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The secret's out
If you want to live forever, eat lots of the herb rosemary, say experts from various universities in the United States and Rome University.
Oh, crap! The secret's out
A previously hidden report on the H2S high-speed trains shows that they will derail if run at high speed on existing tracks. The vibrations from the trains will cause ballast to shift and embankments to slide if they are not stiffened at immense cost, which will blow the already failed economic argument for H2S right out of the water.
Alternatively, they can be run at a speed of at least 100 mph slower than the planned top speed, which will make journey times much the same as they are today and make the £50 BILLION present cost of the project just more cash down the drain for no good reason. Something which governments are good at doing with taxpayers' money.
Well! Who'da thunk it?
Researchers at Captain Obvious University in Iowa have found that obese school pupils are more likely to be hit by a car when crossing the road. Might this have something to do with the fact that they offer a bigger target?
Almost over the edge!
As a result of the fall in oil prices, an independent Scotland would have slumped to the same economic status as Greece by now and Wee Burney, the First Meenister, would be clamouring for an even bigger sub from England.
Save the NHS! From striking doctors!
Junior doctors held another of their strikes at the start of this month. Maybe they should get what's left of Arthur Scaregill to be their new president! He's a man with a similar track record for caring for the interests of the customers.
Dave's Dodgy Scare Story
Dave the Leader claims, without offering any evidence to back it up, that Britain's farmers would lose £330 MILLION/year if we leave the EU. But couldn't they just take it out of the £8.5 BILLION/year which we'll save by not being a member of the Europeon Cult?
 The Chancellor's Sugar Tax won't work because cigarette smugglers will just branch out into fizzy drinks and the nation will remain fat and toothless.
Dave, Do Something!
The non-tax-paying coffee industry reacted very quickly to a suggestion that its non-recyclable cups should be taxed like supermarket plastic bags. Dave the Leader was tuned up with a vigorous clip round the ear and the idea was being trashed by usual suspects in the Westminster Bubble within a couple of hours.
Dave, Do Something About This Too!
Civil servants waste Overseas Aid cash to meet the government's arbitrary spending target of 0.7% of GDP. That fact is irrefutable. Less well known is the fact that 90% of them are paid a bonus for wasting taxpayers' money. And the bonus cash comes out of the Overseas Aid budget. So the more they waste, the more they get from this budget. This counts as joined-up thinking in Dave's World.
The First Friday in March
The snow certainly had stickability. That's a clothes line strung from side to side of the picture, above the green bin, and bulked out to a substantial piece of rope. Luckily, the snow was just a one-day wonder and soon washed away by a drop of rain.
Lots of Sound & Fury
There was a very strange period during the afternoon of the last Saturday of the month: a period of a few minutes when the wind blew with insane force and then abated. Was this due to the passage of a tornado or a proto-tornado which never developed into the full-blown thing? The Court of Meteorology is still deliberating on this one.
More tripe
Wow! The Scots won't be able to export haggis to Europe if we leave the EU, Dave sez, because protectionist tariffs will price it out of the mouths of everyone but super-rich eurocraps.
Vote "Leave" to get rid of Dave? I'd buy that for a dollar!!
Back stage back-stabbing
J. Longworth used to be the director general of the British Chambers of Commerce. But he was suspended, at the behest of D. Cameron or one of his minions, for daring to say, as a personal statement, that Britain would be better off outside the EU. Some horse hockey about violation of neutrality policy plus a ton and a half of hypocrisy followed, and then he was obliged to resign by the president of the BCC, one N. Senior, a former Balls crony.
 Downing Street denied it in the usual weaselly PR fashion but the greasy fingerprints of one of Dave the Leader's minions are all over the ousting of J. Longworth from his job. Which makes it all the more strange that an outfit which claims to prize its neutrality, according to the Balls crony in charge, has done failed to sack leading members of the branches in Kent and Cornwall for coming out in support of the Europeon Cult.
Typical cult behaviour
The Europeon Cult is threatening us with all sorts of nasties if we dare to leave. Which is kinda typical of all cults: don't let the suckers leave and don't give up all that lovely cash they bring. Unable to come up with any positive and convincing reasons for Britain to stay in, the cult leaders have resorted to Project Fear. But any old crap will do when you're in a state of desperation.
More Project Fear BS from R. Steward of the Ministry of Agriculture: if Britain leaves the Europeon Cult, lions will be hunted to extinction in Africa!
