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 Unexpected Bonus of the Year – The guy who faked the sign language at the Mandela memorial junket.
Politician of the Year – Iain Duncan Smith, the only one who knows what he's doing and who's actually achieving anything.
Goon of the Year – E. Milibandit, who's making worthless promises to freeze energy price-rises made inevitable by the Climate Change Act, which he, himself, put through Parliament as a Labour energy sec.
Multiple "gate" of the Year – The Plebgate Gategate Plodgate stitch-up.
No. of town centres blighted by New Labour's 24-hour binge-drinking culture – 175.
 Well, that explains a lot!
Who's to blame for the floods which have put 39.7 square miles of Somerset under water? The Environment Agency and its decision to abandon dredging rivers (£4 million needed for the job) in favour of drowning farmland and creating wetlands for wildlife (cost £34.6 million) is the current favourite.
So who's the political clown in "charge" of this outfit? Lord Smith, one of the more useless of Tony B. Liar's gang of New Labour stooges. All he has to offer to the victims of his quango's eccentricity is the usual bluster and "not me, govs". That's on the 3 days he works – for the magnificent sum of £100K. As for the chief executive, one Dr. Paul Leinster [left], he gets £195K for his efforts and his half a dozen executive directors help to bring the annual salaries of the top management to over a million pounds per year. All out of the pockets of taxpayers, included the flooded ones in Somerset, of course.
 A warning issued last year about the flooding risk to the Somerset Levels was filed and ignored by the EA.
Somerset is now paying the price of 20 years of negligence – £50 million for this year.
The EA has a budget of £1.2 BILLION but it can't find a few millions for dredging.
The Environment Agency's policy of writing off farmland in favour of wetlands for wildlife has created habitats for wildlife, which has been wiped out by the floods created thanks to the EA's mismanaged conservationism.
The Norfolk Broads don't have the same problem. Could it be something to do with fighting and winning a long battle to keep the dead hands of the Environment Agency off their turf?
 Redistribution of assets?
The Liberals are claiming an increase of membership for 75% of their constituency parties in the last year. How have they achieved this despite losing about one-third of their 2010 membership? Well, one could ask if the 25% of parties not boasted about still have any members after the BIG reshuffle.
 Energy saving, but not cost effective
When incandescent light bulbs got the chop – thanks to the loonies running the EU – in favour of compact fluorescent bulbs, the manufacturers claimed that the substitutes, costing 4 or 5 times as much as an ILB, would last for 10 years or 10,000 hours. Which victims of the scam concluded is a black lie when their CFLs started croaking after less than a year.
The manufacturers also made false claims about the light output, multiplying their wattage by 5 to claim that an 11 Watt CFL is the equivalent of a 60W ILB when the true output figure is nearer 40W.
Now, the same is happening with bulbs containing Light-Emitting Diodes. LED bulbs cost 20 or more times the cost of an old ILB and they are touted as having a 6,000 hour life. Which is another black lie. Which just underlines the rule that if a product is described as "green" or offering a "saving", then there's a swindle involved.
 The Rules for the Police when Leaking
If it goes to a Labour supporting newspaper, e.g. theGrauniad, or the BBC, it's okay. If it goes to a tabloid, especially one not part of the lefty-luvvie consensus, it's a crime. And if it goes to a tabloid and it contains embarrassing truth about misconduct, negligence or sheer stupidity of senior coppers, there has to be a gaol sentence.
 Oh, no! As if we didn't have enough to worry about already
Britain is under threat from Russian cannibal rats! They're on a ghost ship called Lyubov Orlova, which was cut adrift and abandoned in the North Atlantic a year ago whilst being towed from Canada to a scrapyard in the Dominical Republic. "Experts" believe that the current storms could be driving the ship, which other "experts" fear could be carrying hundreds, if not thousands, of disease-ridden rats, to landfall anywhere from the west coast of Ireland or Scotland to the southern tip of England. So not a lot of precision involved in the prediction process.
 Bang goes £70 million?
