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STOP PRESS: BFN has won the prestigious "Creative Journalism of the Year" award for 2011. The citation praised our "willingness to go where others dare not venture" and our "steadfast commitment to defending the right". And are we chuffed!


linearAre there TWO April firsts in a leap year?
Strap your old faithful, manual tripewriter to a computer with a piece of kit which ends with a USB plug? Why on Earth would anyone want to do that? And yet, apparently serious newspapers were treating the plugs for the company offering this marvellous technological advance with overdue seriousness. Isn't August supposed to be the silly season? Or has Global Warming brought it forward to the spring?


Your IMAGINATION is your only limit

Few people still own a manual typewriter – which means that many people are being left out of the PC revolution needlessly. But we can strap almost any piece of obsolete or unanticipated kit to a modern PC.

Why not mosey on down to the GWB Shack @ 43 Riverside Drive, Romiley, G.B. for a quotation or visit our website:
your first stop for website design & maintenance


The AMAZING Cardboard Radio

What's different about this radio? Well, it's as unique as it gets – a radio made of cardboard! Whilst the mechanical and electrical parts of metal and plastic, the body is made from eco-friendly recycleable cardboard. Which lets you personalise it if you're the creative type! And as a bonus, you can even plug in an iPod in to it!

Only £39.99 [€71.18] from Romiley Radio, 14b Riverside Drive

travel news

Put the blame where it belongs
Air Passenger Duty, a bogus "green" tax invented by G. Ordon Broon, went up by 10% at the start of this month. The Coalition seems to be as dishonest as New Labour when it come to applying Stealth Taxes in the name of saving the planet, and then spending the cash raised on things like India's space programme. The tax has now reached a level which discourages both travel and tourism which, curiously, the government reckons are key drivers of growth.

linearCheap & Scary!
If you're thinking of flying anywhere and you don't want a heart attack, you might consider giving a miss to the Aussie airline Jetstar. F'r instance, one of their flights nearly had a crash at Changi airport, Singapore, because the pilot was too busy messing about with his mobile phone to notice that the wheels weren't down!

linearScousers hold National Iceberg Day?
It might be just our cloth ears, but we distinctly heard one of the presenters on North-West Today talking about Liverpool celebrating the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic. Still, lots of people seem to be making money out of it with their souvenirs, so there would appear to be a deal of celebration going on.

linearBritish Grand Prix to be cancelled?
The argument for abandoning the Bahrain GP is that there are human rights abuses there. And the same applies to Britain. Thanks to the Bliar regime's 'Uman bloody Rights Act, all sorts of undesirables are abusing the collective 'uman bloody rights of the British people. [Many of them togged up in wigs and related to former prime monsters. Ed.]

linearBonus spectacle
Visitors to Mexico City have an added attraction, at the moment – the nearby volcano Popocatepetl is putting on a display which will either be lengthy and low-level or end in a Big Bang.

linearTurn a blind eye, or else!
The kommissars of the UK Border Force seem to think they have the power to prevent people stuck in a long cue @ immigration control from taking photos of the queue and putting them on the Internet. How very New Labour!

world news

linearThat's one thing settled
Rick Sanitorium has given up on his attempt to be the Repubelican candidate in this year's US presidential election, which means that zillionaire cultist Mittens Romney gets the privilege of losing to Pres. O'Bummer in November.

moderate blobFans of Newt "the pornographer" Gingrich will be please to note that his campaign collapsed with debts of around $3,000,000.

linearBesmirching the brand
The latest news from the Discovery TV channel is that their Mythbusters, Jamie Hyneman and Adam Savage [the original, accept no imitations], might just sue the 'Elf 'n' Nazi Executive's comic opera Challenge Panel for giving Mythbusters a bad name.

linearChange of tack
Pres. O'Bummer, facing an unelectable opponent in November, has turned his back on "hope" and "change", both promised in 2008 but not delivered. Next up on the list of doomed concepts will be "fairness".

linearIrish Stew in the Name of the Law!
Police in Aberdeen have arrested former Labour councillor Renee Slater for entering a shop dummy as a candidate in the upcoming city council elections. "Helena Torry" was offered to the public as an independent candidate for the Hazlehead, Ashley and Queen's Cross ward. The local fuzz also took the dummy into custody. Ms Torry is expected to sue the Aberdeen force for prejudice, racialism, speciesism, materialism and causing emotional distress.


