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Please Note:
The Following presentation may contain stunts and experiments which should not be imitated – so that you never realize just how easy they are to do.

There seems to be a general election campaign going on,
but rest assured – if we just ignore it, it will go away.

Crime News

So much for a police "service" with no resources

Kent police managed to scrape together six coppers to (sort of) arrest a retired film-maker over posters lampooning local political stooges. He responded to the attempted intimidation by refusing to admit any involvement in the non-crime, and by doing a 2-hour "no comment" interview, and by leaving the cop shop when he was informed that he had somehow become un-arrested during the proceedings.


We don't want to know, thanks
Police "services" around the country are refusing to have anything to do with lost property as a means of reducing the need for costly face-to-face contacts with members of the public. Anyone who finds something is now encouraged to put a picture of it on their favourite anti-social medium, and if no one claims it in a few weeks, keep it.


The system gets the cash, not people who need it
How strange that the government prefers to pay £1,000/day to "aid consultants" in its bid to throw away £12 BILLION per year on overseas aid, but when there's a real disaster – like the one in Nepal after the R7.9 earthquake – all that's on offer is peanuts and less than the British public raised in a single day.


Too good not to share!
If elected, the Green Party will promote research into ways to increase the rate of spontaneous human combustion as a means of reducing the British population to a level which can be sustained by the de-industrialized, motor car-free society, which they hope to create.
There are also rumours that the Greens plan to de-criminalize cannibalism.

space news

Star Wars fighter reaches edge of space? Hooey!

The claim is about a model of a X-wing starfighter, which two British fans attached to a balloon, along with a camera, in the hope of blagging tickets to the premiere of the next Star Wars film. They reckon it reached an altitude of 36 km before the balloon burst. But the edge of space starts officially at 60 km. So not even close and not even a cigar butt.

Romiley News

Vanishing blooms

Romiley's gardeners have noticed a curious deficiency this year. Daffodil numbers are down about 50% on the number of blooms last year. All attempts to blame the decrease on global warming or man-made climate change have been met by showers of ripe compost.


Why are food banks getting more and more customer?
The Lefty Luvvie Lobby would have us believe that no one can afford food because of this crool government's austerity programme, which has nothing at all to do with the financial mess left by the last Lefty Luvvie government.
   But people have to pay for food from supermarkets whilst food banks hand it out for free, and people will always flock to somewhere offering something for nothing. And there will always be those who realize that if they don't have to buy food, they'll have more money for booze, fags and messing about on the internet on their phone.
The Trussell Trust, a charity operating the country's biggest network of food banks, has been forced to admit that its claim that it has one million customers is false and was achieved by the New Labour trick of counting multiple visits by the same person as single visits by different people.
   Another food bank claim, that demand for free food is increasing rapidly, is also full of holes as it fails to take into account greater awareness of the availability of free food and expansion of food bank networks.

Farqi Nell writes:

What a surprise!
Diagnosis rates for dementia have risen by 25% after the government started paying GPs £55 per diagnosis.

Not a surprise
Having wasted £20 million on persecuting journalists who exposed dodgy doings after buying information from public officials in the public interest, the Can't Prosecute Service has abandoned the crusade, more or less. But hey, it was only taxpayers' money which paid for the lefty luvvie show trials, and there's lots of that sloshing about.

The SNSNP announces it's price
The Scottish National Socialist Nasty Party is demanding £148 BILLION from English taxpayers and a veto on everything it doesn't like as the price of supporting a minority Labour government.

Let's hope the sun keeps shining!
The lights have gone out in the biggest tax office in Greece, which is located on the outskirts of Athens. The Finance Ministry has failed to pay the long overdue electricity bill.

Not much of a problem?
The news that might go bump is a bit of a baffler. How can a company lending cash at 5,000% APR (or is it 6,000%) not thrive? Surely the management has realized that it can borrow all the cash it needs from a rival at a mere 600% APR and live very well on the 4,400% APR (or is it 5,400%) difference. [Or even borrow the cash at 278% from the right lender. Ed.]


Brits to the fore
The second weekend of the month got off to a good start with Lewis Hamilton's comfortable win in the Chinese GP. Which was followed by a fairly predictable whinge from his team mate. On the other side of the world, things got a whole lot better in Austin, Texas, at the Circuit of the Americas.
   Danny Kent opened the day's motorbike racing with victory in the Moto3 race. Then Sam Lowes, who had suffered horrible crashes in practice, followed up with a win in the Moto3 race. The Brits had no answer to the likes of Marques, Dovizioso and Rossi in the main race, but it was still a good day!

