Trust the bluddy public to be serious! The Queensferry Crossing, the latest addition to the bridges over the River Forth in Scotland, has had a McBoatface moment. The general public were invited to name the new bridge, and the most popular choice was ‘Kevin'. The Scottish Gnatish government, which has ‘invested' over £1 billion of English taxpayers' money in the structure, was not impressed.
Don't expect to see much of J. Corbyn at the end of the year Uncle Jezzer will be starring in his new panto productions, casting and rehearsals for which began at this month's Glastonbury festival of luvvies. The event is expected to pay to packed houses as attendance will be made compulsory for all members of Momentum and other cuddly fascist lefty groups. Ticket prices are expected to be high but all profits, if any after paying for hospitality, will be donated to party funds.
WTF***! As they say, Snow news is good news, especially if Jon of that ilk is keeping his trap shut (or he's been locked in a box). Because when he's out and about, things like this happen:
The Department of Trade & Industry has issued a warning that the world faces a major shortage of asterisks following an epidemic of profanity among left-wing politicians and their supporters, especially those fulfilling (anti-social) media roles.
The situation is exacerbated by left-wingers who went to public schools showing off their education by using polysyllabic invective, such as o********** and g************, and their habit of stringing together bad language with hyphens, as c****-*****d-t*****.
The British asterisk industry, meanwhile, is working hard to bridge the gap and asks the public to be patient during temporary shortages and to beware of cheap and defective asterisks imported from China.
They're all sinister “If the BBC makes no secret about being the voice of the Labour party, why all the surprise about Fuc* Jo* Sno* and Channel 4 doing the same?”
A failure of trust The incoming head of the BMA is claiming that the Tories are making the NHS fail as part of an evil plan to privatize it to the benefit of for-profit companies. Let us draw a veil over the number of former Labour ministers currently milking the for-profit sector and concentrate on the issue of failure because now, patients have to start wondering about the person who is treating them.
Is their doctor doing his/her best to make the patient well again? Or is that doctor deliberately making the treatment fail to support the BMA's contention that the NHS is failing because that's what the government wants?
Is that apparently sympathetic person with the stethoscope a caring medical professional or a wild-eyed political fanatic, who doesn't care how many people have to die if it's serving the cause of getting the Tories out of government?
Some relief is at hand, though. The outgoing head of the BMA has declared that the incoming is talking tripe, confirming that what we're getting from another left-wing trade union leader is just politics rather than fact.
“From now on, I am definitely going to ask for a second opinion from someone more senior if I'm ever confronted by some overgrown teenage activist of a junior doctor wearing a Tories Out or an I Heart Jezzer T-shirt!”
It's all about the money NICE, the alleged health watchdog, wants fines imposed on drivers who leave their engine ticking over near a school, hospital or care home when they are transporting passengers. Which sends the message the NICE doesn't care about people being poisoned by exhaust emissions as long as some cash goes into the till. Maybe this poisonous body should be obliged to change its name to NASTY.
There's always cash for something daft When the Sussex police farce starts pleading poverty and 'The Cuts' don't take any notice. The Chief Constable is quite happy to spend money on converting police cars into rainbow clown cars in the name of diversity.
“The only saving grace of the millennial buttercups putting Corbyn into Downing Street and his dotty gang into power is that the buttercups will be struck with the consequences when they are old and the country is too broke to pay them a pension, and all today's oldies will be dead and gone long before the wheels come off.”
Go to the money J. Corbyn seems to have a really weird idea of who the ‘dispossessed' are. He seems to think they're the people who were dispossessed of hundreds, if not thousands, of pounds to gain entry to the Glastonbury music festival, with optional glamping and lots of fences and security to exclude the riff-raff. Well, most of it!
Nice work if you can get it! “I've just read that George Osborne, the sacked Tory Chancellor, is paid £650K for working one day a week. And that set me wondering: does he get to choose which week he does his day's work in? If that's so, I bet it's not Xmas week.”