Glock SLPYou DO NOT throw a Rock
At a Guy with a Glock!


linearSomething else to thank Labour for
Newly unearthed documents in the National Archives show that the Labour government led by Sunny Jim Callaghan lent the money which the military junta in Argentina used to buy the weapons which were used to attack the Falkland Islands 30 years ago. Even worse, the Liberals in the Coalition want the British taxpayer to forget the £45 million, which Argentina shows no sign of repaying.

linearLet's hope we get to use it!
England is in need of a rousing anthem for sporting events – something a bit more exciting than the National Anthem dirge. Welcome To The Jungle by Guns 'n' Roses is the current fan favourite.


This advert has been withdrawn under a threat of prosecution
[us as well as the advertiser, Ed.] by the UK Advertising Authority.

see for further information.

FRICTION PRODUCTS of Romiley — a smoooooth glide!


linearWhat's the big idea, Daily Mail?
Why did this popular national newspaper unload the Samantha "I'm so beautiful it hurts" character on a disbelieving nation? Was it an April Fool that just ran and ran? Or is the Mail so desperate for stuff to space out the adverts that it has to invent a scrapegoat to give its usual suspect columnists someone to take a pop at?
   One thing is for sure – they should have found better pictures to go with the articles. The ones they used belong to a woman who's more likely to be offered a bag to put over her head than free champagne. And the only reason she would be rushed to the head of a queue would be to get her the hell out of the building as quickly as possible!

linearDesperation time
Tabloids are getting so desperate for "scoops" that one of them sent a reporter and a photographer to do the dirty on Environment Minister R. Benyon. Their mission was to sneak on to his property, turn on a tap connected to a hosepipe, and take pictures of the resulting gusher. How mean and miserable!

linearAspiration only?
The UKAA is considering prosecuting Friction Products of Romiley for obscenity. One small problem, however – the kill-switch reaction to the offending advertisement was so swift that the UKAA is having no luck in finding people who were offended by it!

linearCredibility overload?
Are we about to be told that the pretend suicide bomber, who was busted by a million over-armed coppers in London on the last Friday of the month, was just on one of the Olympic junkets on which the Arts Council is wasting billions of pounds? Like the coastal peace camps, the floating pineapple, the Stonehenge bouncy castle, the balloon lanterns along Hadrian's Wall, etc., etc.

Welcome to the YORKSHIRE Auction Site!

This month's star auction : 2 HAUNTED AA batteries!!

Log on to our website for the full shocking back-story.

www.eBahgum.nryPride of the North Riding!


GW sloganMore EU craziness
The European Commission's Global Warming Swindlers are lending OUR money [Britain, broke, in Brown Slump] to China [world's 2nd biggest economy, doing great] to plant trees to compensate for the imaginary global warming that China is supposed to be causing by getting mega-rich. And showing lots of lovely dosh into the pockets of the usual euro-cronies, of course.

GW sloganUK Govt. faces mis-selling scandal of PPI proportions
The banks have had to pay out BILLIONs for selling Payment Plan Insurance to people who didn't need it or wouldn't benefit from it. The government faces the same problem over its plan to force householders with a broken boiler to spend thousands on "green" upgrades. Studies of the government's predictions of the savings to be expected on energy bills have revealed that most the "savings" are exaggerated by up to 400%, and those who choose to repay compulsory loans through higher energy bills will never be able to pay off the loan through savings.

