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 2022/January 
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    WEEK 1    Twenty Twenty-two point oh

 
UK flagThought for Hogmanay
"I was told to get something beginning with B' for the new year," said Rabbi C. Nesbitt. "But it wasn't until after I got blootered that I remembered it was boosted."

Kerching! We are being told that a second booster for a total of 4 vaccinations against the Chinese plague will become essential 10 weeks after booster No. 1. And then top-ups every 6 months thereafter. Have the vaccine companies kidnapped the government's grandma to keep their products on an eternal Kerching! highway?
reader comment“I've seen 3-monthly quoted. A couple of fave aunts also kidnapped as well as granny to keep the Kerching! ringing?” Pes Imist

UK flagThought for the New Year
"Sticks & stones will break your bones but words on the interweb will kill you deader than a dodo socially."

Smug BuggerFar Queue symbol Smug Bugger tony b. liar to get a K for services to lying? Clearly, the months of this year have been shuffled and April has been moved to the top of the heap.
reader comment“Amazing to think there could be a bung big enuff for that to be made to happen.” Lee Kyi Tap
reader comment“Maybe Sirk Reepy, who's totally embarrassed by his K, had it polished up and transferred. For a small fee.” Momper Tissue
reader comment“Shudda given him the Order of the Shower (rather than the Bath) because that's what his government always was, a proper shower.” Paro Littik
reader comment“Shudda bin Lord bliar of Baghdad.” Smor Gasboard

markerWorth a try?
The government of Turkey is to blow a heap of cash on a mass rebrand of the country's products to include its preferred name, Türkiye, as a link to Kemal Atatürk, the founder of modern Turkey, and as an attempt to distance itself from the American use of the word turkey for a flop.

reader comment“How come the police aren't recording the cancellation of the likes of J.K. Rowling as a hate crime? One law for decent people, another for wonk Those People.” P. Hairy Mandelswine

Far Queue symbol The Security Minister is doing his best to talk up a far-right terror threat to provide diversity & equality to dilute the main Islamist terror threat.

markerNo Honours List gong for this one!
The honcho of the Royal Protection command is making herself deeply unpopular with the Royals by moving the bodyguards the Royals have come to know & trust to other jobs just to prove she can shuffle the pack if she wants to.
   This seems to be the fatal philosophy of the civil service—as soon as someone knows that they're doing and feels comfortable in a job, shift their arse somewhere else for no apparent reason.
   It certainly explains why 'the government' is never any good at getting anything done unless a charge of dynamite is applied somewhere sensitive, as for making something like the vaccination programme happen.

tonguebaseball hat The incarnation of President Boris who is under the spell of Scary Carrie would lose 111 MPs; including his own seat in Parliament and all of the Tory party's major donors; should he call a general election right now—or three weeks from now to allow time for a losing campaign.
   Which ain't gonna happen, so no worries, but that's not something that troubles the people who generate pointless numbers.

Our local Trivial Democraps are in election mode right now. We are getting leaflets with an infinite number of quibbles about what the government has done wrong or hasn't done and an infinite number of promises about what the Trivs will do after they are elected.
reader comment“Which will be followed by an infinite number of alibis for why nothing went to plan and an infinite amount of buck-passing.” Tawny Curtin

Stay @ The (non-)teaching unions are doing their best to bamboozle the government into keep schools closed for the whole of 2022.
   Make their members work? Damn! Ain't gonna happen.

Revealed Not having to change gear is being used as a selling point by spivs trying to unload electric cars on hapless snoflakes. Less technology for the fragile darlings to have to grapple with, is the theory of it.

Stay @ Dedicated Work @ Homesters may be forced back to the office by huge rises in the cost of keeping their central heating going as gas prices continue to be inflated mercilessly. The DoomBuggers are aghast at the prospect of a return to the old normal and people meeting & interacting again.

Far Queue symbol O.J. Corbynstein is having to use an Iranian funded, anti-Britisch TV channel to broadcast his own anti-Britisch propaganda. Comfortable bedfellows?

marker New Year's Day was the hottest in the whole history of the universe, the nation is being assured. But when one looks more closely at the data, there has been a suspicious amount of rounding up and the 'history' is not as extended as it might be.
reader comment“Hotter than the Big Bang?” Splatny Kraposhch
[Left it trailing in the dust. Ed.]

markerMore of them at it
look both The Courts & Tribunal Judiciary panel has wasted a TON of taxpayers' cash on compiling 566 pages of woke crap as guidelines for being mealy-mouthed in a public office.
   Postmen, ladies and the blind & the deaf are among those who have been cancelled for no good reason. No wonder public confidence in the judicial system is at an all-time low. As is public willingness to co-operate with the wonks.
   Victims & witnesses alike are telling them they no longer want to know in record numbers.
[All of which helps to deflate the backlog in the court system. Ed.]

UK flagProfessor C. Whitty, one of President Boris' Usual Xperts, is in line for a DBE** in the New Year Honours.
[**DoomBugger of the British Empire. Ed.]

marker One-third of the hospital admissions that are added to the plague stats are 'with' rather than 'for' the plague.

mythical monstermarkerAnother monster waste of time & money
The rebuilding of the Palace of Westmonster, home away from home of MPs & peers of the realm, has been inflated from a 6-year project costing £4 BILLION to a 20-year job costing £140 BILLION.
   No doubt, when the work is finally finished in 2089, the cost will be up to around £1,300,000,000,000.
   The quick & dirty solution to the problem is to demolish the rotting shell and rebuild it completely. But it's a listed building and delisting is something the can't-do civil service can't manage.

eyesSome DoomBuggers are facing a grim future in which what they claim are Xtreme weather conditions become nothing more than the new normal and nothing to get excited about, depriving the DoomBuggers of their only reason for Xistence.

bulletMeaningless Phrases No. 6,179: She put the 'puta' into amputate.
reader comment“Then she put the 'imp' into imply.” Margy Puddle
reader comment“And slashed the 'cut' in acute.” A. Spire
reader comment“And shoved the 'rude' into intruder.” Vera Cross
reader comment“And the 'con' into economy.” Lynn Kedin
[Now playing Welcome To The Jungle v. loudly to drown out this endless chorus. Ed.]
reader comment“Sounds like you need to put the 'oast' into some toast.” Zuta Lors
[Especially if it has Cheddar & Hot Mexican cheese toasted on it. Ed.]
reader comment“Or the 'git' in agitate.” Misan Men
[Better out than in. Ed.]

Surprise!People no longer collecting formerly free plastic bags in supermarkets wasn't coz they wanted to save The Planet. It was coz they didn't want to be ripped off for 5p (now 10p) for a scrap of plastic worth a mere tiny fraction of a penny.

markerThe Pillocks Are Doing It Deliberately
Can't hear what's being said on TV coz the bloody actor persons are mumbling? Blame the director. It's currently fashionable to make TV series with audio tracks which are inaudible coz directors think that mirrors real life. Anyone who wants to follow what passes for a plot has to use the sub-titles. Or decide there are lots of other channels offering better stuff.

bulletQ: "Why," someone asked, "are supermarkets selling French cauliflowers when fields in Lincolnshire are full of them?"
bulletA: Because the French can get theirs harvested and Lincs farmers can't.

markerAlways on the scrounge, some people
Prince Hairy is disappearing under a mountain of unwanted old shoes after positioning himself as too poor to have any in his 'Happy Holidays' substitute for a family Xmas photo with Mhegan the Merciless & tribe.

markerGuess Again
The wheels are coming off the Tudor propaganda/fake news that King Richard III murdered his way to the throne. The latest rewrite moves Prince Edward from London to an estate in Coldridge in Devon, where he lived a normal life span.
   Which means that the 2 bodies of children found in the Tower can't be Princes Edward and Richard the younger. Oh, dear. Bugger! Rewrite!

Chinese plaguemarkerRewrite, Rewrite!
The omigod version of the Chinese plague is being positioned as a busted flush, a pale shadow of what was unleashed on an unsuspecting world from the germ warfare laboratory in Wuhan 2 years ago.
   All this is bad news for the Shirk @ Home brigade, who are going to have to start keeping going as they would have if they had just caught a dose of the good old common cold.
first class stampreader comment“Scotland locked down but only one customer with the omigod variation in an intensive care ward since it arrived, 5 weeks ago. Welcome to the pan-panic of Wee Burneystan.” Giva Ninch
reader comment“The list of symptoms for the omigod version of the Chinese plague is so vague that 90% of people can think they have it 90% of the time!” Jacq Pott

This Week's *S*t*a*r* Comment
reader comment“Remind me, when President MacRon announced that France was @ war again when the Chinese plague first arrived, who did he surrender to?” Shill Bebak

Apocalypse
"Oh, no! Another remake."

cone markerBonquers
Meaningless make-work
Hospital admission statistics make no discrimination between 'for' and 'with' the Chinese plague, which makes them useless for providing information on the spread of the plague until the main cause of the admission—broken leg, burst appendix, feeling a bit poorly—is identified and recorded.
   This is something that won't go away, no matter how strenuously the DoomBuggers try to ignore it.

Far Queue symbol France is the main breeding ground for the omigod version of the plague in Europe. President MacRon is doing his best to find a sucker to take the blame for this to improve his chances of re-election by shedding the responsibility.

Be AdvisedFear of catching a dose of the plague from a co-worker is not an excuse for Skiving @ Home, and industrial tribunal has ruled.
   The compenbloodysation industry is aghast. But believing that you might get the plague is not a belief system on a par with a religion, the court ruled.

Far Queue symbol The Labour looneys in charge of Wales have banned fun-running in wide open, well ventilated spaces like parks.

baseball hatAmazon's talking tin can has turned out to have psychopathic tendencies. It has become necessary to debug its software to prevent the tin cans from telling kids a good way to electrocute themselves in the comfort of their own home.

marker The Insulationist Nutters have prevented the insulation of 3,500 houses by wasting the cost of doing the work on policing their riots.

Revealed25 years ago, a lateral thinker came up with the idea of sending the IRA and British government negotions guys on safari in Sarf Efrica in the hope that G. Adams and M. McGuinness would be eaten by lions or trampled by rhinos, and the problems in Ulster would go away.
   The idea was grotted upon by the then Irish TeaShop, possibly because he could see a dilution of his country's spurious victim status.

The Chinese plague has been a boom time for the spivs running hospital car parks. So much for President Boris's promise of free parking for some.
   Hospital trusts are sitting pretty, receiving MILLIONs as rake-offs from the spivs and also a sub from the taxpayer, which is supposed to cover the cost of cancelling parking charges but which is being diverted elsewhere, probably at nil benefit to the poor old customer.

markerHow very North Korean
The Putinstani space programme is in such dire straits due to decades of corruption that it has been reduced to launching dummy payloads into orbit, adding to the abundant collection of junk already up there, in a vain attempt to impress/intimidate the rest of the world.

WTFH Judges have decided that a male criminal who pretends to be a woman can hide his entire criminal past and prevent it from being revealed/reported during a trial.

right eyeSurprise! The internet is getting the blame for the Windsor Castle crossbow looney, not his abuse of it.
markerBS Rulz, UK
"500 yards from The Queen's apartments". And only a bloody big castle wall and lotz of guards between her and the solitary nutter.

baseball hatThe Labour gang in Wales has wasted a TON of taxpayers' money on their own woke list of substitutes for the likes of Brexit, HM government and able-bodied.
   "If it's useless, it's a Labour idea."
reader comment“Good evening, women & gentlemen, and welcome to our show!” Al Q'atraz

Fact! England's football teams lose penalty shoot-outs not because the goalie is crap—their success rate is the same as that of top footballing nations.
   No, it's the useless pillocks taking the kicks who let us down.

Be AdvisedIf he is still with us, Creaky Joe will be wheelchaired for the presidency in 2024 as running will be well beyond him by then. If it isn't already.

Far Queue symbol The Parole Board has a chance to go for broke this year and let 92 terrorists out of gaol half-way through their sentences for crimes against humanity.
reader comment“Maybe there should be a rule of one terrorist out, one of the Parole Board taking their place. That might make them think once about letting a BG back into the community. Maybe.” Rose Violin

markerDomestic, vehicle and other insurance premiums are set to soar this year now that companies can no longer offer cut prices to new mugs and overcharge existing mugs.