Where's the magic when you need it? We have a global debt crisis, according to the Institute of International Finance, which works out of Washington, D.C., God's Country. Planet Earth has a combined debt of £168,000 billion. But who do we owe it to? Martians? And are they able to invade us to collect the dough? We might have a bit of a problem fighting them off if Uncle Jezzer gets to abolish our nukes.
La même chose French voters will be delighted to know that their new president's new political party is observing the time-honoured political traditions of the past. M. MacRon is having to sack his ministers left, right and centre for good, old-fashioned corruption and doing favours for pals. Just like in the good old days of the now vanished traditional parties.
Not me, Gov! Putting cheap & cheerful, if flammable, cladding on public buildings and ending compulsory fire brigade inspections were policies brought in by the Labour party. J. Corbyn, of course, is claiming that he had no part in them and he is citing his long and undistinguished history of voting against his party as proof.
The Democratic Unionists in Ulster are mainly white, Christian and they have values and standards. No wonder the fascist left and other terrorist hate them so much.
The need for faux equality Oxford University has come up with a way to achieve gender equality in first degrees. Currently, women are less like to get a history first than men. Accordingly, the university has decided to let women take the exam at home to make them feel more comfortable. And if that devalues the female first degree because women will have the opportunity to cheat, that's just a price they'll have to pay for their faux equality.
“If the Oxford U first-degree equality scam takes off, we can expect a big rise in the number of male students opting to do a gender swap for the duration of their course so that they can have equal opportunities cheating rights for their exams!”
What sort of people do they think they are admitting? The geniuses in charge of Cambridge U. have banned the use of terms like genius, brilliant and flair when staff are communicating with students because they think female students won't be capable of understanding what these words mean, and that the girls will automatically assume that they are being oppressed because of their sex.
Can we live with majority Tory rule? Probably. Not having a majority is going to keep Theresa May looking over her shoulder and it should force her to curb her arrogant tendencies. Corbyn is still an also ran, even if Labour supporters are keeping the party going at a chug-along level until he's replaced by someone credible. The Liberals will need 3 taxis instead of 2 but they're still irrelevant. The SNP have lost nearly half of their MPs, so Wee Burney Sturgeon is a busted flush. And UKIP are as irrelevant as the Greens.
Conservative: 318, down from 331, 33.7%
Didn't get involved: 32.7%
Labour: 262, up from 232, 27.5%
Gnats: 35, down from 56, 3.7%
Liberal: 12, up from 8, 1.3%
Democratic Unionists: 10, up from 8, 1.1%
As the dust settles, what now? Theresa May is looking severely damaged. Her election campaign blew a lead, which was probably nowhere near as huge as the polls said because it dragged on for too long and she failed to focus on the real issues. Is she going to be able to keep going for a while or will she be gone by Xmas? We'll just have to find out.
As for Jeremy Corbyn, his position as Labour leader looks secure but there's a lot of back-biting going on under the surface and he is still a loser - he didn't even come close to winning the election, even under a system which has a built-in bias to Labour. He still thinks there's a magic money tree and he's still a scumbag who can't meet a terrorist without wanting to hug him.
The Liberals are nothing much and the SNP is on the wane. After a decade in charge of Scotland, during which they claimed to be focussed on education and public services, they have proved that they are as incompetent and as incapable of delivering as Scottish Labour was.
Should anyone take G. Osborne seriously? Given that everything he says about the prime minister is sour grapes about the woman who sacked him, the answer is no. She's got the job he wanted, he knows he's never going to be prime minister and he's being eaten up inside by poisoned envy.
Boy George was useless as the Chancellor, his Project Fear was a huge flop and he was useless as a constituency MP because he was never there, having half a dozen other jobs to keep him away from his constituency.
About all he's good at seems to be persuading idiots to give him lots of money to hear his nutty ideas. Which is a truly marvellous talent, but the ideas themselves remain tripe.
What's the reverse of decimated? T. Farron, the teenage leader of the Liberals, had his majority slashed from 8,000 to under 800. That's what the electorate think of him. Over 90% gone. Is that nonaginated?
