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Professor Colin Pillinger, planetary scientist, 70

A former NASA scientist, who worked on Moon rocks from the Apollo programme, he leapt into the nation's consciousness as the mutton-chop-bewhiskered architect of the Beagle 2 project. This compact Mars lander rode to the red planet attached to the European Space Agency's Mars Express mission in 2003. Contact was lost with the craft during its descent to the planet's surface, and the best guess as to its fate was that its approach speed became too high in an atmosphere warmed by a dust storm, and its parachute and airbags were unable to provide a soft landing. Prof. Pillinger was also involved in ESA's Rosetta project, a mission to orbit and land on a comet, which is expected to be completed by the end of next year.


Clamity Clegg & Red Ed

If their respective parties get their way, the leader of the Trivial Democrats will be gone in favour of Vince Cable, who used to have a reputation as a competent finance bloke before he took office, when he proved that he's just another Gordon Broon by stuff like making a total bog of selling off the Royal Mail.
   E. Milipede is currently being cast off as weird and out of touch, but the only likely successors are clunkers, who are similarly tainted with the failure of the B. Liar/Broon years. So whatever the outcome, it will be bad.


Just the usual stitch-up

UKIP				 9.4%
Labour				 8.3%
Conservative			 8.2%
Green				 2.7%
Liberal				 2.3%
Scottish Nationalist		 0.8%
Plaid Cymru			 0.2%
None of the Above		68.1%
The IRA also got one seat in the European Parliament under the terms of
the Good Friday Agreement.


Ice hockey a British invention!
The Canadian government has declared a week of national mourning following the revelation that their national sport was invented in England and being played by the likes of Charles Darwin not long after we saw off Napoleon I, France's precursor to A. Hitler, for the second time. [With a little help from some European allies. Ed.] Naturally, the sport was a much more gentlemanly affair in those days without all the free-fights, which are now the main attraction of the NHL scene.


The Ultimate election bribe!!
If Red Ed's family is only "relatively comfortably well off" in a £2.5 MILLION house and with an annual income of £340K, that means he plans to raise the minimum wage to £81/hour if he ever becomes prime monster to let everyone else share his pain.

What the EU can do for a dodgy government
The Italians are planning to include in their official figure for GDP, a guess of their income due to criminal enterprises, e.g. drug dealing and prostitution. This falls within current EU rules, so it is an officially sanctioned way to lie about a nation's deficit.


The bad news keeps on rolling in
Barclays Bank, which was done for £290 MILLION by regulators in the US and the UK for fixing the Libor interbank lending rate, has been clobbered for a further £26 MILLION by the Financial Conduct Authority for artificially depressing the price of gold in June 2012 in search of a profit of $3.7 MILLION. More investigations are on-going . . .

space news

Gung-ho? Gung-No!

The American courts have blocked imports of the Russian-made engines used by the US space military as a result of an action brought by the private company SpaceX, and also a desire to impose sanctions on Putin allies over Russia's ganging up on Ukraine. The US military uses RD-180 engines in its Atlas V rockets, and there are no alternatives currently available. Which would have made launching civilian and military satellites a bit difficult had not the Pentagon collected a stockpile of engines, which will see it through the next couple of years. Which might be enough time for the problem to go away, or time for engines built in the US to be certified for this use. So that's another political gesture which came close to a shot in the gesturer's own foot.
SpaceX is saying that it has a cheaper way of launching satellites, which doesn't involve using Russian engines, and it is demanding that the US Air Force gives the company a chance to prove its case.

Cosmic fly-by
A rock the size of a traditional American school bus flew past Earth at a range of about a couple of hundred thousand miles at the start of the month. 2914 HL 129 was spotted just a few days before it zoomed through the gap between Earth and the Moon, which means that there's little or no chance that anyone would have been able to do anything had it been aimed at a major city.


The woman in charge of the BBC News channel has been sidelined for blatant political bias against UKIP. Is this a first? And will the BSBC now do something about its endemic bias to Labour? [Not going to happen. Ed.]

Unintended consequence?
Placing the parties in alphabetical order on the Euroelection ballot paper shoves UKIP to the bottom, making a vote for them effectively a vote for "none of the above".