Far Queue symbolBalance, Schmalance
The BBC is in big trouble for talking to a lawyer on the wrong side of the Get Maxwell's Millions campaign and breaching its own lack of impartiality rules.

reader comment“We have told assured that the Chinese plague is something we can live with, like flu and the common cold. But if we have to have 6-monthly boosters, the wheels drop off that analogy pretty quickly.” Cocco Van

eyesSomething to remember when you get your upped, improved, new normal electricity bill is that 25% of it is subsidies to wind & solar farms and the cost of insulating houses. Add another 2.5% as the corresponding gas levy.

markerPlants & Fungi Declared Structural Rachelists or “Far Kew”
Kew Gardens is to remove from its collection, every species collected from abroad on the grounds that it was stolen from where it belonged by while male colonialists.
   This is part of the looney left agenda of shitting all over Britisch heritage.
reader comment“Looks like Kew is heading for true e-cology, where it's all done on computers without all that greenery that needs watering and a lot of looking after. Create or cancel as inconvenient at the touch of a button. Magic!” Gorrie Zontal

Revealed The Commons Speaker, L. "I'm in charge!" Hoyle, has been outed as a publicity-mad looney who got himself elected in 1997 to try to confect conspiracy theories about the death of Princess Diana, including the one that MI5 and/or MI6 dunnit.
   This year's declassified government files are full of Labour's attempts to cover up bliar sleaze or make it look like virtue. The Boris Bunch are rank amateurs in comparison.
bulletThe Liberal leader back then, Paddy Pantsdown, wanted the Commons chamber redone as a hemisphere to celebrate the co-operation between his party & corrupt blair labour. A hemisphere with the dome up, down or sideways facing north, south, east or west was not specified.

Kreepy PantzNot up to the job
Sirk Reepy Steamer has unveiled his Recipe for the Nation and his presidential agenda for when he takes over from President Boris.
   The general reaction is that he still needs to work on projecting sincerity and he's still much too wooden to capture and hold the interest of an audience.
reader comment“Sirk Reepy, leader of a party which hates everything Britisch in the way of an achievement, does his Big Speech in front of a pair of Union flags? Probably intending to burn them afterwards as a gesture of solidarity with the looney left.” Perry Stupnik
update + + + Sirk Reepy skiving off/sulking with a dose of the plague AGAIN!! + + + Not feeling appreciated + + + Letting robot deputy do Prime Monster's questions today + + +

baseball hat + + + President MacRon reveals that he really is a human bean + + + Announces policy to piss off (sic) & isolate the unvaccinated + + + Seems to have worked as attention-grabber + + +

bulletQ: Driverless trucks—how does that work?
bulletA: In the Untied States, they have to travel @ night with a scout vehicle half a mile ahead, another one half a mile behind and a police car in attendance. This is being offered as the way to end gorbal warmage.

Far Queue symbol The Chinese government has banned news in Hong Kong. All that will be on offer from now on is olds praising the virtues of the waxworks in Peking.
reader comment“They ought to rename it Democratic Hong Kong now that it is as democratic as the German Democratic Republic was, or the Democratic Republic of Congo.” Noah Klass

Far Queue symbolBalance, Schmalance
The BBC is even more trouble with the useful idiot lobby for giving the Maxwell family a chance to tell the world that they think Gillian got a dirty deal from authorities which are terminally embarrassed about failing to do anything about J. Epstein (deceased) when they had the chance, and also from greedy lawyers after dosh.

first class stampwriter comment“The trouble with common sense is that if it's good sense, it's uncommon and if it's bad, it's u-bloody-biquitous—and it usually comes from a professor or a politician.” A.L.M.

bulletQ: "What are the attractions of the Hezbollah theme park in Lebanon?" someone asked.
bulletA: The main attraction is the lunchtime demonstration of self-detonation by an apprentice suicide bomber.

cross symbol HMRC, typically useless bloody civil service wonks, lets fraudsters get away with £16 BILLION per year. The main excuse is that it's just small amounts done by millions of people and pursuing them wouldn't be cost effective.
reader comment“Stringing a few of them up from lamp posts would be excellent for the morale of the swindled taxpayer, though.” Magna Mopus

bulletQ: Should we be outraged if Scots police taser unruly kids occasionally?
bulletA: Society is to blame. If cops lay hands on the brats, they're liable to be sacked as confected paedos. If the brat is out of control, a few thousand volts could be the only way of restoring order. Especially if the brat is brandishing the zombie knife it bought on the interweb.
first class stampreader comment“The 'uman bluddy rights of the many outweigh those of the nasty little bastard.” Montavius Pilate
reader comment“The Kiddies' Commish wants more effective & much safer methods to be used to de-escalating brats. Water cannons?” Ratt 10krantz

The only put is down
bulletA: "What do you do?"
bulletB: "I work in education."
bulletC: "Dinner lady."

bulletOne-third of Americans insist that they believe Creaky Joe's 'victory' over The Donald was a swindle.

marker Lest we forget, there were 5 deaths associated with the Capitol Caper last year. One of the deceased was shot by the Capitol police force, one didn't survive a drug overdose and the other 3 died of natural causes.
   Not exactly Tianenmen Square, no matter what the Democraps claim.

postage stampreader comment“We are turning into 'emergency' junkies—well, some of us. How tragic that we have to be perpetual victims staggering from one crisis to the next.” Emily Vengeance
reader comment“And all becoming mental elves as we quiver @ home and wonder 'Wot next?'” Hral Vaxt
reader comment“Has to be the emergency of not having yet another emergency to panic about.” Una Pologetica

markerKeep death on the roads, where it belongs
People charging around on an electric scooter as part of an official trial scheme don't have to wear a safety helmet. Opposition politicians are claiming that this is a government stealth tactic to get rid of surplus population by making crashes by reckless riders more likely to be fatal.

baseball hat Spivs flogging e-scooters on amazing Amazon are advertising them as perfect for commuting, even though using them on a public road is illegal. Which is not something that bovvers spivs, however.

bulletQ: Foe Poynoh?
bulletA: Four point Oh as pronounced by some wonk in a video advert. It's an alleged upgrade of some gadget. You're supposed to think it's four times better than version 2.0.

reader comment“Do I qualify for an O.B.E. for services to plague testing by not joining in, not contributing to the HUGE cost of it and not fuelling the hysteria?” Major Cation
[You should probably go into hiding as the DoomBuggers will have put out a contract on you for messing with their bogus sadistics. Ed.]

bulletQ: NFT?
bulletA: Non-Fungicidal Tokens create an illusion of ownership of digital and other images. Basically, they exist to let cryptocurrency spivs sell magic beanz for real money whilst pretending that they are not actually selling magic beanz.

eyesThe last legitimate (sort of) president of Afghanistan is in line for a Nobel Peace Prize nomination for saving thousands of lives by not standing in the way of the Talibandits when they reneged on an agreement to stay out of Kabul.

first class stampmarkerFiction Factory Wars
President Creaky Joe's staff are working on a sports event in which their leader will be able to go one (or more) better than the mock ice hockey match, in which Putin the Poisoner was allowed to pretend that he scored 7 goals whilst showing off to his best buddy, President Kashmachineko of Beyellerrussia.
   Maybe a mock American football match, in which Joe scores 8 touchdowns? Or Joe getting 10 strikes in a bowling match?
reader comment“I suppose this Bootin guy is really great at all indoor sports. One Hundred And Eighty! every chuck @ darts, 147 every break @ snooquer. Maybe they need to position Joe as a real shark at pool.” Barry Himler

markerBogus Statistics Wreck Lives
In some areas, 40% of hospital admissions as Chinese plague cases are really for something else. If you can't rely on one set of numbers, that makes all the rest suspect.
reader comment“Which, in the context of government and the public sector, is probably about right.” Professor Ferguesswork

markerSuffer, Ye Must!
There is no gold-standard hangover cure, the Xperts have concluded. The usual suspect 'remedies' and old wives' tales are just that, and anything 'scientific' is based on a 'study' of a handful of people.
   Even worse, anything for sale in a bottle is just snake-oil stuff.

bulletQ: Is B-okay better than A-okay, or just a poor substitute?
bulletA: The UN Special Hierarchy Committee is still working on that one.

bullet + + + Putinstan shocks world + + + Invades Khazakhstan instead of Ukraine + + + NATO 'Not that bovvered' + + +

markerBets are now being laid on by how many this year's total of cross-Channel illegals will exceed the 28,400 logged for last year.

eyesThe Daftest Alibi On Offer Award goes to the Xperts who came up with the notion that teenagers don't clean filthy trainers because they see it as erasing their meaningfulness and the trophies of their life experiences.

markerWhy would anyone Xpect an online gambling outfit not to put profits before people? The outfit Xists to make money—nothing else.

bullet This week's Sound Advice: Pizza Before Pilates!

Far Queue symbol Yesterday's telephone spam came from 02045 202 277. "A young lady phoned to say my washing machine insurance had just run out," our correspondent said. "She knew that because it was on the computer system she was using and she seemed outraged when I suggested that maybe the information on her system was wrong."

markerBuck successfully passed
Auntiesocial meeja are getting the blame for turning students into helpless snoflakes. Instead of interacting with a few real people, they are at the mercy of thousands of wonks, all in competition to be more woke than the rest and all waving as many virtue flags as possible.
   Thus the student becomes completely detached from reality and unable to find a way back.

markerHow weird can you get?
People who want to pretend their final act was to save The Planet can have their remains splurged as an alternative to a carbon dioxide-releasing cremation. The flesh & organs are dissolved in a chemical bath, which feeds into a handy drain, and the bones are ground to dust and sent to a landfill site.
   Something similar was the end reportedly chosen by the Sarf Efrican hero Archybish D. Tutu.

postal labelhatmanHow to JOEvelize
If things are getting, or have got, boring, just switch off for a while.
   This puts the onus on those around you to stop being boring gits and do something to recapture and hold your interest. It also tells the rest of the world that you are not afraid to tune out when things get tedious.
   It's a clear warning to shape up or you'll ship out, attentionwise.

markerMore Xpert fantasy stuff
The Xperts are creating another quandary. They reckon that laughter really is the best medicine and that free 6-week stints @ a comedy camp should be available on the NHS.
   The main problem with that is the rise of the woke anti-culture, which is driving comedy into Xtinction as wonks have no sense of humour, no sense of the absurd and absolutely no imagination. Because if they did, they wouldn't be wonks.

markerPresident MacRon's Big New Idea for saving The Planet is to oblige all advertisements for cars to include the advice to buy a bike instead.
   The campaign's credibility includes the footshot of applying it to electric vehicles as well as those with a petrol or diesel engine.
   But hey! No one Xpects 'good sense' and 'MacRon' in the same sentence.

markerAnother Xpert View
The main disadvantage of the trigger warning culture is that it prevents snoflakes from being confronted with a variety of views about aspects of real life and realizing that there is lotz of stuff in circulation, about which a normal, healthy, sane person doesn't give a rat's arse .
   No wonder the poor darlings are so overloaded and totally helpless.
reader comment“Maybe there should be an online list of the universities & colleges which issue trigger warnings so that potential customers can avoid places which issue degree certificates which will prove to be as worthless as NFTs.” Noted Carousel

Kerching! + + + Vaccine manufacturers outraged + + + Xpert grots on need for second booster plus further jabs every 6 months thereafter + + + Shareholders in despair + + + Other Xperts rush to deliver contrary DoomBugger view + + +

    WEEK 2    Everyone can make a difference: but not enuff to count

 
BlaircrowmarkerThe Chilcot Choice—Sir Liar or Sir Warmonger?
Bets are now being laid on how many signatures the petition to revoke tony b. liar's K will receive. Even though the threshold for a Commons debate was overwhelmed almost immediately, that won't happen under rules created to protect even the worst of politicians.
reader comment“Some say bliar is an evil man but even if he ain't actually evil, his vanity, stubbornness and shamelessly arrogant entitlement achieve the same effect!” Ed &erson
first class stampreader comment“Is there anything left of Mr. liar's reputation to salvage? 100% NBG is pretty irredeemable.” Weakly Rageous
reader comment“If they took him and his chief apologist & fireproof dodgy dossier confecter, A. Campbell, round to the scrap merchant, they'd get a few quid for the brass necks.” Rachel Conformity
reader comment“Mr. liar got a ringing endorsement from the new, improved, same old, same old Corbynstein crony Sirk Reepy. That tells us all we need to kno about both of them.” Angry Murray
[The guy who is skiving off for the sixth time with an alleged dose of the Chinese plague. Ed.]

baseball hat They called him 'Buff' Hoon when he was a corrupt bliar labour minister. Now, the former Defence Sec. has been renamed 'Boot' Hoon after he put it in to t.b. liar and his willing sidekicks in a book of memoirs about all the dodginess involved in confecting the lies which Mr. liar used to get us into George Dubya's war in Iraq—and the covering up, which included a "Brennt Paris?" moment over the dodgy dossier. Which, like Paris, survived unconflagrated

