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Straw & Rifkind were caught. 2 down and 648 to go?

world news

The universal "nod and a wink"
Who killed the Argentine prosecutor, A. Nisman, who was after the president, whom he suspected of covering up a terror bombing by the Iranian regime? The president would have us believe that it was "rogue intelligence operatives". But we've all seen enough B-movies to know exactly what that means.

No way, Jummy!
The Scottish Legal Aid Board has refused to waste taxpayers' money on a QC and a junior counsel for a man accused of staring that the Scottish first minister, N. Sturgeon. It's a real shock to learn that there is a little sense to be found somewhere in the legal Establishment.

A cigarette? Really?
The 32nd tallest building in the world, the Torch tower in Dubai, was set on fire and burned for 4 hours. How did that happen? Because someone might have left a lit cigarette on a 51st floor balcony. Which raises the pertinent question: What the hell is the building made of? Papier-mache soaked in petrol?

Politics `
Another opponent of the Putinocracy has been murdered. Boris Nemtsov, who exposed state corruption in Russia on a regular basis, was gunned down in a drive-by shooting in central Moscow to prevent him from leading an opposition rally on the first Sunday in March.


H. Davies, former head of the failed City regulator the Financial Services Authority, is in line for the top job at the failed bank RBS. Which is all very logical, as he was one of the regulators who were asleep at the wheel in the Wee Gordy Broon era whilst Fred the Shred was running the Royal Bank of Scotland into the ground.

Money-go-round 2
When the dodos running the NHS introduced a £55 bonus for GPs for diagnosing a case of dementia, they were warned that things would go horribly wrong. Surprise! The rate of misdiagnosis (in favour of the bonus) has gone up from a pre-bonus rate of 25-30% to a post-bonus rate of 52%.

Me, Me, Me!
The Cult of Entitlement rules at the House of Common Criminals. R. Reeves believes that if Red Ed sneaks into 10 Downing Street in May, then she's entitled to be the DWP minister, even though she'll be zooming off on maternity leave almost right away. So no thought of value-for-money for the taxpayer and someone actually there in the minister's office to do some work. As long as Madame's sense of Entitlement is gratified, that's all that matters. How very New Labour.

Move along, nothing to see
The grubby secret deal made between the BBC and South Yorkshire police was a violation of Sir C. Richard's right to privacy, a secret report on an investigation into the episode has concluded.
No police or BBC bonuses will be affected by the conspiracy prior to the vexatious raid on Sir Cliff's residence.

The NHS created the present shortage of GPs with a deliberate policy of replacing full-time male doctors with part-time female doctors. Those who dared to point this out in the past were vilified by the usual suspects. But the truth has finally got through to the government via a Commons committee.

Success ensured
Vlad, the old hijo de Putin, has taken personal charge of the investigation into the murder of former deputy prime minister Boris Nemtsov in the shadow of the Kremlin. So it's bound to go the same way as all the other "investigations" into the murders of Vlad's opponents.


Meddling bishops gone too far?
The Charities Administration Authority is reported to be taking a close look at the charitable status of the Church of England in the light of its increasing involvement in politics. The CAA press office told BFN: "Not even the CoE is entitled to use taxpayers' money to publish what is obviously a Labour party political agenda. Spiritual matters with taxpayers' aid or politics out of your own pockets; it's a simple choice for the House of Bishops."

Put the money back where it belongs
Energy companies, banks, insurance companies, broadband and TV providers, every big company is swindling long-term customers. Sounds like it's time for "6 months free" for the swindled paid for out of bonus pots.

Red Ed has brought 2-Shags Prescott back to Labour's front line because "he connects with people". Unfortunately, no one told Ed that he does it by going around punching people.

Public Service Announcement

Goodbye to Unfair Rates

Okay, British banks have swindled you in the past. We have swindled you in the past. But if you give us your custom, [insert name of bank] won't swindle you any more. Unless we feel it's safe to start doing it again.