Tony B. Liar's millions are under threat from the families who were denied compensation for Libyan-sponsored terrorism thanks to a dirty deal, which Mr. Liar seems to have made with Pres. G. W. Bush and the late dictator M. Gaddaffy.
The swindled British citizens are survivors of Irish terrorist bombs made with Libyan-supplied Semtex and relatives of the dead. American victims of Libyan terrorism received a share of a $1.5 billion compensation fund. Mr. Liar is accused to preventing any similar deal for the British victims as a favour to Gaddaffy and Bush.
+ + + Lord Gropington claims denial of 'Uman Right to grope inferiors + + + Plans to Sue Trivial-Democrats for loss of perks + + + Clegg in crisis over dithering + + + "There is no crisis," sez Clegg . . . "I think." + + + Supporters of Lord G. claim classic "M" defence (from the Fritz Lang film) – he couldn't help it so it's not his fault + + + "EVERYONE should get an apology," sez Clegg's wannabe successor + + + Lord G. still collecting his 300-quid daily bung for turning up at Lords – "Needs a good lunch to sustain him," said a supporter + + + "At least 53% of Triv-Dems are bottom-pinchers," claims Gropington pal + + + "It's the unacceptable face of wimmin on a witch-hunt," claims another + + +
 Must have, right now!
The next big thing after the cellular phone will be the personal drone. The money is going out of the phone market because too many people have them and they have reached the buffers as far as the willingness to accept new versions at huge cost is concerned. But civilian drones controlled by a smartphone are another matter entirely.
The main initial use will be for photographic purposes (or spying, as it's sometimes known) but man-carrying "aerial systems" (to use the term approved by the too-big-for-their-boots end of the market) will be available very soon. Which will lead to lots of aggro for the Civil Aviation Authority and it's international equivalents!
BOOK OF THE MONTH
Tedious Tory-Bashing by Mantel Hilarious
. . . "A tour de gross" – Leftwards Look . . . "A delightful catalogue of the author's paranoid delusions" – Politics 2Day . . . "Laugh? I thought I'd never start!" – World's Axis . . . |
 Beyond corruption
The British Board of Film Classification has given up on kids of 15 and up. They're now such foul-mouthed little gits that they are no longer in danger of being corrupted by films which are wall-to-wall foul language from opening titles to closing credits.
If sugar is the new tobacco, would someone kindly provide instructions on how to smoke it? It keeps falling out of the cigarette paper and clogging up solid in a pipe.
 Too much police corruption
The UK Statistics Authority is refusing to accept the crime figures issued by the nation's police "services" as the data is not to be trusted. Senior police officers are cynically downgrading, reclassifying and ignoring crimes – New Labour-style – to create an illusion of meeting targets and a falling crime rate.
Following the lead of the Office of National Statistics, the UKSA has decided to apply its code of practice and rejecting deliberately corrupted data from the police.
 The UKSA has found that successive governments have let the police lie about crime rates for at least the last 5 years – mainly because the fuzz were careful to concoct figures showing falling crime rates, which the government of the day could claim were a result of its policies. Falsely but, of course, the truth doesn't matter in politics..
The people who are fiddling the police crime figures seem to be providing the same service to NHS hospitals for their waiting lists. [Or not, if you want to believe J. Hunt, the Health Sec. Ed.]
The BBC's viewing figures are also on the official scrapheap as they are little more than crude guesses massaged for PR purposes.
 Some daylight let in
New rules have been issued to ban the use of secret judgements, secret imprisonments, secret assaults on the person, etc., which emerge in the family courts. Those giving evidence as well as guilty parties must be named and open justice must be applied to these sinister institutions in future. (They were became sinister under New Labour, of course.)
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Romiley – a sensible place to live or what!
There we are, in a green spot to the east and slightly to the south of Manchester, and everywhere else, the Daily Mail's flood map for the day was plastered with red and orange stickers for the 333 warnings in operation.
A couple of days later and the total was up to 360 warnings, and everywhere in England and Wales was included. But Romiley's residents still felt secure in their choice of flood-resistant haven.