What have we learnt from this month's pre-election stunts? Perhaps the most shocking thing is that Red Ed Milipede has no idea how to tackle a bacon butty. [Why is this shocking? Isn't he supposed to be Jewish or something? Which means he's not allowed to have carnivore knowledge of bacon. Or is he like Jonathan Miller: Jew-ish, not the whole hog? Or only Jewish when it suits him, typical bloody politician. Ed.]

Who put the EU in oneupmanship?

+ + + Public refuses to back "racist" Labour in Euroelections + + + Sneerocracy of "Big 3" parties gets good booting + + + "Earthquake" now over and normal politics (without UKIP) can resume + + +

Labour's top people are complaining that the election campaigns were disastrous because they were all about caviare commie Red Ed. But let's face it, the disaster would have been even worse if the likes of Ballsie, Harperson and Cooper had been putting their weirdness & incompetence credentials on show as well.

A UKIP/Tory Coalition next?


A clue in the name?
First we had "Skullcrusher" doing a runner from an open prison, then "The Scarborough Slayer" went walkabout from his holiday home. Maybe the picturesque names of these characters should offer a bit of a clue to their escape proclivities. And maybe applying an anti-bonus to the salaries of those responsible for putting the public in harm's way by sending people like this to an open prison might be a good way of stopping it.

Tell us another!
Yet another of these famous "studies" has concluded that old age doesn't start until the customer reached 80. And around 20% of the respondents were willing to say that, really, you're not old until you're 90.

Beakistas should be banned
Should the chief executive of the Premier League, R. Scudamore, get the push because some bozos think his leaked PRIVATE joke emails are sexist? Of course not. Should Dave the Leader get a smack in the chops for shoving his beak in and saying Scudamore must go? Of course, he should. Should the same apply to the other MPs who shoved their noses in? Get smacking!! Lynch-mobsters always deserve a good lynching and the rule should be: No Brownie Points for Brown-Nosers.

Eye off the ball
The current Justice Minister is said to be furious about the decision by some jobsworth not to release a list of the names of dangerous convicts on the run. Mr. Grayling clearly subscribes to the current fashion for politicians to be out of touch – and he includes in the out-of-touchness, knowing what the idiots in his department are up to.

It ain't smart to buy a "smart" TV
Why? Because the manufacturer will put a different operating system into the next model and the "smart" features of a piece of kit costing thousands of quid won't work after a year or so. This scammish practice is something which slips through the cracks of current consumer legislation.


Credibility Chasm
Ed Milipede's poll ratings are worse than Gordon Broon's ever were? Does anyone really believe this is possible?

Does it mean that Red Ed is out of touch when he says his weekly shop is only £80 when the national average is over £100? Or does it just mean he took the question personally and ignored the £500 his wife spends?

Credibility Chasm II
UKIP got Desperate Dave, our prime monster, really worried this month. Facing a massive protest vote in the EuroParliament elections, the best he could manage in response was to turn up the volume of the nutter hunt to an hysterical level in the last couple of days. [Whilst hoping that no one would mention the nutters in his own and the other major parties. Ed.] Which indicated that he still doesn't get it – that he's saying nothing at all about the EU which people want to hear.

+ + + + + + Battered Together Special + + + + + +

1 Deep-Fried Mars Bar
1 Deep-Fried Eccles Cake

Wholeman Hunt writes:

Either way, you lose
The great saturated fat obsession – it's not bad for you after all – has sent the food industry down another blind alley. Taking fat out of food products has also removed taste, so recipes have been altered to include extra salt to make the products taste of something. And now we're being told that the amounts of salt added are dangerous. It would appear that we're not supposed to win . . .

Question of the month
"What's the best way to un-halal Moslem Meat which has been halaled by stealth?"
   all replies to $$Thor73

They got it wrong again. Again.
Remember all those "studies" which "proved" that drinking red wine and eating dark chocolate is good for the heart and will help you to live forever? Now, another "study" has "proved" that the earlier ones are a load of old rubbish. Oh, well.

So what else is new?
Messing about on the Internet drives kids nuts, according to one of the daft studies you read about – this one by Public Health England.

The latest major health scare . . .
. . . is fruit juice. Drink more than one glass per day and you will die!! You have been warned.

