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SO WHERE IS IT? BFN's employees, their relatives and everyone we know (and a lot of people we don't know) are still waiting for our share of the $1M Nobel prize awarded to the people of the European Union rather than its eurocrats, who are bound to steal it.


KlingonAt least half of them are at it
The Liberal Wimmin were soon up in arms over Calamity Clegg's failure to take seriously, his party's Savile-style scandal and cover-up. Their fury was stoked by another Liberal peer's claim that Lord Rennard's alleged Uncontrollable Gropism Syndrome is a complaint shared by 50% of the Liberal lords.


KlingonSo much for the experts Part 203:
They've been banging on at us for 50-odd years to stop eating dairy products containing saturated animal fats, like butter, and eat margarine, which contains polyunsaturated fats. But guess what? Experts in Australia found out in the early 1970s (the research was "lost" for decades) that men who eat margerine are more likely to develop heart disease than whose who stick to butter. The killer is the linoleic acid, a.k.a. Omega 6 polyunsaturated fat, found in margarines made from corn, sunflower, safflower and soybean oils.

KlingonBon Appétit!
The French claim that they are masters of food has been exposed as horsemeat baloney. Buy "beef" products from Comigel of Metz and you'll get 60-100% horse protein as the meat component. Not to mention the chance of an optional dose of a horse tranquillizer, which has been banned from the human food chain.

KlingonStop the panic!
We can all relax a bit. Some of the horse going into "beef"burgers and "lamb" kebabs is British. Retired racehorses and ponies are replacing some of the gunk called meat, which has been banned from the food chain.
 • Waitrose has gone down a different and quite original route – selling "beef" meatballs made with pork! [Allegedly. Ed.]

phenylbutazoneBUTE: the facts
1. It was originally used to treat rheumatoid arthritis and gout in humans. It is currently administered, quite legally, to horses for pain relief and to treat fevers.
2. If fed enormous doses of phenylbutazone, some rats will develop cancers and for this reason, it has been banned for human use.
3. There is no conclusive evidence that bute causes cancers in humans but it can cause aplastic anaemia.
4. Given the small amount of "meat" in factory prepared foods, the amount of bute in a ready meal made with horse is vanishingly small.
updateOwners of pets have nothing to fear from bute (as far as their pets are concerned) – horse is not used in pet foods as the manufacturers have much higher standards than the companies which make foods for humans.

The EU, better OUT than INSo who's actually to blame for HorseBurgerGate?
Surprise! It's the European Union. The Eurocrats took over responsibility for the food chain from national governments and abolished tests on meat products in circulation, replacing them with a trail of those pieces of paper, which are so much beloved by bureaucrats.
   And even though the EU is a safe haven for fraudsters, who steal around 10% of the budget (which explains why the auditors never sign off on the EU's accounts) and the Eurocrats know all this fraud is going on (but do nothing to stop it), our wonderful Eurocrats never imagined that bad guys would actually put forged certificates of content into their paper chains.
   Surprise! The EU has know for years that similar frauds have been going on – e.g. the 2008 Chinese rabbit scam – but, of course, nothing has been done about it. Hence HorseBurgerGate. And the British government can't put a ban on imports of beef products from the rest of the EU because that power has been exported to the EU. Not that it stopped the French, a source of HorseBurgers, from banning British meat products when it suited them.
   So whilst the British government might appear to be in charge, and Labour tries to make political capital out of the government's inaction, there's really nothing much the government can do because the power to do anything was surrendered to the Brussels Bunglers years ago.


KlingonYep, it's all impure self-interest
It's becoming even clearer why some MPs are dead set on getting power over what newspapers can and cannot print – to help future Huhnes to get away with it. Lest we forget, the nation owes belated thanks to the News of the Screws for helping to sink C. Huhne.

It were 'im!"It were 'im, honest!"
The boy Milipede is hoping to buy some votes with a vague promise to bring back the 10% tax rate, which was abolished by his rival, the Balls Monster, when Ballsie was pulling the strings of the late, unlamented prime monster G. Broon. Although he has not actually promised to bring back this tax rate, or mentioned the BILLIONs which will have to be spent on re-valuing properties to make sure that the right people pay the Mansion Stealth Tax intended to fund it, the boy Milipede has taken the opportunity to let the nation know who was responsible for abolishing this perk as part of a strategy of distancing himself from the disasters of the short-lived Broon regime and its minions. [Like the Balls Monster, he was one of them but, like the war, don't mention it. Ed.]