Faster than a speeding arrow
A Japanese maglev train set a new world record speed of 366 mph on the 3rd Thursday of the month. Further test of the 7-car train are expected to produce even higher speeds.
The Maglev hit 375 mph in the next test.

Free trips denied
Plans to repaint a zebra crossing with rainbow stripes have been abandoned by the governors of Totness, Devon, because of fears that the stripes would make dementia sufferers hallucinate. The plan to waste taxpayers' money was proposed by an outfit promoting demands for special rights for homophiles.

Election Update

The People cannot be trusted with democracy.

— Tony B. Liar, 07/04/2015
The god complex seems to be getting quite serious.


global warming sloganTrust, but not as we know it, Jim
The National Trust, following its recent management switch, is to abandon even more support and credibility by actively pushing the Great Global Warming Swindle. The new leader seems to think that becoming increasingly political will have no effect on the trust's charitable status and, apparently, that no one will care if pursuit of the Warmist agenda does further damage to wildlife and the environment on top of that already perpetrated by DEFRA.

global warming sloganGreen, Not Brown
Surprise! The Global Warming Swindlers would have us believe that all the planet's trees are being cut down and the Earth is turning brown. In fact, the amount of vegetation increased substantially, according to measurements made between 2003 and 2013, in Africa, Australia, China, Russia and South America. The conclusion is based on satellite measurements rather than guesses about land use.

Too much, man!
Wednesday 22nd, Dateline Hove: The weather was so hot in the south of England that the solar panels installed by Green-controlled Brighton and Hove council set fire to the roof of Hove town hall.

Crime News
Mafia MacEye writes:
Have they no shame? Surprise! One has!

Even the legal Establishment is getting cold feet about using obscure 13th century laws to persecute journalists to cover up the misdeeds of the political Establishment, the police and lefty luvvies.
Some £20 MILLION of taxpayers' money has been shoved into the pockets of the legal trade in the cause of persecuting journalists and as a result of failed prosecutions and ones which have failed to get off the ground because of a failure to manufacture evidence.
No police and legal trade bonuses have been reduced or cut completely despite clear evidence of abuse of powers and misconduct in a public office.

Criminals' Friends strike again
Violent criminals, who are liable to leg it at the first opportunity, can be sent to an open prison. Sez who? The High Court and the 'uman rights mob.
Arrange these words into a well-known phrase or saying: old, judge, dotty.

CPS = Crap Public Servants
The Can't Prosecute Service has screwed up again. Its geniuses spent so long sitting on their hands that an Italian Mafia boss has become extradition-proof because the statute of limitations has run out in his native land. The CPS has wasted vast amounts of taxpayers' money on its haverings but, rest assured, no bonuses are at risk.

No cigar
What do you get when you crash cars into buses so a gang of accomplices can make bogus whiplash claims? A million quid in compensation payments? No, a free trip to gaol for the aptly named John Smith, the criminal mastermind.

Ain't goin' nowhere?
The British trader, who is accused of triggering a brief 570 BILLION collapse in US share prices from his suburban semi in Hounslow, has been told that he faces 380 years in gaol if extradited and convicted. So no wonder the authorities are hoping to confiscate the 27 million, which he is believed to have made out of similar tricks over the last 5 years, to pay the imprisonment costs. And for the taxidermist, of course.
Navinder Singh Sarao failed to raise the £5 million demanded for his bail at very short notice and received a taste of Her Majesty's hospitality. But do the jobsworths at Westminster Magistrates' Court understand how long it takes to get 5 million quid out of cash machines?

Should we be bothered?
The Hong Kong and Shanghai Bank for Criminals is threatening to quit Britain over coming tougher banking regulations. Given that HSBC has been fined hundreds of millions of pounds for rigging bank borrowing rates, money laundering, breaching US sanctions against Iran, data security breaches and securities fraud to name but a few, maybe the relocation should be to Switzerland, where the local branch has been busted for helping rich customers to dodge taxes and hide assets worth millions of pounds.

Just a gesture
If the Establishment is determined to let Lord Janner get away with his alleged career as a child molester, could we have his peerage removed as a gesture toward decency?

New Labour involved, so it was all about the cash
The reason why South Yorkshire police ignored serial child abuse in the Noughties has emerged. Senior officers were too busy chasing New Labour's arbitrary targets; to preserve their jobs and their bonuses; to be bothered with other offences, which would divert resources away from the money-making areas.