Good news for lovers of red wine – you can forget toothpaste and swig some of your favourite plonk instead to kill acid-forming bacteria on teeth.

The latest study tells us . . .
. . . that telling kids that vegetables are healthy puts them off eating them. The answer is to tell kids that veg are poisonous and terribly bad for them to make the little nuisances think that veg are delicious.

Partially Political Broadcast

Think you're entitled to a free ride? Then vote NOW LABOUR!

• No trough too deep for the Caviar Commies
• No coke mountain too high to be snorted
• No quango too pointless to be overstaffed with overpaid luvvies
• No policy too ruinous to the national economy to be recycled


Huge drain for lots of taxpayers' cash
Wind farmers have been paid £1,200/minute in subsidies since 2002, and they're still collecting taxpayer's cash at the same fiendish rate. No wonder we're struggling to get out of the Brown Slump and 4 million households are in debt to their thieving energy company.

Yes, it can get worse
Following the departure of the idle and clueless BSBC figurehead C. Patten due to ill health, the Corporation is now trying to decide between Tony B. Liar and Gordon Broon as his successor. There is also a lobby for the ex-Co-op boss P. Flowers, who is seen as a refreshing change from the usual run of has-beens and failed politicians.

Talking about censorship (see the ECJ ruling elsewhere) . . .
The journal Environmental Research Letters has been accused of refusing to publish material which challenges the "evidence" behind the Great Global Warming Fraud. Which is yet another sign that the gang behind the political "nonsensus" – the product of replacing hard science with gut feeling in climate research – continues to promote its cause at the expense of the truth and the taxpayer.

Greenie contempt for 'uman race
The Greenies nagged lots of people into getting a water butt to store rain in the name of saving the planet. Next thing you know, England has a plague of mosquitos of the sort which carry the deadliest form of malaria.

Obama Gaddaffy writes:

Where do they find them?
A judge has ruled that EU 'uman bluddy rights laws apply to British troops fighting terrorists in Afghanistan and prisoners are entitled to pick the pockets of British taxpayers with spurious compensation claims. [Great Idea: why not bring the troops home from Afghanistan and send the judge there? Ed.]

Time to think again, EU
Should the bumbling bureaucrats in Brussels be so keen to recruit Ukraine into the club if "pro-Russian demonstrators" have supplies of surface-to-air missiles, which can be used to shoot down their country's military helicopters? Or are the Eurocrats cool with letting this tactic become the norm further west? Maybe we should just brace ourselves for headlines like ANTI-FRACKERS SHOOT DOWN ANOTHER POLICE HELICOPTER. NOT MANY DEAD

+ + + IRA invites Russians into Ulster + + + Puppet status sought to protect killers, drug-dealers and protection racketeers from justice system + + +

The Nigerian government has an excellent plan for the schoolgirls, who were kidnapped by the Bonkers Islamists – let the SAS rescue them then claim the credit.

+ + + Giant "killer" rhea shot + + + Users of Barkway Park golf club now safe + + + Bird wasn't dangerous, says its owner + + + Daily Disaster accused of hysteria over the bird's arm-breaking wings and lethal pecks + + + The bird's fate: to become novelty sausages + + +

+ + + Labour declares class war on Liberals with savage lampoon of their clottish leader in PPB + + + We are not classist and anyone who says we are is a racist bigot, sez Labour mouthpiece + + +

+ + + Red Ed denies stealing D. Cameron's "It's Not" mission statement + + + Milibandit nose grows 5 inches + + + Labour insists that a New Jerusalem CAN be built on the politics of envy + + +

How come the International Criminal Court isn't putting Tony B. Liar on trial for crimes against humanity in Iraq? Too much back-scratching? He's certainly not going to be brought to justice in his own country, which is the trigger point for the ICC poking its nose in.

Following his success with the Royal Mail sell-off, the government is putting Vince Cable in charge of overseeing the Astra-Zeneca vs. Pfizer takeover situation to make sure that it goes to the best deal possible for Britain.

The US court system appears to have adopted President O'Bummer's irrational hatred of BP because this major employer in the United States had "British" in its name before it became just initials. Why else would the 5th US Circuit Court of Appeals have become involved in endorsing fraudulent claims from the 2010 Mexican Gulf oil spill? The court's ruling that claimants do not have to produce actual evidence of losses is nothing more than a licence for theft on a grand scale.