KlingonLeveson = Permanent Cover-up
The reason why the political establishment, particularly on the Left, is so keen to be in charge of censoring the Press is obvious – there will be no more whistle-blowing and no more exposure of scandals like Stafford Hospitals. Not to mention all the other hospital trusts which are now being investigated; no more exposure of BBC cover-ups; no more awkward questions for politicians to answer about what they were doing whilst the abuse was going on. Peachy political heaven.

KlingonAn inevitable consequence
It seems that New Labour created a culture of fear and compliance in the NHS, which resulted in unnecessary deaths at many hospitals, particularly Stafford Hospital. New Labour made meeting targets more important than keeping patients alive and comfortable. The facts are out in the open now but, as is usual for the public sector, no one has been sacked or sent to gaol.

Tony B. Liar AwardAnother one covered in glory
N. Clegg has received a Tony B. Liar Award for upholding New Labour standards of political honesty and accountability in his handling of his excuses for, and his claimed ignorance of, the cover-up of the gropington Liberal lordship scandal.

space news

Iran space-monkey scam scandal

KlingonAt the end of last month, the Persian regime proudly boasted that it had done what the Great Satan (a.k.a. the US of A) had done half a century before, namely send a monkey into space. Unfortunately, one of President Dinner Jacket's minions failed to match the photos of the money from before the launch and after recovery. Clearly different animals, egg on face, oh, dear, what a sorry swindle! Someone's bound to get something chopped off.

Romiley Space AuthorityTwo for the price of one—or not!
Romiley Space Authority can now reveal that it was consulted by the British government over a once-in-a-lifetime chance to solve the horseburger problem. On Friday, February 15th, a small asteroid called 2012DA14 of diameter about 150 feet passed by the Earth at a distance of 17,300 miles above the top of the atmosphere.
   The Coalition wanted to know if RSA could fire an interceptor missile which would A) deflect and shatter the asteroid and B) aim the fragments at the abattoirs and meat processing plants, which are contaminating the food chain with horsemeat containing banned pharmaceuticals.
   RSA responded with a quick affirmative. Unfortunately, the civil servants on the government's side decided that they would need to do a feasability study lasting some 18 months. So RSA stuck them with a huge bill for wasting everyone's time and returned to some real work.
updateA "small" meteorite crashed onto Russia, causing lots of blown-out walls, roofs and windows and casualties to spectators, on the morning of the evening asteroid pass. The conspiracy theorists are now saying that some celestial malefactor has pretty well got our range . . .
updateIt was the sonic boom from the meteorite, rather than the rock exploding, which did all the damage. The rock is thought to have had a diameter of about 10 metres when it hit the atmosphere at 5 miles/second. It was the biggest object to hit the Earth in the last 100 years. What's left of it is currently at the bottom of a frozen lake 40 miles from Chelyabinsk.
updateAnyone hoping to see 2012DA14 from Romiley was disappointed as the cloud thickened steadily as it headed for a gap in the Plough, where it would be most easily spotted.
updateThe Russians have stopped searching the lake, into which the remains of the meteor were thought to have crashed. Divers spent hours searching the bed of Lake Chebarkul in zero visibility but found nothing on a layer of sticky mud some five feet deep.


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KlingonThe first one with a bit of common sense for 600 years?
Pope Benedict is to be congratulated for giving up on a demanding job due to age and infirmity. Pope Unto Death is a concept which belongs to an age when people were lucky to live to what is now middle-age and the Pope was liable to be knocked off by a rival whilst he was still quite young and vigorous.

KlingonConspiracy Theory No. 1
The Pope was bullied into resigning by a group which wants to shovel institutional child abuse by the Catholic church under the carpet and do nothing about senior clerics and Vatican staff, who knew about it and let it happen and continue to happen for decades.


KlingonMore cash to come from the taxpayer
The Financial Services Authority (where was the FSA at the time?) has found the bankrupt big banks guilty of malpractice over the sale of interest-swap loans, and small firms will now be able to get on to the compensation trail.
 • Bank bonuses will not be affected by this latest scandal, which will become as big as PPI fraud, and as the big banks have had to be nationalized, the taxpayer will be picking up the bill, as usual.

KlingonPots & Kettles again
MPs are to question the Queen's staff to find out how much money the Royal household spends to determine whether Her Maj. delivers value for money. MPs? Experts in fiddling expenses to a criminal extent and the epitome of lack of value for money? Clearly an example of Management by Reverse Logic.