Lest we forget . . . Most of the senior (in the sense of having been there a long time, no matter how useless) Labourites who are calling Mrs. May's accommodation with Ulster's Unionists a 'dangerous disgrace' were party to Gordon effin' Broon's attempts to do a deal with the DUP to cling on to power in 2010. But then, if you're called Campbell or Balls, you do expect nothing other than hypocrisy. And 'Orrible Ed Miliband tried the same trick in 2015. But that's way too long ago for anyone to remember in the grubby world of political lies.
The bribe-me generation “Did younger voters opt for Crazee Corbyn's Magic Money Tree manifesto because they're idealistic? Or was it because he offered them something for nothing and they didn't twig that he had no hope of delivering? Maybe they should raise the voting age to 35, just to be on the safe side. And maybe include a marbles count.”
The more bodies, the merrier
“We have seen the true face of J. Corbyn in the wake of the Grenfell Tower fire; he's the reincarnation of 'Uncle Joe' Stalin, whose smile gets broader as the body count rises.”
Everyone doing their job The head of the nation, the Queen, did hospital visiting after the Grenfell Tower fire.
The head of the government, Mrs. May, got to grips with what needed to be done for the survivors in the immediate short term and also what needed to be done in the long term.
The head of the Opposition, J. Corbyn, went out schmoozing the survivors as if they were terrorists whilst trying to further his own political agenda.
The head of the nation's 3rd largest political party at Westminster didn't get involved as the fire took place in England, which is a long way from Edinburgh.
I don't get this “If the outraged Looneytunists of the far left won the last election, as they claim, why do they need a day of Outrage to overthrow the government on the day of the Queen's speech? After all, if they won the election then the government is . . . them!”
Mission impossible “A lie told often enough becomes the truth is accepted political wisdom. But how long will it take the Labour party to tell us that it is a government in waiting 100 billion times? Which is what it will take, at the very least.”
A small bit of exaggeration
During the election week, Liberal leaflets claiming that voters were flocking to their cause in their thousands made the journey between letterboxes and recycling bins. How accurate were they?
Conservative: 20,047
Liberal: 14,533
Labour: 9,036
Pull the other one June 21st was being touted by the weather forecasters as what was going to be the hottest day for . . . a million years, was it? Not here, it wasn't. There was some sun but it soon turned cloudy and we got some rain to give the weeds a drink in the early afternoon. But what do you expect for the Manchester area?
"I don't really think that's your colour, Dave."
“The election day Daily Mail offered extracts from resignation letters sent by Labour shadow ministers to J. Corbyn after he was elected Labour's new president**. The thing that struck me was how few of the names were familiar. Unknown minister resigns in a huff. Big deal.” [**172 went but 33 crawled back on to the front bench in search of extra wages. Ed.]
Don't you just wish . . . . . . that one of the politicians going in or out of 10 Downing Street would respond to the inevitable yell by turning to the meeja pack and saying, "Don't you just wish that loud-mouthed twats like him would learn some manners?"
Don't you just wish . . . . . . that someone would mention to J. Corbyn that stealing other people's property breaches the 'uman rights of the victim of his theft. But, then, what does someone whose hobby is hugging terrorists care about 'uman bluddy rights?
Another expense Laundry bills for the official version of the British national flag are expected to rocket should J. Corbyn ever become prime minister. White flags are notoriously difficult to keep clean.
Wealth creates wealth The Bonk of England is shredding old tenners and turning them into compost as new plastic notes are due to come into circulation soon. Prime-minister-in-waiting J. Corbyn is believed to have ordered several lorryloads of the shreds to put some life into his Magic Money Tree.
A tax for its time There has been some opposition to the suggestion of a tax on Moslems [purely from Moslems and people hoping to buy their votes, Ed.] to pay the costs of anti-terrorism policing and dealing with the aftermath of terrorist attacks. But the government could announce that the Moslem Tax is a purely temporary measure, which is being introduced only for the duration of the emergency.
Just as income tax was a purely temporary measure introduced when Britain was under threat of invasion by the evil French, who were in the grip of the dictator Napoleon Bonaparte.
