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We've Ditched Dave
Osborne Next
and should it be Putin or Putout?


Real stats and sheer tripe
There are statistics which are relevant to our lives, like the number of wards your local hospital is closing (1 @ Stepping Hill, Stockport) and the number of staff being shed (350) and the number of bank branches being closed in Romiley village this month (1).
   And then there is information that might be accurate but which is just plain useless. Like the news that charging 5p for a supermarket plastic bag last October will reduce the number of plastic bags handed out per year by 6 BILLION.
   Okay, that piece of information is mildly interesting but some government stooge couldn't resist adding that 6 BILLION plastic bags weight the same as 302 blue whales or 313,853 sea turtles or 3.13 MILLION pelicans. How strange that the stooge didn't tack on how many useless government stooges making pointless calculations at the taxpayer's expense have a total weight of 40,801 metric tons.


Romiley's NatWest bank branch
They gave the bank a fancy new cash machine with dual rear-view mirrors and they spent some money sprucing up the approach to the front door earlier in the year, but the suits in charge of the business have decided that this branch has to go the same way as the TSB branch further down the village, which got the chop years ago.
   On the last Friday of the month, workers were observed slapping white paint onto the boards covering the hole in the wall, where the ATM used to be. It is to be hoped that the building is revived in a way which is of actual use to the village. One of the most original suggestions is that it should become Romiley's town hall and the village elders will take turns to be mayor. But it will probably just become another eatery or takeaway joint.


When it comes to cheating, the Russians are Olympic+ standard!
An investigation by a Canadian lawyer working for the World Anti-doping agency has found that hundreds of positive drug tests were covered up by the Russian Ministry for World Domination via Sport (IgraMin).
   Worse, an IgraMin deputy minister, who was appointed directly by Vlad the Putin when Vlad was the Russian prime minister, was deciding who had to be protected in the name of national pride and who could be thrown to the wolves for cosmetic purposes.
   Even worse, Putin's KGB was doing the dirty work of sneaking into the testing lab wearing sanitary engineer uniforms and doing the dirty work with the urine samples.
   The Russian athletics squad has already been banned from next month's Olympics in Rio. The International Olympics Committee's next job is to decide whether to unfriend the entire Russian team.

Well, not exactly. This is a quote lifted directly from the Xavier blog:

The investigation into the monumental cover-up of doping in Russian sport, conducted by a Canadian lawyer called Richard McLaren, has found that Vlad the Putin's KGB was responsible for tampering with urine samples to swap out the druggie ones. Can you imagine the scene in the next Bond film if MI6 becomes involved in this sort of malarky?

   "Pee into this, Bond," M ordered brusquely.
   "This is not what I joined the service for," 007 complained. "And would you mind turning your back?"
   "Really, Bond," M returned with her most annoying smile, "since when have you been shy about whipping out your todger for a lady?"

black squareHow big is Putin's pocket? Big enough to hold IOC figurehead T. Bach, apparently.


The next domino?
Italy's banking system, which has bad debts of €360 BILLION, has its hand out for a €40 BILLION sub from the EU as the banks are running out of folding cash. Angular Merekat, of course, is currently frowning and muttering, "Nein!" when M. Renzi, the thrusting young Italian PM, nudges her. Sounds like fuel for an Italexit campaign.

No one learns from history
What was the cause of the monumental banking crash in 2008? The American government gave its citizens the civil right to a mortgage, even if they couldn't afford to service it, and set up two giant mortgage companies to hand out the cash. Then spivs put some shiny packaging around the toxic loans and flogged them off to thrusting bank executives who had no idea what they were buying. So when the "mortgages for all scheme" hit the buffers, the wheels came off the world's banking system. And it's happening all over again.
   Have you seen that Halifax TV advert, in which Top Cat gets a mortgage because it's "no problem"? How is an alley cat going to repay a loan like that? Who else with no hope of repaying the loan is getting one from the Halifax? It's all happening all over again.

Not as smart as they pretended to be
The International Monetary Fund has been forced to admit that all the dire warnings about Brexit, which were issued as part of departed Chancellor G. Osborne's contribution to Project Fear, have turned out to be completely off the mark. A spanner wasn't thrown into the world's economy, the wet hens have stopped flapping and the IMF's management is now being dismissed as a bunch of clowns. Which leaves us wondering how the figure head, Ms Lagarde, is getting on with her €400M corruption case. Is she still facing 10 years in an orange jumpsuit?