People's Princess to People's Pope?
Smug BuggerFollowing the announcement from Pope Benedict that he's off at the end of the month, it is feared that Britain's holiest man (according to Windrush Accumulations, his PR firm) is now the front-runner for the soon to be vacant and rather prestigious post. Apparently, the salary isn't much to write home about but there are abundant opportunities for foreign travel and lots of people keen to pay good money for all sorts of papal services.

black square Apparently, we're due for 15 more years of Austerity. So that's something else to thank Gordon Broon for.

KlingonIt's official. The government causes inflation
The governor of the Bank of England, Sir M. King, has revealed that a big part of the coming decade and a half of austerity will be due to inflation caused by bogus "green" taxes inflicted by successive governments, university tuition fees and huge rises in government controlled rail fares.
   The Coalition has pointed out the BoEGov's failure to get inflation to the government target of 2% using interest rates to rob savers, but the BoEGov would have to persuade his committee to make the national interest rate negative, instead of the current miserly 0.5%, to do that. And if he did, there wouldn't be enough lamp posts in the country to hang all the politicians and their stooges who had it coming.

KlingonThe evil spirit of Gordon Broon lives on!
The Liberals would like Her Maj's Revenue & Customs to send out squads of inspectors, who will have the power to march into anyone's home and to put a value on their jewellery and other valuables to see if they qualify for a new Liberal Stealth Tax. In keeping with the general Leftie concept of wasteful bureaucracy, home valuations for the Liberals' Mansion Stealth Tax will be made by either a completely separate division of HMRC or a specially created quango headed by a Leftie Luvvie.

KlingonWith advisors like this, no wonder George is making a bog of things
The Office for Budget Responsibility advised G. Osborne, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, that he would get £3.5 Billion from selling off frequency bandwidth to 4G operators. He got only £2.3 Billion, which leaves a rather big hole in his accounts. As the OBR gang has been getting forecasts wrong consistently on the economy since it was formed in 2010, believing this latest fantasy doesn't do much for George's credibility.

KlingonWhat is an AAA credit rating worth?
There's a big clue in the fact that the BIG credit agencies awarded that particular rating to the toxic sub-prime mortgages created by the US government, which led to international financial disaster and collapsing banks from 2008 on. In this context, Moody's downrating of the UK is just another guess and only time will tell whether it's a good one or a guess which is just as bad as all the previous guesses.

Romiley News

A bit of snow, but it's not hanging about
That was the good news about February's first contribution. Although, getting out of the village in the direction of Stockport or Hyde was a real problem in the morning. But coming into the village from those directions, or heading out to Marple, was a doddle.

Snow in Romiley, 2013/02/05

black squareWhat Romiley got on the first Monday/Tuesday of the month was "Thunderstorm Snow", apparently. We certainly got some thunder and lighting on the Monday evening, but the snow was all gone by Tuesday evening.

KlingonVirgin Media is history
Romiley's cable communications provider has been in a state of regular flux since Nynex put its trenches in our pavements – some of which are still visible because the council isn't very good at keeping pavements in repair – back in 1999. First, there was Cable & Wireless, then NTL, then Virgin Media, and now, it's Liberty Global. The American communications giant paid $23.3 BILLION for the deal and the board of VM is being sued by investors who think that it wasn't enough. Richard Branson will stroll off into the sunset with $316 MILLION for his shares.

Klingon"No, she's not one of us!"
Romiley Literary Circle has denied having any connection with author and former Romiley resident Hilary Mantel, who has been getting herself noticed this month by slagging off Princess Kate. Our contact remembers that there was a boy called Mantel in his classes at Romiley Primary School, but he was obviously no relation, and our contact is certain that no member of the Mantel clan has ever applied for membership of the prestigious local writers' club.


GW sloganThere's always someone with a new silly story!
According to Lord Smith of the Environment Agency, this year's floods were caused by a new type of rain. Instead of moving across the country to spread out their load, the new type of rain clouds hover over just one spot as they unload.
GW sloganIt seems that the "new type of rain" ain't quite a new as advertised, which says quite a lot about Lord Smith's credentials as an expert. Veteran weatherman Bill Giles has announced that Britain has been getting convective rain since the beginning of time. And it is listed in textbooks as one of the 3 main types of rain, to which we are subjected. So much for the amateur, Lord Smiff, whose remarks prove that he has "no concept or knowledge of meteorology". [Well, he is just a New Labour politician. Ed.]

