Monday, 2006/01/02 "Catch me now? No chance!" – MDB Sir Ian McBlair (no relation) has been letting off so much hot air that he has squeezed another press release out of the Millennium Dome Bomber five years after the MDB offered his 'last word' to the public.    As with previous releases, it was printed on paper marked with the MDB's personal 'Smart Water' system (i.e. the paper is sprayed with a unique combination of fluorescent chemicals to provide authentication of the source).    As ever, the tone of the MDB's message is 'more in sorrow than in hope of change for the better'. The release includes the observations:     The police have abandoned the difficult targets; burglars, yobs, etc.; and going for the easy ones – the victims who lash out in despair when they see the police sitting on their hands and ignoring all complaints. Thus we read in the newspapers about people being fined huge amounts for daring to lay hands on yobbish kids who use their garden as a shortcut, and even people who swear at yobs who persist in causing a nuisance with the endorsement of their local police force.    Further, the official line on the July 2005 bombings is that no one was to blame. Not MI5 for failing to realize that home-grown Islamic fanatics could be a threat, not the government for failing to provide MI5 with the staff and resources necessary for keeping track of potential Islamic trouble-makers.    Applying the same logic, no one is to blame for the Millennium Dome bombing. Not the government for failing to realize that the British people might object to being short-changed on the 20th Century, not the bomber for preventing Angus McBlair and his cronies from enjoying a free night out one year too early.    Which means that Sir Ian McBlair is just spinning his wheels when he classes the Millennium Dome bombing with 'the usual run of terrorists'. He obviously has no idea of the context of the case, and this is why a police 'service' under his control will never get anywhere with it. Quote: "Sir Ian McBlair couldn't find his ass with both hands and a GPS device." filed by Insider [In-34@mdb.news.uk]

Wednesday, 2006/09/06 "It's a frame-up!" Tudor protests They tried and failed to nail Angus McBlair for wasting a fortune on the Millennium Dome but the meeja are determined to nail someone, an indignant Henry Tudor told a meeting of the Downing Street faithful (which included at least one unfaithful person, who leaked it).    The message that is coming out of Number Ten is that Good Old Henry, still our Deputy Prime Minister despite attempts to by the 'modernizers' to have him put out to grass, is completely innocent of everything, the Dome was nothing to do with him and he's as pure as any other Westminster politician. And as long as people keep trying to tar him with the sleaze-brush, he'll go on looking like he's chewing a wasp. filed by Smight Aufrank [s.aufrank@md.news.uk]

Saturday, 2006/09/16 Britain's University of Spin! There is a John F. Kennedy School of Government at Harvard University. Elsewhere in the United States, there is a Carter Center containing the wisdom of James E. Carter and a William J. Clinton Foundation. Americans seem very willing to set up foundations and libraries to honour former presidents, no matter how degenerate their morals.    So perhaps it is fitting that Angus McBlair's supporters (and there are still a few around, apparently) are looking for decent donations to the Angus McBlair School of Government, which will be located at some suitable educational institution in London.    The London School of Economics has been the target of overtures since April of this year, and the McBlairites feel that the project is sufficiently far advanced to seek some cash from past beneficiaries of Mr. McBlair's munificence (at the expense of the public purse).    Hoping that the passage of time has smoothed out some of the bumps in his reputation, the McBlairites are in the process of 'cementing his political legacy'. The aims of the AMSoG would be to create ideas (like the Millennium Dome, and celebrating the millennium change a year early), to create policies (such as giving the job of administering the Dome to cronies and usual suspects), and to influence future governments.    The AMSoG's secondary function would be to generate income to repair the McBlairs' shattered finances, which foundered on a series of ill-advised property speculations. For this reason, Angus McBlair would not be on the books as the head of his institution, rather he would be free to earn money as a guest speaker at functions.    Unfortunately, the project is attracting a degree of derision from usual suspects and it might just drown in a flood of frivolous suggestions. Like putting Campbell McAllister in charge of creative writing, Pierson McAndelsen in charge of ethics, giving Lord Hawksbane responsibility for developing the business plan and . . . well, you get the point. filed by Smight Aufrank [s.aufrank@md.news.uk]

Thursday, 2006/10/12 Dome robbery thug sues police for brutality! Michael Ianbow (57), who was caught inside the Millennium Dome diamond exhibit armed with a sledgehammer, is demanding £100,000 from the Metropolitan Police for 'assault and trespass to his person'. He alleges that a police officer struck him with a sub-machine gun as he was lying on the ground, handcuffed, after his arrest.    Ianbow, a man with a long history of violence, claims that he suffered a fractured left cheekbone, which required surgery, and he suffers from permanent numbness of the cheek and nightmares. An official police photograph, taken within an hour of his arrest, shows him with a black eye but no other facial injuries.    The legal aid authorities have granted him thousands of pounds of taxpayers' cash to fund his High Court action for damages. The officers who were involved in arresting him both required treatment for injuries received while disarming and subduing Ianbow, and two red-top tabloids are encouraging them to take a shot back at Ianbow, funded by one or other of the tabloids, if the courts take his claims seriously. A career criminal and a member of a notorious family of East-London based drug traffickers, Ianbow was convicted of conspiracy to rob in February 2002 and received an 18-year sentence, which was cut to 15 years on appeal in January 2004. filed by Smight Aufrank [s.aufrank@md.news.uk]

Thursday, 2006/11/30 So long, and thanks for all the cash! The New Millennium Commission is to become one with history tomorrow. The quango was created in 1993 to hand National Lottery cash to projects to mark the new millennium. Between £1.8 and 2 billion of the cash distributed went to the Millennium Dome, according to the latest unofficial (and more accurate) estimates.    This project was to be a landmark in Prime Minister Angus McBlair's ambition to 'rebranding' Britain according to his personal vision. The Dome was supposed to become a lasting monument to his administration. Instead, it became an even more violent centre of controversy when the Millennium Dome Bomber stepped in to ensure that there would be no government junket at the end of 1999.    The MDB sent an explosive message to politicians who thought that the British people were incapable of understanding that the 3rd millennium of the Christian era began on January 1st, 2001. His efforts delayed the opening until July 15th 2000 and contributed greatly to the 'Real Millennium' debate.    At the time of writing, the MDB remains at large with the police nowhere near catching him. Angus McBlair is now languishing in the dustbin of history with his Dome. filed by Smight Aufrank [s.aufrank@md.news.uk]

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