Home News
UK Flag

Asleep at the wheel?
Red Ed shot his mouth off about zer0-hours contricks, painting them as a blight on the lives of British workers. And none of his election tactics geniuses spotted that lots of Labour MPs use them, and so do lots of Labour-run local councils. Including Doncaster, where Red Ed is standing. Have they given up already?

Online nasties
One of the worst categories of internet troll has been revealed as parents. Huge numbers of them are spending hours on anti-social meeja every day, attacking teachers and running a bogus website in the offending teacher's name.

Totalitarian humour
Ever wondered why BBC "comedy" has become so unfunny and leftie luvvie PC? It's because all jokes have to be screened through a lengthy bureaucratic chain, which includes lawyers, before it can be considered for broadcasting. And as leftie luvvies are notoriously po-faced, little gets through the sieve.

Foreign Crap
The South of England copped for a double helping of foreign pollution early in the month. A combination of dust from the Sahara desert and pollution-laden air from the European mainland conspired to create a thick smog. No doubt Chinese visitors to London felt right at home!

Domestic Crap
Don't you just wish we had a Tory as the figurehead of the Conservative party? Anyone but dopey Dave and his lefty luvvie ideas, like forcing employers to pay people not to work whilst they go off to do volunteer work. It kind of takes the meaning out of "volunteer", but Dave is too dim to see this, of course.

If the Iraq War Whitewash is not to be published until 2016, there is a clear case for J. Heywood and J. Chilcot to be stripped of their knighthoods for disgracing the order.

Official blind eye
The mayor of Tower Hamlets in London has been sacked and disqualified from public political life for 5 years for a whole range of offences. Was it the Electoral Commission and the local police which exposed his electoral fraud, which the judge described as on an industrial scale? No, it was all down to the efforts of four private citizens, who risked huge legal penalties if they failed to win their case. Which leaves the rest of us asking why we pay the stooges in office good money for doing bugger all.
   Even worse, the bloke who took over from the disgraced and displaced mayor, same surname but no relation, is claiming Lutfur Rahman did nothing wrong, playing the race card as shamelessly as his predecessor and claiming that there is deep-seated racialism in the borough.
   [Yes, and it's all down to the people who keep playing the race card, mate. Ed.]

Labour's Election Objectives
Totally sordid, but they just couldn't resist.
Weaponize NHS   
Weaponize drowning migrants   


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world news

Jump on any scam to make a buck
Ikea (Swedish do-it-yourself furniture manufacturer) is planning to save the planet from Global Warming by selling meatballs with a zero meat content. So instead of scandals like horse in the beefballs, we can expect GM Frankenfoods in the veggieballs?

We're Doomed Again!
The Large Hadron Collider at CERN, near Geneva, has been switched on again after a 2-year refit and upgrade process. Alarmists can now start screaming that we're all going to die because of the black holes which it will produce. Meanwhile, the gang at CERN will be looking for signs of dark matter. The theorists came up with it about 80 years ago but the experimental physicists have failed, rather embarrassingly, to confirm or deny the concept.

So effin what?
Do we care if Princess Bea, Prince Andrew's daughter, has enjoyed 11 holidays in the last 6 months? Despite the Daily Disaster's [the other one] best efforts to whip us into a frenzy of indignation, the response remains a yawn.

We always knew that Prince Chazzer was right about the Chinese. The appalling waxworks have confirmed their awfulness by banning strippers from funerals, bucking a fashion among wealthy bereaved families for flaunting their wealth with a big do and trying to maximize the number of mourners.

Public Service Announcement

He's been called the Blogger of the Decade

His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!

Far Queue List

Far Queue symbol Red Ed, the steaming Hampstead Hypocrite, who thinks that the next James Bond should be a one-legged, albino, lesbian transvestite "in the interests of equality". Sorry, Ed. You didn't get the point. Try again.

Far Queue symbol All Saints church, Wolverhampton, which cancelled Maunday Thursday as it clashed with a weekly Hug-a-Hooker session.

Far Queue symbol Kellogg's, which made £622 MILLION of sales in Britain last year but paid no tax on it.

Far Queue symbol H. Ghosh, DG of the National Trust, who thinks that the erosion of the eastern side of England, which has been going on since the end of the last Ice Age, is caused by man-made global warming (which isn't happening).

Far Queue symbol The food bank provider the Trussell Trust, which is playing politics even though it is not entitled to do so and retain its charitable status.

Far Queue symbol The students' union at Goldsmiths, University of London, and the (female) diversity officer, who thought they could get away with banning men and white women from an event about equality.

Far Queue symbol “Far queue, far queue very much!” – Frank Zappa.

The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage".

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Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression
to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, April MM15.