Far Queue symbol Australia's decision not to admit the anti-vaxx foreign tennis player D.J. Hockeyovich has confirmed that the sense of entitlement of a successful member of a family can infect everyone else in it. Hence Hockeyovich Senior's threats to invade Australia with a Serbian liberation army.
reader comment“Who does he think he is anyway? That Mr. Bootin from Bootinstan?” Ang Back
reader comment“His father was calling him Spartacus! Sounds like the Doshan Dolt had been overdoing the falling-down juice!” Stron Viraxtem

markerAerial Shielding
right eye Female persons worried about walking home alone will soon be able to take advantage of a government-sponsored scheme to protect them with camera-carrying drones.
   One issue yet to be resolved is whether the drones should be fitted with a (non-)lethal weapon, or whether they should just crash onto a BG who ignores verbal warmings from its speakers, possibly inflicting salutary and exemplary injuries via the sharp edges of a broken drone.
reader comment“As these drones will cost the taxpayer 35 grand a throw, an ounce of lead in the right place will do less damage to the taxpayer than crashing a drone onto a bad guy.” Per Gatori

marker Something similar has been used by the police in Derbyshire—to Xtract fines from customers taking exercise in the form of a walk in the Peak District during periods of national lock-in. But their drones were not allowed to crash on to unco-operative customers.

bulletThis Month's Recommended Reading:
Death In Varnish by Alan Loops—sinister goings on in the Clear Coatings Division of a paint factory

bulletQ: What do you get if you pull down and wreck a statue whilst throwing a hissy fit about something that is nothing to do with you?
bulletA: In Bristol, away with it.
first class stampreader comment“That jury would be locked up as dangerous nutters in a civilized country, where the rule of law applies to everyone. Lucky for them, this ain't.” Kudnot B. Croshel
reader comment“Leftie loonies are worried that the government is going to try to make vandals liable for their crimes, even if they can confect a bogus political motive. But given the current state of the judiciary, the bad guys are going to continue to get away with it.” Dai O'Bolical

No Go Zone
bulletThe busy roar of traffic through Romiley was stilled, pretty much. People only, no vehicles allowed under the railway bridge, which is being fettled. Anyone wanting to drive round the obstruction needs to know the by-ways.

Romiley railway bridge

baseball hatAdult o'besity 63%. Could do better? The NHS is finding itself unable to cope with children who are mentally deranged from being locked in as well as enormously fat, so need to do better definitely.
bulletThe rising cost of food and the increasing unaffordability of energy are giving the Xperts some hope that people might start moving about a bit more, if only to keep warm, and shed some excess weight.

postage labelreader comment“If you have a sense of deja vu at the moment, not a problem. Yes, we have been through all this before; the sleaze, the government incompetence, the global warming frauds and a plague -- of foot 'n' mouth rather than the Chinese one. 20 years ago, it was, in the good old daze of corrupt bliar labour, and yet we're still here to tell the tale.” Par Kinson
reader comment“One big problem—20 years from now, the country will be full of snoflakes and they won't be able to survive more of the same, the poor little stinkers.” Jury 4man

bulletQ: What's a cheap & quick way to ruffle the more pointless wonks on auntiesocial meeja?
bulletA: Mess about with the recipe for a jam 'n' cream-topped scone. Instant hit to the trigger zone.


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markerTaxi Trade Revolution
The next big step in the taxi industry is self-drive cars, which home in on the location of the customer's pocket phone. The client then drives the vehicle to his/her destination. The car then parks itself until needed again or drives off immediately to another customer.

markerNits picked while you wait
The Talibandits have been going round chopping the heads off the display dummies in shops 'coz their head mullahs have ruled that mannequins (and especially womannequins) are unislamist. But not if they are minus their bonce, apparently.

baseball hat Do you want illegal drugs, fake vaccination certificates, guns & ammo? They are all available advertised on FakeBuk, or Foke, or whatever it's calling itself this week.
   The famous vetting algoreithm is plain NBG. As is the one for InTurgidGram, as far as drug deals are concerned.

marker If the present rate of church closures continues, the Church of England will have vanished completely by the end of the summer of 2351.

bulletQ: What is the main function of H2S?
bulletA: To get Man. Utd. fans back to London after a home match.

Far Queue symbol London's cosmetic mayor, Sadgeek Khan't, wants to end prosecution of yoofs for drug offences. Instead, he wants to offer them cancelling, advice on where to get the best stuff and tactics for avoiding the police. Or something like that.
bulletReducing crime is the cosmetic mayor's policy and if achieving cosmetic reductions means decriminalizing all sorts of crimes, S.O.B. it.
reader comment“If everyone knows that the only people who will benefit from the Geek's plan are major drug dealers, you have to draw your own conclusions about his motivation.” Rhode Bocke

look bothGo like that and go wonk
It's not just the snoflake yoof of the nation that's out of its tree. 50-year-olds are taking up skateboarding and going on about its spiritual meaning! And the importance and gravitas(!) of this hobby, especially if it has been revived after a break for a spell of adulthood.

markerProtesting too much
The honcho of the Notional Truss plans to continue with her attempt to rewrite its history in wonk mode rather than create an objective academic history. Bets are now being laid on which will happen first, the binning of the quangocrat or the NT going bust and having to hand everything back to the heirs of its donors.

CANCELLED The attempt to sue the surviving members of the band Nirvanah for sex abuse over the baby picture on the front cover of the now iconic Nevermind album.

markerBrazilian Killer Dockson of Dick Green, current honcho of the Police of the Metrolopis, had a near miss with another fatality this month when police looking for a 6-foot, 30-ish black man smashed their way into the home of a diminutive 80-year-old white bloke and tasered him, apparently just for the hell of it, before confecting something to charge him with.

markerFlim & Flam
Foreign Sec. L. Truss does a trade deal with Australia that makes wine imports cheaper. Chancellor Rikishi Snack zooms the tax on wine up. Benefit to the taxpayer? Less than none. No one surprised.

reader comment“The Jokovich Saga looks like a triumph for vexatious burrocrazy and also a celebration of people offering wildly wrong opinions about something they're not informed about because they don't think it's worth the effort.” D. Mented
[There's a lot of it about. Ed.]

first class stampbulletQ: How much is Mhegan the Merciless' privacy worth?
bulletA: The Court of Appeal put its value @ one quid. 58.7% of respondents in a straw poll considered this to be 99½p too much. Most of the rest thought it was 100p too much.
reader comment“No doubt she has a committee of minions working out what to spend the quid on for maximum virtue flagging effect.” O.B. One

baseball hatKABF vs MAIA
Biden vs Trump is now being seen as Keep America Boring Forever vs Make America Interesting Again.

Kreepy Pantzreader comment“Is the Labour party so desperate to confect stuff about the Tories that it has to resort to obvious fake news like the government is planning to end free Chinese plague lateral flow tests tomorrow? Maybe it's time Sirk Reepy made a miraculous recovery from his 6th plague isolation skive and banged some heads together before his credibility gets stuck permanently in the nogative.” Faz Akerley

baseball hat NHS waiting lists are expected to be double the current values by 2025. Bets are now being laid on when everyone in the country will be on one or more of the NHS waiting lists.
first class stampreader comment“The NHS might be facing an entirely predictable staffing crisis but there's nothing to be done about it if lots of people are having to isolate or off actually sick, and there are no reserves to call up to fill the gaps. Anyone who tells you something else is usually an out-of-power politician on the make or someone employed by one.” Para Lytic
reader comment“The situation will not be helped any by the wonks who become veganists in January and consume all sorts of harmful chemicals, preservatives and carbohydrates.” Oliver Warm

robotFar Queue symbol The BBC is in even more trouble for spreading Labour fake news about the state of the NHS, including a non-existent flue double-hit epidemic.
reader comment“Angela Robot & the BBC's Hugely Prim. The couple who put the 'pair' into despair.” Con Tralto

UK flag Bullet dodged: the Met Office's 10" of thundersnow turned out to be a covering of hail on cars & bins in the night and about 39 individual flakes of snow during the day between bursts of light rain.

Be Advised This Publication no longer trusts or respects the jury system as currently administered.
reader comment“Can we throw tony b. liar in a harbour now? And Scotch Gordon?” Hugo First
[Only if they're visiting Bristol. Ed.]

CANCELLED Ancient actor person M. Lipperson for claiming only fully certified Jews should be allowed to portray Jewish characters in films, TV shows, etc.
reader comment“Trying to rig the market 'coz she's not getting enuff work herself?” Count Ertenor
reader comment“What's her 'ology'? Scattyology? Daftology?” Aggy Tater

markerCould just be true
It is suspected that rewriting history as a wonk version and trashing the likes of Sir Joseph Banks, who made Kew Gardens a force to be reckoned with, is part of a make-work plot for the otherwise useless.
   When our history has been totally trashed, the jobsworths will be able to put it back together again the way it should be whilst continuing to draw enormous salaries for doing 'work' of no value.

postage stampreader comment“A tennis player called No-Vaxx has a name which is a dead giveaway about his attitude to the Chinese plague vaccine.” Umenya Blat
reader comment“Mr. No-vaxx's big problem is that his country and its population don't have a positive image elsewhere. Mention Serbs and Slobbered-on Milosevic then ethnic cleansing & mass murder in Bosnia spring to mind before anything else.” Dan Yelkraig

markerA glorious future
Want an ideal car to use as a getaway vehicle for an actual, rather than a virtual, bank robbery? Go for a BMW with an E-ink body wrap.
   This finishing touch changes colour at a flick of a switch. Roll up wearing one body shade, scram wearing another. Magic!

UK flag People doing hill walking during a Britcation instead of going abroad to lounge on a beach have done wonders for the nation's 'killed by a lightning strike' death sadistics.


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bang!markerKeyboards rattling
A Russian submarine messing about with an American undersea communications cable has been voted the most likely cause of the next major war by the Fiction Factory group of authors, whose members are in hot competition to come up with a blockbuster based on this theme.

bulletQ: Do vegetarian butchers work @ a vegan abattoir?
bulletA: Sounds daft enuff to be true.

bulletabbattoir—where obsolete pop stars end up

Inkedreader comment“Are we really Xpected to believe that no Grauniad Grizzlers & other looney lefties have had any fun since the Chinese plague arrived? And that's why they expect real people to give more than 0.00001 of a rat's arse for their 'people had a party' revelations? Sheesh!” B. Dazzled
reader comment“And what about all the statue hurling, motorway glue jobs and glass smashing when decent folks were supposed to be locked in or not swanning about in mobs?” 40 Fried

bulletclockumentary—TV programme about history or events within living memory
[Turns the clock back. Groan. Ed.]

bulletQ: What can you say to the people who went on TV to be outraged about a Friday afternoon garden party of sorts being held @ Downing Street during May 2020 which coincided with the day on which a friend or relative of theirs died?
bulletA: Neither President Boris nor anyone at the party was responsible for the death. The events were synchronous but unrelated, despite everything the fake news merchants of the BBC and the Labour party are throwing at them.
reader comment“What we should be asking is how many of the government's customers were killed as a direct result of that party. And if the answer is none, treat the whole issue as a political confection, the sole object of which is to be vexatious.” Marga Lunch
reader comment“Sympathy for the loss of a relative or friend, none for getting involved in the dirty pool politics.” Al Most
reader comment“Britain is fizzing with anger? What total bollocks. Britain is yawning with indifference about what happened, or didn't, the year before last.” Minh Timperials
reader comment“On Monday, it was 'save us from the cost of living crisis, Boris'. On Wednesday, the customers are 'fizzing with anger'? Sounds like Boris would be well advised to respond with 'Sod off, you're not worth saving.' That's the only sensible response.” Strewth Harvard
reader comment“I suppose it's different. Regime chance not as a result of an armed revolt but due to fake outrage confected about a Friday afternoon garden party 2 years ago.” Morag Vehicle

Captain P. ChandriDoes this look like a woman ‘of colour’?
Captain P. Chandri of the Britisch Army has just completed a solo trek to the South Pole. Maybe having to haul a sledge loaded initially with 90 kg of supplies through temperatures of -50 deg.C has bleached her a bit but all we see in her photos is Europeon shades of pinque.
   Which suggests that the definition is rather defective in her case.
   But perish the thought that inclusivity should be sacrificed on the altar of accuracy.
reader comment“Do we have people of every ethnic origin imaginable being sent to the South Pole for some perverse reason? I shouldn't think the Bushmen of the Kalahari will enjoy the trip very much. But Esquimaux will find it a doddle.” Kikya Wrass

Kanzler SchultsThe Invisible Kanceller
face mask We don't seem to be hearing anything much about the replacement for Angular Mherkel as German's equivalent of a prime minister. In fact, he seems to have gone into something of a decline after the end of the TV series Hogan's Heroes, in which he played a leading role. But, no doubt, he'll get round to doing something outrageous eventually.