GW sloganThere's always someone with a new silly story! Part 2
The Great Global Warming Swindle has a lot to answer for. A CNN "anchor" pushed the envelope further open this month when D. Feyeric wanted to know if asteroid 2012 DA14 buzzing the Earth is an effect of Global Warming. Guest expert, B. Nye the Science Guy, had his flabber thoroughly ghasted when confronted by the dizzy blonde's question.

GW sloganBang goes the raison d'etre!
Surprise! Government-funded research has found that wind farms don't reduce carbon dioxide emissions because the ones sited on peat – most of the ones in Scotland and a majority of those in England and Wales – release huge quantities of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. So much for saving the planet.

Crime News

KlingonAnd justice for none?
Some 200 coppers/year go off the books of the police "service" to avoid investigation for corruption, violence and other serious misconduct offences, and the bosses of the Old Bill are happy to let them do it.

black square The Metropolitan police "service" has wasted £3 MILLION on guarding the embassy of Ecuador, where Wikileaks founder J. Assange is hiding to avoid arrest.

KlingonNice name for it, guys!
How apt that the police investigation into the Plebgate frame-up of the former Tory chief whip is called Operation Alice – with an implied "In Wonderland", which is where the people setting police priorities seem to have lived since the Blessed A.B. Liar was prime monster.

black square This month's biscuit for the daftest "research" project goes to a bunch of headbangers in New Zealand, who claim to have found a link between excessive TV viewing as a child and a subsequent life of crime.


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Home News
UK Flag

KlingonAnother local government problem solved
The council for the Royal Borough of Kensington has decided to remove all litter bins from residential areas because they "attract more rubbish" and the council never empties them anyway. The bins will be replaced by Litter Wardens, who will issue £80 fixed-penalty tickets for imaginary infractions as a revenue-raising dodge.

KlingonTheresa Jolly Good Fellow?
The latest rumble from the Ditch Dave campaign is that a lot of Tories would prefer the current home sec. T. May, to Boris the Mayor as the replacement leader. They hope that she can revive the party under an Angular Merkel outlook rather than being an action replay of the Iron Lady, a.k.a. Lady Thatcher.

The King Under the Car Park


It's official! The remains found on the first day of a dig into a car park in the centre of Leicester last September are those of King Richard III. Research by the Richard the Third Society had, indeed, located the site of the priory and its church where the last Plantagenet king ended up after losing the Battle of Bosworth against the Welsh invader H. Tudor.
   The king's face was reconstructed by Prof. Caroline Wilkinson, now of Dundee University. Whilst viewing a Channel 4 documentary about the dig, BFN editorial staff were struck by the resemblance between her efforts and the visage of a well-known Scottish snooker player.

red eyesDisgraced, but still raking in dosh
As a result of his impending imprisonment, 'Orrible Huhne is to lose his Rt. Hon. appellation in favour of "Thoroughly Disreputable". Lest we forget, he was the leadership rival who had the gall to tag "Calamity" onto Catastrophic Clegg, he collects a £17K golden goodbye from the taxpayer and he continues to receive payments as a consultant to the firms making money out of the bogus anti-global warming policies which he inflicted on the taxpayer.

KlingonA number from the govt.? Must be a lie.
The government has been forced to admitted that official figures for the amount of household waste which is recycled are sheer fiction. The numbers, for which so much credit has been claimed, refer to the amount of stuff going through the gates of the recycling centres. But they can reject anything up to 100% of a load as "contaminated" and send it to a landfill site. Luckily, we in Britain have lots of holes in the ground created by the building trade, so we're not likely to run out of them anytime soon. And stuff dumped in landfill is a valuable resource for future generations to exploit.

KlingonA small measure of good sense
At long last, the General Medical Council is to be given the power to make foreign doctors from the EU take an English language test and exclude from Britain, those who cannot communicate effectively.

black square The people responsible for redacting the BBC's version of the independent inquiry into the Savile decades of abuse cover-up are: redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted
[And quite a few others, who have to remain anonymous for legal reasons. Ed.]

world news

KlingonRussian rocket problems continue
The Swiss company Sea Launch had a total disaster when they attempted to launch a US communications satellite into orbit from their platform in the Pacific Ocean on the last Friday in January. The Russian Zenit rocket gave up the ghost about 30 seconds into the launch and everything ended up at the bottom of the sea.
   The Russian space programme hasn't been doing very well with its rockets over the last few years, and this could be a sign that the same sloppiness that halted supplies to the ISS in 2011 has come back to bite again.

