the Labour party's benefit. Something else he's not admitting is the best part of £100 million coughed up over the years by trade unions hoping to buy favours. You what!? What do you get if you take out an annuity with Abbey Life? Done for 25% if you don't kick up a stink! A Brown Trend? Or "You what!? Part 2" What do you get if you use the Royal Mail's first-class post expecting next-day delivery? Ripped off 25% of the time.    Is every big company working this 25% scam now? Watch this space! Brown Bonuses The Met Office – Barbeque Summer, Mild Winter for 2009/10 – has paid out £12 million to its staff for achieving their targets for making bad forecasts.

DEPARTURES    Ian Carmichael, actor, 89 RADA trained, he started his film career in serious roles, including a part in The Colditz Story (1957) but he made his name in the Boulting Brothers' comedies like Private's Progress (1956) and I'm All Right Jack (1959) with Peter Sellers, and in subsequent comedies. In becoming a star of TV as well as films, he created a definitive version of Bertie Wooster with Dennis Price as Jeeves and, although from modest origins, he felt born to play the aristocratic amateur detective Lord Peter Wimsey. He had excellent comedy timing and he made himself the obvious choice for the part of an elegant toff.  DEPARTURES    Sir John Dankworth, jazz musician, 82 His career as a saxophonist lasted over 50 years and he worked with the biggest names in the business. He toured with his own big band from the 1950s and established his own entertainment venue, The Stables, in the grounds of his home. His death was announced by his wife, Cleo Laine, at a 40th anniversary concert for The Stables. Johnny Dankworth was a prolific composer of music for films and TV, he and his wife set up prizes and scholarships for young musicians and they played leading roles in a recent renaissance of British Jazz. J.D. was awarded a knighthood in 2006 and he was still touring until he fell ill in October of last year.  DEPARTURES    Dick Francis, jockey & ghosted writer, 89 Dick Francis enjoyed success in the saddle, becoming Champion Jockey, but his writing career began after a major catastrophe in his riding career. He was on the Queen Mum's horse in the 1956 Grand National, and just 50 yards from victory, when the horse collapsed under him. He retired the following year, 35 and battered. His wife, Mary, ghosted a successful autobiography and she was behind a string of best-selling thrillers with a racing background and Dick Francis' name on the cover. This family business stalled in 2000 when Mary Francis died at 76, but it resumed in 2006 for 3 more books with son Felix doing the ghosting.  DEPARTURES    Lionel Jeffries, actor & director, 83 Lionel Jeffries played a bald-headed bumbler in British films during their heyday in the 1950s and 1960s, working with the likes of Peter Sellers in comedies like The Wrong Arm of the Law (1962) and also appearing in wartime epics (he blamed his hair loss on service in Burma) like The Colditz Story (1957). He wrote the script for the family film The Railway Children (1970), one of 5 of this genre which he directed. His other writing credits were The Amazing Mr Blunden (1972) starring Diana Doors and Wombling Free (1977). He also worked in TV but as a jobbing actor in a wide range of productions rather than as a lead or a director.

SPACE NEWS  Boldly staying put? President O'Bama has scrapped NASA's plan to return to the Moon. "America can't afford to continue throwing tax dollars around like Monopoly money," is the gist of his argument. But he's hoping that private industry will step in to bridge the gap. The President has let it be known that half a dozen Moon missions could be funded quite comfortably out of the bonuses paid to the bankers who ruined the world's economy with their reckless gambling. Last time the sky is lit up by NASA The launch of Endeavour [it was named after the late Inspector Morse] in the early hours (Florida time) of Super Sunday was the last time a space shuttle will fly at night. Endeavour's mission is to deliver one of the final big bits – a picture window – to the International Space Station.    The shuttle programme is due to end this year; there are just 4 more flights to come; and the United States will have nothing to put in its place before 2015 (if then). Which has given the Russians, who will have a monopoly on human flights into orbit, the chance to make noises about putting their prices up. The message to the United States is clear – Play nice or pay through the nose!