GW sloganAre there any wheels which haven't come off yet?
Nature, what is now “the world’s least reliable weekly journal of science”, has been caught out yet again in an attempt to promote the agenda of Global Warming Liars & Swindlers.
   The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change at the United Nations is about a year away from producing another of its warmist reports and Nature tried to set the agenda with a paper "proving" that all the evidence showing that carbon dioxide levels rise AFTER global warming occurs (not before the warming) is wrong.
   One small snag, though – the data used for the article in Nature carefully excluded inconvenient data. And when a real expert included this inconvenient truth in the calculations, there was clear evidence of a long period of carbon dioxide levels rising while global temperatures fell and fell.
   All of which kind of dumps the Coalition's "Green Steal" and other attempts to reduce Britain's carbon dioxide emissions, which are just a tiny fraction of China's anyway, are a total waste of time and a criminal waste of taxpayers' money.

GW sloganYou just can't win
People in the south of England, who are being flooded by this month's heavy rain, still face the dreaded hosepipe ban as it's the wrong sort of rain. (Or they live on the wrong sort of ground for absorbing rain.)
updateTorrential rain, gales, rivers bursting their banks, floods and this has been the wettest April on record. So wet, in fact, that people haven't needed to sneak out at night to water their garden in defiance of the hosepipe ban. But it's still the wrong sort of rain, except for farmers.
moderate blobMore of the same is forecast for May.

GW sloganMaybe you aren't supposed to win
The government has admitted that global temperatures have remained static for the last two decades despite the hysteria of Global Warming Swindlers, who forecast huge rises in temperature on the basis of manufactured data and shrieked that millions of people would die as a result of global warming before the end of the 20th century. The news is particularly unwelcome for the Coalition at a time when the Lib-Dem driven Green Steal is depriving families of hundreds of pounds per year via unnecessary Stealth Taxes.

GW sloganSomething the GWS don't mention
Researchers at New York State University have found that wind farms cause local warming at 10 times the current natural rate. Which means that the more there are, the worse Global Warming will get. And the Swindlers are to blame!


RomDom — The ULTIMATE Convenience Store


Romiley outlet @ 221b Riverside Drive     *The price you see is half the price you pay


X-ray machineChild Obesity Breakthrough?
Academics being paid by the European Commission with British taxpayers' money have decided that they know what causes kids to become obese. It's lounging around, watching a television set in the comfort of their room. So the cure for the problem is to ban bedroom TVs. The research project carried out in Belgium, Bulgaria, Germany, Greece, Holland, Luxembourg, Norway, Poland and the UK cost a mere £2,400,000.

linearEven MORE money down the drain thanks to Bliar & his cronies
The Secret Intelligence Service is trying to do a behind-the-bicycle-racks deal to pay off a Libyan, who was formerly classed as a terrorist. The guy was rendered to the Gaddaffiey regime by New Labour as part of the Blair campaign of cosying up to dictators for fun and profit. Around £1 million is on the table at the moment. But you can bet your bottom dollar that the final bill will be a whole lot more and the Labour cronies who stitched up the dirty deal won't be asked to contribute or take any of the blame.

linearMore blighted countryside traditions
The Dartmoor National Park Authority is abolishing stiles because some visitors are too HUGE to use them. As an alternative, a bulldozer will flatten a gap of suitable size in any walls or hedges which obstruct public footpaths and a council crossing warden will be stationed at each gap to keep livestock where it belongs and to assist fatties to progress along the footpath.


Grover-Garden Auto-Cloning Meat Pies

Too many people for lunch? Just place one of our meat pies in the cloning bag with any suitable raw materials and microwave it for 3 minutes.

Perfection Guaranteed!!

moderate blobThis month only: first-generation cloned pies will self-clone as a special offer.
moderate blobTry our range of self-cloning Quiches for Vegetarians.

