After being hammered in the first Test, the England cricket team managed to beat the Aussies by a whole 2 runs in the 2nd Test. But they couldn't quite escape from a draw in the third Test.
Attention, Al Qaida!
He's enjoying his freebie holiday
Omri Sharon, son of Israel's war criminal prime minister, has been charged with corruption in connection with his father's campaign to lead the Likud party in 1999. He is alleged to have forged documents and committed perjury while setting up fictitious companies to hide illegal campaign contributions.
Harry Greene, professor of ecology and evolutionary biology at Cornell University, has come up with a plan called 'Pleistocene re-wilding' as a new approach to conservation.
Spain's answer to Jaws!
'Meds' bought on the Internet, e.g. V!agra & Cia!is, may not be great value for money, despite the glowing testimonials of the spammers selling them. The pills have probably been mixed in a non-sterile cement mixer with brick dust as the binder and boric acid (which can cause gastric problems) as a filler. Worse, they are likely to be coated with floor wax to make them shine.
Alternative medicine exposed
The number of people dying from alcohol-related diseases is up 20% on the figure for 2000. New Labour is hoping to get an even bigger increase in the number of people drinking themselves to death when its 24-hour drinking laws come into force in November.
New Labour's latest revenue-raising scheme is to confiscate people's houses when they croak. The way the system works is that New Labour shifts responsibilities from central government to local authorities without providing extra cash to pay for the extra services required. As a consequence, Council Tax goes up and people on low incomes can't afford to pay both their C-Tax and their bills for food, energy, phones, etc.
Why your Council Tax bill will be going up again . . .
The government set the fee for issuing the new-rules drinks licence too low to cover council costs for processing the applications. The government also made the forms excessively complicated, which made applicants put off filling them in. The government also demanded payment with the application, which gave applicants an incentive to file them as close to the deadline as possible.
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Images of a new planet have been discovered in photographs take on Oct. 21, 2003 with the Samuel Oschin Telescope at the Palomar Observatory near San Diego, Calif. The presence of an object moving relative to the stars in its background was not spotted until Jan. 8, 2005. The object is definitely a planet but its size has not yet been established. It is at least as big as Pluto, which has a diameter of 2,2500 km., but it cannot be seen with NASA's Spitzer Space Telescope, which means that its diameter has to be less than about 3,000 km.
Does the shuttle need to mind the gap?
Things take a hell of a long time in space. Astronaut Stephen Robinson took just a couple of minutes to pull a couple of dislodged gap-fillers from between thermal tiles on the shuttle Discovery's belly. But the whole job of getting him there for the 2-minute job, and back, took an amazing 6 hours! And that doesn't include the time spent improvising a hacksaw in case the strips of filler didn't want to be pulled out by hand or with forceps.
Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter on its way
Terrorists are running riot in our country and the police overtime bill is through the roof and heading for the stratosphere as they look for a third gang of mad bombers. But hey, it's the holiday season. So the prime monster and the home & foreign secs. are all off on holiday. Leaving who in charge?
Last month, the Home Office's Bureau of Guesswork Statistics produced a figure of 570,000 for the number of illegal migrants in Britain. But they left out 300,000 failed asylum seekers and offspring of illegals. So the current guesstimate has been revised to 870,000 illegals. Which is 2% of the population!!!
The government has applied for a Dictionary Restraining Order on the word "shameful". In future, the word can be used only in reference to New Labour's policies or executive decisions.
New Labour does 'Iraq dossier' job on ID cards
The ID card pudding was 'hugely over-egged', a stooge from the Home Office has been forced to admit. He also admitted that ID cards won't stop terrorism, fraud, abuse of public services and illegal migration. The confession is seen as an attack on Mr. D. Blunk, the previous Home Sec., who was sacked for fiddling his expenses something else which ID cards won't prevent.
The Highway Agency has been sitting on a report which shows that speed cameras make no significant difference to road safety and their primary function is to raise revenue by stealth.
What does he have to sweat about this month?
1. Promising to do something about Islamic clerics who preach murder of British citizens when everyone knows he has a track record of talking big but doing nothing.
New Labour covers up failure of sex offender tracking scheme
Freedom of Disinformation
The big new idea of the moment is a 'flat tax' a single tax rate for everyone instead of the increasing rates favoured by the Labour party. But a briefing paper has been released under the Freedom of Information Act in an attempt to make people think that the Treasury's officials have found the idea wanting.
Making the streets unsafer
PM in Barbados Official!
Some people just have to be the centre of attention. Our current prime minister, a serial victim of Attention-Seeking Disorder, made himself a figure of fun when he tried to hijack the Queen Mother's funeral and make himself the main focus of that event. He has just done it again in Barbados his top-secret freebie holiday location.
A Labour party 'hard-hitter', who walked out of the Cabinet over the prime minister's decision to take the country to war in Iraq on the basis of manufactured evidence, has died at 59. Robin Cook suffered from the twin disadvantages of being clever and believing in things; neither being a trait calculated to endear him to the proponents of the 'New Labour project'.
The character actor who was big enough to do 'defiant Cockney' has died at 77. Mr. Booth had a long theatrical career but non-theatre-goers will remember him for his performances in films like Zulu and Robbery, and TV shows such as Minder and Bergerac. He starred in the West End musical Fings Ain't Wot They Used To Be, went on to Shakespeare, returned to the West End for the flop Robin Hood musical Twang!, which was known to the critics as Plunk!, and went back to the classics of theatre drama. He was a RADA contemporary of the likes of Peter O'Toole, Alan Bates and Richard Harris.