+ + + Vlad the Putin "not bovvered" by being compared to Hitler (who knocked off 20 MILLION Russians) by Prince Chazzer + + + But if anyone mentions Stalin, who knocked off 36 MILLION Russians, watch out! + + + The hysteria in the Russian reaction confirms that the Russkies agree that HRH got it exactly right and they realize that everyone else agrees with him + + + Putin's pretext for restarting Cold War universally dismissed as "just pathetic" + + + Ditto his assertion that members of the Royal Family aren't allowed to have political views – it has never applied in the past + + +
p.s. What's the Russian for Lebensraum?

Home Sec. T. May plans to slash public funding to the Police Federation to force this sinister organization to reform and be more transparent about its junkets, political agendas and secret bank accounts.

Lest we forget, amid all the protestations from Russia, the amount of evil done by communist regimes, including the Soviet Union, Pres. Putin, makes the Narzis look like choirboys in comparison.

Bliarwars in Iraq & Afghanistan have wasted £30 BILLION of British taxpayers' cash to date.

+ + + Cabinet Sec. J. Heywood vetoes release of Bliar-Bush pre-Iraq war correspondence + + + Iraq War inquiry confirmed as mega-expensive whitewash + + + Dave the Leader under fire for failing to overrule a man who was working for Bliar at the time + + + Heywood fails to remove the nation's memories of Bliar lying to Parliament about the already made decision to go to war + + + Or that Bliar lied to the nation about the threat from S. Hussein's non-existent WoMD + + + Or that Heywood was up to his eyebrows in Bliar's shenanegans before, during and after the war and should never have been allowed near the Chilcot Whitewash + + +

+ + + V. Cable has "Bottler" Broon's disease + + + Too scared to challenge Clegg's leadership of Trivial Democrats + + +


The new Labour take on religion
The Mandelsleaze famously announced that New Labour didn't do God, even though Tony B. Liar was a professed Godist. [Although his deeds suggest otherwise as he'd be referred to Hell with the rest of his buddies if he ever tried to get past the Pearly Gates. Ed.] Now, Red Ed has come out and said that he doesn't believe in God, but he's prepared to pretend that he does if there are any votes to be had.

Yeah, give 'em more cash
It has reported that GPs are going to hold a ballot on whether they should lobby for making NHS patients pay for doctor's appointments. Which has to belong with convicts voting on whether they should be made to stay in gaol. [Despite the best efforts of dotty old judges. Ed.] If they wanted to regain a bit of respect from the taxpaying public, the GPs could lobby for a charge to be made on people who fail to keep appointments, which is supposed to cost the NHS over £150 MILLION per year. And a stonking charge for foreign health tourists, who haven't contributed a red cent to the NHS.

Silly Story of the Year
Abu Hamza, a.k.a. Captain Hook, currently on trial in the U.S. of A. on terrorism charges, would like everyone to believe that he's just an 'elf 'n' nazi officer, who just happens to be on a mission to keep dangerous terrorists safe in the workplace.

Pandering to fundamentalists and sod the real people
Supermarket meat sales are in rapid decline following the revelation that they don't tell their customers which of their products have been messed about abroad by Islamists, who have invented all sorts of weird rituals, which aren't in the Koran, as a recent adjunct to their control-freakery.

The question everyone's asking
Does Clottish Clegg have shares in a knife factory and is that why he's trying to block penalties on criminals who carry, and use, them?

The government is to ban sales of stout to avoid giving offence to fat people.

This week's Milibandwagon . . . is too boring to mention.

eBay security? No such thing
Hackers copied the databank of user information months ago but eBay noticed that it had been done over only this month. Anything on file; phone number, email address, date of birth, password; is now in HackerWorld. eBay is now telling customers to change their password. And anyone who gave them the right date of birth has to be out of his/her tiny mind.

Itchy situation
How do you spot someone who doesn't have a mobile phone? The person concerned will not be scratching and free of contact dermatitis caused by exposure to the nickel in metal cellphone parts.