After all, the streets might end up as more puddles than road in places after heavy rain, but we don't even get Romiley Park flooded any more.
When it comes to keeping water where it belongs, Romiley is doing okay! |
Red sky in the morning, 2014/01/12
It's over
The Golden Age of Antibiotics is on the way out due to reckless prescribing, we are being warned. Resistant bugs are on the march. Pretty soon, it will be a case of if you get one and you body can't fight it, you die. Unless some genius can come up with a breakthrough very quickly.
 The new Public Enemy No. 1
Sections of the medical profession have declared war on sugar, which is getting the blame for the worldwide epidemic of diabetes. Everything you buy these days, from soup to "healthy grain bars" is loaded with sugar, which is condemned as having no nutritional value.
The sugar industry, in contrast, has proof that it's taking in too many calories, rather than eating sugar, that causes type 2 diabetes. So a fierce PR battle is about to break out.
NHS Consultant: Someone who takes charge of your watch and makes a charge for telling you the time.
NICE for some, nasty for the customers
NICE, the regulator which picks which drugs NHS patients can receive, has splurged over £100,000 on perks for staff on official credit cards over the last 2 years. The list includes items like trips to luxury hotels and the purchase of camcorders, garden furniture, champagne by the bucketful and bar equipment, and goes on and on and on.
 Britain to vanish before 2050
The latest panic report from the National Council for Obesity Monitoring predicts that most British residents will be so grossly fat by the 2040s that our island home will have slipped below the waves from the sheer mass of humanity long before we reach the half-way mark in the current century. Which will upset a lot of EU benefit tourists.
"People ought to know that if they stuff themselves silly with high-calorie rubbish foods, they'll get fat," Lord Tebbit told the House of Lords. Stand by for ear-splitting howls of protest from the diversity mob!
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| | More of New Labour's legacy |
If you are convicted of drug possession, common assault, fraud, cruelty to children, causing death by reckless driving or a firearms offence, you have at least a 70% chance of getting away with it if taken to court.
For burglary, sexual assault, child abduction, conspiracy to murder, arson and car theft, the odds in favour of getting away with it are evens or better. In fact, only one-quarter of those convicted of a serious offence actually went to gaol in 2012. That's how soft the courts are on serious crime these days.
 Extraordinary
The jury at the inquest on gangster M. Duggan, whose death at the hands of the police was used as an excuse for rioting and looting by criminal communities in Tottenham and elsewhere, has come up with what seems like a strange conclusion, but only because it was the only one on offer. Duggan, they decided, had a gun but he threw it away. And even though he was unarmed and no threat to life and limb, it was perfectly okay for the police to kill him.
The worry for non-gangsters and non-darlings of leftie meeja persons and MPs is the perception that some hysterical copper with a gun can blow you away if he's convinced himself you're going to kill someone, even if you have no visible means of doing so.
Something else worrying is the way the judge let the inquest turn into a near riot and the Metropolitan police failed to show up in sufficient numbers to preserve the Queen's Peace. But it probably had something to do with diversity and multiculturalism.
Some further proof that the coroner for the M. Duggan inquest is about as in touch with reality as D. Cameron – he wants the dead gangster's relatives to become consultants for training and job preparation tactics of police firearms officers.
 007, or what!
A motorist with terrible eyesight, who killed a pedestrian because he wasn't wearing glasses, has been allowed to get away with it, pretty much. Judge A. Marron declared that M. Rashid hadn't broken the law by driving with severely impaired sight. No gaol time, no big fine, just 140 hours' unpaid community service.
 Another good way to stay out of gaol . . .
. . . is to have 22 children, the long-suffering British public learnt this month. Which raises the question of how Britain's prisons could possibly be overcrowded, given the disinclination of judges to send anyone there. Not to mention the eagerness of the EU's incompetent judges to let all the prisoners out. [One senses there's some sort of scam involved and millions of pounds of taxpayers' money are being trousered by even more examples of the unworthy. Ed.]