They have remarkably short generations in Scotland
Scotland had a "once in a generation" referendum on independence from the rest of the UK in 2014. The Gnats lost. The result was 46.7% voted NO, 37.7% voted YES and 15.6% Didn't Care. A couple of years later, the current leader of the SNP, Wee Burney Sturgeon, is banging the drum for another referendum to give the Scots a chance to get it right this time.
Who does she think she is? The EU?
Dereliction of duty
Dave the Leader and his minions don't seem to be doing anything to prevent a German takeover of the London Stock Exchange. Given the contribution which the LSE makes to the economy, this would appear to be grounds for rounding up Dave, Osborne and the rest for high treason.
What does he know?
President O'Bummer is telling us to stay in the EU. But should we really take any notice of someone whose judgement is so bad that he spent St. Patrick's Day cosying up to IRA terrorists? It comes as no surprise to hear that over 100 MPs have written to O'Bummer via his ambassador to tell him to keep his beak out of our business.
Man with plan
The president of the Congo has ordered a block on telecommunications on polling day, which will lead to his inevitable his re-election, to hinder efforts by election monitors to prevent vote-rigging. President Cameron is believed to be considering the same ploy for the EU referendum.
Not competent
The government is requiring civil servants to decide (which they are not competent to do) if ministers are solidly in favour of staying in the EU before they can have sight of any documents relating to EU matters. This is quite illegal but, of course, Dave ain't bovvered. He's too busy doing an Iraq War on us with his Project Fear, following in the footsteps of his hero, Tony B. Liar.
Brain-dead PCs
The Rotherham police farce has declared that it is more interested in protecting Moslem men who abuse children than in protecting children from abuse by Moslem men.
Yes, crime does pay
The Hatton Garden heist gang; well, five of them; collected fairly derisory sentences from their judge, which means that they'll all be out of gaol in a couple of years. Meanwhile, the mystery man who is claimed to have most of the loot is still on the run.
Damn ‘n' blastit
It's interesting to note that the Tories who have declared themselves in favour of Brexit have behaved impeccably and it's only Dave who has thrown his toys out of the pram. It says rather a lot about the relative confidence levels in their causes.
Free speech as long as you say what you're told to?
The EU's leaders have had nothing at all to say about the Turkish government's decision to close down the leading opposition newspaper and reopen it as another establishment mouthpiece. But then, the EU has never been all that bothered about free speech and democracy. Especially when being blackmailed over migration. [Maybe we could export Lord Lovieson and the Hacked Toffs to Turkey. They'd be right at home there. Ed.]
Point made
President Putin is getting fed up with his puppet, Assad. Having shown some token support for his lame duck, he's now going home with his football and taking his air force out of Syria. Which will let the local rebels take back the ground they lost in the last few months to remind Assad whose pocket he's in. And send more migrants to Europe, of course.
How the Looney Left Blobists hate Britain!
The National Union of Teachers wants an end to promoting fundamental British values in schools because the Nutters think it promotes cultural supremacy. It's rather weird that a teachers' union is so hell-bent on bringing about an end to all knowledge-based work in schools to avoid tainting the natural ignorance of children with learning supremacy.
The NUT's Next Big Idea is to join up with the BMA to create a mega-union with an anti-government agenda. Each will support the other's picket lines to prevent children from being educated and the sick from receiving medical attention.
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Scoundrels in action
The EU has postponed a ban on the sale of high-speed kettles until after Britain's membership referendum in a crude attempt to influence the outcome: a smile on the face of the poisonous spider! But will it work?
Arson around!
Migrants in the Jungle at Calais set fire to their shacks and shelters to prevent bulldozers from clearing the site? Sounds like a really wonderful and highly effective tactic. Not.
P*A*N*I*C!!!
Dave is getting really desperate. He's swanning around Europe – at our expense – getting all sorts of dodgy characters, like French ministers, to join his Project Fear. Dover to be swamped by migrants following a Brexit? Not if they're not allowed off the boat and the ferry operator is fined £2,000 for each passenger without a valid visa. Bankers leaving Britain to take refuge in France's "sick man of Europe" economy? Yeah, right, Dave!
Notice me, please, plee-ee-ee-se!!!!
The SNP promised not to vote on matters affecting only England and Wales but the gang did a block vote on Sunday Trading laws affecting only England and Wales? Why? Because all the Europeon referendum stuff has pushed them out of the news and the Gnats are getting increasingly desperate to be noticed.