Home News
UK Flag

The choice rhyme of today

Eenie meenie miney moe,
Catch a luvvie by the toe,
If she hollers, bash her face in,
Sue her for discrimination.

inspired by the leftie-luvvie attempt to persuade the nation that J. Clarkson of Top Gear fame used the N-word in a discarded out-take from his show, thus proving that luvvidom is the home of moral superiority.

Muck-rakers to blame

To be accurate, Mr. Clarkson didn't cause offence with his mumbling in an out-take. Any offence, and let's face it, 99.99% was synthetic, was caused by the nigger-mongering, dustbin-diving leftie creeps who built up this non-story with the vitriol of depravity.   $$Xav42

Twisted doesn't even begin to describe this logic

How is it offensive? Clarkson hasn't called anyone a nigger. Or do we have to assume that, under leftie thought-police rules, it's a criminal offence merely to know that the word exists?   $$Carlos333

Next for shaving
After clamping energy prices and rents in the public sector, E. Milipede, if elected to the job of prime monster, will tackle food. His regime will issue ration books for all sugary foods, especially cakes and biscuits, as a matter of urgency. As a result, experts are predicting a huge black market in obesity-generating products.

How do you get Red Ed to create a new Labour policy?
Well, Unite got him to come out in favour of state control of private sector rents by giving £3K to 50 Labour MPs. So if the strike-happy rail union RMT can come up with 150 grand, Ed will be in favour of renationalizing the railways.

Be warned
The worst energy company, in terms of the number of customer complaints, is Npower. The second worst is Scottish Power. And E.on and EDF are not much better. And British Gas doesn't bear thinking about.
Following on from the £8.5 MILLION fine last year for mis-selling energy deals, something which will cost E.on a good £20 MILLION, Scottish Power has been done by Ofgem for another £750,000 for swindling non-direct debit customers with excessive charges for paying by cheque or with cash.

Just a thought
Is it possible to feel sympathy for Red Ed Milipede in one small area? Yes, is it. Real people buy stuff when they need it and they don't add up what they've spent at the end of the week, or try to work out a weekly average from a month's receipts (assuming they have them for everything). Not knowing what you spend per week, as long as it's less than what's coming in, is perfectly normal.   $$Xav42

Crime News

See No Evil

What is the point of hauling an IRA leader to a cop shop for "questioning" about a murder, which he has been accused of ordered 40-odd years ago? Everyone knows that Tony B. Liar gave the lot of them a “You'll Never Go To Gaol” card and justice for the victims of terrorism is out of the question.

Coppers' Unfortunate Secret
Crime rates are soaring in areas where councils have switched off street lighting to save money. [To pay outrageous allowances to councillors and crazy money to town clerks and other officers. Ed.] Criminals have found that the police will not pursue them in the dark. Police "services" are making 'elf 'n' nazi noises but the suspicion is that the coppers are just afraid of the dark and no one has told them about torches. Or the Chief Constable has spent the battery budget on riotous living.

Think big and get away with it
Cuts to the legal aid budget are being used as an excuse for not prosecuting major fraudsters. Which is further proof (if any were needed) that the legal trade lives in a parallel universe where anything that makes sense is banned.

Don't read this, whatever you do!!
The Notional Crime Agency, which is posing as a Chinese copy of the US government's FBI, has confirmed that everything that is does has to be kept secret on 'uman bluddy rights grounds. Thus, the Agency will never admit that it has arrested someone, its cases will always be held in secret courts and the public will have no right to know if anyone is convicted and sent to a secret gaol.
   Its critics have accused the NCA of being staffed by apologists for abusers and criminals. And it appears to be true that the only good thing that can be said for the Agency's policy is that it removes the need for managers to waste resources on falsifying crime figures to meet targets, as the nation's police now do, as the NCA never admits that it is investigating crimes and its targets, if any, are as secret as the rest of its proceedings.

Perk of the Job?
Around 300 spivs of the Metropolitan Police – coppers and civilian staff – have been caught in the act of leaking, falsifying and selling off official data. No doubt their boss will soon get up on his hind legs and assure us that lessons have been learned. And business as normal will continue for the police and criminal communities.