Visit Romiley Pie Shop, 44a Riverside Drive

Crime News

linear0/10 for Execution, but an E for Effort!
A bloke in gaol in Brazil as a suspected drug trafficker forced his wife to strip (she sez), put on her clothes and a long wig, and actually made it out of the gaol. But a copper noticed a weird-looking "woman" wobbling along on high heels and the fugitive was busted at a bus station. Luckily, his wife had brought along some spare clothing and she was able to leave the gaol decently clad and without mentioning her ordeal to the staff.

linearBothersome bloke busted
Following an incident which disrupted the annual Oxford v. Cambridge boat race, a middle-aged Australian man in a wet suit was hauled from the river, arrested and charged with public petulance. The restarted race was won by the team from Cambridge after they broke an oar belonging to the Oxford boat.
updatePCSO for Bothersome Bloke In an emergency session at Oxford Magistrates' court, the foreigner who wrecked this year's university boat race was made the subject of a Permanent Community Service Order. PCSOs were introduced by the Coalition in response to the failure of New Labour's ASBOs. One of their purposes is to make life uncomfortable for undesirable aliens. PCSO candidates are liable to perform at least 15 hours' community service for as long as they remain in the UK, and they are liable to swingeing fines and terms of imprisonment if they fail to complete the required number of hours of useful public service.


The SAS Association Needs YOUR Support!

Victims of Sudden Amnesia Syndrome are prone to distressing gaps in their treasured memories. They can forget lying to their national parliament and being responsible for starting wars and getting hundreds of thousands of people killed, they can forget sucking up to incompetent bankers and ruining the economy of an entire country, they can forget committing abuses in public office whilst doing favours for friends or people who could be expected to do favours for them, and they can even forget being utterly incompetent in office and illegally rendering prisoners to poisonous regimes.

These people and Romiley Reality Clinic need YOUR help — and quickly before the Chancellor of the Exchequer applies his new Stealth Tax to Charitable Donations. Please give generously to fund our work of bringing Reality home to SAS victims (with appropriate violence where necessary).

SASA victims

URGENT!! All Donations to Romiley Reality Clinic, 616 Riverside Drive

Home News
UK Flag

linearAnother flip-flop
Dave the Leader faces another rebellion from the real Tories in his party over his plan to blow £2 BILLION on letting GCHQ spy on every phone call, text, email, Internet search, etc., made in the UK. He was dead against it when New Labour wanted to do it. But not any more. A Liberal spokesmouth said: "We didn't scrap ID cards." Which is perfectly true. The Liberals were never in a position of power and able to do this when it was a live issue.

linearVanishing Act
The Easter holiday marks the end of displays of cigarettes in supermarkets. The government believes that hiding them away will stop young people buying them and becoming a drain on the NHS when they get all sorts of horrible, tobacco-related diseases. Realists expect that the ban will cause the black market in tobacco products to grow even faster.

linearLack of impact?
It's all very well, teachers voting to strike because they're expected to pay for gold-plated pensions, but given the appalling state of their "product" – generations of schoolkids who can't read, write and add up – will anyone notice a difference if they don't turn up for work?
updateAny old excuse will do : Teachers are now threatening to go on strike over plans to scrap their 6-week summer holiday and introduce a 4-term, instead of 3-term, school year.

linearFair trade by a monopoly? Joke!
The Royal Mail is restricting the supply of stamps to prevent bulk buying before it shoves its postal rates up from 46p to 60p for 1st class and from 36p to 50p for 2nd class deliveries on Monday, April 30th.

linearDefending the right
Good luck to the efforts of E. Pickles (Communities Sec.), G. Shapps (housing minister), C. Grayling (employment minister) and all other members of the government as they try to kill off the Conservatory and Boiler Repair Stealth Tax in the Huhne "Green Steal" Stealth Tax package.
updateB&Q expects to do very well out of the Green Steal as their staff will be assessing what home owners need to do and, no doubt, be talking everything up to maximize the company's profits and their bonuses.


The Get-Rich GOLD Franchise

Consider the following explanation from Kellogg's, the food manufacturer:

". . . the nutritional information on the pack shows a 30g portion of Crunchy Nut cornflakes, with semi-skimmed milk provides 180 Calories which is the same as 180 kcal (1 Calorie = 1 kcal) . . ."

According to the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, this product information complies with EU law. And, by extension, other units of measurement must follow the EU's rule for calories – specifically, 1 gram = 1 kilogram!

Which means that YOU can offer 10 kg bars of gold for sale, charge your customers $53,450.65 per bar, and send them 10 g bars!!
And it is perfectly legal to do so under both EU and UK law!!!