Ixnay on the trough-scoffing! The election has really upset the nation's peers and they are desperate to avoid another one. Why? Because whilst Parliament is in recess, they can't turn up at the House of Frauds, sign in and slope off with 300 quid.
WFA safe! One good thing came out of the election - the Winter Fuel Allowance is safe, as the minority Scots Tories and the Ulster Unionists won't wear Mrs. May's plan to withhold it from everyone not claiming pension credit, which would have left pensioners who have savings but an income below the threshold for the starting rate of income tax not getting the WFA when the feckless who never saved did get it.
That's why the government has BIG drains The news that one of David Cameron's flagship policies has sunk; a £3.7B campaign to discourage gaoled criminals from continuing to prey on others; confirms an eternal political truth: that most grand government plans will founder on the rock of the incompetence of the people appointed to deliver the policy.
Is anyone going to tell us how many BILLIONs of pounds of taxpayer's money have been wasted on putting combustible claddings on high-rise buildings in the name of the not-so-great global warming swindle? Probably not.
Why are head teachers moaning about cash-starved schools when lots of them are taking home over £100,000 per annum? Is it not obvious where the cash is going?
Bank Baloney How strange that the bankers who prevented Barclays from going bust and needing a bail-out from the taxpayer are being prosecuted whilst the ones who drove HBoS, Lloyds and the RBS into the ground, and Gordon Brown who helped them to do it, are all enjoying fat pensions and under no threat of being sent to gaol. Or maybe it's just further proof that the Universe hates us.
Just a slight difference Labour is making much of the deal between the Tories and the DUP, which will cost the taxpayer £1 billion in extra grants for Ulster. Not a cheep out of them about the price of putting J. Corbyn in Downing Street, which includes hitting the taxpayer for £40 billion as the cost of abolishing and repaying student tuition fees.
The EU has fined Gooble an eye-catching £2.1 BILLION for breach of competition laws by putting rivals at the back of search queues. But how much will it actually get from this huge sum come pay-out day? After the usual wriggling and shabby back-street deals, it will probably be less than the amount of taxpayers' money blown by the EU.
The march of time Sadly, the head of the US Federal Reserve has been overtaken by senility at the young age of 70. J. Yellen would have us believe that there won't be another financial crash like the 2008 Brown Hole ‘in our lifetimes'. Of course, she might have been addressing an audience of centenarians, or she might have some soon-to-be-lethal condition herself, but that isn't likely.
One of our regular readers received this email at the start of the month. As he doesn't own a timeshare, and never has owned a timeshare, he's a bit baffled by it:
From: cbrook_67 at fond.com
Reply-To: cbrokover114 at gmail.com
Subject: Your Vacation Timeshare Week
Date: 01/06/2017 11:36
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still available for sale. Thanks, Cynthia IUWUSCXVSQZCNMJXPDOIFJFNRSZMJSQBKMSEEJ
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Put up or shut up Former prime minister J. Major is claiming that many people voted Leave in the EU referendum for reasons entirely unconnected with Brexit. To which we reply: "How do you know?", with which we would like to couple: "Name them."
Brain switched off Bank of England Gov. M. Carney has said that we will be finding out if Brexit is a gentle stroll to a land of cake and consumption. Maybe someone should mention to the clot that 'consumption' is a lay-person's term for tuberculosis - a consummation devoutly not to be wished!
A matter of interpretation Desperate Bremoaners are claiming that the Queen is on their side because she wore an EU flag hat at the State opening of Parliament. Whilst the Leave side has pointed out that there were only five yellow blobs on the hat, not twelve, which suggests that Her Majesty is expecting further departures.
A weighty matter Another thing the Labour party is banging on about is poverty. And yet official figures from the NHS show that 50% of young adults are overweight or obese. It would seem that there's plenty of cash about to stoke up the nation's fatties.
And Labour's claim that everyone existing in poverty (apart from J. Corbyn and his shadow cabinet) has been struck another blow by the EU, which has found that Britain has the lowest rate of long-term poverty in the club and that Brits are No. 1 when it comes to hauling themselves out of the dumps.