Crack yer skull, mate?
Professional armed robber M. "Skull-Cracker" Wheatley was awarded 13 life sentences in 2002, but the judge said he could get out of gaol after 8 years if he behaved himself. He didn't, but he was sent to an open prison, from which he absconded this month. Given that he was sent down for 9 years in 1980 and escaped in 1988, he was gaoled for 16 years in 1989 and escaped in 1992, and he was sent down for 7 years on top of the 20 years he should have been serving in 1993, it is small wonder that whoever sent him to his open prison has been described as a berk. But, as the berk concerned is a civil servant, there's no danger of him/her being sacked or even losing his/her bonus.
Skullcracker managed to pull off one more robbery before he was detained by the fuzz. He is now enjoying Her Majesty's hospitality again. [But not for long, if the nation's judges have anything to say about it. Ed.]

The application of mouth with input from the brain lagging
The European Court of Justice's ruling that everyone has a 'uman bluddy right to be forgotten has resulted in a rush of applications to search engine companies from criminals and corrupt politicians, all wanting to wipe out their sordid past. So with it soon be Tony B. Liar who?

Only idiots need apply
The Ministry of Justice is refusing to release the names of criminals on the run because it would be "unfair" to them and infringe their 'uman bluddy right to privacy.
The MoJ wished to deny the rumour that no one employed there is allowed to have an IQ above 65. In fact, the maximum permitted IQ is 45.

Unusual, but not necessarily cruel
The British justice system has come up with a new way to discourage criminals – sentencing them to spend a period of time handcuffed to what looks suspiciously like a much-tattooed Yakuza!
   This is the only conclusion that we were able to draw from a pictorial example of the practice, which appeared in our second-favourite news organ, the Daily Disaster.
   Our favourite Home Office source was rather coy when questioned about how long the average prisoner is expected to spend chained to a Japanese gangster before deciding to mend his or her ways. "Purely experimental, very much suck it and see", was the gist of the information imparted.

BFN Book Review

Winter Frost
by R.D. Wingfield (1999)

There's more crime than you can shake a stick at in Denton (no, not the one just up the road from Romiley). Armed robbery, a 40-year-old body under a garden shed, someone is murdering prostitutes and someone else is abducting and murdering small children.
   The TV Inspector Frost is censored, sanitized and provided with something resembling a life outside policework, even it is always a disaster. This is the real Inspector Frost, however, complete with the horrible jokes and a totally useless Welsh sergeant. He staggers from one crisis to the next, pestered constantly by Hornrim Harry, but he does get the job done after a fashion.
   500 pages in the Corgi paperback edition, Highly Recommended.

world news

The Indian regime thought it would be a good idea to introduce electronic voting machines to cut down on the counting time compared to paper ballots. What they didn't count on, however, was rats chomping up the wiring whilst the machines were in storage.

More trouble-making in Brussels
The EU's figurehead, H. Rumpy-Pumpy, is trying to recreate wartime conditions in Britain. He wants the Baltic states to join the EU, which means that we will be overrun with Estonians, Latvians and Lithuanians, as we were in the 1940s.
The Leader of the Putinocracy is reported to be less than thrilled by the prospect of losing a bit more of his empire.

Pay up, Jimmy!
A. Salmonella, the wannabe First President of Scotland, has revealed his thinking behind a campaign to ban cheap alcohol sales. He believes that he will be presiding over a nation of drunks and he wants them to pay up until the pips squeak for the privilege.

Lost Cause
If the Scots vote for independence in September, Dave the Leader won't quit, he sez. Bummer!
p.s. Is it democratic to give foreigners living in Scotland a vote whilst denying this right to Scots-born people living in other countries? Nope.

This says everything you need to know about the EU
A bearded Austrian drag queen has won this year's competition to find a Song for Europe. And the papers were referring to him as "her" and "she" in their reports of his triumph.

Horrible Humbug
You have to laugh at distance the lunatic left will go to be offended. The latest cause for alarm is a pack of Arial washing powder, which is on sale in Germany and offers 83 washes plus 5 bonus washes for a total of 88 washes per packet. What's wrong with displaying that number prominently on the front of the packet? Well, as H is the 8th letter of the alphabet, 88 translates to HH, which stands for Heil Hitler - as well as Horrible Humbug and lots of other things. And the looney lefties want it banned for this reason.
Using the same rule, anything with the number 18 should be banned, because that stands for AH or Adolf Hitler, and also 46 - DF or Der Führer, which is bad news for MotoGP rider and multiple champion Valentino Rossi, as that number is famously his.