Far Queue symbol Bets are now being laid on how many millions will e-sign the online petition to cancel t.b. liar's K. The odds against anything being done about that offence to the entire 'uman race are still too long to be worth bothering with.

bulletQ: What do you have to give an Aussie airline pilot after a period of furlough?
bulletA: Complete retraining as they have forgotten what all the dials in the cockpit are about, and also basic basics like not trying to take off with the aircraft's brakes still on.
reader comment“They've obviously not been practising on their computer to keep up their skills whilst skiving at home.” Syl Katargast

reader comment“No wonder the Boo Hoo Buggers in the poverty industry never go away and remain as eternal as the North Star. As soon as one problem is tackled they invent another. We're now waiting to be told that every teenager who doesn't own their very own electric car is a vehicle-poor little stinker. Wot next?” Myron Oxy

markerKill Shot
The administrators of the NHS are cause huge problems by insisting that customers with the plague, or those who have been near a plague-carrier but tested negative, have to be isolated for TWO WEEKS.
reader comment“If the NHS is ever actually overwhelmed, it will be because of the mugs running it and for no other reason.” O. Chenmnogo

rage+ + + Nation demands resignation of unrepentant Bremoaner Sirk Reepy Steamer and his ditto party for industrial level hippocrisy & Xploitation of misery of others + + + All Opposition leaders accused of being obsessed with trivia and remote past + + + None has anything useful to say about real problems of present + + + News meeja tarred with same brush + + + Do they have no shame? + + +
[No. Ed.]
reader comment“Prompted by the Daily Mail's guru/goddess, S. Vine, doing an intemperate rant, I had a look at my journal entries for May 2020. We were having a bit of a heat wave but life in Romiley was going on pretty much as normal. Which confirms that the outrage was confected; just like the rest of the Friday afternoon gathering shock-horror.
   “If Ms Vine and her editor seriously Xpect us to believe that no one else had a May get-together two years ago, that's their credibility shot to festering fragmentz.” Fred Twitter

first class stampFar Queue symbol Mhegan the Merciless has paid a lawyer to claim she's not a bully and abuser of her position. By the Law of Opposites, feeling that she has to claim she isn't a bully constitutes a clear admission of guilt. How kind of miss bossyboots to clear that up for her many fans.
reader comment“Mhegan the Merciless denies ever being a bully? In the immortal words of Mandy Rice-Pudding, well, she would, wouldn't she?” Mach Alloe

The other rampant plague
cross symbol tick symbol A pensioner in Devon is going into the Guinness Book of Records as the first human in Europe to get a dose of H5 bird flu.
   2½ million birds; mainly farm stock; have been culled on government orders to contain an outbreak of the H5N1 strain here.

Far Queue symbol When campaigners say that a set of proposals from the government doesn't go far enough, big bloody deal. They'd say that whatever was on offer so no news here, move along . . .

cross symbol We've just had the hottest seven years in recorded history from satellite evidence?
   So that's in what? The last 50 years?
On a planet that's 4,500,000,000 years old?
   BFD.
reader comment“If you look at heating costs year on year, there is absolutely no evidence that The Planet is getting any warmer. Haschtag ^BloodyDramaQueens.” Deth Grollin

bullet Inflation to reach 7% on May 3rd? Faites vos jeux!

reader comment“One thing the No-Vaxx Jokervich fiasco in Australia has done is confirm that the nutters really are running the asylum. That and all the gardengate crap.” Dai Gress
reader comment“That and the verdict on the Bristol statue vandals & hissy gits.” Sim Bolic

bulletQ: Is there a dafter name than The Spine Collector for the Italian bloke who has been busted in the Untied States for bamboozling writers into coughing up unpublished works in the belief that they were sending their manuscripts to a legitimate publisher?
bulletA: You'd have to struggle to find one but all this rewilding of agricultural land, taking it out of food production and forcing more and more intensive methods on the shrinking amount of farmland left, is out of the same box.

bulletCute Slogan of the Decade: "Aldi is where you get Aldi prices on everything"

markerBakers have rights, shock-horror!
The legal trade is in mourning. After 7 years of copping for dosh, the Europeon Court of 'Uman bluddy Rights has ruled that bakers in the high street may not be compelled to create a cake bearing a slogan which they find offensive or triggering.

No crisis

Pantz of Kontrolbaseball hat+ + + PM does ritual apology in Commons over Friday afternoon chiz 'n' wine do two years ago + + + Nation demands Sirk Reepy Steamer resign over his persistent hypocrisy + + + Getting haircut & apologizing will NOT be enuff for Sirk Reepy this time + + + Steamer Must Go movement has irresistible Momentum generated by Corbynsteinists + + + "Confiscate Pantz of Kontrol" demands outraged electorate + + +

bulletQ: Is someone who puts pictures of herself on a pay-to-view porn website entitled to be outraged if someone leaks them to the world's non-paying customers?
bulletA: Not in the real world.

markerDead in a ditch, not filthy rich
pound coin H.M. Treasury has come up with a refreshingly cute argument against abolishing the 5% VAT rate on rising gas & electricity bills. If people have to spend more on energy, they will have less cash to spend on consumer goods with a 20% VAT rating. Consequently, the Treasury is expecting to lose income rather than receive a windfall from the 'energy crisis'.

bulletQ: Is it possible to feel sympathy for a bloke who was living with his wife & a family of 13 children in 5 rooms in Wirral, Merseyside, @ the time of the 1921 census, details of which have just been released?
bulletA: Definitely the agent of his own misfortune with that huge a tribe.

first class stampmarkerFake news of the worst sort
A woman who's doing a bit on a TV entertainment show is being twitted for putting 6 metric tonnes of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere via air travel on airliners—which would have made a journey whether or not she was aboard—over a period of 3 years.
   This can be seen to be an example of the new normal for global warming fraudster BS.
   If you place her 6 tonnes next to the 3,210,000,000,000 tonnes of carbon dioxide currently in the atmosphere, it becomes clear that her contribution is neither here nor there. It also adds some perspective to the ludicrous notion that every individual person can make a difference to the amount of atmospheric carbon dioxide being added by Chinese, Indian, etc. coal-fired power stations.
Kerching!The lady runs a company offering advice on carbon neutrality virtue flagging to her customers. Which means that any free publicity she gets is free publicity.


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marker0.1 of a cheer
bald eggFood industry boffins have come up with a way to synthesize the main protein in egg white, which is much used in the industry. The invention is being claimed as another way to end gorbal warming by reducing the amount of animal husbandry going on.
   Shame they've not been able to do anything (or even tried it?) to duplicate the yolk of a chicken egg, which is the only bit with some flavour.

markerNo cheer at all!
Alcohol-full Gordon's gin, £15.50 a bottle. Alcohol-free Gordon's gin-ish, £14.50 a bottle. Sounds a hell of a lot for a bottle of water containing a tiny bit of flavouring.

Revealed Most of the problems now being experienced by the NHS are not due to the Chinese plague. Rather, they are caused by the wonks running the NHS forcing staff to stay off work needlessly when there is nothing wrong with them.

hatmanMore State nannying
The current quality of parenting is now so inadequate that the NHS is having to offer a pocket phone crApp which can scan bar codes on food products and tell parents whether the items will make their fat offspring even o'beser.

Public Service Announcement

He's been called the Blogger of the Decade

His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!

    WEEK 3    Oh, get over it!

 
marker“In sure and senseless hope . . .”
Shriek! Obsessive self-testing for the Chinese plague is now being positioned as self-harm. So there's another problem for the NHS—finding enuff shrinks to deal with all the self-harmers.
furthermore . . .Xperts are pointing out that all the self-testing is a waste of time anyway as the plague's omigod variant is spreading so rapidly that no amount of self-isolation will check it.

Be Advised When the UK Health Security Agency publishes a figure for the number of new plague infections on a particular day, it's not a count of the actual number of new cases.
   In fact, it's the UKHSA fobbing us off with a guess out of a dodgy computer model. Which explains how the UKHSA can have the Health Sec. claiming 200,000 new infections on a day when the gang @ the Office for Sadistics Regulation puts the real number @ less than one-quarter of that number.
reader comment“Quote: 'There is a danger of public confidence in (Chinese plague) data being put at risk.' Wot bluddy confidence?” Mustafa Riddle

Far Queue symbol Yesterday's scam call came from 01491 202 079. A female with an Indian accent claimed to be from BT Openreach calling about a broadband issue.

first class stampreader comment“The function of an Opposition is to provide a viable alternative to what the government of the day is doing. But all Sirk Reepy has to offer is an endless stream of pointless whinges & quibbles and a series of regular skives @ home when he pretends to have the plague.
   “If he is not prepared to do the job which the taxpayer is overpaying him to do, he should make way for someone else, no matter how much damage it does to his overinflated ego.” Rowlan Indosh
reader comment“The degree of selfishness is what is the worst aspect of the BS about gardenpartygate. Some people had a miserable time at the time of the do and so no one else should have been allowed to be anything other than miserable. Right.” Sam Bulance
reader comment“No doubt some government agency will start issuing selfishness sadistics so that we can compare them with the guesses for the number of plague infections and see which is winning.” Phylidia Stein

markerMore dosh down the drain
The discovery of the remains of a 32-foot aquatic dinosaur in the wilds of Rutland has prompted the Environment Agency to announce a new rewilding project. An initial grant of £42 million has been assigned to the task of returning the ichthyosaur to the seas around Britain after a gap of 90,000,000 years.
   The above amount is Xpected to be completely inadequate when the Xperts get their noses into the trough project and customers are advised to Xpect further assaults on the national wealth.

Far Queue symbol It had to come—a bloke riding an e-scooter illegally on a road is claiming thousands in compenbloodysation after he got too close to a bus and hit it.
   More Kerbloodyching! for the legal trade, of course. And precious little chance of a judge having the good sense to jam the spiv's arse in gaol for his crime.

helmetbulletQ: Why is the Cleveland police farce among the worst in the country?
bulletA: Because the Assistant Chief Constabule is making TV shows instead of giving criminals a hard time.

markerBollocks Baffles Brains
Salford University, which used to be respected when it was a Royal College of Advanced Technology, has sunk into the abyss of wonkosity by sticking trigger warnings on classic Victorian novels.

markerThe word midget is now officially cancelled because a dwarf, or someone campaigning on behalf of them, objected to it. A sweet manufacturer substituted mini in the name of one of its products, but that has to be just a temporary measure. 'Mini' has to be next on the list for cancellation, which means goodbye to minimal, minimize and all the rest.
reader comment“It also means that miniscule will vanish, cancelled from the vocabulary of those who can't spell minuscule, which has to be a benefit.” Kar Andash

Romiley street lamp logoLast Sunday, there were maybe four or five blokes in orange outfits hanging around @ the railway bridge spruce-up road block, directing traffic and not doing much else.
   This week, there are over twice as many on the same job. No doubt this counts as new normal productivity. And that giant crane didn't seem to be doing much, either. Just parked with its hook dangling.
reader comment“Bets are being laid on how many there will be next week?” Saucer Parilla
reader comment“And whether you'll be able to move for blokes in orange suits at the end of the month?” B. Nine

CANCELLED Cambridge University's Xperts have stopped trying to rehabilitate convicted terrorists after their poster boy/star pupil went on a murderous rampage in London and had to be terminated by the police.

kneeling buffoonShameless Hippocrap
reader comment“Are we really expected to wallow in second-hand misery from the year before last? As it's mostly politics driven by a posturing buffoon, his stooges and mischief-making meeja, include me out.” Jerry Mander
reader comment“The thing that's consistent in politics is the bigger the hypocrite, the worse his alibi is. Like Sirk Reepy's alibi for going to a boozy do (and probably lots of similar dos) during lock-in.” Tem Plate
reader comment“Especially after he accused President Boris of lying through his teeth after saying he went to a work event. It doesn't matter if the Kreepy one lies through his teeth?” Unity Freeloader
reader comment“Is he going to resign in disgrace? Of course, not. He's a special case. Like the rest of them.” Noah Klass Attol
reader comment“If the plague rules in the first half of 2020 were based on illegitimate guesswork by DoomBuggers, the Friday afternoon social in the Downing Street garden did no harm and all the complaints about it are based on impurely personal issues.” Justin Thyme
reader comment“I suppose it's typical of all the fake news flying around but the flat @ 11 Downing Street where President Boris is living isn't his flat. It belongs to the taxpayer. All it is is a form of tied cottage that goes with his job. And he's not going to take the fancy wallpaper with him when he moves out.” Vex Atious
reader comment“The most shameful confection has to be the one around the bloke who had a leaving do on the day before Prince Philip's funeral. That was just 'be as cruel as you can to the Queen' stuff.” Lisbon Quieter

skull 1markerDefinitely Doomed
Drinking artificial milk made from nutz and grains will create a generation of women with all sorts of health problems, the Xperts reckon, through missing out on essential micronutrients.
   Consequently, if the Chinese plague or its useless burrocrats don't collapse the NHS, the deficient females will.

baseball hatOusted Burmese dictater A.S.S. Kyi has been awarded 4 more years in a government hostel by the genocidal military junta which deposed her. If her luck is really in, she could be in line for qualifying for 100 years' free hospitality.

tick symbolRolls-Royce sold a record number of cars last year as the people with the price of one decided that it would be a good idea to grab the chance of owning a Roller before the Chinese plague could have a shot @ getting them.

tick symbolcross symbol Having a dose of the common cold could prevent you from getting the Chinese plague, some Xperts reckon. But others will tell you that is not so. That's Xperts for you.

cross symbolThe BugGrub industry is feeling grumpy after a survey of Britisch consumers revealed that two-thirds of them would not even consider trying worms & bugs as an alternative to proper food in the name of Saving The Planet, and only 11% offered a definite maybe to trying BugGrub if it was tarted up to look appetizing.

baseball hatThe Britisch Museum is looking for mugs willing to part with a HUGE wedge of real cash in Xchange for a Non-Fungicidal Token for selected works of art. The NFT will, of course, convey no tangible rights to the mug.