 When is a crime not a crime?
HM Inspectorate of Constabulary is to get an extra NINE MILLION QUID PER YEAR to stop police "services" fiddling crime figures and making serious crimes vanish into thin air to make their statistics look better. Misconduct in a public office on an epic scale, but as it's the police, they are allowed to get away with it. As the blessed LittleJohn says: "You couldn't make it up!"
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Real value for money! |
It's hard to believe it, but the Mars rover Opportunity is now 10 years into a 3-month mission on the Red Planet. It landed on Mars on 2004/01/25, 3 weeks after its companion Spirit, and it is currently parked up for the winter, running on reduced power. Its mission will continue when there is more sunlight available. The Spirit rover gave up the ghost in March 2010, having failed to survive a winter freeze.
Another space rock, no harm done
Earth's bombardment from the asteroid belt got off to an early start in the new year with an assault by a small rock, 2-3 metres in diameter, sometime between 2 p.m. on Wednesday, January 1st and 9 a.m. on Thursday, January 2nd (US Eastern Standard Time). There are no reports of sightings of 2014 AA, which burnt up in the atmosphere somewhere in an arc between Central America and East Africa. The vagueness of the whole thing is due to the small size of the rock and the consequent difficulty in predicting its trajectory.
Another magnetic flip
British MPs flip their first and second homes to profit from the taxpayer's generosity. The Sun flips its magnetic poles because that's the way it works. There is currently a south pole at the "top" and a north pole at the "bottom" of our star. The Sun's magnetic activity has received a lot of close study in recent years because it has been unusual compared to recent history and because of its impact on the Earth's temperature. Currently, some researchers are predicting that the weakness of the Sun's current solar cycle could indicate that the Earth might be heading for another Little Ice Age. Which has upset those involved in the Great Global Warming Swindle mightily!
Overseas Dave-Dosh Aid to Nigeria will be increased by £70 MILLION this year to £270 MILLION to provide for further expansion of the Nigerian space programme, BFN has learnt.
Dave's Daft Overseas Aid going to . . .
Argentina (enemy of the UK) – £2 MILLION directly and £7 MILLION via the EU's taxpayers' cash waste programme. North Korea (enemy of the whole world) – £750,000. [What the bloody hell for? Ed.]
Reward for Favours
2013 might have been austerity for a lot of New Labour's economic victims but not for Tony B. Liar. The favours planted whilst letting Gordon Broon wreck the British economy netted him around £13 MILLION last year.
Please vote for me, please!
Dave the Leader has done his tough-talking about means-testing stuff for pensioners like the winter fuel allowance, bus passes and free TV licences for the over 75s. Now, it's back to the reality of doing a U-Turn in the hope of retaining the support of a few people who might actually vote for a Tory party led by him come the next general election.
The Brown Bust of 2008/09 is costing pensioners £3,000/year in lost income in 2014.
Thanks a bunch, Red Ed!
Thanks to E. Milipede's stint as energy minister, Britain is paying well over the odds in subsidies to wind farms – 36% more than the international average – and the subsidies add up to £1 BILLION/year.
 The French: very bad Europeans
The monthly jaunts of the EU Parliament from Brussels to Strasbourg are costing taxpayers £130 MILLION per year. And this foolish exercise in French ego-massage puts 10,200 tons of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere despite the EU's pretensions toward banning it.
EU regulations add £7 BILLION/year to the costs of British businesses.
 Cheap by name, cheap by nature?
The President of the Association of Cheap Police Officers is getting very antsy about police pay and the prevailing culture, which was created in the "service" by New Labour. He thinks that if the rank and file have to give up their Spanish practices and have to pay for their pension, and they don't get a stonking big pay rise, then they'll start taking bribes like a bunch of 3rd-worlders as a logical alternative. Talk about getting your alibis in place early!
Long before things get too commercially advanced, anti-fracking and other protesters will be required by law to become financially responsible for the full cost of policing their activities and ensuring public safety, BFN has been advised.