Uselessness in the public sector is universal
The French taxpayer (if there is such an animal) is having to stump up millions of euros so that the government can shave an inch or so off the edges of the platforms at older stations. Why? Because some jobsworth put the wrong figure in one of the boxes on the order form for 2,000 new trains and the ones delivered are 3 centipedes too wide to negotiate some station platforms.

Pots and silver salvers
Pres. Putin reckons that Prince Chazzer is unfit to be king? At least HRH hasn't had anyone killed or strolled off with $40 BILLION by raiding his country's national assets. Or tried to play the victim card, which is always contemptible when someone like Putin does it.


They Think It Grows On Trees?
The Metropolitan police "service" has wasted £6 MILLION thus far on keeping up to seven coppers @ the Ecuadorian embassy round the clock to make sure that the WikiLeaks fugitive J. Assange doesn't sneak out to the local pub. Assange, who is wanted in Sweden on sexual assault charges, has been stuck in the embassy for almost 2 years now. No doubt the staff are praying for the Swedish statute of limitations to kick in sometime soon.

They Also Think It Grows On Trees
There is so much gravy slopping about at the BBC that the Corporation itself admits that 13% of staff are getting more than their pay grade allows. Another abuse is down-grading executives to a lower pay grade whilst not cutting their pay in order to pretend that the BBC is tackling management bloat.

No place to hide it
HMRC is recruiting for a Shakedown Squad, which will have the right to take money from anyone whom the taxman thinks owes cash. And also their relatives, no matter how distant. Given HMRC's talent for creating imaginary tax debts, the Shakedown Squad is expected to clear the £1,400,000,000,000 National Debt created by Wee Gordie Boon within six months of commencing operations.
HMRC still has no plans to do anything other than make sweetheart deals with Amazon, Google, Starbucks and other major tax-dodgers because, basically, they're crap.

Migration Watch says:
Migration to Britain from the EU has cost our taxpayers over £140,000,000,000 between 1995 and 2010. So much for the claims that migrants are a net benefit to the country.

No surprise, really
Clamity Clegg thinks it's a great idea for the taxpayer to keep Captain Hook's family in luxury in a million-plus-pound mansion. No doubt he's hoping they'll keep on voting Liberal. Which leaves us wondering why Hammersmith & Fulham council (Tory-run) is letting a convicted terrorist's family sponge off the taxpayer and not moving the gang to more modest accommodation.


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BFN Book Review

Das Kapital in the Twenty-First Century
by Citting Pritty (2014)

This is the ultimate spoof of left-wing economics, yet it takes a keen eye to spot exactly how the author achieves his effect. The fact that the volume has received lavish praise from some very unlikely quarters confirms that many readers are taking it seriously because it appears to support their own political views.
   And yet, the book reverendly quotes Ed Balls at his most po-faced, recommends the unlamented Gordon Brown's tactics for robbing the taxpayer to fund reckless spending and holds up Vince Cable's sell-off/out of the Royal Mail as a shining example of government competence. This alone should give the game away to any reader with more than two brain cells to rub together.
   817 pages in the paperback edition, Very Amusing Reading.
Some simple analysis of what has become Red Ed's "Bible" has shown that the conclusions are too obviously total rot. The author has presented data, which can be used to "prove" both that the wealth gap between rich and poor has "soared" and also that the wealth gap has remained static since the 1970s. A little more Socialist obfuscation would have eliminated the static option and made the spoof more credible.

Romiley News

Record No Evil

Greater Manchester Police, our local mob, which demanded more cash from Council Taxpayer this year, has been inspected with other police "services" by HM Inspectorate of Constabulary, which has found that the ones looked at so far ignore 20% of reported crime on average. Or more, in the case of GMP. This is being done because of an ingrained culture of not recording crime in order to fiddle statistics to meet New Labour targets.
ACPO says this is just a minor problem. A few mistakes have been made but nothing more.
Last year, the nation's police "services" in England & Wales wrongly let 50,000 criminals off with a caution instead of taking them to court.