Far Queue symbol No vaxx, no Australian visa for Mr. Jokerovich, despite having a sense of entitlement as big as all outdoors and despite the Serbian regime playing the poor little stinker card until it dropped to bitz.

clownclownScottish politicians, Labour & Tory, who claim that the lock-in parties in England are putting the Union @ risk are talking through their bottoms. Everyone in Scotland with more than 2 brain cells to rub together knows that the country can't survive without regular injections of cash from English taxpayers. Which makes their posturing as silly, and as irrelevant, as Wee Burney's.

postal labelreader comment“Is there something of a piss-take involved in putting a former pub landlady turned civil servant in charge of investigating boozy parties @ Downing Street?” Les Éfair
reader comment“Like we're supposed to believe that no one anywhere else did any boozing in 2020 and 2021.” Tou Tsweet
first class stampreader comment“Don't you just wish that Sir Steamer would grow up? All he can do is focus on trivialities. Anything important and forget it.” Wilf Herrel
reader comment“The big problem is that there are lotz of people about who can't face up to the realities of life; or don't want to; they need someone to blame, and Boris is handy. And there are lots of people with personal agendas helping to aim the flak @ him to see what they personally can get out of it. Seems like Boris would be much better off out of it and earning a few bob.” Proc Tollager

look rightbullet Ovo Energy is advising its customers in the south of England to jump about a bit more, wear thermal sox, chase the cat around and eat ginger if they are unable to afford the cost of heating their home.
   And above all, they should try to ignore the indoor icicles, especially the one hanging off the customer's nose.

Far Queue symbol The Welsh vice-president, M. Drakula, is being offered as a model of Labour party consistency. Every single decision he has made about plague rulz has been completely & comprehensively wrong. How very Kreepy.

ShockHorror + + + Chinese government spy exposed as Labour's paymaster in Parliament? + + + Open secret made opener by security services because . . . ? + + + What has £670K bought from the UK comrades? + + + Useful idiots included Dave the Leader & TheRazor May as well as Libs & Labs + + +

furthermore . . . Yet another crisis for the NHS. O'besity has been found to have genetic causes and the demand for gene therapy to do something about it is expected to be ENORMOUS.

look bothmarkerMore of our cash down the drain
The former head of the Britisch Council in Italy has been declared unfairly dismissed from his job. The deputy chief executive, K. Ewart-Biggs, who presided over his kangaroo court job and sacked him, will not be losing her job for failing to do a proper job of investigating a spurious claim about him 'coz that's how things work in the public sector.

The only ‘up’ is covered
Xperts spotted 2 years ago that the Chinese plague looks like something primed for rapid transmission between humans, it was maybe created accidentally and it got out of a laboratory due to lack of biosecurity.
   But they were warned to keep quiet about their conclusions to avoid undermining confidence in those working in the virus field and fuelling conspiracy theories.
   Ta, for that.

barsBombshellThe members of the Beverley town council in Yorkshire could be facing serious gaol time over an unpaid gas bill, which is monumental. Their offices use mains gas for heating but they have no contract with a gas supplier. And they have paid absolutely nothing for 17 years!

Revealed Mild weather @ the eastern border of Ukraine has prevented Putin the Poisoner from launching an invasion. If he did, his tanks would get bogged down and he would be a laughing stock. Amazing how things work out occasionally.

phonemarkerBeats doing anything useful
The average Brit now wastes 4 hours per day messing about with the crApps on a pocket phone and footling about on the internet, mainly @ auntiesocial meeja sites of doubtful virtue.
   Watching television programmes on a TV set is declining in favour of doing it on a phone's midget screen. Not good news for the manufacturers of mega-size TVs with 5 or more G and boasting ultravast definition.
   The wastage figure is Xpected to grow as customers abandon the bland wokeness of the present day cinema industry in favour of violent and corrupting video games played on a phone.

Far Queue symbol Chancellor Rikishi Snack is thought to have taken a correspondence course @ the J. Major School of Political Evasion, which includes lessons in stabbing a prime monster in the back by going into hiding and then popping up again to bag a vacant job.
   He may also have subscribed to the Gordon F. Broon course as Broon was something of an Xpert at disappearing into the skirting board @ the first sign of trouble.

markerThe government's fast-tracking of PPE contracts to firms known to be able to handle them was against the rules, the High Court has ruled, but no damage was done as these firms would have got their contract anyway @ a later date had they not been fast-tracked.
   So that's more taxpayers' cash fast-tracked needlessly into the pockets of the legal trade because someone threw a hissy fit.

markerArtefact or Arsefact?
The Yoxford Man roadside statue in Suffolk looks like some mud monster created by an inept teenage apprentice god trying to invent a biped lifeform.
reader comment“It certainly puts the 'art' into disheartening!” Lino du Tea

tick symbol Creaky Joe has managed to push inflation in the US up to 7%, which is the highest the rate has been for 40 years.

bulletNeatFlix is doing the No-vaxx Jokervich saga as a series. Yawn.

Sirk Reepy Steamerreader comment“It is now in the National Interest for Sirk Reepy Steamer to quit.” Fredly Serioux
reader comment“Right. He's a National Disgrace. All he can do is make a complete idiot of himself with his constant displays of tedious hypocrisy.” Miss Tabond
reader comment“Being able to fake sincerity is an essential first step for a politician. This control freak and Bremoaner locker-inner can't even fake being a 'uman bean. haschtag: BlatantPhoney” Su Paman

bullet 37% of the Scottish workforce are too stressed to concentrate on doing their job. Usually due to the SNP government neglecting to ensure that 'elf 'n' safety rules are enforced.

cross symbol Scotland's Western Isles, in particular, are facing depopulation and abandonment if Wee Burney & Co. continue to make a bog of providing housing the locals can afford and reliable ferries, the islands' essential lifeline.

bang!markerEye-catcher
North Korea's Gauleiter, Comrade Kim, is really busting a gut to get himself noticed by a world distracted by the Chinese plague. His latest wheeze is to turn seaside railways into launching pads for missiles aimed out to sea.
   Curiously, the usual suspects are not going bang in all directions about the impact on the off-shore wildlife.

tick symbol Putinstan has failed to prevent a German court from sentencing a Syrian army officer to life imprisonment for crimes against humanity committed on behalf of the Putin-client Assad regime.

markerThe Steamer Xplanation:
Kreepy Pantz The yoof of Britain are totally screwed up mental elves because President Boris swanned about @ a gathering in his back garden the year before last. And only that.
   Sounds like it's time for the men in white coats to give Sirk Reepy a chance to spend his next Skive @ Home in a padded cell.

Hypocrisy is good for youBooze @ Wherever or Steamer Sussed
reader comment“Is the reason why it's okay for Sirk Reepy to booze @ 'work meetings' that he needs to be three parts blotto to deal with the appalling leftie peasants he's forced to meet and actually talk to?” Stu Pendous

Veracity Non Sequitur
reader comment“Is Sirk Reepy one of the New Normal Locked-in Brits, who knock back 50 units of ethanol per week? Or maybe he goes for broke and the ton.” Parshal Vacuum

ShockHorror + + + Commie cowboys Up North turn on President Boris + + + Showing Kreepy level of hippocrisy + + + Revolt of the Little Girl's Blouses? + + + Wot next? + + +

markerWhen you’re desperate . . .
Putin the Poisoner has a false flag scam up his sleeve for when winter does its duty and Father Frost bites the tank-stopping mud at his border with Ukraine.
   He is planning to dress his soldiers up a Romulans or Klingons and claim that the invasion is being done by aliens, not him. Good luck with getting anyone to believe that, Comrade!

markerA Russian submarine which was tampering with the undersea cable connecting Tonga to the internet is suspected of triggering the undersea volcano, which devastated the island with a tsunami wave.

Far Queue symbolThe 57-year-old handyman who got the genetically modified pig's heart in the US to replace his own, defective organ turns out to be a convicted killer, who did 10 years inside for knifing another bloke in a bar. His victim's family will not be too distressed if the experiment proves to be a flop.

markerSoon to be one with history?
The Glasgow Film Festival which is due to take place at the beginning of March is likely to be taking its last chance to do a retrospective. One for 1962 is planned.
   As a result of the rise of a pernicious cancellation culture, plus the wonk abandonment of reality, this year's jamboree is likely to be the last time that trigger-rich films like Lawrence of Arabia, The Manchurian Candidate and To Kill A Mockingbird can be shown before bland, bland, bland becomes all that is acceptable.
   How tedious things will be until the delicate wonks are nuked out of Xistence and life proper resumes.

reader comment“What is the point of someone in a helicopter or other vehicle that's about to crash in a film yelling "Mayday!" No one's going to get there in time to help. Especially if the Man of Sup is otherwise engaged.” Serge Trousering

baseball hatThe Law of Whinges: Extensive meeja coverage raises the hissiness quotient to the tenth power.

markerThe criminal’s friend
An end to a policy of denying bail to persistent criminals in California is costing Amazon and Mr. J.B. Zos a literal fortune. Scumbags who should be behind bars are being released to resume a career of leaping aboard slow-moving or parked trains to liberate packages in transit in the hope that they contain something really valuable.
   As a result, some train tracks now look like the aftermath of an Xplosion in a cardboard factory.

BombshellThe reason why so many people are so miserable & kreepy in January has been revealed. It's a side-effect of being deprived of all the things they have felt obliged to give up for this month.

Either there are 6 million migrants from the EU living here or there are fewer because, having acquired settled status as an insurance policy, they've buggered off back where they came from. The government has no idea how many are actually here.

Bonquers Mugs are being offered the chance to pay real money—up to 100 grand—for a frock that doesn't exist. The Non-Fungicidal Token will give them the right to use a design for their avatar in a 3D virtual fantasy world.

baseball hatMicroSoftheaded has put a woke-checker into its word processing program for the benefit of everyone who wants to be sure their creations contain only currently acceptable baloney. But MS had the good sense to make this tool of an accessory switch-offable.

rageThe French ski resorts had to deliver a vigorous smack to the back of President MacRon's bonce to get him to unban fully vaccinated Britisch travellers.
   Switzerland & Austria have been enjoying a boom of diverted tourists in search of snow which now has an 'excellent' rating.

reader comment“The best theory about why the mob @ Downing Street weren't bothered about the plague rules is that they had inside knowledge and they were in a position to know for sure that the DoomBuggers were talking tripe based on nothing much, that the rules were bollocks and it was perfectly safe to ignore them.” Mo Fulyu

marker Despite reduced levels of traffic due to the Chinese plague, motorway potholes are damaging record numbers of cars.

plugholeFar Queue symbol Bremoaner & taxpayers' cash waster G. Miller's True & Fair party logo has been described as a colourful tornado. In fact, it looks more like a rainbow of coloured streaks disappearing down a plughole.
   Which is our certain destination if she ever gets to rule the world.

markerKnackered-Knicks
Customers of E.on Next who weren't sent a free pair of sox in a 'turn down your heating' promo are furious and up in arms and ready to start a class action against the company for this hate crime.