CRIME NEWS  Policing we can afford! The Association of Cheap Police Officers is planning to replace 20% of the nation's coppers with civilian staff, who will be paid a fraction of police wages. Illegal immigrants and bogus asylum seekers will be eligible for the jobs and the ability to speak understandable English is deemed desirable but not compulsory on 'uman rights grounds. Policing we can afford! II ACPO has ordered its staff not to chase criminals if they are near the end of their shift and catching and processing the criminal would send them into overtime. Why's this taking so long anyway? A trial over the Air France Concorde crash on 200/07/25 has started this month. in the dock are officers of the US airline Continental, who are charged with corporate manslaughter. The crash was caused by the Concorde hitting a titanium strip, which fell off a Continental DC-10. The French are blaming the American airline but as unessential bits fall off planes all the time, the ultimate responsibility has to lie with whoever was responsible for making sure that the runways at Charles de Gaulle airport were safe to use. Another alibi for the crooks MPs who have been charged with theft from the taxpayer via fraudulent expenses claims; E. Morley, D Chaytor & J. Devine (all Labour); are trying to use the Bill of Rights from 1689 to escape prosecution. The law is intended to guarantee freedom to speak in Parliament without the risk of prosecution but the MPs hope to stretch it to cover freedom of thievery. Criminal Ali – a very New Labour copper Ex-commander Ali Dizaei, formerly of Scotland Yard, has been gaoled for abuse of office and perverting the course of justice. He should have been sacked years ago for corruption and uselessness but he played the race card successfully, helped by the efforts of the Blair twins, Ian & Tony, and the racialist Black Police Association. One step forward, two steps back! Merseyside Police grabbed a couple of headlines by using a remote-controlled camera drone to track down and arrest a car thief. Then the officers involved had to arrest themselves for flying the drone without the benefit of a licence from the Civil Aviation Authority. Security at London's Royal Courts of Justice is so brilliant . . . . . . that Peter Blake, a guy who was refused bail while on trial for his part in a £2 million armed robbery at Heathrow airport, just strolled out during the lunch break and didn't come back. Mr. Blake returned to the court after four and a half days, explaining that he only went out for a swift half but he got lost. Nothing to do with New Labour's bog-ups, then? The government thinks there aren't enough one-legged, black, alcoholic, lesbian Albanian-immigrant judges with learning difficulties, and because of this lack of diversity, the justice & prison systems are in a hell of a mess.

CLIMATE NEWS    "We're so right, it doesn't matter if we can't produce the evidence to prove we're right, you just have to take it on trust and give us your money." The 2006 Stern Review on the effects of man-made global warming was full of scare stories when it was unveiled. But such was the lax standard of data verification that the printed version had to be heavily redacted to remove claims for which there was no scientific source and to reduce the level of exaggeration and the number of wandering decimal points. The swindles roll on The chairman of the UN's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, the railway engineer Dr. Rajendra Pachauri, is being exposed as the J. "Two Jags" Prescott of the global warming industry. Not only does he kill the planet in a chauffeur-driven 1.8 litre car when he makes his one-mile pilgrimage to his office, he's also responsible for diverting vast amounts of research cash to his foundation.  • Having been embarrassed over their scare stories about vanishing glaciers last month, the Global Warming Swindlers are now struggling to explain how the IPCC came to claim that the Amazon jungle is being demolished by global warming when it's down to guys with chainsaws, and why the Climatic Research Unit at East Anglia University was so keen to keep the locations of weather stations in China a secret when people started asking whether claimed global warming was due to urban creep. It has been suggested that the government, which is keen to make cuts at the nation's universities, should start with the CRU at East Anglia U. Ooops! Government ministers like Veggie Benn claim that giving up meat-eating would save the world from the Global Warming Swindlers and save the world's forests. But if everyone went veggie, vast areas of forest would have to be hacked down to create arable land for growing crops with less energy value than meat. Oh, dear! Amazing what a little truth can achieve! The number of people who believe in the UN's man-made global warming scam had dropped from one-third of the British population to one-fifth. The number of people who think the extend of climate change has been exaggerated grossly is now one-third of the population.    Apparently, all the revelations about "scientists" falsifying data and deliberately suppressing inconvenient material, and the amounts of money that global warming swindlers are stealing from taxpayers, are making it hard for the UN and national governments to "sell" their bogus climate-change prevention taxes.