Religious intolerance blights council election
A UKIP candidate for one of the local council seats is facing persecution for having a god, who does not approve of homophilia. H. Perry is also not entitled to find Islamism evil, to think of the prime monster, D. Cameron, as a gay-loving nutcase and to advocate the entirely reasonable policy of nuking Pakistan, the home of many of the world's major terrorists, including the late O. bin Laden and most of the Taliban.

A question of survival
According to Stockport council's latest scale of charges, a pensioner can afford to be transported to one of its day-care centres to be fed and watered on just 3 days per week. This will pretty well consume the basic state pension of £113/week and leave nothing much over for frivolities like paying council tax, energy bills and buying food and drink for the remaining 4 days of the week. But hey! Life is full of complications!

Libs running Stockport council using Co-op management plan?
Could that be why we have the highest Council Tax rates in Greater Manchester and the council-run company Solutions SK has ended up with a £5 MILLION black hole in its accounts and our pavements and roads are full of holes? Next thing you know, they'll be installing a coke-snorting chief executive with a penchant for rent boys on the rates.

The spectacular storms, which afflicted other bits of the north-west of England in the week of the EuroParliament elections, by-passed Romiley completely.

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His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!

Far Queue List

Far Queue symbol Lord D. Steel – we've had The Man With No Shame, now we have The Man With No Memory.

Far Queue symbol Judge N. Hickman, the compensation culture, killer's friend.

Far Queue symbol The government ministers who let convicts and out-of-touch judges abuse the taxpayer with spurious compensation claims.

Far Queue symbol Vince Cable, the Liberal financial genius, who said he wouldn't put the sale of the Royal Mail into the hands of spivs and gamblers, but did.

Far Queue symbol The Liberals, who think it's illiberal to send knife-bearing criminals to gaol. Especially N. Clegg, who has denounced it as a gimmick and who is upset because it wasn't his gimmick.

Far Queue symbol 'Orrible 'Uhne, disgraced Liberal minister, who's trying to get out of paying for the prosecution, which he dragged out by lying his head orf.

Far Queue symbolTax-dodging, asset-stripping Pfizer.

Far Queue symbol The Health Sec., J. Hunt, who has wasted NHS cash on pointless questions about the effectiveness of homeopathy, a.k.a. the Placebo Effect.

Far Queue symbol The dummies who dreamed up Labour's Incredible Shrinking Clegg and Politics of Envy partly political broadcast, and presented Now Labour as a party devoid of ideas and solutions.

Far Queue symbol The dummies who continued to pretend that Mr. Clarkson's indistinguishable mumble constitutes racialism, especially Harridan Hardliner. [Candidate for a permanent slot in the pillory. Ed.]

Far Queue symbol C. Dinenage, MP (Tory), who sent condolence cards to three bereaved constituents and then put the £3.95 cost on her expenses in the entertainments section.

Far Queue symbol The Mandelsleaze, who went troughing it in St. Petersburg to grease up some contacts.

Far Queue symbol theGrauniad if it thinks that registering a Lasting Power of Attorney costs £110 rather than over £700.

Far Queue symbol A. Darling, failed Labour Chancellor and eyebrow model, who has been dumped from Labour's contribution to the Better Together campaign in Scotland in favour of a power team including Wee Gordie Broon. [That winner. Ed.]

Far Queue symbol e.on boss T. Cocker, who gets a £500K bonus even though his firm has been obliged to pay a fine of £12 MILLION for swindling customers with false promises, and the firm will end up paying about twice that much with compensation.

Far Queue symbol Judge A. Leonard, whose reason for stopping a £5 MILLION fraud trial last month was condemned in the Court of Appeal as wholly illogical. he believed Dave the Leader's bro when told that the defendants couldn't get a fair trial with the lawyers they could buy on legal aid.

Far Queue symbol Clitheroe in Lancs., where ousted football managers are liable to be yobbed in even the most upmarket wine bars.

Far Queue symbol All politicians who claim that lessons will be learnt from euro-elections disasters, even though they know (and so does everyone else) that they're lying through their teeth.

Far Queue symbol “Far queue, far queue very much!” – Frank Zappa.

The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage".

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Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression
to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, May MM14.