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A recycled Merry Xmas & a Guid New Year
to all our readers and two fingers to miserable multiculturalists, dastardly diversifiers and all other Xmas denyers. BFN would like to thank all who contributed to the 2016 issues – and we hope to hear from you again, and your friends, in 2017!

A Great Xmas Offer

New from Farrago Books for Xmas 2016

buy it @ Romiley BIG BOOKs, 114a Riverside Drive, Romiley


BFN would like to say a big
C novim godom
to Vlad the hijo de Putin of all the Russias, who has run rings around the lame duck President O'Bummer of the USA.
   O'Bummer has ejected 35 Russian ‘diplomats' to show how pissed off he is over the hacking and publication of Democratic party emails, which he believes cost the appalling Hillary Clinton the presidency. And if Vlad the Putin had been in the US, he'd have been gone, too.
   O'Bummer thinks Vlad was personally involved in the hacking operation because he has personal reasons for hating the appalling Hillary (like everyone else).
   President Putin has trumped O'Bummer's ace by opting to do nothing. He let his underlings post pictures of a lame duck on antisocial meeja and he announced that he was postponing a reaction until after he had spoken to his good pal the future President Trump. Which means that nothing will happen before the end of January 2017 at the earliest.


Mind Games
black squareTrumponomics is boosting the US stock market for an extraordinary reason. The experts say that there is no proof that his policies will work, but there is no counter-proof that they will not. As a result, the market is expected to remain optimistic for at least a year. So, totally out of touch with the real world, as usual, and it's all down to what the "experts" believe at that particular moment.


Proportionality & lifestyle
black squareWe've heard rather a lot about how 2016 has been a ‘brutal' year for celebs. But let us not forget that some of them were kamikaze pilots. They scoffed non-nutritional comestibles and (non-)prescription pharmaceuticals by the ton, and rather than trying to avoid being noticed by the Grim Reaper, they spat in his eye on a daily basis and challenged him to do his worst.
   So, in some cases, it's not so much a case of ‘taken so shockingly early' as ‘how did he/she manage to last so long?'


Practical presents
black squareWhat are dog-lovers in Finland rushing off to buy their pets for Xmas? A vest which will protect the animal from an attack by a wolf, which is a serious problem there. The vest releases a blast of hot chilli power into the wolf's face when punctured, so it's a good aversion therapy.

Practical tactics
black square What do you get when you call the Crown Post Office workers out on strike in the week before Xmas? Most of the POs still open because the staff don't want to give up the best part of a week's wages with the holiday to pay for.

Crime News

Plod needs some brain-training
black squareThe College of Policing would like all new coppers to have a degree, or the equivalent, as educational standards in the 43 police farces in England and Wales are lower than they were in the 1930s.

Sometimes, the old ways are okay
black squareWe keep being told that we're getting "policing for the 21st century". But can you imagine Dixon of Dock Green getting pissed at an official police do and getting his tits (or anything else) out to wave at a colleague?

Guilty, but so what?
black squareThe figurehead of the International Monetary fund, C. Lagarde, has been found guilty of criminal negligence in a public office. But as she's French and entitled, she won't lose her job. [Because corruption is the norm for international organizations? Ed.]


Hidden messages in advertising
black squareA reader writes:
"For some reason, I'd failed to hit the mute button during a commercial break in something I was watching on TV and I heard someone boast that a product was 'made with 4% recycled batteries'. My first reaction was: 'Big deal!' And then I got the hidden message, which has to be something along the lines of: 'Don't even think about complaining about this product if it turns out to be crap because we've pushed the recycling button and we're virtuous and fireproof.'
reader comment"I had a similar experience. I realized that 'sequences shortened' in an Apple advert meant that they had edited it down to make you think their computer is a lot faster than it really is."


Rattle, rattle
black square The Chinese regime has warned that should America under President Trump recognize Taiwan as an independent nation state then China will increase funding to America's enemies and possibly also invade Taiwan, thus depriving the US arms industry of a major customer.

Just a reasonable response
black squareRussia's ambassador to Britain thinks we're ‘overly hostile' to his country. But why would we be anything else as long as Russia keeps sending its warplanes and warships into our space?

Statistics you can really get behind. Not.
black squareAccording to a CIA estimate, there are 35,000 Islamic State insurgents in Iraq and Syria. According to a CIA estimate, 50,000 of them have been killed.


Are we really supposed to be impressed?
black square Another of those brilliant studies has found that making everyone richer would reduce human misery in Britain by a mere 5%. A separate study, conducted on behalf of BFN, has found that 100% of people would rather be rich and miserable than poor and miserable.

