One of our correspondents was sent this list of definitions. He was asked to add to the list and pass it on. This version includes his additions

NEW     STOCK      MARKET       TERMS

ACTIVE MANAGEMENT – Your broker is heading for the hills with your cash AESP – "All Evidence Shredded, Please!" (or how your broker gets away with daylight robbery) AMERICAN STYLE OPTION – See if President Bush will lend us a few bucks APPRECIATION – What brokers fail to show after talking all your money off you in exchange for shares which nose-dive ARBITRAGE – Legalized way of betting both ends against the middle ASSET ALLOCATION – Diversification of investments for risk management purposes, such that the lion's share ends up in the broker's hip pocket AUTOMATIC EXECUTION – The fate of the boards of most British banks if there was any justice in the world AUTOMATIC EXECUTION SUSPENSION PERIOD – Gordon Brown is handing out taxpayers' cash again AUTOTRADER – Computer program which lets an amateur investor blow his savings without having to press the buttons himself BACK OFFICE – Where the broker keeps his escape kit in case the clients become difficult BARGAIN CONDITIONS APPLY – You thought you were getting a bargain but you didn't read the small print BASE CURRENCY – A currency other than the one which the customers uses into which all deals have to be converted so that the broker can take a currency conversion percentage BASKET OF CURRENCIES – Something you no longer need to carry your money about in BEAR MARKET – A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex BIG BANG – Precursor to Big Crunch BIG FIGURE – Brokers' fees BONDS – Instruments used to strap the client down while the broker empties his pockets BONSAI BANK – Japanese bank which is trimming its branches BOTTOM – The market zone in which most amateur share-holders panic sell BROKER – What my broker has made me BROKER TO BROKER – First, my shares became worthless then the government raised income tax to bail out the banks BULL – Government statement about how successfully it is handling the Global Credit Crunch BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius CANDLESTICK CHART – Diagram showing where to buy the cheapest candles for when you can no longer afford to pay your electricity bill CAPITAL APPRECIATION – I'd be grateful for the loan of a fiver CAPITULATION – A market surrender, which happens when investors give up all hope of making money from shares and get out of the market at any price CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet C.E.O. – Chief Embezzlement Officer. C.F.O. – Corporate Fraud Officer CHANCELLOR of the EXCHEQUER – In the case of Gordon Brown, a psychotic bean-counter, who didn't get the Robin Hood concept, and who robbed EVERYONE so that Tony Blair could give the money to his mates CHURNING – State of investor's digestive system while viewing latest stock prices CLEARING HOUSE – A necessary process after you're declared bankrupt and you have to sell your home COMMITTED PRINCIPAL – The C.E.O. of this company belongs in a looney bin CORRECTION – A rebound in the market after a sharp movement or the reason why you didn't get as much for your shares as your broker promised CROSS RATE – Frowns grow in an inverse ratio to the stocks index DAILY CHANGE – What's left in your pocket at about 5:30 p.m. DAY TRADING – See "Daylight Robbery" DEALER – Someone who stacks the deck so that he always wins DEVALUATION – What happens to your portfolio the day after you sink your life savings into it DIVIDEND – Cash paid to a company's shareholders (term now obsolete) DUE DILIGENCE – Diligence may be due, but it is rarely offered EARNINGS SURPRISE – Thje customer finds that the market has actually gone up and keels over with a heart attack ECB – European Cash Bunker ECONOMIC INDICATORS – Misleading government statements which panic you into selling just before the market rises or persuade you to buy just before it crashes ENHANCED BEST PRICE – What you thought you were going to pay plus the hidden commission, which turned it into a worst price EXECUTE AND ELIMINATE ORDER – Pipe dream about your broker and a firing squad FINANCIAL PLANNER – A guy whose phone has been disconnected FOMC – Full of My Cash (context: your broker’s bank account) FRAUD SQUAD – Police unit which seems to be on permanent holiday FREE FLOAT – State of broker who hurled self off Golden Gate bridge FREE LUNCH – What brokers hope to get at their friendly, neighbourhood soup kitchen FTSE – F**k The Sucker