What does Macclesfield Council's Vision Statement say and what do the fine words and promises really mean? |
THE VISION | THE REALITY |
To maintain a sustainable environment for the future. |
No, we don't know what it means either. |
To improve and protect the built environment. |
We hope you won't notice that we've split 'the environment' into 2 categories and that you'll be impressed by the number of statements rather than their content. |
To promote sustainable transport policies to minimize congestion and reduce pollution. |
Buses take up a lot of road space so we're going to put a stop to them. Private cars cause congestion so we'll put a stop to them, too. |
Affordable housing for all. |
A council house for everyone whether you want one or not. |
A healthy community. |
Council wardens will stop people smoking and eating burgers, and force them to take exercise. |
A safe community. |
Council wardens will watch everyone round the clock to make sure that they behave themselves. |
An inclusive community. |
Each area will be required to show that it contains people from a wide range of ethnic backgrounds - or else! |
A learning community. |
Council wardens will make sure that everyone - adults included - does at least 3 hours' homework every night. |
A listening community. |
Free hearing aids for all - whether you need them or not. |
To maintain a vibrant and diverse local economy. |
Shops will rotate businesses on a weekly basis. E.g. your newsagent will be a chip shop next week, a dry cleaner's the week after, then a grocer's, etc. |
To support and develop local businesses. |
Oh, boy! Are we going to have fun sticking our noses into your businesses! |
To create opportunity and diversity of employment. |
Councillors and the Officers of the Borough will be allowed to distribute jobs freely to relatives and friends [what else is new?] - irrespective of ability in order to take account of the diversity requirement. |
To achieve sustainable growth and encourage investment. |
Well, it looks impressive, you have to admit that. |