KlingonBought buddies
France might be bankrupt but they're cheering the president. Not at home, though, but in Mali, where F. Hollande is trying to buy friends to make up for the ones he's lost in France through his general incompetence. And, no doubt, he'll be looking to buy more in the next African country to be attacked by Islamist terrorists and other friends of the BBC.

The EU, better OUT than INMore EU waste
The European Parliament, never known to pass up a chance to waste taxpayers' cash, has voted to give more of it to tobacco farmers in Eastern Europe via the CAP in order to raise the height of the Baccy Mountain. And, no doubt, there will be more spent on the EU's anti-smoking propaganda, too.

KlingonAnything to make a few bob
There used to be a DraculaLand in Romania, once home of the great national hero Vlad Dracula (rather than Mr. Stoker's Count). Next up is a Bin Laden theme park in Pakistan, adopted home of the terrorist and most of his supporters.


He's been called the Blogger of the Decade

His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!

Far Queue List

Far Queue symbol The Tory party plotters, who failed to get rid of Dave the Disaster.

Far Queue symbol 'Orrible Huhne, who had admitted attempting to pervert the course of justice after a decade of lying about it.

Far Queue symbol Former F1 champ Lewis Hamilton, who managed to crash his Mercedes car on the first test drive for his new team.

Far Queue symbol Successive Irish governments, which let sadistic nuns brutalize children in Catholic workhouses for 70 years.

Far Queue symbol J. Hourican, boss of the casino division of the Royal Bank of Scotland, who is a Liebor rate-rigging scalp and who will lose £7,000,000 acquired as bonuses.

Far Queue symbol Tesco's "Finest British Pork and Chive sausages", which can contain an optional human tooth with mercury amalgam filling.

Far Queue symbol C. Huhne, who bought a 600-quid iPad on the taxpayer before he was obliged to quit as an MP.

Far Queue symbol Shameless D. Nicholson, currently head of the NHS, who presided over the culture of slaughter and torture at Stafford hospital, wasted BILLIONS of pounds of taxpayers' money and splurged a ton more of taxpayers' cash on train trips to visit his fast-tracked wife, but who would have us believe he has done nothing to be ashamed of.
updateA bought-off, would-be whistle-blower has revealed that he was paid to keep quiet about poor care at United Lincolnshire Hospital Trust, which he reported to Mr. Nicholson 4 years ago.

Far Queue symbol R. Francis, QC, author of the report claiming no one is to blame for the Stafford hospital shambles.

Far Queue symbol D. Cameron, who failed to turn up to the Commons debate on his obsession with messing about with marriage.

Far Queue symbol The Food Standards Agency, a quango which pretends to do useful work but which failed to protect the public from horseburgers. [Set up by New Labour, of course, costs the taxpayer £140 MILLION per year, big on management BS, more advisory committees than you can shake a stick at, the chairman is a former Labour MP on £50K for a 2-day week, the organization is obsessed with diversity and New Labour social engineering. Ed.]

Far Queue symbol The woman who presided over the BBC's "Don't Mention The Savile" campaign, who has been moved sideways from director of news to director of radio after a period of gardening leave.

Far Queue symbol The jury in the Vicky Pryce case, which gave a string of totally wacko questions to the judge before admitting defeat.

Far Queue symbol The "lead detective" at the Oscar Pistorius bail hearing, who had to bow out because he has to face seven counts of murder!

Far Queue symbol The Daily Mail, which thinks male jurors are unqualified to serve if they are not wearing a shirt and tie.

Far Queue symbol Prize-winning author H. Mantel, who has been awarded the Order of the Bratty Slag for her petulant pop on Princess Kate.

Far Queue symbol Plymouth city council, which wasted £1,245 of Council Tax on painting 4 new bus stops on a road with no bus service.

Far Queue symbol Camelot, which has left scratch-cards with a £100,000 top prize on sale even though the hundred-grand has been won.

Far Queue symbol The bozos who made the film Argo, who claim that British embassy staff in Tehran refused to give shelter to Americans who escaped from their own embassy when it was stormed by Iranians in 1997. In fact, the reverse is true, and British embassy staff risked their lives to hide the Americans until they could be extracted from Iran.

Far Queue symbol The BBC, which is showing Leftie-Luvvie solidarity with the Liberals by not mentioning their sex scandal, the cover-up and Clegg's pleas of ignorance.

Far Queue symbol "Far queue, far queue very much!" – Frank Zappa.

The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage".

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