Issued as a generic advertisement on behalf of the British banking industry


global warming sloganHow did they miss this one?
There has been no global warming since 1998. New Labour came to power in 1997. How come the spin doctors @ the Labour party have failed to make this apparent connection and put in a claim that Labour was responsible for conquering global warming. [Probably because Labourites are making too much money out of the Great Global Warming Swindle to give it up. Ed.]

global warming sloganLiberal with everyone else's cash
The energy minister, E. Davey, has given planning permission for a wind farm off the Yorkshire coast, which will cost the taxpayer £11 BILLION in subsidies over 15 years. No wonder everyone ducks when one of the Eds in politics opens his big mouth.

global warming sloganWant your mind boggled?
Red Ed has flipped his wig. What other explanation could there be for his decision to make 2-Jags Prescott his climate-change advisor? Which will leave Ed even more clueless than he was before.

global warming sloganEyes on you
The claim that 2014 was the hottest year on record, much trotted out by the BBC and other allies of Global Warming Swindlers, is based on temperature "records" which consist of a tiny amount of original data and a huge amount of "adjustments" (upwards) made by the US Global Historical Network and others. But relief may be at hand. The GWS are about to suffer scrutiny by a genuine expert team, which (if it's any good) should blow the swindlers out of the water. Not that this will have any effect on the world's politicians and other swindlers, of course.

global warming sloganJust stop it
The Climate Change Working Group @ the United Nations is demanding a ban on greenhouses because a study funded by them (at the Climate Adjustment Centre @ the University of West Angular) has concluded that greenhouses are a major source of greenhouse gases and a major threat to the existence of polar bears.

global warming sloganTripe in abundance
"Eclipse of sun will hit power supplies" gasps the Daily Disaster headline. Right! The "power suppliers" who have claimed that next month's partial solar eclipse will cause black-outs in Europe are either out of their tiny minds or angling for bigger subsidies. The reduction in sunlight to solar farms, themselves a very minor contributor to electricity production, will be no worse than that caused by a decent thunderstorm and it should fall well within the operating parameters of any solar arrays.
The Met Office went on strike in the last week of the month. No one noticed and the weather was unaffected.

Far Queue List

Far Queue symbol Red Ed, who is dumping the blame for all the Milipede tax dodging on his mom. [He's a professional politician, not a hard-working member of the public, so why would you expect anything better of him? Ed.]

Far Queue symbol The Archbish of Cantab, who took it upon himself to apologize for the wartime bombing of Dresden whilst we were at war with Germany, even though it has nothing to do with him.

Far Queue symbol Harridan Harperson, pink hypocrite.

Far Queue symbol Mr. Justice Sweeney, who switched the judges at The Sun illegal payments trial, and who failed to realize that when the integrity of the justice system is in question, "backstage manoeuvres" just raise further suspicions of a stitch-up by the Establishment.

Far Queue symbol Dave the Leader, who promised to cut the green crap but who is now planning to phase out reliable coal-fired power stations, like the stooges in charge of the Labour and Liberal parties, on spurious global warming grounds.

Far Queue symbol The leftie BBC and its anti-British bias in its programmes about Dresden + 70 years.

Far Queue symbol The Church of England, which is working on its own political manifesto and writing instructions for its customers.

Far Queue symbol Knowsley council, which blew £60K of taxpayers' money on putting a 20-foot cast-iron sculpture of a dead tree in Kirkby. It's called "The Tree of Life".
[Perhaps it's a Scouse attempt at humour? Ed.]

Far Queue symbolChannel 4's bosses for their blatant political bias against UKIP.

Far Queue symbol The collected bishops of the CoE for their blatant political bias against the Conservatives in general and Margaret Thatcher in particular.

Far Queue symbol Prime monster B. Netanyahu, who has been accused of swindling the Israeli taxpayer with his expenses. He's also been a Tony B. Liar by exaggerating Iran's progress towards building atom bombs.

Far Queue symbol The Green Party, which has made some incoherent Aussie mediaevalist its leader. How unpatriotic can you get?

Far Queue symbol The MP D. Tredinnick (Cons.), who thinks doctors should refer patients to an astrologer as an alternative to medicine and other NHS treatments. Worse, he's playing the race card, claiming that not providing astrology on the NHS discriminates against gullible Asians.

Far Queue symbol “Far queue, far queue very much!” – Frank Zappa.

The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage".


The latest on a TV station near you!
Naked fish wrestling: who will win when Helen Bonham Carter takes on a giant tuna? And which breed of live shark would you like to see Harridan Harperson wrestle?