HEALTH NEWS  Everybody can relax now The Swine Flu pandemic was declared over this month. It did less damage than the normal, seasonal flu, and it didn't kill half the population, but Gordon Brown's useless government wasted £1 BILLION on vaccine which will never be used. Cameron Goes Crazy? The leader of the alleged Conservative Party would like staff in the public sector to set up workers' Soviets and decide how much they should be paid and who their boss should be. Which raises the possibility that he has been kidnapped by the descendants of the Soviet terrorist Josef Stalin, cloned and returned to the West to continue the good work of proving that Stalin wasn't a murderous monster who had 50 million people killed. Restraint Required The Brown government has committed itself to managing and reducing workplace stress – which means that Gordon has been asked to stop yelling at his staff and chucking things at them. A Silent Killer? British Gas is getting the blame for killing thousands of pensioners over the winter through profiteering. The wholesale price of gas has fallen by 60% since 2006 but gas bills have come down by less than 10%, leaving people afraid to heat their homes properly and dying as a result. You get what you pay for A.A. M'Grahi, the Lockerbie bomber who was freed on the understanding that he would be dead by last October, is still alive at his home in Libya and thriving. Which says rather a lot about Professor K. Sikora, the consultant who predicted he had 3 months to live when Libya applied for M'Grahi's release from his Scottish prison on compassionate grounds.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT www..co.uk New on the World Wide Web – This brilliant resource which exposes Nigerian-type 419 scams, bogus lotteries & job offers, phishing attempts and much, much more! CLICK HERE to find out what email miracles are on offer.

HOME NEWS  What does he really want? The chairman of the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority, Professor Sir Ian Kennedy, would like to give MPs a pay rise of at least £15,000, or 23%, to take them to a cool £80K plus what they can fiddle from their expenses. If he is angling for a peerage to bump up his social status, he's certainly going the right way to pick up an earldom, at the very least. H. Harperson has been voted Rear of the Year due to her close resemblance to a horse's ass. Extinction Event looms? The Tory party wants to cull its dinosaurs, starting with Nicholas Winterton of Macclesfield, who dared to say MPs shouldn't have to travel second class, with the peasants, because second class is lower class. The cull will also take out anyone who might have actual experience of running the country and replace them with transvestites, cultists, ethnic-minority tokens and other Blair-Babe types, who will follow Call Me Dave blindly because they won't have a clue what they are supposed to do in Parliament.    But is an "all flash & no substance, New Labor clone" really the sort of party a long-suffering Tory voter will turn out for come election day? Endorsement not worth the paper it's written on! One bunch of economists wrote to the papers to say the Tories have the right strategy for tackling the £175,000,000,000 Brown budget deficit. Then another bunch claimed Labour is right. What does that prove? Only that economists are just like politicians – you can always find one (or a bunch) to agree with you if it's in his/her/their interests. Would no one else do it? Gordon "Bully" Brown, accused of assault and battery of his staff, turned to Lord Sleaze for a character reference. How desperate is that!

QUICK QUIZ  How distressed would you be . . . . . . if you suddenly found out that you are related to H. Harperson? a) Very b) Extremely c) Suicidal. . . . if you suddenly found out you were married to H. Harperson? a) Very b) Extremely c) Suicidal. Definitely (c), signed Mrs. E. Landing, Lower Landing, Herts.

ROMILEY NEWS    No issues As the stink of sleaze rises higher and higher from the pig trough at Westminster, Romiley residents can take heart from knowing that their local MP, the Trivial-Democrat Andrew Stunell, "has no issues" as far as the expenses scrutineers are concerned.