It would appear that only those with a vested interest in making the claim; Labour, Oxfam, et al; are calling Britain a nation of paupers.
Post-election prediction The motor vehicle industry will enjoy a boom after the Corbyn Calamitous Coalition takes office. Why? Because the railways will be effectively on permanent strike. The rail unions, which pay Mr. Corbyn's way, will insist on huge pay rises and the railway staff will be too shagged out after collecting their enormous pay packets actually to be bothered to do any work.
Lost and not found The police are looking for the Manchester Arena bomber's blue suitcase. Have they tried the British Airways' collection of lost luggage?
Jobsworth Britain Traffic wardens were slapping tickets on abandoned cars within minutes of the lifting of the police cordon around the area where Saturday's terrorist attacks took place in London . . .
The art of the possible It is indeed true that you can fit someone up for absolutely anything if you try real hard. Thus theGrauniad is trying to pretend that the FBI is after former UKIP leader N. Farage for helping the Russians to get President Trump elected. Useful idiots everywhere are swallowing the story whole and jumping up and down with glee. [At least the exercise will do them a bit of good. Ed]
Sturgeon is history “When Mr. Corbyn wins the election by forming a Chancers' Coalition with Wee Burney Sturgeon's Gnats, the first thing he'll do is give her IndyRef2. Knowing that when she's trounced, he'll be the only man left sitting in the leadership limo. How exceedingly cunning!”
“I was struck by the superficial resemblance between the official US prisoner shots of Tiger Woods after he was picked up for being zonked in charge of a motor vehicle and the pictures in today's newspaper of the dead Islamist murderer Butt. There's the same blank-eyed zombie stare; the one from a mix of prescription drugs and the other, presumably, from smoking cannabis, which the Liberals are so strangely eager to promote.”
The rest of the world is making an effort, Britain ain't Britain's top universities are slipping down international league tables. Their relentless left-wing agendas and their eagerness to snowflake students are contributing to the slump; as well as falling academic standards relative to universities abroad. Brexit is not involved, even though some universities are trying to use it as an excuse.
What are they on? According to the BBC news, the prime minister 'called for' an inquiry into the London tower block fire, which is garbage. She's in charge and she can order an inquiry to be held; she doesn't have to 'call for' them like someone standing on the sidelines.
Blame game If J. Corbyn is going to claim that the fire was a result of austerity, then the blame belongs to his Labour party, which spent the nation deep into debt and made austerity, i.e. living within the nation's means, necessary. And it was Labour party regulations which put the cladding on the building, while we're pointing fingers.
It looks like rehearsals began at the Glastonbury Festival for this year's big budget pantomime: Peter Pan and the Magic Money Tree.
National Interest There would appear to be a strong case for imposing compulsory retirement on judges who exceed their powers and invent laws which have not been passed by Parliament. With an appropriately reduced pension for bringing the nation into disrepute, of course.
No, you're not special A woman tried to get her 15 minutes of fame by complaining about being done for a rent payment on a Grenfell Tower flat, which was destroyed by the fire. Honestly! The quality of the complaints you get these days.
It's council bureaucracy. It's rubbish. It's the same everywhere. Always has been, always will be. And if this woman knew anything about life in Britain, she would know she wasn't singled out for persecution, she's just getting routine council treatment.
A blast from the past The Labour party's shadow to the chancellor, J. McDonnell, a self-proclaimed Marxist, is busting a gut to bring down capitalism. But if no one has any capital, what then? Universal poverty? Well, yes, we'd all vote for that.
BFN, September 2016.
As the general election looms, the tax on insurance: homes, businesses, vehicles, pets, etc.; has doubled from 6% in 2015 to 12% from the start of this month. Something else we have to thank George Osborne for.
“Voters have just seven days to ensure the promise of Brexit is not squandered by Kim Jong-corbyn, we are being told. But what is it we're supposed to do, exactly?”
Just amazing Surprise! All the Labour propaganda about Tory cuts to the NHS is based on lies. The National Institute of Economic & Social Research has found that spending on the NHS is at its highest level ever and so are patient satisfaction levels.