Endlessly GEIR HAARDE – The Icelandic prime minister who gave rise to the expression: "Haarde Luck", which is what the people who invested in collapsed Icelandic banks were told GOING LONG – Current interval between posh lunches on the firm GROSS – Comment on the size of failed bankers' bonuses & pension funds GTC Order – Gimme The Cash Order – instruction from impatient broker HEDGE – System for separating the client from his money so he can't see what's happening to it ICELANDIC STREAKER – Someone who, like an Icelandic bank, has frozen assets INFLATION – The reason why the more you earn, the less you have INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR – Past-year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse KARAOKE BANK – Japanese bank which is about to be sold for a song KAMIKAZE BANK – Japanese bank which is no longer trading after the shares nose-dived KARATE BANK – Japanese bank which has restructured by chopping 50% of the staff LEVERAGE – System for removing cash caught in the fingers of suspicious customers LIBOR (Ladle In Buckets of Resources) – Gordon Brown's policy for giving taxpayers' cash to banks which won't lend to other banks or issue mortgages LIQUIDITY – Drinks at the brokerage after the annual bonuses are announced LONG POSITION – State of the customer’s face after Black Monday, Tuesday, etc. MARKET CORRECTION – A fall in prices the day after the broker buys your stocks MARKET MAKER SPREAD – Obesity in the brokerage industry MEAN RECOMMENDATION – Your bank manager is calling in your overdraft MORTGAGE – A device for extracting five or more times the value of a building from someone who thinks they're getting an asset for their old age. NO LOAD FUND – Please do not ask for credit as it may cause offence OPEN POSITION – Your job after your stock market losses drive you to embezzlement OPTIMIST – Broker who irons five shirts on Sunday ORIGAMI BANK – Japanese bank which has folded PASSIVE MANAGEMENT – Sitting back and hoping for the best P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing PIGEON – Creature which can still put a deposit on a new Ferrari (unlike most brokers and their clients) . PREFERENCE SHARE – What everyone else gets PRIME RATE – The amount of money you have to pay ‘up front’ PROFIT – An archaic word no longer in use! PUBLIC RELATIONS – A government minister has given a highly paid job to his/her brother-in-law RECAPITALIZATION – The Chancellor picks the taxpayer's pocket to pay executive bonuses after the banks run out of ready cash RESISTANCE – To quote the Borg, "Resistance is Futile". RETAINED EARNINGS – Cash the client failed to grab while the grabbing was good RISK – What the broker takes on behalf of the customer RISK MANAGEMENT – A broker's strategy for coming out ahead even if the client loses everything SAMURAI BANK – The only Japanese bank which is soldiering on regardless SCALPING – The client's inevitable fate SECURITIZATION – The bank/broker takes your money and buys something with it; like a building, which immediately drops in value SHORTING – The well-known practice of taking your money and returning about half of it (if you're lucky) SHORT POSITION – Natural state of the client’s wallet SLIPPAGE – The difference between promises and what you get SPANISH ACQUISITION – Santander Bank's buy-up of broke British banks STANDARD & POOR – Your life in a nutshell STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock portfolio STOCK SPLIT – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves STOP LOSS ORDER – Futile instruction to broker when the market hits rock bottom SUMO BANK – Japanese bank which has gone belly-up SUSHI BANK – Japanese bank which is still trading despite having something fishy about its accounts, which suggests that customers can expect a raw deal TICK – Uncontrollable facial twitch caused by heavy losses on the stock market TRANSPARENT MARKET – It was obviously a swindle, so why didn't you spot it? UNSUCCESSFUL TRADES – The ones the broker blames on the client VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower WALKING – What the client does when he is too poor to be able to afford a car WINDOWS – What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo! @ $240 per share WHIPSAW – Device for extracting cash from really reluctant clients [see also LEVERAGE] YAHOO! – What you yell after selling it́s stock to some poor sucker for $240 per share ZERO LOSSES – The client's pipe dream ZIMBABWEAN DOLLAR – Currently, the world's strongest currency