TRAVEL NEWS    Just be ready for anything! Attention drivers of Toyota cars. Okay, the accelerator might stick when you're doing 90 mph on the motorway, and the brakes might not work when you're doing less than 20 mph, but the cars are fine otherwise. The power steering doesn't work on some of them, but everything else does. Pretty much. State encouraged terrorism The Israeli government has come up with a cute way to provide false identities to its hit squads – it clones the passports of British visitors and migrants to make them patsies when a hit goes down and targets for revenge by the pals of the person who has been murdered.

TRIPE NEWS  Being able to speak English is racist? The council, trade unionists and the usual suspects in Southampton are claiming that members of ethnic minorities have been upset by signs in taxis proclaiming that the driver can speak English. The council is particularly upset because its failure to ensure that taxi drivers have a proper command on the English language is being shown up.  • Over one-half of Southampton's taxi drivers are members of ethnic minorities and, it is claimed, there would be no night taxi service without them.

WAR NEWS  Smug Bugger hiding in Israel? Nothing much has been seen of Tony "Smug Bugger" Blair since his unrepentant performance in front of the Chilcot inquiry. He's quite comfortable with sending his country into an illegal war, and his chums have come up with a whole series of new lies and justifications.    His only immediate cloud on the horizon is that he is now worried about being arrested as a war criminal. Hence his disappearance in the direction of the Middle East and a country with no extradition treaty with the UK for war criminals. Some Courtesy Call! The latest twist in the Dubai Murder Mystery is that someone from The Mossad is supposed to have made courtesy calls to the Foreign Office and MI6 to tell them that fake British passports would be used in a hit so "there could be some flak flying afterwards".    Which is rather like a bank robber phoning someone to say, "We've nicked your car to use in a blag, so you might get some bovver from the Old Bill afterwards, okay?" Irish terrorism hasn't gone away; the people of Newry found that out when a 250 lb bomb went off in a car parked near the court house.

WORLD NEWS  Snow deliveries cocked up! While President O'Bama is complaining about "Snowmageddon" bringing Washington DC and the north-east of America to a standstill, the organizers of the winter Olympics at Vancouver on Canada's west coast are having to truck in enough snow to make their event possible. Everybody's doing it! According to the legend, one-seventh of the world's population watched the New Orleans Saints beat the Indianapolis Colts to win their first ever Vince Lombardi trophy in Super Bowl 44. If so, they certainly got their money's worth! Both teams took their turn to be on top, but it was the Saints' defense which struck the decisive blow in the 4th quarter. It's only our money The EU is wasting hundreds of thousands of euros on 'graphic novels'. These hardback cartoon comics portray European commissioners as superheroes and world-savers. They are pure political propaganda and a classic tactic of corrupt and unaccountable regimes down the ages, according to the TaxPayers' Alliance. So expect similar efforts starring Gordon F. Brown and Lord Sleaze as the election campaign progresses.

Holidays in the Canary Islands, which are drowning in torrential rain and suffering devastating floods, which make them look more like ponds than islands. Gordon Brown's plans to mess about with the voting system to make himself look, well, good is hardly the word for it. The Tesco supermarket at Cannons Park, Coventry, which forced a woman to prove she was over 21 before she could buy a 51p slice of quiche. Conway council in North Wales is abolishing long-service bonuses for staff who have been employed for 25 years (£200) and 40 years (£400) because they discriminate against younger workers who haven't been there for 5 minutes. Instead, the council will pay out loyalty bonuses – until some Harperson orders them to scrap the new bonuses because they discriminate against disloyal staff. The new owners of Morgan Computers, who are okay at knocking out boxes but totally nokay if the kit in the box doesn't work. Lord Sleaze, who thinks the euro is a great idea. Housing Min. J. Healey, who thinks it's okay for people to have their homes repossessed as long as he can hang on to the £144,000 he got in second home allowances and the £88,000 profit he made on a house funded by the taxpayer. C. Baker, the tourism manager for St. Albans, who disqualified competitors in the annual Shrove Tuesday pancake race for running on 'elf 'n' nazi grounds. The bin is still ready & Mandelson page top Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression. Sole © RAL, February 2010.