The creator of the beast which revolutionized pop music in the Sixties has died at 71. The first analog sound synthesizers were able to produce music of sorts if the performer was clever enough to set up the complex plug boards. Engineer Dr. Moog's versions, introduced in the early Sixties, were easier to play using conventional keyboards.
The Scotland Yard detective who played a key role in breaking criminal gangs using the 'supergrass' system has died at 81. The future detective chief superintendent served with the squad which tracked down the Great Train Robbers of 1963, including Ronnie Biggs, who escaped from prison to seek refuge in Brazil. Slipper of the Yard helped to form the Robbery Squad, which rolled up a great many bank robbers in the 1970s and 1980s.
Last month's tornado in Birmingham wasn't an exclusive product of global warming, despite the claims of self-styled experts. It ranked T4 on the scale created by the Tornado & Storm Research Organization and Britain can expect 1-3 of these every year. Britain also gets the occasional severe tornado of rating of T7/T8 with a wind speed of over 200 mph. We had 3 of them in the 20th Century in 1913, 1937 and 1954 so we're well overdue for another 'Big One'. And a big gush of wind from the 'experts' after it strikes, of course.
Ice on the move
Glaciers and the ice cap are melting in the Arctic Circle but the water released by the great melt, blamed on global warming (what else?) isn't raising sea levels all that much. Why not? Because snowfall has increased at the south pole, and the volume of sea ice in the Antarctic's Southern Ocean is increasing, leaving global sea levels much the same.
A while ago, it was fashionable to hurl around a theory that global warming would result in the Gulf Stream switching off and Britain being covered by glaciers in winter. Now, the wheel has turned full circle and a climate scientist had concluded from his computer models that the effect of global warming will be to drive more warm water north to make the British Isles a nice, warm place all year round.
New Orleans a crazy place to live?
Parts of the city are 10 feet below sea level and they need all-year-round protection from the mighty Mississippi river on one side and Lake Pontchartrain on the other, especially when it rains. Then throw in the fact that the city is liable to be hit by the hurricanes which steam into the Gulf of Mexico every year as an alternative to wrecking bits of Florida.
This month marks the 1st anniversary of Scotch Gordon's promise to sack 104,000 useless civil service pen-pushers by 2008. In fact, the civil service has GROWN by 150,000 bodies since he made the promise. [And this guy thinks he's fit to be P.M.? Ed.] So when P.M. Antonio B. Liar promises to deport all Islamic trouble-makers, what's the betting the country will be overflowing with them in a couple of years' time?
The Human Riots Act? What's that all about?
Vote Labour, die young
Duplication, duplication, duplication
End of an era
Will-writing agencies have noted a 15% upturn in business since the July terrorist attacks in London. It's an ill wind, and all that . . .
New Labour Is Dead
Comment under licence?
Piano Man hoax exposed
TheGuardian continues to foster New Labour dumbing down
The latest episode of this sorry obligation involves a silly story about 'the dawn of the new millennium' being greeted by the largest number of suicides in a single day on record for England and Wales. One slight problem, however. The story quotes statistics for January 1st, 2000 when everyone else knows that the 3rd millennium began on January 1st, 2001. Oh, dear!
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PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Crooks In Action
The European Union is promising to do something about the criminals who send out emails about bogus lottery wins and extract cash from the gullible as 'administration fees' (but don't hold your breath).
The French government has evicted an Algerian rabble-rouser for having the cheek to say that Moslems should start a holy war against France.
Nice to know we were right all along
Anyone who has ever had dealings with them will know that the Foreign Office tends to think that its job is to smooth a path for foreigners and trample on any Brits who get in the way. And, shock horror, an independent report commissioned by that prime waste of space Jack Straw has confirmed it! The F.O. is riddled with incompetents and £66 million per year could be saved right away by getting rid of 10% of the staff. After that would come the hard slog of tackling a culture of waste, sloth and endless duplication of tasks to make it look like people have jobs to do.
Dumb, dumb, dumb!
The paintings of Edvard Munch are terrifically popular in his native Norway and highly prized by all those fortunate enough to own one. So much so that the nation's thieves devote a massive amount of effort to collecting them.
Beating the system
A Californian company has created a smokeless cigarette for rich people who want to get around the world's many smoking bans. At £17 for a packet of 20, you have to be a serious nicotine addict to go in for 'Acros Smokeless Cigarettes'.
Send for International Rescue
Okay, now shop till you drop!
Happy birthday, Hulkster!
Iran continues down nuclear road
Fat American Syndrome
Despite resistance from insurgents as well as the inmates, Israel seems to be doing quite a good job of clearing its squatter camps from the Gaza Strip, which has been under illegal occupation for 38 years. We understand that the Mugabe Destruction Co. has been called in to demolish the empty squatter camps.
Mandy bogs it up
Millions of garments were ordered, paid for and shipped from China before the EU anti-dumping regulations came into force. But they will be stuck in warehouses at ports while shops and stores run out of stock. That's another nice mess that EU protectionism on behalf of the French textile industry, corrupt officials at Brussels and the dabbling of Trade Commissioner Peter Mandelson have gotten us into.
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