The only problem on the horizon is that the NHS monster is going to gobble up more zillions than you can shake a stick at if it doesn't receive root and branch reform.
Have Corbyn & Sturgeon made a secret mutual divorce pact to shed their current partners and cement their unholy alliance post-election?
“What's all this crap about a debate? One gang of politicians calls the other lots chancers. The BBC reports everything favourable to Labour and pours scorn on the Tories. The various national newspapers support their favoured party. It's just a slanging match. That's not a debate.”
What do you say to someone who complains about the NHS? "Have you heard the saying, 'the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one'? The NHS doesn't have infinite resources and it has to make judgements. Thus it might be decided that the best way to use those resources would be to treat and cure ten people using the money which would have provided a temporary fix for one person.
"Of course, the unfortunate one person will complain that this is unfair. But that person has to realize that life is not fair and it never will be. There will always be those who don't get what they want on sheer practicality grounds. After all, what right does one person have to deprive a whole group of people of a better life?"
At least the French election put a bit of interest into politics!
“Perhaps the only positive to come out of a Corbyn election victory is that he would have to cosy up to his terrorist buddies by wrapping D. Abbot up in a berko to preserve her modesty.”
D. Abbot, whose only claim to fame is that she used to ride around on J. Corbyn's motorbike, has been sidelined on medical grounds. She is believed to be suffering from extreme incompetence.
There's always cash for 'em! A study has found that washing hands in cold water is as effective as using hot water. But as there is less of an impact on the system if the water is warm, and warm water helps soap to lather, it comes as no surprise to find that people are not impressed by the academics' conclusions.
Of course, there is the school of thought which says you might as well wash your hands under the cold tap because they'll be clean long before any warm water arrives if you use the hot tap.
This is not a problem in France, where taps are labelled "C" for cold and "F" for freezing.
Something else there's cash for As the pound sags toward parity with the dollar, responding to polls predicting a Coalition of Chaos fronted by the terrorist's best buddy J. Corbyn, the lock & safe industry is enjoying a minor boom.
Labour is threatening to come up with new laws to steal any cash that people might have been foolish enough to save for their old age to fund J. Corbyn's "someone else will pay your way" culture for his clients. This has led to much conversion of assets to cash not a disadvantage when interest rates are nominal. This cash is being stashed in home vaults, where Corbyn can't get his thieving hands on it.
Of course, given the current state of the nation's police farces, the likely next step is a surge in unsolved burglaries with violence. But that's a small price to pay for enlightened rule by the Chaos Coalition.
Hidden reality Sacked Liberal leader N. Clegg thinks that legalizing cannabis will improve public health. Close examination of his assertion reveals the political truth behind it - namely that demand for the NHS will appear to fall because people will be too stoned to go to their doctor.
Wimp City Another of these famous studies has found that Oldies have stiff upper lips, they're tougher, and they are much better at dealing with pain than Youngies in their 20s. If this wimp factor is cascading down the generations, Dog knows what the next batch of Youngies will be like!
Amazing! Organic is nothing special The Advertising Standards Authority has put the boot in to claims by organic farmers that their methods are good for the land. Various studies have shown that organic fruit and vegetables have no special merits as far as taste and food value are concerned. Now, the methods used to produce these vanity products have been ruled equally vain.
Even Worse News!! Expensive wholemeal bread is no better for the consumer than cheap white stuff, according to the latest survey. Examination of test subjects found no difference in terms of their gut bacteria and the level of nutrients in their blood.
Not exactly Ali class! The teabag has been declared the Greatest Invention of All Time by English Heritage. The wheel came second. The fridge was third in the poll, but maybe that should have been the bridge. Boats and sails don't even get a mention in the top ten. Or bread.
The elephant in the room The regulations relating to fire risk in high-rise buildings are currently under the control of the EU, and the British government has no little or no say in them. Brussels rules here.