Further confirmation of "What does he know?"
The Bank of England has been forced to admit that the British economy is showing no signs of slow-down following the Brexit vote. This applies egg to the face of the governor, M. Carney, who went over the top with his predictions of doom and disaster in his contributions to the Cameron/Osborne Project Fear campaign.

If they're trying to worry us, this doesn't even come close
Why should we be worried if the EU puts tariffs on goods imported from Britain? We would just put reciprocal tariffs on goods imported from mainland Europe, and seek cheaper alternatives of the same quality from the rest of the world. And as we have a trade gap with the EU, we wouldn't do badly out of the deal.

Uselessness confirmed
The IMF is rubbish, and so are its forecasts. Who says so? Its own watchdog, the Independent Evaluation Office. The IMF is too eager to take anything the EU says at face value, the IEO has found, and can't be bothered to check the accuracy of the EU's pronouncements. So the IMF missed the banking crisis, it had no idea that Greece would go into financial meltdown and it said Brexit would be a disaster for the whole world. Wrong. Yet again.


Space killer
Vlad the Putin's air force is planning a hybrid bomber, which will run on kerosene jet fuel in the atmosphere and methane and liquid oxygen on the edge of space. The idea is that it will be able to reach any point on the Earth within 2 hours with a cargo of nuclear weapons.
   Sounds like a great way to waste a lot of Russian taxpayers' cash in the name of Vlad's posturing, and he'll be history long before someone decides that the plan just won't work.

What is Merkel's problem?
The iron lady of Britain met her counterpart in Germany and what happened? Mrs. Meerkat kept banging on about full, free movement of EU citizens as if she's scared that Britain is about to put an end to it somehow. But we're getting out of the EU, love. We don't care if you keep on having full, free movement within the EU (or don't) because we're not going to be part of it.


Bad or bad
At the second weekend of the month, Theresa May's supporters were saying that rival Andrea Leadsome would be a Tory version of Jeremy Corbyn if she became the party leader. Leadsome supporters were pointing out that May would be another wishy-washy, convictionless David Cameron/Tony B. Liar clone. Worse, May, out of touch with public opinion, picked Remain in the referendum debate for the sake of her career but was too afraid of getting it wrong to do any campaigning. So it's a lose/lose situation for the poor old customer.

Masochism Tango
Andrea Leadsom decided that she didn't want to be on the receiving end of scumbags trashing her life and lying about her for a couple of months, so it will be Prime Minister May at one bound, and Dave will be ditched sooner than we could ever have hoped.
   Angelica Eagle, on the other hand, was so desperately in need of attention that she was ready to face the slings and arrows of outrageous reporting and stand for the labour leadership on a ticket which consists only of not being J. Corbyn.

A wonder of the world
Britain has given much to the rest of the world, but something which no one else seems to have adopted is our method of achieving the peaceful eviction of a political figurehead over a couple of days. In the case of David Cameron, he was expecting to cling on until September and have a final political jolly on the world stage at the beginning of the month. But a spot of backstage backstabbing will see him evicted from Downing Street double-quick. Much more civilized that the bloody revolutions elsewhere.

black squareFuture public holidays:
June 23rd — Independence Day & July 13th — Dave Ditched Day

Political Hypocrisy
J. Trickett, Labour's "election co-ordinator", the Trivial Democrats and a few other odds and sods are claiming that we should have an immediate general election because, in Trickett's words, it's crucial that the country has a democratically elected prime monster. Silly man. The PM is the leader of the majority party, and whether or not he or she is elected democratically is a matter for the party, not the electorate at large.
   And does anyone remember a general election in 2007 when Gordon F. Broon replaced Tony B. Liar?

Putinic Pasha
What's the answer to Vlad the hijo de Putin in Russia? Looks like it's a president/ prime minister-for-life a little further west. But will President Erdogan of Turkey be able to hoover $40 billion out of his taxpayers' pockets, like his political example? Well, he's reckoned to have stashed $1 billion in his 8 Swiss bank accounts, so he's on the way.

Who Cares Who Wins?
The only thing anyone knows about the current Labour leader, J. Corbyn, is that he has a long history of disloyalty to his party, having voted against its position some 600 times over the years. Even less is known about the man picked to challenge him for the leadership in preference to serial self-publicist A. Eagle. The rival, a Mr. Smith, describes himself as "normal" and he's offering exactly the same "We're against it!" agenda as Corbyn only in a shinier wrapping. So it doesn't really matter which of them wins.

