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Please Note:
The Following presentation may contain stunts and experiments which should not be imitated – so that you never realize just how easy they are to do.


It's politics
Transport Sec. P. McLaughlin is being accused of failing to speak up about the Notwork Rail electrification shambles, which has led to the bullet for major upgrades to railway lines in the North and Midlands. But let's face it; if Labour had been in power, their transport sec. would have done no different and the overtime bill for his spin doctors would have been truly horrendous.


global warming sloganThe latest daft idea on global warming . . .
. . . comes from the Bishop of Salisbury, who thinks that if all churchgoers can manage to skip lunch just once a month, then that will save the planet.
black blobA reader adds: "When was the vote held on whether we want the climate to stay as it is right now? Because I don't remember getting a ballot paper."

Fancy a wheeled bin in your bathroom?
WASP, a quango turned charity which should have been on the bonfire if Dave had kept his promise about useless quangos, would like a recycling bin in every bathroom especially for shampoo bottles and toilet roll tubes – which are just cardboard and so can be dumped in the paper bin.

Start with a fantasy and the rest will be garbage
The Lancet Commission on Health & Climate Change is claiming that Global Warming is about to ruin everybody's health. But as the report starts with the notion that the Earth's temperature is on track to rise by 4 deg.C (by the end of the century), which is just a fantasy produced by computer models built to promote the Great Global Warming Swindle, there is no point in reading beyond this point.


State-owned Channel Four's ratings stink and the TV channel's advertising revenue is abysmal. But the boss had been given a 16% pay rise. Even better, the chief creative officer got 17%, the sales director copped for 21% and the head of marketing and communications is going home with 22% more. Does this offer some clue as to how things work in the public sector?

The TV news presenter's nightmare!
It's June 18th, the presenter moves on to a new item, she reads what is on the autocue, then she hands over to a film clip. Then she realizes what she has just said: “200 years ago today, Lord Nelson led his troops into battle at Waterloo . . .”
    Which must have left a few viewers wondering what the Duke of Wellington was up to whilst all this was going on. But it might have happened. The body of Admiral Lord Nelson, who died aboard his flagship on October 21st 1805 during the battle of Trafalgar, was brought home in a barrel of rum. So he was probably quite well pickled and still in good nick a decade later. Which means he could have been strapped to a horse, like Charlton Heston playing El Cid, should he have been needed to lead a charge at Waterloo!

Crime News
Mafia MacEye writes:
Deaf as well as careless

Two lifers escaped from Little Siberia, a prison in New York State around 20 miles from the Canadian border, in the early part of the month. They put person-like humps in their beds then used power tools to cut through the steel walls of their cells and also to cut holes into various steel pipes along their nocturnal escape route. Which leaves the rest of us wondering how they managed to lay their hands on the power tools and why no one heard them being used.

More creative accounting
The Crime Survey for England and Wales has left a million violent crimes out of official government figures, according to Prof. Walby of Lancaster University. She did her research after choking on Office for National Statistics data presented to a conference. No wonder the crime rate is "falling" if data-fiddling is still going on.

From one extreme to another
Police "services" in England and Wales have been fiddling crime figures downwards for ages by failing to record all sorts of offences. So it comes as no surprise to find that they have gone to the other extreme in response to a Home Office crack down on bogus statistics. As a result of the plod mentality, things like "man hit by flying biscuit" are now being logged as violent crimes and police statistics remain works of fiction.

world news

Saving another part of the world
Tony B. Liar is going to spend the next 2 years abolishing racialism and anti-Semitism in Europe as his next crusade. Having brought peace to the Middle East, he was at a bit of a loose end and he thought this would be a worthy challenge – and a way to make a few more millions incidentally.

An ingenious plan to scare the hundreds of federally protected sea lions, which have invaded the port at Astoria, Oregon, ended in initial failure. A 32-foot fibreglass model of a killer whale frightened the sea lions into silence when it put in an appearance, but it soon capsized in the wake of a passing freighter. But as the locals are totally fed up with the sea lions, which can make it impossible for them to access their boats, there will be more orca expeditions!

Home News
UK Flag

Less is always less
Sky has announced that it plans to dump 50% of its television Arts programming, saving the cost of operating one HD channel and on ordinary definition channel. The Arts 1 and 2 channels are to be merged to give customers an improved service. (Or some other routine load of old boot.)
black blobBT Sport was up to the same sort of trick when it claimed that giving ESPN "brand new channel numbers" would be of some sort of benefit to its customers.

Selling a dream
What to do with the infamous Edstone with its cheapskate 6 commandments if Labour lost the election? One idea was to turn the 30-grand, one-ton lump of rock into rubble and sell the bits in gift boxes, hoping to rekindle the Berlin Wall sell-off, to raise funds for the party. Difficult to see them getting their money back, though.