What are they hiding?
black squareThe World Meteorological Organization is claiming that a weather buoy logged a record-breaking wave, which was 62 feet high. The wave was detected in the North Atlantic between Britain and Iceland on February 4th, 2013. Which leaves wide-open the question of why the WMO kept quiet about the wave for nearly 4 years.


U-Turn if you want to
black square The management at Mercedes has slapped down the Formula One team boss, T. Wolff, and he's been forced to issue Lewis Hamilton with a public apology for going off the rails on the radio at the last GP when, with everything sewn up for his team; constructors' and drivers' championships; Hamilton went for the title himself. It is likely that N. Rosberg's decision to cut and run after he won the top prize has persuaded Merc to be a bit nicer to their remaining world champion.


It's Watergate II
black square The CIA is trying to pretend that the Russian government's hacking of the Democratic Party during the presidential election period was responsible for getting Donald Trump elected. The CIA is claiming to have 'quite clear' proof that the Russians wanted a Trump victory.
    But when you get down to the facts, they thin out somewhat. The CIA is, in fact, selling a 'consensus view' from the 17 US intelligence agencies; something along the lines of the UN's 'consensus' on the not-so-great global warming swindle; and not all of them agree with the CIA. Worse, there is the same sort of evidence that the Russians also hacked Republican party emails.
   As for Mr. Trump, he is contenting himself by pointing out that the CIA is the same outfit which assured the nation that Saddam Hussein had Weapons of Mass Destruction in abundance; something which history has proved to sheer flim-flam.
black blob A former CIA employee reckons that there are still people working there who went along with the Iraq WoMD fairy tale and they will get the hump over Mr. Trump reminding everyone about it. Maybe if they'd done a better, more honest job before the Bush/Bliar war erupted, then they wouldn't be feeling quite so embarrassed now.
updateRussian hackers not just getting the blame for debunking Hillary Clinton, we're also being invited to believe that they were behind the Brexit vote. However did we ever manage without Russian hackers to blame everything on?

Romiley News

More scare-mongering

black square Something else that the swindlers are predicting that global warming (which ain't happening) will inflict on us: 65-foot tsunami waves racing across the North Sea and clobbering our east coast. Do we in Romiley feel lucky to have the Pennines between us and this further mythical disaster? Not if some government stooge is working on a tax on people living inland to pay for tsunami defences for the east coast. Especially if the tax revenue will be diverted to the advantage of cronies, as happens all too frequently.

Global warming? Bring it on!
black squareA reader writes:
"It's Xmas day, there's no snow, the sun is shining and it's a bit windy. If this is the product of man-made climate change, what the hell is wrong with it? More, I cry, give us more."


black square After that vote of no confidence in the Italian government, will the EU fall apart before Britain gets a chance to leave it?

By Liberal rules, the Richmond by-election result was a vote for Brexit
black squareIn June, the area voted 70-30 (of those who could be bothered) for Bremain. In the December by-election, the Bremoaner Liberal candidate took 49% of the vote leaving 51% for the rest. So it was -21% for Bremoan and +21% for Brexit. Which just goes to show that politics is crap, like the stats it creates.

What was the Richmond by-election really about?
black square The only question on offer was: "Who do you want for your MP?" The message from the electorate was: "We don't care as long as it's not that ass-clown Goldsmith." Thus about one-quarter voted for an air-head Liberal, a slightly smaller quarter still voted for Goldsmith and one-half of the electorate decided they didn't care at all and stayed at home. Nothing about the EU or Brexit. Just straight: "Dump Goldsmith".

In praise of "populism"
black square The BBC, Tony B. Liar, J. Corbyn and other BreMoaner members of the sneerocracy are all using it as their latest buzz-word. Which means that any "populists" who are their targets must be jolly fine fellows!
reader comment "95% of reasonable, decent Britons agree that smugness and sneering at people who don't share a particular set of prejudices is no way to win hearts and minds. You might have nothing better to do than crouch behind a dustbin, throwing rocks at your people who don't agree with you, but most of your targets Knut be bothered with you."

It was just a protest vote
black square The wheels are off the Liberals' claim that there is a massive surge toward Bremain sweeping the country. They won a by-election in Richmond because the electorate wanted to get shot of Zac Goldsmith. But in Sleaford in Lincs., the Libs were reduced to 3rd place behind UKIP and they were only marginally ahead of struggling Labour. The new Tory MP took 53% of the vote and the next 3 parties managed a total of 35% of the rest.

It's just a fair question
black squareThe Queen asking, "Why can't we just get out (of the EU)?" is a question about the degree of political entanglement and obtuseness. It's not an opinion for or against Brexit. Except on a slow- or no-news day, of course.