BBCsFar Queue symbol The BBC licence fee has been frozen for 2 years as its reward for years of shameless anti-Tory bias. It is hoped that the bosses of the Beeb will take the opportunity to cut waste and needless frills. But this is as likely to happen as it is to the NHS, the public sector trough being what it is.

eyesGooble has been accused of running a massive swindle involving advertising and markets rigged in favour of useful idiots, which costs some publishers 40% of their revenue. Gooble cops for over $300 million per year from the alleged scam.
   FakeBuk is also said to be involved—but not in the current law suit against Gooble.

bulletFakeBuk appears to be using the Steamer Defence that joining in Gooble's racket results in a better outcome for everyone.

trainhatmanTrain operators have a new weapon in their arsenal of Xcuses for not providing a train service—the wrong sort of sunlight, which glares off signals and affects their drivers' vision and prevents trains from running on very sunny days.
   Notwork Rail is having to pay out zillions & zillions in compenbloodysation as a result. But nothing is going to the stranded traveller, of course.
   Gorbal warmage is probably getting the blame.

Steamer boozingmarkerTelling Statistic
An estimated 43 people died on the day when Sirk Reepy was photographed at a boozy do last April.
reader comment“Is that accompanied by an implied & Kreepy 'because of' of the sort that he insinuates into his whinges?” Sar Plice

bulletQ: Who is sleazed more by a picture of the Mandelsleaze partying with the immensely rich and late J. Epstein?
bulletA: The computer is still working on that one.
reader comment“Brainpower beats computer. Consider also pix of Slick Willy Clinton with Ep and the answer has to be Ep every time.” Colm Bative

bulletQ: How much does a lobbying campaign to get a CBE using a PR company cost?
bulletA: $600,000 seems to work.

reader comment“That's a very sneaky world domination tactic Labour has come up with—get your stooges to pretend to be a Tory, get them elected to Parliament on a Tory ticket, then watch them turn their coats when they get there.” Ravi Scholl

markerSafe Bet
If you're old and a religious nutter, it's safe to glue yourself to a train and obstruct commuters in the pursuit of being noticed because you can rely on finding a jury stoopid enuff to let you off if the judge tells them it's okay.

markerbulletQ: Is the Chinese spy's failure to get her candidate into Parliament as an MP a testament to the Britisch electoral system or part of manoeuvres to position the spy lady as harmless?
bulletA: Probably the latter. Especially if most of her bungs went to Labour & the Trivials.
updateThe Chinese spy has been trying to pack the Commons with Chinese stooges for 15 years. Her lack of success is an explanation for why no one is taking her seriously. She's just not much cop and a drain destination for the cash the Chinese government has been tossing in her direction whilst concentrating on hacking & other forms of electronic sabotage.

bulletThe BBC's fake news campaign against President Boris continues unabated by fairness and balance.

markerHow different history could have been
right eye We do not seek to minimize the outrage caused by Boris taking a stroll in his back garden whilst his minions were doing a bit of boozing & scoffing on a heatwave Friday afternoon. We know a lost cause when we see one. But we do question the floppiness of the upper lips of those who claim to be outraged.
   If Mr. Hitler had waited only 80 years, he'd have had no trouble about steaming to a cheap & comprehensive victory with an invasion.
reader comment“And Sirk Reepy would be in nominal charge of the country as a 'good' Europeon?” Jobbo Swerth

marker24 golf clubs are having to do without ex-prince Andrew's patronage. The nation wallows in their grief.

ShockHorror + + + Local MP for Hazel Grove throws huge wobbly @ President Boris + + + Steaming off to Steamerland next? + + +

bulletQ: How long does it take to get an apology from the Metropolitan Police for smashing their way into your home and assaulting you with a taser even though you are white and 80 and their suspect is black and 40?
bulletA: Three weeks for a miserable apology for a proper apology is considered good going.

baseball hat The BBC is engaged in a comprehensive centralization programme to ensure that the current anti-Tory bias is enhanced rather than dispersed. Regionality is out, Metropolitan bubble rulz again.

reader comment“Does Desperate Dom have a proper job, or is he still making up stuff to go in his NeatFlix TV series? The nation should be told.” Hones Strewth
[Who in their right mind is going to give someone with his track record a job? Ed.]
reader comment“The world's biggest, and also richest, masochist might just give it a go.” Hones Strewth

Far Queue symbol No grovelling apology to the nation for his outrageous wallow in the pits of hypocrisy from the Kreepy one as yet.

alienbulletQ: Are we alone in The Universe or are there aliens 'out there' with evil intent?
bulletA: Were there a rat's arse handy, we'd be able to show you Xactly how much we are bothered by that concept.

Far Queue symbol tony b. liar has gone down the same road as Sirk Reepy over his K—he's embarrassed about it and he doesn't want people to call him 'Sir liar'.

berkoFar Queue symbol Berko the Bully is trying to bully his way out of convictions for most of the bullying charges made against him during his notorious reign as the worst Squeaker of the House of Common Criminals in the history of The Universe.
   The ban on going anywhere near the Palace of Westmonster that goes with the conviction means that his hopes of a peerage are well and truly up in smoke.

    WEEK 4    Sir Beery Steamer hasn’t apologized yet?

 

 DEPARTURES 

 
The artist known as Meat Loaf, who put the heart & soul and OTT theatrical performance into the work of lyricist & composer Jim Steinman, has hit the buffers in his 75th year. He set the bar impossibly high with his debut album, Bat Out Of Hell, but kept on trucking anyway. As well as making a dozen albums between 1977 and 2016, he also found time to appear in some 55 films & lotz of TV shows. Busy, busy.

Romiley lamp logoWTFH + + + Putinstan offers UK two squads of Special Forces troops to put down Tory rebels + + + Rebels more bovvered by prospect of their ludicrous gaffes being exposed by Tory whips to public gaze + + + Investigator Ms Sugar Ray outraged by degree of attention deflected from her efforts by Putin Poisoner + + + Romiley to be staging post for Putinstani troops sent Up North to head off Wragge Rebellion in Hazel Grove? + + + Westmonster Bubble stretched to popping point + + + Romiley Forum to become temporary barracks for Putinstan Liberation Force? + + + Red Wall Real Tories to donate Solidarity Pork Pies + + +
furthermore . . . + + + Top UFO Xpert claims Putin's warmongering prevents alien visits + + + Superior to us space traversing species too scared of a few rusty tanks & choppers to invade Earth or even visit? + + + Other one has bells on it + + +

markerAt it again
Ex-prince Hairy is trying to screw millions out of the UK taxpayer to avoid having to pay for bodyguards to keep him safe from people outraged by the size of his sense of entitlement when he comes here on money-grubbing expeditions.

bulletQ: If you threw Hairy into a harbour after spraying him with red paint, would you get away with it?
bulletA: Trying it in Bristol is probably a good idea.
reader comment“If he thinks it's too dangerous to be in the UK, the remedy lies in his own hands. Stay away and do your mooching after money elsewhere. Problem solved.” Bling Kashcard

bulletQ: If you have a communist regime and over 1,000,000 died of the Chinese plague, what's the official death toll?
bulletA: 4,636, of which 37 were in Wuhan. The world's best stat-bandits, or what!

markerMore doom
We are being told that medical leeches will go extinct within 25 years in our polluted landscape. But if they can be bred successfully in a laboratory setting in the required numbers, it's not anything to panic about.
reader comment“That sounds like the likely current source anyway, the lab. I can't imagine doctors swanning round leech ponds with a net fishing for them.” Beer Starmer

baseball hatIf you're still not getting any Christmas cards delivered late by the Royal Mail, delayed by postpersons quarantined by the Chinese plague, it's true. Everyone hates you and no one sent you a card.

eyesCreaky Joe has warned Putinstan of economic sanctions if the Poisoner does a full-scale invasion of Ukraine. Which means what?
   If the hijo de Putin invades just the east of Ukraine, nothing from the US? Just a shower of the tank-busting missles which the UK has been kind enough to send there with a team of Britisch Army instructors?
   Any chance of some clarity & transparency from Joe? Probably not.

bullet + + + Boris Brexit Bonuses become evident + + + Bremoaners weeping openly in streets + + + Project Fear architects Cameron & Osborne in denial + + + Vaccine rollout would never have happened had UK been left stuck in EFU + + +

reader comment“Desperate Dom still doesn't get it. We know he's a bitter & twisted reject and an unreliable source. Which is why only the fake news merchants of the looney left are listening to him.” Arfur Mo

first class stampreader comment“To err is 'uman, to pretend to be perfect & lily-white is nothing but rancid Steamer.” Ken Mixture
reader comment“Yes, we understand what's going on—Labour is trying to drag everyone else into the gutter with them. ” Drew Season
reader comment“The moral high ground in a looney left swamp isn't actually much above ground level. More of a slither than a challenging climb.” Arfur Crown
reader comment“How many booze-ups did Sirk Reepy go to in the last couple of years that we don't know about? Because the one with the beer bottles clearly wasn't his first ever.” Sym Bolik
reader comment“Maybe Ms Sugar Ray's infinitely extensible investigation should include non-governmental stooges with a snout in the public trough.” Lager Steamer
reader comment“There's a thing—maybe Sirk Reepy will claim he was drinking lager, not beer, and hope to get off on a technicality.” Russel Bussel

markerThe real agenda
snowflakeThe function of trigger warnings is to prevent people from thinking and, in Xtreme cases, feeling. No wonder the education system is churning out hapless snoflakes.
   Is this what the Chinese are really up to whilst all the attention is on Mrs. Bean, their comical master spy? Destroying the national moral fibre so that the People's Domination Army can march in?

bulletQ: Whatever happened to the Nightingale hospitals that weren't needed because the DoomBuggers got it so badly wrong?
bulletA: They are now Nightingale courts made necessary by safe spacing requirements.

marker If it's okay for unvaccinated NHS staff to stage a protest march in London, it's equally okay for their customers to know that they could be carrying a deadly disease and refused to be treated by them. And if they have nothing to do, to be sent home without pay. Fair's fair.

baseball hatMhegan the Merciless has thrown a wobbly @ the BBC for daring to reveal that she has had to apologize to a court for one of her many sins of misremembering. Not that she wanted to, of course, but she had no choice.

reader comment“BBC major trough-scoffers like gary bloody lineker lining up to howl in anguish about what's happening to the licence fee ain't news. It would be news only if the parasites didn't do it.” Amper Bland

Revealed The Chinese regime is preventing foreigners from attending its Winter Olympics next month to ensure that only Chinese competitors get rafter-raising cheers and any foreigners who are allowed to get secondary medals receive a stoney silence or the sound of one hand clapping.

cone markerSurprise! Loading the NHS up with overpaid burrocraps doesn't make the service offered by hospitals any better, Xperts @ the London School of Economics have found. Which is something anyone with more than 2 brain cells could have told them. But will the politicians who appoint the burrocraps listen to this further expression of the bleedin' obvious? One guess.

Sabotage for personal gain
reader comment“The thing you have to remember about HM Opposition is they'll do everything they can to prevent the government from doing something to the nation's benefit—not because they necessarily disagree with it but because they can't bear to see the government succeed because every success their enemy achieves reduces their chance of shoving their noses into the public trough.” Nick O'Teen

markerThe Hate Crime of 2021 Award
has to go to the news media for confecting outrage by combining the unrelated events of HM The Queen sitting in solitary contemplation on the eve of her husband's funeral with people having leaving dos at the end of a job.
   It was just shameful. But par for the course in the case of our news meeja.