History repeating itself
The news that the Repubelicans have made Donald Trump their presidential candidate revived an old memory. One of our correspondents mentioned that a visiting America academic had once said that he had voted for George McGovern instead of Richard Nixon in the 1972 election because he would rather vote for an honest idiot than a crook . . . Not that The Donald is quite the idiot that the Looney Left would have us believe.


Blank look
The latest retail scam is the faded receipt. Stores are using thermal printers to save the cost of using ink but the printing fades rapidly, especially if exposed to light and/or heat. Thus if goods prove to be faulty and have to be returned under the guarantee, the faulty receipt means that there is a blank piece of paper rather than proof of purchase.

The customer is always in the wrong?
Anyone thinking about using Virgin Media's services might care to ponder a case reported in the Daily Mail on the third Wednesday of the month.
   The customer, who had VM broadband and TV from Sky, discovered that he/she had been charged £355 for TV services because VM's records showed that they had installed a TiVo box in 2013. The customer invited VM to inspect the premises to see that there was no TiVo box. VM declined the offer on the grounds that the customer could hide the box!!
   After much messing about, and with the Mail's help, VM refunded the £355 but refused to compensate the customer either for lost interest or for calling him/her a crook who was prepared to hide a TV box. Makes you think, eh?


Think public sector, think pretty useless
The Met Office spent £97 MILLION on a super-duper-buper computer to make its forecasts even more ludicrous — only to find that the geniuses running the Met Office had neglected to create enough weather stations to provide it with enough data to let the expensive piece of kit operate properly.

Inconvenient, ignore
Temperatures in the Antarctic peninsula have been static or falling since 1998 but, the Warmists insist, that doesn't count as it doesn't fit in with their Not So Great Global Warming Scam. They would much rather tell us that Britain will be basking in summer temperatures of 48 deg.C by the end of the century, and similar tosh.

space news

Juno at Jupiter

Launched 5 years ago, the billion-dollar probe successfully entered a polar orbit around Jupiter in the first week of this month. Juno, which is heavily armoured against the lethal radiation blasting off Jupiter, will study the planet in detail to gather data on the atmosphere, especially the storms, and the magnetic field, and attempt to answer the question of whether Jupiter has a solid core. After its job is done, the probe will be dumped into Jupiter's gravity well in February 2018 to avoid contaminating any bacterial life, which might exist on the moon Europa.


The Missile does it again
Manxman Mark Cavendish won stage 4 of this year's Autour de France by a couple of centimetres to draw level with Bernard Hinault in the list of most stage wins. He now has 28 and the next target is the 34 won by Eddy Merckx.
updateAnother win in stage 6 put Cavendish on 29 wins. Then he baled out before stage 17 with a total of 30 wins, choosing not to slog up and down mountains for 4 days to get a shot at the Paris sprint with the Olympics in Rio looming.
And another British win in stage 7 by Steve Cummings.

And another British win in stage 8 by Chris Froome, who was fined a token amount for delivering a forearm smash to an idiot who was pratting around on the road.

Has Lauda lost it?
We got a rush of strange accusations about Lewis Hamilton, and Nikki Lauda telling us the shunt at the end of the Austrian GP wasn't Rosberg's fault, even though the commentators and, more importantly, the stewards blamed Rosberg. Then, a day later, Lauda did a U-turn and denied everything. Spit the bones out of that! Or do we just assume that Lauda had a big bet on Rosberg to win the race and it's sour grapes because Lauda lost his deposit?

Crime News

The law is an ass because donkeys administer it
Hillary Clinton has had a 3-hour grilling from the FBI over putting the security of the United States at risk with personal vanity and sloppy email security. A safe pair of hands for the American people? Doesn't sound like it.
   At the end of the grilling, the head of the FBI decided that she broke laws governing the handling of classified information but he's going to let her off. Which is pretty much what the Chilcot report has done for Tony B. Liar. The inquiry was set up in a way which avoided even thinking if he was guilty of war crimes. The overblown final (and sanitized) version of the report heaps the blame onto everyone else.

More police farce
A bloke who confronted a kid who was bullying his kids, after the police and the school did nothing about his complaints, ended up in court. Afterward, a superintendent of Cumbria police farce commented that there is no excuse for taking the law into your own hands. He failed to add, "Unless you're trying to shame the lazy coppers into doing the job they're paid to do."