A growing concern
black square Bad news for all you science fans—the periodic table of elements has just grown 4 bigger. For the benefit of all those who lost the will to live when the table used to end at element number 103, this is what you have to contend with now:

103, Lawrencium, Lr / 104, Rutherfordium, Rf / 105, Dubnium, Db / 106, Seaborgium, Sg
107, Bohrium, Bh / 108, Hassium, Hs / 109, Meitnerium, Mt / 110, Darmstadtium, Ds
111, Roentgenium, Rg / 112, Copernicium, Cn / 113, Nihonium, Nh / 114, Flerovium, Fl
115, Moscovium, Mc / 116, Livermorium, Lv / 117, Tennessine, Ts / 118 , Oganesson, Og

black blob There is a rumour seeping out of Russian academic circles that their president was offered the chance to have element 115 named Putinium, symbol Pn, but Vlad, the hijo de Putin, was too mean to cough up enough of the $160 Billion, which he has liberated from the Russian taxpayer, to impress the Nomenclature Committee, and his loss was Moscovium's gain.


Je suis rubbish et je le sait
black squarePresident Hollande has seen opinion polls forecasting that he will be lucky to win 7% of the vote in the first round when the presidential elections in France begin next year, and he has decided not to be humiliated further. Thus he will not be asking the electorate to give him a second terms.

There's a lot of it about!
black squareThere was always an air of the dilettante about Nico Rosberg. Retiring a few days after being handed the Formula One drivers' title confirms it. He can't hack it at the sharp end. After all, can you imagine Vettel, Ricciardo, Hamilton, Raikkonen or any of the others not going on for another title?

Carney crumble
black square A couple of vexatious vegans start agitating because the plastic used to make plastic fivers contains about 3 atoms of beef tallow per bank note. Naturally, the Bremoaner boss of the Bank of England, the man who claims he can't be pushed around by politicians, gives in. Everyone is now "working hard" to make the world safe again for the weirdos. Tail, dog, wagging.


Fair's fair
black square In a counterblast to the vegan complaints about a couple of molecules of tallow being present in each new plastic fiver, carnivores have started a petition for chicken-curry flavour banknotes.

Not very charitable to the donors, a.k.a. walking wallets
black square The RSPCA and the British Heart Foundation have been fined £25,000 and £18,000 respectively for selling donor's data and allowing it to end up in the hands of scammers. They have also been "wealth profiling" donors to work out which ones are worth harassing for more cash.

Brain not engaged at the time?
black square Are her subjects really thrilled to know, from the pictures in the newspapers, that we have a PM who can blow a grand on a pair of brown leather trousers? Do we really want a "well, they certainly saw her coming!" person to negotiate Brexit for us?

Missed by a mile
black square "The NHS is clearly underfunded," said the chief executive of the Patients' Association. Which is utter tripe. No matter how much money went into the NHS, there would always be some politician or representative of a vested interest saying the same.
   The big problem with the NHS is the failure of its management to get value for the taxpayer's money, particularly from drug companies, the failure of managers to chase up cash owed by foreign health tourists, money wasted on minority frills, which should be paid for by the current recipients, etc., etc., etc.
   Only when the NHS is under competent management will anyone be able to make a sensible assessment of how much money it is getting compared to reasonable demand.


Did you know . . .
. . . that allegedly ‘smart' gas and electricity meters contain an internal cut-off switch, which is electronically operated? This is present presumably so that the company can cut off a non-paying customer without requiring access to their premises.
   But did you know that these cut-offs can be activated for no apparent reason? Certainly not a reason which the companies are willing to share with their customers, who are expected to sit in the dark whilst the contents of their fridge and freezer spoil, and/or shiver with no central heating, until an engineer arrives to reset the rogue meter.
   Sounds like the people who designed and built these meters are a lot less smart than they needed to be.

Public Service Announcement

He's been called the Blogger of the Decade

His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!


Another worthy candidate
black square Bob Dylan has been awarded a Nobel prize for his services to music and popular culture. What about one for Arthur Lee, creator of the band Love, next? How can the committee possible ignore someone who gave us lyrics like these for Live and let Live on the Forever Changes album (1967):

   Oh, the snot has caked against my pants
   It has turned into crystal
   There's a bluebird sitting on a branch
   I guess I'll take my pistol
   I've got it in my hand
   Because he's on my land

Is this not pure genius?

world news

black square The latest poll in Germany shows that 42% of the people want a referendum on EU membership.

Mouth open, brain not engaged
black squareApparently, there are over 30 million dead Facebook clients, and the existing ones are croaking at a rate of 8,000 per day, and FB makes no attempt to weed out the non-active members. "One day, there will be more dead users than live ones," and ‘expert' has declared. But given that dead people can hardly be called ‘users' of anything, the statement is bunk.

black square The Arab Spring didn't work out too well. What hope is there for a European Spring?