Eggs from a lethal Brazilian wandering spider were found on bananas bought in Aldi, and the woman who found them fled her home with her 4 kids, fearing that one of the Brazilians was wandering about in it, when she found a cocoon.
Big Letdown The eggs were examined by an expert and found to belong to a totally harmless spider species.

black blobFormer health minister S. Burns has been awarded a knighthood for services to the truth. Among his accomplishments was describing Berko, the Squeaker of the HoCC as a stupid sanctimonious dwarf.

Farqi Nell writes:

Don't blame me, it wasn't my idea!
Dave the Leader feels that he has no option other than to let pay rises of 5% for himself and Cabinet ministers go ahead. MPs will get 10.4%. In addition, MPs elected before 2015 will get a pension rise on retirement of as much as £4,900 per year, which is nearly the amount a non-privileged pensioner gets to live on right now.
black blobBut there is good news. IPSA, the body which spares MPs the embarrassment of setting their own pay levels, reckons that cuts in expenses will make the overall cost to the taxpayer of an MP stay the same, a conclusion which surely belongs to the "in your dreams" category.

If the police say they have no cash, they're lying.
Despite the alleged "Savage Cuts", the 43 police "services" in England and Wales have been stuffing cash into their reserves, which now contain an ENORMOUS £1,850,000,000!!!

All throughly deserved, of course!
Top cats at the British Medical Association are getting pay rises of 99%, 108% and even 137%. Kinda makes the 10.4% going to MPs look rather paltry.

black blob Britain's dreadful ordeal at the hands of deflation lasted just one month, ONS figures revealed.

black blobGordon Broon's legacy of debt has reached £1,500 BILLION, which means that the country has to waste £46 BILLION this year on interest payments.


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Moving goalposts
A group of wimmin within the Church of England wants to start calling their god "she" in the interests of abolishing sexism. But they have yet to explain why this is less sexist than calling their god "he".
black blob The objection that a "she" can't be "god the father" has been countered by the fact that there are men named on birth certificates as a child's mother, even though they aren't.

No brainer
Labour mouthpiece Chunky O'Munna claimed that the government had learned nothing from the last sell-off of part of the Royal Mail. He clearly hadn't noticed that there was no sign of Vince Cable being involved in the next disposal operation.

Bad habits
The BBC is to be supervised by an EU bias adjudicator during the membership referendum. the impartiality watchdog will have the power to force the Beeb to repair any deviations from honesty "within one day".


Just a precaution?
The Russians have banned 89 Westerners from travelling to their country as retaliation for EU sanctions against them for invading Ukraine. Interestingly, Nick Clegg is on the list, which raises the possibility that Vlad the Putin was worried that Dave the Leader might have been planning to make the Cleggster Britain's ambassador to the Putinocracy – just for a laugh, of course.

A job for life?
The prime minister is getting the hump with J. Chilcott, who is dragging his feet and making noises about putting off publishing his alleged report on Tony B. Liar's illegal Iraq war for another year. Never mind telling him you've lost your patience, Dave. Sack the blighter and put someone who can do the job in his place.

Public Service Announcement

He's been called the Blogger of the Decade

His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!

Far Queue List

Far Queue symbol G. Ford, chairman of Caffe Nero, who let himself be intimidated by threatening emails from 2 guys called Steve and Dave (they said). Caffe Nero, of course, is a Luxembourg-based outfit and corporation tax dodger, so somewhere to be avoided.

Far Queue symbol Tony B. Liar, who charges £330,000 to talk about world hunger for 20 minutes.

Far Queue symbol J. Harding, head of BBC News, who's in denial about the corporation's institutional lefty bias.

Far Queue symbol Rachel Dolezal, who was making a career as a professional black victim of racialism until her parents announced that it they weren't black, there was no way she could be anything other than an imposter in make-up.

Far Queue symbol The poisonous wimmin who started a hate campaign against Nobel laureate Sir T. Hunt on the basis of humorous remarks deliberately taken out of context, plus the management of University College, London, and the once-respected science journal Nature.

Far Queue symbolHarridan Harperson, who keeps pretending she's not posher than the prime monster and she's one of the poor, whom she claims to represent by divine right.

Far Queue symbolA. Milburn, who thinks Labour needs to promote Tony B. Liar as a great leader of the stature of Margaret Thatcher (and forget that he was Health Minister whilst people were dying of neglect in NHS hospitals thanks to New Labour's target culture).

Far Queue symbol “Far queue, far queue very much!” – Frank Zappa.

The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage".

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Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression
to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, June MM15.