Vince's political game show
The Liberals' resident financial genius and answer to the Balls Monster, V. Cable, has an interesting take on political balance. He thinks that if Tory-run departments save money, that gives the Liberal-run outfits, like his own, a licence to waste vast amounts of taxpayers' money – for example, the £9 MILLION he blew on nanny-state advertising last year.


Sensitivity disengaged
Harridan Harperson has really upset the nation's professional wimmin with her pink election battle bus. "Horrifyingly gender specific" is one of the few printable epithets which have been hurled at it.
Is Red Ed going to get a baby blue election van to match the Harperson's Barbie Bus? Or would that be too Tory?

Let the taxpayer pay
Chauffeuring Red Ed around the country cost the taxpayer over £3/4 of a million last year. So no trains and buses and Boris bikes for the caviar commies, then?

Is the name a dead giveaway?
'Orrible 'Uhne (Liberal) has become the latest gaolbird ex-MP to be granted free access to the taxpayer-subsidized goodies at the House of Common Criminals, presumably for lobbying purposes and self-enrichment. Why is he not being made to pay his own way?

Go to gaol, but not yet
Captain Coward, a.k.a. F. Schettino, has been sentenced to 16 years in gaol for killing 32 people when he wrecked the cruise ship Costa Concordia in 2012. But he's not actually going to gaol. There are still lots of appeals to shove more cash into the pockets of the legal trade.

Advice to tourists:
If Vlad Putin ever offers you a cup of tea, make your excuses and leave right away. And never accept a Polonium mint from a stranger.

A fair question
What do you get when the Westminster government gives the SNP government in Scotland £16.7 MILLION of taxpayers' money to fill in potholes in the roads?
CLUE: Filled-in potholes is the wrong answer.


Eyes nowhere near the ball
Despite "The Savage Cuts" moaned about by Labour stooges, the Metropolitan police "service" has managed to find £33 MILLION for investigating the activities of journalists over the last 4 years. No wonder Londonistan is awash with foreign criminals and terrorists.

Goalposts a-moving
The judiciary is trying to deny judge-tampering before the retrial of 4 executives of The Sun. The judge who took charge of the first trial has been replaced following behind the scenes manoeuvring. The suspicion is that the replacement is thought to be more likely to get the chance to send The Scum Four to gaol. Something else which the legal establishment is denying.

What next?
Police "services" including the ones in Wiltshire and South Wales, have been visiting newsagents to gather names and addresses of people who bought copies of the Charlie Hebdo revival issue. But they don't have the time or resources for investigating crimes, they say.

Your move!
Will Labour's militant wimmin rejoice in the opportunity to ride in Harridan Harperson's pink van? Or will they find reasons to be elsewhere when it looms over the horizon and parks in front of a gang of hecklers? Choosing instead to send bitchy SocMed messages about the failure to observe gender neutrality.

You're still the same basket case, Ed.
Red Ed would have us believe that if Dave the Leader is some sort of a posh boy, that makes Ed an okay person. But actually, Ed, it doesn't. No matter what Dave is, you remain a hopeless professional politician with no concept of the real world.

One rule for the caviar commies . . .
Labour apparently thinks calling Tories tax dodgers could give them a "Milly Dowler" moment; i.e. a political advantage based on a lie of the magnitude of the one theGrauniad told about News of the Screws hackers. What a shame that Red Ed turned out to be just another tax dodging political hypocrite.
The same applies to the Balls Monster. If made Chancellor, he would expand the non-jobs at HMRC by making people get a receipt for every cash payment to create a need for more pointless form-filling and paper shuffling. This is a policy from a man who has taken full advantage of filing expenses without receipts and who flipped his official second home three times whilst Labour was in power as a tax dodge. He and his wife also claimed separate allowances on the same London property, scrounging as well as tax-dodging.

More naffness with no relief in sight
Yet another report has found the government and its minions lacking. The Foreign Office gets a kicking for failing to spot that Pres Vlad the Putin is rolling up the former Soviet territories to his west in search of Lebensraum. Not that any of this will affect the bonuses paid to the f. useless clowns at the F.O. And, natch, nothing will be done to make them less useless.

Modern Labour : Tax dodgers funded by tax dodgers. How very symmetrical.