Today's Wisdom: Cause & Effect requires a genuine connection between events.
Cause & Confect is how fake news is created from unrelated events by the news meeja and nutters on the interweb.

markerMore pointless meddling
The Warmist cult has declared war on the conservatory. They are positioning it as a planet-killer and available only to the privileged. Thus adding them to new-build housing will become as impossible as the Warmists can make it.
[Which may have the unexpected benefit of new-build houses created by cowboy builders having fewer defects if they are not allowed to include a conservatory. Ed.]
reader comment“Gorbal warmage is being caused by heat trapped by conservatories? Sounds like SAGE has a serious rival in the BS stakes.” Baget Rattique
reader comment“Especially if the woman who came up with the daft idea did it whilst sitting in her own conservatory. 'Nuff sed!” Enn Jineer

bulletQ: Is anyone impressed by the Tory MP and sometime hi-status cabinet minister J. Hunt trying to be the leader for the umpteenth time?
bulletA: Probably even less than when he ran for the umpteenth minus oneth time and got beat by Boris.
bulletJ. Hunt has been described as 'TheRazor May' in trousers.
reader comment“Does he wear £999 leather trisers like what TheRazor is notorious for swanning about in?” Slasha Doyle

reader comment“Tory dinosaur D. Davis is a prime Xample of someone who has been around forever, held responsible jobs and learnt . . . nothing. That's the only possible conclusion from his decades-long record of making a choice and always picking the wrong option.” Partial Cornwall

marker New, snoflake MPs lack the moral fibre and sense of personal surety to stand up to ruthless arm-twisting by mafiosi party whips. That's what's behind all the bullying complaints from new Tory MPs.
reader comment“Are we really Xpected to believe that Labour whips don't do Xactly the same when they're in a position of power? It's how the job gets done in the face of hissy self-interest, most of the time.” Dawn Menage

marker The hamster is about to go Xtinct in Hong Kong. 11 of them in a pet shop caught the Chinese plague from a bloke who works (or worked) there and the regime has ordered a mass wipe-out of the lot of them everywhere. Haschtag ^Uigur

Be Advised Non-Fungicidal Tokens, NFTs, have been forcibly rebranded at ENCs — Emperor's New Clothes.

WTFH Labour peers are attempting to give a licence to disrupt to every group of looneys in the land. Let us hope the government still has enuff of a grip left to thwart them.

marker What sort of an actor goes on stage with a switched-on phone in his pocket? One of the Harley Porter whingers. How incredibly crap.

Far Queue symbol PREDICTION: Captain James Cook, the 18th century navigator, will be remembered & respected long after the wonks who are cancelling him have rotted to dust.

Revealed The Texas synagogue terrorist was rated as 'not a threat in England' by MI5. Which proved to be correct. It wasn't until he went to the gun-happy Wild West of the US that he became dangerous and needed to be neutralized to the max.

reader comment“Isn't it comforting to know that as we shiver in the winter chill, despite gorbal warmage, MPs are getting heating for their first & second homes paid for by us taxpayers? And that includes all the people's friends in the Labour, Trivial, SNP & Green parties.” Alicia Banditti

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marker Tsunami-washed and volcanic ash-showered Tonga is facing another major challenge—how to receive essential aid and rescue workers from neighbours without letting the Chinese plague into the country.

markerRather prethetic ‘Get out of that’
The German government's Xcuse for letting Ukraine sink or swim and withholding a helping hand to a country faced by an invasion from Putinstan is that their 1940s Narzi regime once occupied the place.
reader comment“The Sovyetsky commies did the same but that doesn't seem to bother Putin the Poisoner as he pursues his march to Lebensraum. In fact, he's using all the Putinstani infiltraitors as an Xcuse.” Smerk McGurk

bulletThe Week's Magic Movie: Sir Beer Steamer in The Desolation of Smug

Kanzler SchultzmarkerMight just work
Sergeant Schultz, Germany's Mherkel successor from the repo depot of last resort, reckons that his country needs a supply of natural gas from 'a reliable Russia'.
   Could that be a hint that he is seeking to ensnare Putin the Poisoner in a gardengate equivalent scandal—or even a stolen Black Sea palacegate as that would actually be effective—and get him replaced with a 'uman bean? Assuming any are to be found in today's Putinstan.

All the hoo-haa about needle spiking in pubs 'n' clubs that was sloshing around last year has been dismissed as fake news. Drinks are being spiked but the police are not aware of a single case of someone being injected with a hypodermic.

Far Queue symbol A neo-Narzi posturer who was told to read good boox instead of going to gaol has had a rude awakening. The Court of Appeal has decided that the sentence was a joke and his arse will be jammed in gaol for 2 years now.
   Or probably about 3½ months after the usual deductions.

baseball hat Wonderful advance—onions that don't make the eyes of vulnerable people water when attacking them in the kitchen. Big drawback—they cost 3 times as much as ordinary ones. Bigger drawback—they contain lots of sugar and they will be hit by the Sugar Tax.

red birdPlanning for the future
The RSPB in Scotland is using robot minitractors to mash up the enviromint where capercaillies live in a way that wild cattle would were they allowed to roam free.
   This is being done to ensure the survival of these iconic Scots residents by creating the open spaces they need but leaving islands of cover where they can retreat to avoid predators.
meanwhile In the former Soviet Union, at least two species of eagle have become well established there now that 'umans are gone from the Chernobyl Xclusion zone, which was created after certifiable Russians operating a nuclear power plant let it run out of control, melt down & Xplode.
   Reports that the birds glow in the dark have yet to be confirmed.

marker Putin the Poisoner is reported to be increasingly grumpy as the cost of keeping his army @ the border with Ukraine becomes more & more unaffordable and the West continues to watch & wait and not give him the regional domination which he craves.

bulletQ: What do you do when you pay $4 to rent a film only to find that the actress you wanted to see was left on the cutting room floor?
bulletA: Throw a major wobbly, sue Universal Pictures for $5 MILLION and claim you're doing the world a favour.

Crystal balling
The message from the Xperts who watch FakeBuk & Wibble & other auntiesocial meeja is that The Apocalypse is coming and it will be stirred up by the rabble-rousers on the internet and the millions & billions of idiots who follow them blindly with brain disengaged.
   That's the message we should be leaving for the aliens who will eventually find a planet with lotz of orbiting junk but no higher lifeforms on the surface.
updateApparently, it's all the fault of the designers of these websites, who build in addiction to keep the mugs glued to them by maximizing incendiary content.

bullet + + + Kim Il Putin shoots off missles near Ukraine + + + No one impressed + + + Been done lotz of times before elsewhere by N. Korean dictator + + + 0/10 for originality + + +

Today’s Appeal

Do What’s Right for a change

  • The average 'uman bean exhales 23,000 times per day releasing around 1 kg of carbon dioxide. firebug
  • That's 2,500,000,000,000 kg per year for The Planet's 'uman population.
  • But this is part of a natural cycle involving plants & animals and makes no nett contribution to the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.
  • So 'uman exhalations are okay.
  • But Chinese power stations burning coal are building up the amount of carbon dioxide by releasing carbon which has been locked up for zillions of years in fossil fuels.
  • And that is why the Friends of China are asking every 'uman bean on the planet to reduce their breath intake by 10% & their carbon dioxide output by the same amount to allow China to expand its network of power stations without contributing to Gorbal Warming.
  • You kno this makes sense.

MPs from ethnic minorities are making themselves less likely candidates for ministerial posts by focussing exclusively on their own minority at home and abroad rather than on the British population as a whole.
   Their tendency to play the race card if they get the sack for not being up to the job isn't helping much either.
reader comment“If the one who was let go in July 2020 was told then to make a complaint if she thought one was necessary but she didn't, what's her current agenda? Does she think the poor little stinker card will work better now?” Dar Korder
[Not much sympathy on offer with zillions of self-interest complaints flying around at the moment! Ed.]

first class stampreader comment“If the 102 richest people in the world think the poor & feckless should get more of their money, what's stopping them? Why do the stoopid bastards want to be taxed more? Or are their brains too midget to grasp the simple truth that governments waste vast amount of taxpayers' cash and do nothing about the vast amounts of cash stolen from them? If they want to make a difference, they should get up off their fat arses and do something. Or pay a minion to do something.” Con Fector

reader comment“Security-feuding ex-prince Hairy doesn't just want to have his cake and eat it, as he's been accused of. He wants to scoff everybody else's cake as well.” Summa Volferes

first class stampreader comment“That World War I traditional lament sung by Britisch blighter in the trenches, 'We're here because we're here', has been rewritten in honour of Sirk Reepy—'He's beer because he's beer . . .' Cheers!” Kel Domage
reader comment“Big girl's blouse? He's not even an infant's T-shirt.” Antonio B. Liar

bullet Today's Issue: Label or Libel?

bulletThe porn industry—thrusting the 'vice' into device.
[Or the 'vice' into crevice? Ed.]

markerHeadlines like Catastrophic 3C rise in temperature belong in the same box as 100,000 plague deaths per day. Crap models produce crap predictions. End of.

bulletQ: Is it selfish of a dwarf academic to get the word midget cancelled?
bulletA: The ish doesn't get more selfish.
reader comment“The end of the trail for the dwarf conifer now? Wot next?” Nevin Kosh

reader comment“If people can get away with acts of vandalism against public monuments and preventing people from using trains and roads, then having a drink on a hot Friday afternoon with people you meet every day is nothing at all and a total waste of taxpayers' cash on a jobsworth 'investigation' of no value.” Clawed Wrinkleperson

first class stampSneaky stealth tactic
baseball hat US president Creaky Joe is enraging Putin the Poisoner by not taking his threats to invade Ukraine seriously. Joe's casual & unconcerned attitude to the sabre-rattling is reported to be driving Putin to chew his office carpet in frustration, like another well-known dictator & former Russian ally.

bullet Labour's No. 2 hypocrite, Angular Robot, is trying to score political points by having it off with a married bloke in a flat cap? Quel Horreur!

BonquersThe fake news industry is being accused of confusing the punters by constant references to 'No 10 scandal'. "If there is no scandal attached to 10", the customers are asking, "then what is all the fuss about?"

On yer bike, git-face!
baseball hatThe defected former Tory MP for Bury South has landed in a snake pit. The local Labour party is full of people who are still upset by his labelling of Labourites with a word beginning with 'c' and they have let the turncoat know that they want a by-election and they don't want him as their candidate.

look rightbaseball hat + + + Our local MP for Hazel Grove branded hissy attention-seeker + + + His accusations of blackmail by party whips total nonsense as whips don't decide where cash is spent + + + Wragge flashing his ankles not same as producing hard evidence + + + Has he learnt nothing during 6 years in job? + + + Slick Willy, 34, told to grow up and smell daisies + + +

bulletQ: Ankle-flasher D. Davis—bang goes his chance of kipping in the House of Frauds?
bulletA: Totally up in smoke.

Shriek!

markerOur transport correspondent reports:
The Transport Sec., G. Shapps, is offering a bonfire of banalities. His Plan For Rail will include cancellation of pointless & vexatious announcements on trains and at railway stations, especially the contradictory ones.
Far Queue symbol The Labour party, natch, is now lobbying for more pointless & more vexatious announcements even more often in more places.

UK flagThere is some hope for the future. Some grown-ups are starting to notice that the snoflake obsession with mental 'elf is downright unhealthy.

Revealed Sugar Ray, the civil service soupersleuth, has a history of pandering to the whims of The Mandelsleaze as the better part of enduring his whinges.

rat'smarkerWokeford; the verdict
He's political road-kill. Only a HUTAgonian hypocrite like Sir Beery Steamer could consider the former Tory MP for Bury South any sort of asset. Only Sirb Eery would be desperate enuff to give him House room.
furthermore . . . We went out and got a picture of a rat's arse to emphasize just how little we care now about May 2020 and all the consequent confections.
furthermore . . . Forget about any benefits from a recovery from the Chinese plague. The looney left will waste all the cash on pointless investigations, like the one Dockson of Dick Green has been arm-twisted into doing into people being in the vicinity of work colleagues in government circles during ancient lock-ins. Which means that police officers will be diverted for months from investigating real crimes. And there can't be any knees left unjerked on the jerks @ New Scotland Yard.

reader comment“As the New Normal Met doesn't do much about real crime any more, it's not likely anyone will notice much difference in the lack of service.” Kevin Express

bulletMythematics—statistical models from the SAGE Professors of Doom.

Cakegate In Perspective

Boris & cake

cone markermarkerSocialist pillocracy
According to the bosses of the union created Xclusively to service the boss-class civil service wonks who are paid hundreds of thousands of our pounds per year, it's an insult to Xpect their members actually to go to an office to do any work for all the dosh they get.
   Arfur Scaregill, or what!

bulletQ: What really drives the crusade of the 50-year-old bloke who rides around London on his bike, looking for motorists to shop to the police using his helmet camera?
bulletA: Basically, it's the behaviour pattern of an attention-seeker and a bully.
[Something very bad happens to some people when they get on two wheels. Ed.]

baseball hat The Church of England is saving The Planet from gorbal warming by putting cushions on pews and carpets & kneelers on floors. All this insulation scores points on the Green And Mean(ingless) Scale.

look rightbulletQ: If you're a complete mug, how much would you pay for a pair of distressed, dropping to bitz trainers made to look like you've just run a muddy marathon in them?
bulletA: £850. But that's not each. You do get 2 shoes.
[To go with the hole in your wallet and the one in your head. Ed.]

bullet In New Modern Cricket, lazy stereotyping is out. Only the vigorous sort is acceptable.