The phantom strikes again
The French president is involved in a tax fraud investigation after it was revealed that he has a 24-hour barber, who is being paid €120,000/year on a 5-year contract. President Holland's hair is of the sort that provokes jokes about a finder's fee, and hardly worth that much attention, but creating fraudulent work contracts and fictional employees has been a feature of French governments for many years.

Banksters booked
Two more HSBC employees have been arrested and charged with rigging the exchange rate used for a $3.5 BILLION dollars to pounds transaction. M Johnson, head of global foreign exchange, and S. Scott, then a currency trader, are said to have made £6 million profit for themselves out of the scam.

Just ordinary criminals?
The Norfolk police farce would like us to believe that the two men "of Middle Eastern appearance", who tried to abduct an inmate of RAF Marham at knife-point, were not necessarily Islamist terrorists. Even though it's a bit late for a Rag Week stunt.


The inevitable happened in May
Driverless cars have suffered their first fatality in Florida. A Tesla Model S failed to spot that a huge, white trailer truck had turned across its path. The car drove under the trailer, scraping off its roof, and crashed, killing the occupant, who was watching a film on his portable DVD player at the time.
updateAnother Tesla self-drive electric car has crashed, but the driver survived this month's excursion into danger. His car swerved off a road in Montana and drove into a wooden post. Tesla are saying it has to be due to (human) driver error.

black squareIf the country is going to be ruined by Brexit, why would there be a surge of migrants before we get out of the EU? What do they know that the "experts" don't?

A British(ish) firm has created a "bouncy" skin material for airliners, which could protect them from bird strikes. The material can absorb and distribute the force of an impact instead of breaking, thus preventing a hull breach and depressurization. But it won't do anything about kamikaze birds, which fly into engines.


Upset me. Go on, do it!
Jeremy Corbyn said individual Jews and Moslems canít be held responsible for the actions of the Israeli government and Islamist terrorist gangs like IS. Nothing wrong with that. He also said that Jews canít be assumed to have a view on Israel any more than Moslems can be assumed to have a view on the actions of terrorists who are using a misinterpretation of Islam as an excuse. Nothing wrong with that either.
   It would appear that the people trying to be offended by Mr. Corbyn arenít aware of how stupid some of their attempts to be offended make them look. Pretending "black is white because we want it to be so we can be offended" is about their level of confected (wonderful word) outrage.

Gove got it right
The people who were hoping to get something out of "Boris For President" are busy sticking knives into the Justice Minister, M. Gove, because he realized that B. Johnson doesn't have the gravitas and application to be the prime minister. But it has to have been kinder to Boris to have his obvious defects exposed before he was rushed into office. It would have been so much worse if he'd come unstuck in Downing Street. Ask Dave what that feels like and he'll agree. And imagine what they'd be saying about The Gover if he'd kept quiet about his misgivings and just ridden along with the Boris Bandwagon.

He lied. End of.
Chilcot spent 7 years and £10 MILLION on telling us what we've known all along; that Tony B. Liar lied his way into an illegal war in Iraq. Big deal.

Dis-honouring case is inescapable
In a decent society, the committee for removing unjustified honours would be on overtime. J. Scarlett, Joint Intelligence Committee chairman during the dodgy dossier era, is an obvious candidate for knighthood removal in the wake of the Chilcot report on the Iraq war. So is Chilcot himself for dragging out a one-year job for 7 years.
   And then there's J. Heywood, then Mr. Liar's secretary, who failed to take minutes on such vital matters as the meetings about the fate of Iraq weapons expert Dr. David Kelly. And let us not forget the awards made to bunglers on the General Staff, who sent ill-equipped troops into war without the benefit of proper planning and direction. The list of shame goes on and on.

Home News
UK Flag

Dave ditched, now let's get shot of Osborne
G. Osborne has an alibi: his plan to get government spending under control and the budget balanced by 2020 was never going to work because of his failure to get a grip and his fondness for meddling everywhere else at the expense of doing his job. But now, he's blaming it all on Brexit rather than his own uselessness and neglect of duty. [Sounds like a typical politician, then. Ed.]
updateOur brand new, Mrs. Thatcher imitation prime monster gave Osborne the bullet right away.