Ears on you
If you have a Samsung smart TV, watch what you say anywhere near it as these gadgets record conversations and transmit them on the internet to a remote speech-recognition program. Which could be a target for the usual hackers. Be very afraid. Or avoid buying a Samsung TV, or course.
Be even more afraid. MicroSoft and Apple gadgets do exactly the same spying.


arrowI don't wish to know that!
Or: Things you never thought you'd ever find out.
A Polo mint up the nose takes 40-45 minutes to dissolve. A Smartie is gone in 30-35 minutes and TicTacs last just 25-30 minutes.


arrowFlu Jabs
Q: The flu jab administered this winter is 3% effective; it was built to protect against the wrong strains of the flu virus and that was £101.5 million down the drain. The bosses of the NHS knew this last summer but did nothing. Will there be any sackings?
A: Are you kidding me!!?? This is the public sector we're talking about. No one ever gets the sack. All they ever get is a bonus.

arrowBeyond Repair?
The health minister, J. Hunt, last year ordered all NHS hospital trusts to stop covering up malpractice and gagging whistle-blowers. A year later, the cover-up culture is still in place and gagging of whistle-blowers is still going on. And the people who are disobeying the minister's orders are still getting their bonuses instead of the sack.

arrowIt's official – government advice is bad for your health
Back in the 1980s, the "experts" told the nation that eating butter and dairy products causes heart disease. Today, the "experts" are now saying that the conclusion was reached without the benefit of solid scientific evidence [cf. the Great Global Warming Swindle. Ed.] and as a result, people started eating more carbohydrates and created the current Great Obesity Plague.

Home News
UK Flag

Something else amazing
Bolsover in Derbyshire has the highest concentration of Satanists in the country, according to another of these wonderful surveys, which amuse us so much. Either this is a reflection of having The Beast of Bolsover as the local curmudgeonly MP, or it's proof that the natives have a keen sense of humour.
Sadly, the town can offer only 34 Satanists, not a full crew of 616.

Dave Makes Joke
Following the Balls Monster's attack of brain fade when asked to name someone from the "business community" who supports his daft ideas, the prime monster's scriptwrotter came up with: "Bill Somebody is not a person, ‘Bill somebody’ is Labour’s policy!" and scored 8.7 on the Laugh-O-Meter.

Get rid of the blighter
The performance of J. Chilcot before the Commons Foreign Affairs Committee confirmed that he lacks the authority and the skills necessary to deal with other obstructive civil servants, and his "inquiry" has been a disaster from start to non-finish.
There is also a case for sacking and de-pensioning the likes of Humphrey Heywood and all the other road-blocks.
It would be really good if Dave the Leader managed to pluck up the courage to sack Chilcot as an example to the other jobsworths, and remove a few knighthoods from Humphreys for the same purpose.

One has to larf
Prince Andrew, who is being sleazed with teenage sex-slave stories, was made a Vice Admiral on his 55th birthday this month. Who says HM The Queen has no sense of humour!

The New Dictionary definitions:
radicalized – brainwashed state of the particularly feeble-minded.

Nanny candidates
The BBC is in trouble for failing to set up a helpline for the viewers who were upset by the naff plot line of one of its soaps. [Both of them? Ed.]

The boss of Centrica, which owns British Gas, which just can't drop its consumer prices despite fallen wholesale prices, is called Mr. Conn. No surprise there, then.


arrowAll very suspicious
What has prompted the Labour party to adopt what looks like a paedophile agenda? The education mouthpiece and poor man's posh guy, T. Hunt, wants sex education for 5-year-olds if Labour wins the general election. What next? The age of consent lowered to 6? Just who is giving people like Hunt their brilliant ideas?


arrowThe worst of the worst
Labour is being accused by the "business community" of going back to the 1970s, when Harold Wilson was in the pockets of the trade unions, for its policies. But there is no need to revive its enthusiastic association with the Paedophile Information Exchange and similar unsavoury bodies.


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Crime News
Mafia MacEye writes:
Brought to book

The combined police forces of England and Wales have got themselves into the Guinness Book of Records again. This time, they are in it for racking up a record number of complaints from the public for being rude and lazy and neglectful of their duties.