Grenfell Tower was clad with the material with the highest thermal insulation efficiency rating in accordance with an EU energy efficiency directive as part of the EU's carbon dioxide reduction programme and because of deluded British politicians, who think that they are trend-setters, whom the world will follow and worship.
Where do Labour's 'The Cuts' come into this? They don't. But the warmist ambitions of the EU and its sympathizers do.
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Confusion reigns “We are forever being told that the global warming fraudsters want to limit warming to no more than 2C. But what they don't tell us is what this means. Is it more or less than 2B?”
A man of his word Great wailing and gnashing of teeth among the warmists and their useful idiots. President Trump has fulfilled his promise to take the US out of the Paris global warming deal because it is damaging to American prosperity, promoting unemployment in the US and denying America the right to produce cheap energy from its own natural resources while the last.
“Under the Paris Accord, then President O'Bummer promised to give billions of American taxpayers' dollars to China and India, who would be allowed to go ahead and build hundreds of coal-fired power stations. How that is a good deal for America, or even for the imaginary entity Planet Earth, was never revealed.
“President Trump's decision to walk away from the whole scam has to be good for America and it has no effect on the health of the imaginary patient Planet Earth, which will continue to be poisoned, according to the warmists themselves and with their whole-hearted consent, by China and India.”
Just how daft do they think we are? “On the TV news yesterday (June 2nd), I heard some 'expert' say that (heavily subsidized) electricity from occasionals, like solar arrays and wind turbines, is cheaper than power from coal- or gas-fired power stations. Really? Next thing you know, the Global Warming Fraudsters will be telling us that occasionals are more reliable than the always available power from power stations using fossil fuels.
“And another thing: trees are renewables because you can chop them down and plant more to replace them. But turning them into compressed wood pellets and shipping them thousands of miles to replace coal in power stations will always be an utterly daft idea.”
Null Points for originality It seems French President MacRon's fatuous "make the planet great again" global-warming sound bite was a steal from President Trump's "Make America Great Again" election slogan. All we need now is an explanation of when the demented Frog thinks the planet was great in the past. Perhaps he'd like to turn the clock back to when the sun never set on the British Empire.
A new explanation for global warming It seems that extensive studies world-wide have found that one-third of the population is now officially overweight, which rather torpedoes the alarmist claims of food shortages. Researchers have concluded that as the population grows in mass, the Earth is slowing down in its mad dash through space and spiralling in closer to the Sun. Thus global warming is a direct result of our closer proximity to our star, and the remedy is obvious; mass dieting.
People who live in perilous places, like flood plains and sea shores, can expect only that life will get tough very suddenly.
Tell them anything; some might believe it On the one hand, we have the warmists yelling that the third week of this month was the hottest in the whole history of the universe. On the other, there are temperature records showing that there have been over a dozen hotter weeks over the last 140 years.
Pension at risk! A retired Euro Court of Justice judge can see, at great risk to the pension he gets only if he supports the EU's every act of fascism, that the Europeons in Brussels have declared war on Britain over Brexit when the process should be akin to a divorce. Something which nobody inside the bubble is even prepared to consider.
What's all this crap about defending the planet? What is Angular Merkel talking about? "Protecting the planet Earth"? And President MacRon: "Make our planet great again"?? What is the guy on, for heck's sake. They're talking about the planet which has been covered by volcanoes, ice and dinosaurs in its 5,000 million-year history, and it's due to suffer for another 5,000 million years until the Sun turns into a red giant and swallows up everything out to the orbit of Mars. What are these two heroes doing to prevent that? one wonders.
Double disappointment If you're bald, whatever you do, don't go to Mozambique. The nutters there think that gold is to be found in the heads of bald men, and they are ready and willing to cut heads off in search of it.
Things we never realized could be true: The BLT community in Russia is housed in underground bunkers. This information was offered along with an interview given by the bare-chested posturer Vlad the Putin, in which he claimed that he never has an off-day.
What next? Trees? A lawyer in the United States has tried to argue that chimpanzees should have human rights. A court in New York told him no, and when he went to the appeal court, he got the same answer. Probably something to do with chimps being chimps, not humans.