The passing of the writer and comedienne Caroline Aherne has prompted endless repetition of her Mrs. Merton question to Debbie McGee asking her what first attracted her to the millionaire magician Paul Daniels. Elsewhere, in countless other parallel universes, Debbie countered by mentioning that it could have been the same thing that attracted Caroline Aherne to the millionaire pop star Peter Hook. And adding that Paul Daniels wasn't a millionaire when they got married.

Nigel Farage gets his life back
Having campaigned with UKIP since 1994 to get Britain out of the embrace of the vampire squid which is the Europeon Union, it's now a case of job done following his success in the referendum. So Mr. Farage has quit again as UKIP leader and he means it this time, he says. Which is rather a shame as he's one of the few politicians with a bit of character to him. So it's off into the sunset with tremendous thanks from the Ditch Dave campaign, and the nation, ringing in his ears.

Br-lump it!
Frustrated Bremainers are claiming that the EU referendum result doesn't count because it wasn't fought on a level playing field and it was full of misinformation. Calm down, dearies! The people saw through Project Fear and got it right and no one loves a sore (and frustrated) loser.
black blobTalking about frustrated, is there anything N. Sturgeon won't do to get herself noticed? Is there any misinformation she won't spread to pretend that she can keep Scotland in the EU even if the UK Brexits?

Nothing has changed
For centuries, long before the EU was invented, Britons have lived and worked abroad and foreigners have come to Britain to do the same. There is no reason why Brexit should have any effect on that and all the people who are flapping about it are just a distraction from things that really need to be done.

Rubbish binmen
Which local council has the wimpiest binmen? Coventry is a leading contender. Its binmen put a "too heavy" notice on a bin which the owner's 9-year-old daughter could move with ease.

They just don't get it
A hijacked petition for a new EU referendum on the Parliament website has met a firm response from the government; pretty much, "What part of 'once in a generation' did you not get?"
   The petition organizers sought to apply conditions of majority and turnout to the vote in June, even though no such terms were included in the rules for the referendum.
   The government's "No!" spares the petitioners the embarrassment of an investigation into how many of their alleged backers are genuine and actually exist.

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world news

That fiasco in the EuroCup . . .
That bigly hyped match between Germany and Italy was like, well, watching England playing . . . . England. And that penalty "shoot-out". Trade Descriptions Act, or what? What sort of proper footballer can't even aim the ball at the net from the penalty spot? It looked so like Angular Merekat and Signor Berlusconi (or whoever) did a back-stage stitch-up and the players were having a laugh to express their dissent.

Convenient, or what!
Whilst that might not have been a staged coup in Turkey, it certainly looks like the president is using it as an excuse to get rid of anyone who doesnít think the sun shines out of his bum. Like the judiciary. Which is quite cunning, really.
   First you get the judiciary to lock up the Press and your most vocal opponents on bogus charges of insulting the president, then you arrest all the judges and prosecutors! And as a further twist, President Erdogan is meeting President Putin next month to get advice on how to stay president/PM for life and what to do with billions of dollars of sequestered loot.

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Far Queue List

Far Queue symbol The Tory MP B. Wallace, who said the Grover should be castrated for exposing Boris's obvious lack of gravitas and focus. He sounds like the sort of whingeing minger who should be slapped down at the first opportunity by a deselection committee.

Far Queue symbol The staff of the Financial Times, who are doing their own "Britain Is Doomed" version of Project Fear.

Far Queue symbol Neil Pillock, who thinks Brexit is the end of Britain. [Meaning the end of the gravy train for Pillocks. Ed.]

Far Queue symbol The International Court at the Hague, which has decided that Tony B. Liar's warmongering is outwith its competence, but that individual British soldiers, who were sent to Iraq by Mr. Liar, can be persecuted for imagined war crimes trawled out of the Chilcot report. [If it's ever published. Ed.]

Far Queue symbol The Governor of the Bank of England, M. Carney, who seems to be trying to engineer a recession to justify his pre-Brexit doom-mongering.

Far Queue symbol Angelica Eagle, who was 'not wanted on voyage' for Labour's latest leadership beauty contest.

Far Queue symbol Unite figurehead Comrade McClusky, who is pretending that MI5 is organizing the threats and bullying and brickings of Labour MPs who haven't bought J. Corbyn's vision of "kinder, gentler politics".

Far Queue symbol “Far queue, far queue very much!” – Frank Zappa.

The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage".

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Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression
to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, July MM16.