Well, this should put an end to migration
black square The current Gov. of the Bank of England has announced his plans for when he is evicted from the job in 2019. This Canadian clown is going to build an army of robots to put 15 million Britons; one-half of the workforce; out of work. His robots will take over all administrative, clerical and production jobs, and put bus, train, taxi and aeroplane drivers on the scrap heap. Oh, brave new world . . .
reader comment "It looks like the job of being Gov. of the BoE has been automated pretty well out of existence if the incumbent has time to waste writing bad SF."

History and hysteria
black square It is claimed that there were 589 attempts to kill off Fidel Castro, but the drama drops out of this vast number when it is revealed that 582 of them were invented by the regime to make the dictator seem exceptional.

black square Is it true that the most iconic American emblem is the Statute of Libertines @ New York?

Home News
UK Flag

black square Which planet is he living on? Clunker Corbyn (at PMQs) claimed that Britain is heading for 1920s levels of poverty.

black square In case they haven't noticed, it is the job of Parliament to make the Law and the job of judges to apply it. It is not the job of judges to suborn the Law in pursuit of personal political goals for which they have no mandate from the electorate.

Wobbly continuity
black squareZillionaire Zac Goldsmith threw a wobbly over a new runway for Heathrow airport, put his seat in Parliament up for grabs . . . and lost it to the Liberals.
   The victor in the by-election promptly threw a wobbly when she was asked if her keenness for a second referendum on EU membership means that her election should be repeated to let the voters have second thoughts, and she flounced out of the press conference.
   Her win was ‘a triumph for intolerance, fear and division', according to her party. Or something like that.

So much for the truth
black squareSNP MP A. Salmond offered fellow MPs a chance to bring Tony B. Liar back to the Commons to put the record straight over all the lies he told before the Iraq War of 2003. The House voted 439 to 70 against holding Mr. Liar to account. Her win was ‘a triumph for intolerance, fear and division', according to her party. Or something like that.

PC pillocks
black squareEast Cambridgeshire district council has banned the word ‘satisfactory', which means ‘doing okay', from staff appraisals on the grounds that it is not a pleasing word and workers would prefer to be classed as ‘good', even if they aren't.

black square "actified" has been voted Word of the Month. Whether or not it actually means anything is still a matter for debate.

black square Oh, fuc*! Trousergate? How could they?

What do you call someone who doesn't think they can walk into a room and sit down without falling over unless they've had a rehearsal?
black square Our 11 Supreme Court judges were so worried about falling over with TV cameras looking on that they had to rehearse walking into their court room and taking their places. What sort of person doesn't know how to walk and sit down at a ripe old age? And would you want some unelected person like that dabbling in politics and making the law?

Public Service Announcement

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Far Queue List

Far Queue symbol Assistant Chief Constabule R. Sutcliffe of GMP, our local police farce, who has been exposed as a drunken flasher, but who won't lose her job for misconduct, natch, being female. One rule for the nobs, another for everyone else.

Far Queue symbol Corbyn and all the other Castro worshipping clowns.

Far Queue symbol BoE Gov. M. Carney, who doesn't get that 2½% of bugger all is a lot less than 1% of a lot.

Far Queue symbol Lady Boothby is blaming the bloating of the House of Frauds on D. Cameron sending his former aides there. So no mention of Tony B. Liar selling peerages and all the Liberal losers stuffed into the house? How's that for crassbencher.

Far Queue symbol Luvvie academic and "eminent" (?) historian N. Ferguson, who ranted his head off for Remain but who is now telling us that the EU is a load of old rubbish.

Far Queue symbol Everyone associated with the Turner prize for modern "art".

Far Queue symbol All the Global Warming Swindle deniers.

Far Queue symbol All Brexit deniers.

Far Queue symbol Dave the ex-leader, who's not accusing the people who didn't buy Project Fear and voted for Brexit of the confected crime of "populism".

Far Queue symbol Labour MP B. Bradshaw would have us believe that Russian hackers caused the Brexit vote. Natch, he doesn't have a shred of evidence to support his claim, but when did a politician ever let the truth get in his way?

Far Queue symbol Let us present a TBA** to our ambassador to the EU, I. Rogers, who has ambitions to drag out getting a post-Brexit trade deal with the EU for 10 years.
**Tedious Bremoaner Award

Far Queue symbolThe management of King's College, London, which is editing a collection of portraits of former members on diversity and hate-crime grounds.

Far Queue symbol “Far queue, far queue very much!” – Frank Zappa.

The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage".

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Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression
to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, December MM16.