Some drain!
85% of the money spent world-wide on medical studies; that's £65,000,000,000 every year; is blown on useless research. For example, by the outfit which banged mice repeatedly and rapidly on the head to find that it caused brain damage, memory problems and difficulty with learning new tasks.
The researchers claimed it was in the name of helping American Crunch players (and other athletes who suffer repeated blows to the head), who are prone to chronic memory problems. But why they needed to confirm with mice what is already well known from human trials was not disclosed.
Things they don't want you to know No. 89:
The Chechens are Putin's personal black ops crew. That was his price for letting Chechen politicians back onto the gravy train after his glorious war with them. They provide stooges for dirty tricks operations and Vlad the hijo de Putin lets them have some gravy.
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Another bucket of whitewash
No one is to blame for the hundreds of unnecessary deaths at Stafford Hospital during the disastrous New Labour period, when creating flattering statistics to polish the government's rep was more important than keeping patients alive and out of distress. The hospital has been renamed as part of the general cover-up.
Reasons to be cheerful No. 97
By the time the conditions of Article 50 of the Lisbon Treaty have unfolded following a British request to be released from the shackles of the EU, we'll be at the autumn of 2018 and Dave the Leader will be history! He'll have gone, or be on his way out, to let the next Tory leader be putin (yes, it's a typo but an apt one) place a decent time before the 2020 general election.
the Leader's campaign to become the new Tony B. Liar has reached the Dodgy Dossier milepost with his Project Fear official government scare-sheet full of bogus reasons not to leave the EU.
O'besity cracked!
The secret of staying slim is . . . eat loud food. One of them there studies has found that the more noise people make when they're munching through a meal, the quicker they feel full up. Especially if the food is loud enough to drown out the TV and other distractions.
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 Hampshire Constabulary, which thinks a schoolboy visiting UKIP's "politically incorrect" website constitutes a sign of extremism.
The geniuses running the NHS in the East of England want GPs to dump from their list, anyone who hasn't needed to consult a doctor for 5 years. Which leaves the customer stuck in no-man's land if he/she ever needs a doctor's services. And if the customer is paying National Insurance, this amounts to fraud. . .
Mandelsleaze, who's in the EU's pocket, and his predictions of utter disaster for us following Brexit.
J. McFarlane, boss of Barclays, who had the cheek to complain about the amounts his bank has been fined for rigging financial markets and swindling customers.
Pea-brained foreign sec. P. Hammond and his silly story about pensioners being rounded up and evicted from Spain in the event of Brexit from the EU.
N. Senior, president of the British Chambers of Commerce, for services contrary to honest and open democracy.
The governor of the Bank of England (a foreigner) has aligned himself with Dave the Leader's "scare the pants off them" campaign.
Energy Sec. Amber Crudd made a terrible hash of her pre-Easter lies about how energy prices will soar if we leave the Europeon Cult. Dave can sure pick 'em.
No surprise that Metropolitan police farce boss Hulk Hogan Hyphen Howe is a Stay-In scaremonger, who's pretending that no police forces in Europe will talk to us if we leave the European Cult. Once a stooge, always a stooge.
The Sunday Post columnist D. MacLeod, a Scots Gnats apologist and professional tosser, would have us believe that the existence of 2,390 Glaswegians who are "too drunk to work" and on benefits is somehow the fault of the Tories. All praise to the editor for publishing a couple of mocking letters from his readers. [Maybe MacLeod should change his surname to Head and his first name to Richard. Ed.]
One P. Morris of the Notional Crime Agency would have us believe we'll all be in real trouble if terrorist outfits like Alky Ida and Scheißis ever team up with criminals. Really? What has this character been smoking? How strange that someone with his fist in the taxpayer's pocket at an organization which claims to protect us doesn't know that murdering people and blowing up buildings are criminal offences. Our friend Morris must have got his job during the New Labour era, when brains and common sense were deemed a handicap when it came to getting a job in the public sector.
Ex-Cabinet Sec. G. O'Donnell and his preposterous claim that Britain would have 2 years from the date of a Leave vote in the Brexit referendum to extract itself from the embrace of the vampire squid which is the EU. In fact, it's two years from when Article 50 of the Lisbon treaty is invoked, and that happens only when the prime minister is ready to do it, not automatically on the day after the referendum.
“Far queue, far queue very much!” – Frank Zappa.
The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage". |
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