To Archive List PageSome New Year information from a correspondent . . .

As the effects of the Brown Slump drag on, the Coalition government might let the Bank of England try another dose of 'Quantitative Easing'. This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is 'Quantitative Easing' all about?

A. It is money that the government prints and spends on behalf of the taxpayer.

Q. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this spending?

A. It lets the government buy high-value goods like high-definition TV sets for its various departments, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. economy by spending a QE allocation wisely:

  • If you spend the cash at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China, Taiwan or Sri Lanka .
  • If you spend it on petrol, your money will go to the Arabs.
  • If you purchase computer equipment, it will go to India, Taiwan or China .
  • If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
  • If you buy more efficient cars, it will go to Japan or Korea .
  • If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
  • If you pay off credit cards, or buy shares, it will become finance company management bonuses and the managers will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in the UK by:

  1. Spending it at car boot sales, or
  2. Going to night clubs, or
  3. Spending it on prostitutes, or
  4. Beer or whisky or
  5. Tattoos.

(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )


Be patriotic – go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night.

No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

Don't trust the Westminster Wonders;
they're only after your money

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