Get your 10 g gold bars for ONLY £427.60 [€726.93] (check for current price) from:
Romiley Gold Franchise Supplies, 37c Riverside Drive


linearPatent of the Month
Those clever people at RomTech have come up with a wireless-technology chip, which can be inserted in pies, pasties, etc. during the manufacturing process to inform the government if the food product is heated up for home consumption and, therefore, a VAT payment is due. Extensive testing has shown that the consumable chip can pass through the human digestive system safely and without being noticed.

linearGive it to the private sector?
Sky News is the latest segment of the Murdoch empire to admit email hacking. Which means that there is now a compelling argument for letting News International do all of the hacking required by the State, which would allow the government to close down GCHQ and save the taxpayer a ton of money.

linearJust A Thought . . .
If kids stumble across Internet porn by doing searches for apparently harmless topics, wouldn't it be a good idea to block the use of search engines; Google, Bling, etc.; by everyone under the age of 21?


www.Crooks In

Now going into its second decade on the World Wide Web—a brilliant resource exposing Nigerian-type 419 scams, bogus lotteries & job offers, phishing attempts, next-of-kin scams, scams involving loot from foreign wars and much, much more!
CLICK HERE to find out what email miracles are on offer.


linearTaxing hot and cold
The Chancellor seems to think people will be happy to pay 20% VAT on hot pies, pasties, etc. if he imposes a balancing Stealth Green Tax on chilled bottles of Champagne sold in "public places". G. Osborne sees himself as a successor to D. Cameron as British prime monster. In his effin' dreams!

linearA dry summer will mean:
Beer prices UP because barley production will be DOWN;
Dearer Potatoes, Crisps, Carrots, etc.;
More Midges spreading Schmallenberg Virus to Sheep;
Bread prices UP and the same for everything which used, or eats, wheat;



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We offer handy 10 kg bars – readily portable, easy to store, government proof!
Any quantity promptly supplied to order.

Only $55,345.76 per bar [equivalent accepted in all major currencies] from:
Romiley Gold Trading, 221b Riverside Drive


linearDon't look for any sense here!
Imagine the boiler for your gas-fired central heating breaking down in a freezing cold spell. If you need a new one, it can't be installed right away. A gang of government burrocrats has to give its permission first. Meanwhile, all the pipes freeze.
   The burrocrats decide that the householder has to fork out £10,000 for loft and wall insulation and draught-proofing before any work may be carried out on the central heating. All this will take over a month and can't be done until the weather becomes warmer. So the occupants of the house have to move to an hotel.
   The house is flooded and the contents wrecked when the pipes thaw out. The householder is stuck with a bill for £25,000 for clearing up the mess, plus hotel accommodation costs, as the insurance company decides that the damage wasn't accidental.
   Labour gets in at the next general election with an even stupider "green" agenda.
   There is a revolution and all politicians, trade union leaders and lawyers are hanged from the nearest lamp post. The European Union sends in the European Battle Force to restore order. The EBF proves to be too wimpy to handle stroppy Brits.
   The Franco-German Axis at the EU's HQ goes with the nuclear option. The Earth goes into Nuclear Winter. But at least the Global Warming problem is solved.


He's been called the Blogger of the Decade

His intellect is matched only by the size of his luck and the size of his bank balance. And yet he manages to keep his Feet On The Ground with the greatest of ease. Do yourself a favour and find out what Xavier has had to say about what's going on Right Now!


This Month's Selected Queets:
quitterDear Ed., how come most of your content so far has been bloody adverts?
   Q>Nige149   [Just lucky, I guess! Ed.]
quitterDear Ed., Eee bah gum is a traditional Lancashire saying, so how come a Yorkshire website got it?    Q>Notlob666   [BFN has no control over who gets which URL. Ed.]
quitterBFN's Product Director has denied calling the UKAA "a bunch of knee-jerk jobsworths with the combined IQ of a banana".   Q>BFN-Releases
quitterSimon next door reckons the Daily Wail invented that Sammy "I'm so pretty it hurts" Brickette and her 15 daughters.   Q>Angel142   [We have no evidence to the contrary. Ed.]
quitterDear Ed., have you noticed how many people write "Queers" instead of "Queets" because the keys are next to each other?    Q>Darren21Z   [Thanks to the 87 million others who pointed this out. Ed.]
quitterDear Ed., "Is Simon Cowell Self-Destructing?" the Daily Wail asks. "Does anyone care?" we fire back.   Q>BukkaRoo   [Who cares? Ed.]
quitterDear Ed., The only way the British Army can regain any credibility is to put those responsible for persecuting "Corporal C." on trial for treason and apply the death penalty on conviction.   Q>Hess7   [If only! Ed.]