Far Queue symbol Is there any niggle left unnuzzled by Sir Beery Steamer, the nation's No. 1 hypocrite?

Far Queue symbol Putin confirms plot to impose puppet regime in Ukraine by denying it. This is a much preferable course of action from his point of view as an invasion would involve turning Ukraine into another Chechnya, which remains a war zone.
UK flagThe UK has sent 2,000 tank-buster missles to Ukraine. Putinstan has 100,000 tanks on the eastern border and lotz more in nearby vassal nations. So that's 98,000 of them rolling toward Kiev, even with a 100% success rate. Hmmm.
[Is that 100,000 tanx or troops? But in this world of fake news normality, WTFH. Ed.]

bullet If you can't find a pillar box in a rural area, it's probably because some spiv has nicked it to flog to a collector of the things.

tonguebaseball hat Unvaccinated NHS staff are going to have to work in Wales as a punishment for their intransigence. The Principality's 1st Meenister, M. Drakula, is cool with unvaxxed people treating his customers.

markerGoes around
The outing of China's fave spy, Mrs. C. Li, is bad news for Chinese lobbying groups which gobble up British taxpayers' cash. The government is being pressured by its own MPs to uncouple a pair of them from this bounty.
bulletUniversities copping for Chinese cash will be named & shamed if the advocates of clarity & transparency get their way.

bulletQ: If you're a sometime Trivial local councillor pretending to be a war hero @ a Remembrance Day parade, what should you avoid?
bulletA: Wearing Falklands war medals on a hired uniform if you weren't involved and wearing them in the wrong order.

gargoylemarkerGargoyle & Chips, anyone?
We have been reliably informed by a source in the Untied States that UFOs are now passé. What we have now is UAPs. That's Unexplained Aerial Phenomena for the uninitiated. So now you know!
   Major reprinting/rebranding job needed by the professional & serious amateur UFOlogists?

hatman Putinstan is marking Ireland's card as a likely invasion route to the EFU's territory by holding a bit of naval gunnery practice off the Irish coast.
   Some ammo @ its sell-by date will be popped off and the Irish will be treated to a Spot the Thunder, Spot the Gunfire competition.
   No doubt it will be a major contribution to the gaiety of nations.

    WEEK 5    No, the Chinese plague still hasn't gone away

 
markerWho’da Thunk It?
right eye 25% of supermarket sliced meat products are saltier than Atlantic Ocean seawater, Xperts in London have found from lunchtime fare studies.
   Independent research by BFN's Xperts has discovered that 0% of supermarket meats are saltier than the Dead Sea and 100% are saltier than a 2B pencil.

Far Queue symbolNational Highways England is costing the taxpayer millions by doing nothing about thefts of building materials & phantom employee rackets by its contractors.
reader comment“A construction firm called 'Kier' doesn't exactly have a name that inspires confidence.” Chris Extra

eyes Why are Dockson of Dick Green's minions not investigating Sirk Reepy's boozing?
Special treatment to hypocrites if they're politicians?

rageOutrage over No 10 probe shambles
bulletNo shambles, so nowt to be bothered about? That's the way it works in the real world.
reader comment“No shambles, nothing to whinge about. Unfair!!! That's the way it works in the Westmonster Bubble.” Seeni TallB4
reader comment“How come we're not being swamped by bad jokes about grey matter with the Met prolonging publication of S. Grey's cakegate shenannygoats for a year or two?” Fafny Gospodin

bulletQ: What do you tell the Met about meetings with work colleagues with refreshments years ago?
bulletA: "I don't remember enough detail after all this time to comment on incidental matters that went on around important work." Let them get out of that!

Kreepy Pantzreader comment“It's ripe, Sir Beery Steamer claiming that gardengate is becoming too much of a distraction when he has been busting a gut to keep it as his No. 1 whinge. Or has he had too many beers to remember what he's been up to recently?” D.O. Shanblida
reader comment“Sirk Reepy's New Normal alibi—too many beers!” Holly Day

Far Queue symbol The BBC is at it again—promoting the cause of the anti-vaxxers. Just 'because it can'?
eyesAnother London-centric institution that's letting the side down 'because it can' is the civil service, which is still Shirking @ Home, playing with office equipment, exercise bikes & other goodies paid for by the taxpayer rather than doing any useful work; as customers who have tried to contact its branches have found.

bulletQ: The Nick Clegg Law?
bulletA: The Culture Sec., Ms Dorries, is planning to make aunti-social meeja bosses liable to be shoved in gaol if they fail to censor the drek on their websites properly. Thus Clueless Clegg, a failed Trivial politician on a billion bucks p.a. from FakeBuk for doing something or other, could end up in Dartmoor. Cheers, Cheers!

Far Queue symbol The former V. Roberts is now facing the nightmare of having to pay her lawyers' fees after Prince Andrew refused to let her have a pay-day of hush money.

markerGrow Up! or Up Yours! One or the other
Northampton Uni (a trumped-up technical college) has declared that George Orwell's novel 1984 needs trigger warnings for snoflakes as it tells them where their apology for a culture is driving the country, and they will find their destination of choice downright upsetting.
furthermore . . . Everyone who rides a bike in Birmingham is celebrating slavery & Britain's Imperial past, according to the looney wonks based there.
furthermore . . . The ancient Greeks & Romans need to be cancelled for a lack of diversity in their statuary and their use of white marble and plaster instead of media of colour, according to the wonks @ Cambridge University's museum.

bulletIf you want to see the same GP on each trip to the doctor's, you need to convince a multidoc practice that you have dementia.

Bonquers All patents are to be cancelled as the inventors granted them lack sufficient diversity to represent the sum total of all 'umans.
furthermore . . .Science is also to be cancelled due to a lack of diversity in the ranks of the thinkers & experimenters who charted the workings of the natural world. The only permitted professions from now on will be politicians, lawyers, hate-crime confecting wonks and any other trades that make zero contribution to prosperity & human happiness.

bulletProposition: Governments are crap.
bulletProof: The EFU loses at least 12% of its budget to fraud & does nothing about it. The UK government is currently losing £30 BILLION per year to fraud and never does anything about it, no matter which party is in power.
bulletQ.E.D.

markerCancel Entertainment or Remodel It
Bad news for dwarf actors. Either productions of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs will be banned completely or the number of dwarfs in the cast will have to reflect their prevalence in the population at large on diversity grounds.

Sir Beery SteamerShort-changed!
reader comment“Do we really deserve a posturing popinjay like Sir Beery Steamer as the leader of H.M. Opposition? The Labour party is letting the whole nation down as long as his snout is in the trough.” Debbie DiVerse
reader comment“Superannuate the Steamer! You kno it makes sense!” Somer van Valk
reader comment“All Sir Beery is prepared to offer is 'the least'. No danger of the bastard offering 'the most' ever at all.” Penosha Orange
reader comment“Very shallow personality. Can only focus on trivialities. No wonder he was such a flop as the Dir. of Pub. Prostitutions. Real ishues are obviously beyond him.” Dave Monoblot

markerKeeping up to speed
+ + + Sugar Ray's Big Partygate Jamboree press outing slides into shambles + + + London police throw boxful of spanners into works + + + HUTAgonian looney left politicians aghast + + + Police accused of make-work by ignoring Sugar Ray's 'evidence' + + +

baseball hatGermany's new leader, Sergeant Schultz, seems to be obeying the terms of the Ribbentrop Pakt with Stalinstan by banning sales of guns & ammo to Ukraine, the Baltic States and everywhere else threatened by Putinstan.

The biggest threat to the world right now is woke capitalism—big firms ditching traditional & affordable products in favour of overpriced substitutes with wonk credentials and a pointlessly attached modern slavery policy (which no one ever takes any notice of) and pricing themselves out of the market.

Darn the plughole
cross symbol Trade between the UK and the EFU has declined rapidly due to all the extra unnecessary paperwork demanded by burrocraps in Brusselles. British firms are finding it easier to buy stuff they need elsewhere. And cheaper.

tick symbol Sussed! The real reason why theGrauniad was so outraged by President Boris' birthday cake from a couple of years ago is that it had a Union flag on it, not a hammer & sickle? I'll buy that for a dollar, says our meeja Xpert.

reader comment“Lord Tarzan Hezeltine needs to change his name to Lord Gaga if he thinks bollocks like cakegate will lead to a reversal of Boris's Brexit successes. It may be crool to mock the afflicted but sometimes it is very necessary.” Serbia Steamer

markerNot me, Gov!
The Law Commission is intent on handing the 'user in charge' of a self-drive vehicle a get out of gaol free card. If the car exceeds the speed limit, crashes into something, kills a dozen people or otherwise breaks the law, it will be nothing to do with the mug sitting behind the steering wheel.
   The manufacturer of the vehicle and/or the software controlling it will end up out of pocket or in gaol, as appropriate.

Scittish flagSwine Surge or Danger Round Every Corner
Rural Scotland is facing a plague of sheep-killing wild boar, some weighing as much as 30 stones, thanks to the efforts of the rewilders there and defective containment.
   The farming industry is officially alarmed by the potential damage that these relentless animals might cause to stock of all descriptions. So is the tourism industry. The tabloids would just love a Family of 4 Eaten by Wild Boars at Campsite headline!

eyesWho is putting the ‘con’ into the concrete?
The bosses of National Highways England are under investigation by regulators to find out how much of the hike in the cost of turning a 23-mile stretch of the M1 into a 'smart' motorway was due to theft & fraud by contractors. Some sort of probe is long overdue into how a £300 MILLION project zoomed to over £450 MILLION.

Wee Beesom SturgeonSomeone else has to be to blame
Scitland's First Meenister, Wee Beesom, claims that at times she realizes she's not good enuff to be in her job and there are better candidates for the post.
   Wee Bee thinks this is just an example 'imposter syndrome' and nothing that goes wrong is her fault.
   Wrong! It's honesty but being a politician, that's something alien to her so no wonder she didn't spot it.

bulletQ: Which is worse, a religious fanatic who takes offence @ trivialities or a jumped-up parliamentary pillock who does the same?
bulletA: In terms of absolutes, they're about the same. But there are lots more vexatious religious nutters around than parliamentary pillocks, so they have to be the winners.

first class stampreader comment“Just think what having to Skive @ Home is doing for the mental 'elf of all those poor little stinkers who need a frequent pat on the head from the boss as assurance they're doing a grand job. No wonder the government machine is at a standstill now that the civil service is agonizing @ home.” Eric Salted

marker Let us hope President Boris doesn't send our Border Farce to eastern Ukraine to tell the locals how they should keep the Putinstanis out.

bulletToday's Wisdom: "Kreepiness is next to Blamelessness".
[But only in that sentence. Ed.]

Death Wears a White Face by E.C. TubbmarkerPast blaster
If you're looking for someone to blame for giving the Chinese the idea for their plague, try the SF author E.C. Tubb, who came up with a total kill disease from the Orient (Japan, in this case) for his 1957 serial Dead Weight, which he expanded into the novel Death Wears a White Face in 1979.
   New York gets it big time. Which seems to happen every time sci-fi does the Untied States. Splashtag ^FaveTarget

marker A "doctrine of clean hands" applied to politics would be catastrophic for politicians who castigate opponents for doing what they themselves have been seen to do.

marker

Panteligo-dig-o-dig-o
ANNOUNCEMENT

marker 

Labour stooges are insisting that there is no comparison between gardengate & beergate. For once, they are right.
   Sirb Eeery's breach of the rules is infinitely more vexatious. As a lawyer, he has no Xcuse for being iggorant of The Law. Not that such a minor point of accuracy will prevent him from claiming a Right of Xception.

Qadich DickFar Queue symbol The Party Squad of the Police of the Metrolopis are Xpected to take 2 years and blow £4 MILLION on investigating locked-in trivialities no worse than parking offences.
   There is a growing suspicion that the Party Squad jamboree is Dockson of Dick Green's revenge on Britisch taxpayers for the lack of public appreciation shown for the mess she is making of running policing in London. Four million quid's worth of revenge. Banzai, or what!
reader comment“The running has to be 'the Met into the ground', if the rising crime rate in looney-Labour controlled London is anything to go by.” Eck Srated


rain manBelow the line mission statement: Some of the above is true. BFN is recognized as a premiere class observational blog and a multiple winner of the OB of the Year award.
   We are constantly exposed to dodgy conclusions drawn from dodgy data by the 'experts', especially those found in the world of politics and especially those at the Treasury and in opposition. Some of us civilians at BFN like to join in to let them know that anyone can do it and we ain't impressed by their efforts.

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Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium.
© RAL, January MM22 like anyone cares.