He'll be washing his hair President Trump has told the prime minister that he's not going to state visit the UK until the local yobs have acquired some manners. Which gets him off the hook nicely. Maybe he should invade somewhere or sponsor some terrorist attacks in British cities to endear himself to the looney left.
“The Trump decision to put a hold on his state visit to the UK must have been met with dismay in the ranks of the looney left, who had to have been hoping to tag on some arson and looting to their anti-Trump riots.”
The regime in North Korea is claiming that President Trump is behaving like Adolf Hitler. Like he's going to be bothered by static from that direction!
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Radical but effective? It has been suggested that the £200 fine for using a phone whilst driving is not enough and that the phone should be confiscated and crushed to discourage the offender. Confiscating and crushing the car would drive the point home even deeper.
Fair's fair Golfer Tiger Woods was found asleep in his banged up car, zonked due to multiple prescription meds. for his back problems. No alcohol was involved. Does that mean that the police officers who claimed they smelled alcohol on his breath will be prosecuted for bearing false witness? Thought not.
“The Can't Prosecute Service is a wing of the Labour party and run by lazy buggers. That's the obvious conclusion from a decision to charge the MP for South Thanet and his team with expenses fraud from the 2015 election just days before the 2017 election, and nearly a month past the date for changing the candidate on the ballot paper.”
The New Labour mentality lives on! The police in Grimsby hauled a man to court charged with possessing an offensive weapon, namely a sharply pointed pencil. The court tossed the charge out on its ear, pointing out that a pencil doesn't work if it doesn't have a sharp point.
Purely PR When we hear "police are considering . . ." in relation to the Grenfell Tower conflagration, what are we supposed to think? That lots of bad guys connected with it are about to be busted? Or is it just giving the appearance that something positive is happening when we just know that the whole thing is going to fizzle out on some technicality?
Vested & Panted Interest Police chiefs are demanding more cash to put guns in to the hands of more police officers. They are also saying they would struggle to contain riots on the scale of those held in London in 2011. Lest we forget, those riots were incited following the death of usual suspect Mark Duggan at the hands of an armed police officer. Which invites the question: Is giving more cops guns really such a good idea?
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Gary bloody Lineker.
Berko, who's after 5 more years scrounging as squeaker in the HoCC.
A. Campbell, the dodgy dossier merchant and the epitome of sad losers.
A. Burnham, Manchester's cosmetic mayor, wants us to believe that the Manchester Arena bomber 'wasn't even a Moslem'; so what was he doing lurking in his local mosque and spouting bits of the Koran in the street like a crazy person?
The judges who insist on letting terrorists and dangerous criminals stay in Britain.
Dave the ex-Leader, who's still plugging his Project Fear agenda.
Bremoaner P. Hammond. He really does need sacking.
Edstone Miliband, who was sure he was going to be prime minister just a couple of years ago, has found a job that suits him - talking about how much water dual-flush toilets waste to a (dwindling?) lunchtime radio audience. Eddie seems to have overcome his own revulsion for MPs having second jobs, which was one of his hobby horses just a couple of years ago.
Chancellor "Mr. Gloomy" Hammond, who never misses an opportunity to talk his country down.
Oh, dear, that was a very go-kart tantrum from S. Vettel in Azerbaijan. He's clearly seriously rattled.
If Corbyn's shadow chancellor is right when he claims that the people who died at Grenfell Tower were murdered by political decisions, the crime has to be pinned on the Labour party's obsession with carbon dioxide and global warming. Any sign of an apology from him? No, thought not.
Wee Burney Sturgeon has been forced to put her plan to become Queen of Scotland on hold. She has finally grasped the message that the voters are just not interested in another independence referendum and they want her to get on with doing the job she's paid to do, especially fixing the education system which the SNP has broken so badly.
Jon F*** Snow and Channel F***.
Sebastian Vettel would do well to remember that there is no slack left for German drivers who cheat. Michael Schumacher used up the entire ration and a lot more.
“Far queue, far queue very much!” Frank Zappa.
The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage". |
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