Armed and careless
The Police Federation wants all "frontline" officers armed with a taser. Which raises the question of the cost of the adventure. Not just for the potentially lethal weapons but also the cost of ensuring things like:
the copper armed with the taser can tell the difference between a blind man's white cane and a Samurai sword
the copper knows that it is not within the Rules of Engagement to taser someone lying unconscious on the ground
the copper knows that claiming to have been threatened with a slice of pizza is not grounds for half-killing a member of the public with 50 million volts of electricity.

Journalism is terrorism, the police think
Dave the Leader has done another U-turn. He now thinks that coppers should not be allowed to snoop on the phone records of journalists without a court order signed by a judge rather than a piece of paper signed by another copper. His change of mind has been prompted by the nation's police "services" having lots of form for abusing anti-terror laws to expose whistle-blowers for persecution and the Metropolitan Police, in particular, refusing to reveal the extent of its spying.

Even more cosmetic
The chief constabule of the Leicestershire police "service" has ordered coppers on the beat not to try to solve any crimes they come across. Instead, they have been instructed to chat to members of the public and tell them what a great job their police "service" is doing. Any crimes which do occur will be swept under the carpet and off the crime statistics, as usual.

Long in the making, predicted result
The Commons standards committee has spent 7 months stirring up a bucket of whitewash, and concluded that MPs, who have a long history of abuse of expenses and outright theft from the taxpayer, are the right people to oversee MPs' expenses claims.

Further Labour DoubleThink
The police in Wales are using a policy introduced by the Labour regime there to fiddle crime figures. Serious assaults by school children can be ignored to avoid "criminalizing" an already criminally inclined child.

Why is Calamity Clegg so keen to get people consuming cannabis sativa? Surely the blighter can't have shares in a pot ranch.

Farqi Nell writes:

The more Eds, the worse it gets
Lord Rose, the man who revived M&.S, has joined the chorus of business leaders who think Labour's anti-business attitude will lead the country to further ruin. The only small blot on his lordship's landscape, however, is that Wee Gordy Broon picked him as a special advisor. And we all know what the Brown Bungler did to the British economy.
[Hey, Lord Rose can always claim that Broon didn't take his advice and that's why the mess was so huge. Ed.]
More bad news : Red Ed is being accused by his own party of promoting caviar communism and protecting trade unions at the expense of hardworking taxpayers and trash-talking the nation's wealth-creators.

Don't contribute, don't profit
If PriceWaterhouseCooper has been promoting tax avoidance on an industrial scale, and lied to Parliament about it, then all 3 blighters should be put on a blacklist and banned from bidding for any contract involving taxpayers' money.
The Tax-Avoidance Trio are providing free assistants and advisors to the Labour party. Presumably to help Red Ed with his anti-business and national bankruptcy agendas.

What we need is change; no matter how pointless
Britain's workforce will undergo a radical upheaval if we end up with a Labour-Liberal coalition after the next general election. Red Ed is determined to put men at home on semi-permanent paternity leave (but where the money will come from, he ain't saying) and C'lamity Clegg is determined to force all women below the state pension age to get a job.
   When they have achieved this, it will become vitally important to the nation, no doubt, to get men out of the house and back into the workplace and women back into the home, where they can enjoy coffee mornings and social networking.

No blame, ever
No action will be taken against former HMRC boss D. Hartnet for doing sweetheart deals with multinational companies, depriving the taxpayer of BILLIONs of pounds, whilst enjoying corporate bean-feasts on an epic scale. Even though his deals included one with HSBC, which eventually gave him a job.

We'll see
The Balls Monster claims that a Labour government would crack down on tax planning. Really? In view of the amount of cash Labour rakes in from tax dodgers, the Balls conk must be about 2 feet long and growing.

It had to happen
A group of long-term HSBC customers is preparing a class action against the bank, seeking compensation for its failure to advise them on methods of avoiding paying taxes.

Tax dodgers all claim that they were acting withing the prevailing rules and did nothing wrong. Which is the same excuse trotted out by the Balls Monster for his expenses shenannygoats. Another last refuge of a scoundrel?

It's obvious, really
Why does Red Ed want to ban second jobs for MPs? Because, in the interests of fairness (they would argue), the pay would have to rise to compensate those deprived of an outside income and facing a drop in living standards. And that will mean more cash for the clunkers (mainly Labour members) who are unemployable in the real worlds.

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