quitterQuitter, the REAL networking sitequitter

Far Queue List

Far Queue symbol K. Clarke, Justice Minister, and T. May, Home Secretary, who want to exclude the public from trials which might embarrass the police and the security service.

Far Queue symbol L. Featherbrain, the Liberal Equalities Minister, who thinks Christians should observe their religion behind closed doors whilst adherents of other religions are allowed to flaunt their beliefs.

Far Queue symbol Whoever bought Mad Men for Sky TV.

Far Queue symbol Dulux "brilliant white" paint, which started going yellow in weeks because EU regulations forced the company to reduce the amount of volatile organic solvents in its paints and increase the amount of drying oil, which turned the paint yellow faster.

Far Queue symbol Amazon, which operates out of Luxembourg to avoid paying corporation tax in Britain.

Far Queue symbol The woman who went on holiday to Malta when she should have been on a jury (for which she got 56 days in gaol).

Far Queue symbol The crazy woman in the Daily Mail, who think everyone hates her because she's irresistible when, in reality, she's not even moderately good looking and obviously has a "me" complex. [Samantha "Thick As A" Brick, Ed.]

Far Queue symbol Carl Crossman and everyone else at the UK Advertising Authority.

Far Queue symbol Whoever came up with the government's Boiler Breakdown Tax, which is on a par with Labour's scrapped Home Invasion Pack scam.

Far Queue symbol The London Fire Brigade, which wasted 25 fireman hours on NOT saving a seagull tangled up with a plastic bag in a pond on 'elf 'n' nazi grounds. Apparently, the water was too deep for them and a guy from the Riverside Animal Centre in Beddington had to wade in to save the wretched bird.

Far Queue symbol The 'Elf 'n' Nazi Executive's Myth Busters Challenge Panel, which is just another bunch of dithering jobsworths on the public payroll, as proved by its failure to rule on "Seagull-in-a-pond-gate".

Far Queue symbol Everyone involved in North Korea's space programme, which is blowing up rockets instead of launching them to orbit, just like the Yanks were doing 55 years ago.

Far Queue symbol D. Blunkett, who seems to be crawling out of the woodwork, hoping he will be accepted in an elder statesman role and also hoping no one remembers that he was chucked out of the Cabinet for swindling the taxpayer with his expenses.

Far Queue symbol Y. Cooper, the shadow home sec., who would love the world's terrorists to sponge off the British taxpayer if it embarrasses the Tories and who apparently didn't object when Tony B. Liar was turning Britain into a refuge for Al Kaida agents with his 'Uman Rights Act. [And shoving a lot of legal work in the direction of his wife. Ed.]

Far Queue symbol The members of the South Yorkshire Police "service" who won't chase helmetless thieves on quad bikes on 'elf 'n' nazi grounds.

Far Queue symbol The BBC, which has been caught, yet again, in the act of blatantly waving the Labour flag with elections looming. As usual, there will be no consequences for the guilty parties.

Far Queue symbol The Service Prosecuting Authority, which wastes millions of pounds of taxpayers' cash by dragging out flimsy cases for years until a judge tosses them out of court, e.g. the £300,000 and 2 years wasted on driving "Corporal C." out of the army.

Far Queue symbol The Office for National Statistics, which has hurled us into a double-dip recession on the basis of a blind guess about how the construction industry is doing.

Far Queue symbol "Far queue, far queue very much!" – Frank Zappa.

The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage".

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Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression.
Sole © RAL, April 2012.