The BBC will grab MILLIONs from the licence-payer to fill its pensions Brown Hole instead of making the staff pay for their own benefits. No wonder BBC and Trust don't belong in the same sentence.
 Red Ed costs the taxpayer £500 MILLION
The Milibandit's threat to break up the Big 6 banks, so lovingly amalgamated by his good buddies Wee Gordie Broon and E. Balls-Up, set the wet hens of the City flapping. The result was a crash in the share price of taxpayer-owned RBS and Lloyds to push their sell-off and eventual return to private ownership even farther into the future, and also deprive pensioners of income from investments in the banks.
A possible reason for the Milibandit's latest "policy" is an attempt to sabotage the Lloyds Bank sell-off. Let us not forget that E. Milibandit was at the heart of the Brown regime, which got the then LloydsTSB boss to take on the sinking HBoS to preserve Labour votes in Scotland.
 Like they know anything about it
The Public Accounts Committee doesn't think the Queen's staff is making much of a job with her domestic finances. This is a committee headed by MP Margaret Hodge, a member of a w Labour government, which promised an end to boom ‘n' bust just before dumping the country into the biggest bust of all time thanks Gordon Brown's reckless spending and letting his mates wreck the banking system. And before that, the sometime leader of Islington council was in charge of covering up child abuse cases. So she's not exactly long on credibility . . .
 More cash uselessly down the drain
The wind-farm subsidy racket handed getting on for £6 MILLION to operators in the last fortnight of December 2013 for shutting down their turbines in the gales. And, of course, there's much more to come this month. Thanks a bunch, Eddie Baby Milipede.
 Tell the gullible anything
For getting on for a couple of decades, the Global Warming Swindlers have been stealing from the world's taxpayers by selling terrible stories to politicians of a world drowned by ice caps melted by increased carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. But the latest thinking is that the size of the ice caps could depend on ocean temperatures, not atmosphere temperatures. Which confirms that the Warmists don't know how the climate works [which is not exactly news] but, like any good breed of confidence trickster, they are really good at bamboozling ignorant politicians and getting away with fraud on a massive scale.
As an added complication, the effect on ice melting of Arctic storms is now being factored into the equation, and also the salinity of the local seawater, leaving the mechanism of ice building and removal at the poles even more up in the air.
And there was 50% more sea ice in the Arctic in October of 2013 than in October 2012, despite all the Warmist guarantees that the ice sheet will vanish completely in the near future.
 You have to laugh – until you realize that they are still cashing in on the swindle . . .
A gang of Aussie Warmists set out for the Arctic to "raise awareness of the threat from global warming" – and got stuck fast in pack ice. In fact, the ice was so thick and strong that the THREE ice-breakers sent to rescue the chartered Russian MV Akademik Shokolskiy all had to give up the struggle.
But as the trapped Aussies are making a good living out of the Great Global Warming Swindle, their press releases continue to offer wall-to-wall Warmist spin. And when they are finally rescued by helicopter, you can be sure there will be barely a mention of their humiliation from the Warmist "news editors" at theGrauniad and the BBC.
The Aussies, their adventure tourist guests from the BBC and theGrauniad and assorted wives and kids there for a fun holiday were extracted by helicopter as soon as the new year started. Apparently, they didn't fancy waiting for global warming to free them from the pack ice and they do have a Great Global Warming Swindle to service.
 Whatever the excuse, the customer always ends up screwed
Back in the 1970s, when strike-happy trade unions were allowed to shut the country down every 5 minutes, we had power shortages because the miners and power station workers weren't working, and government ministers telling people to share bathwater to save energy.
In the 2010s, we're getting ministers telling us the same thing but because of a combination of the Great Global Warming Swindle, alleged scientists with loot rather than science on their agenda and gullible politicians have distorted the energy market out of all reason. Plus ça change, and all that.
 Dave's bandwagon confusion
A major problem for politicians who lack a set of firm political values is keeping track of which bandwagons they're on, and which they're off. Which explains why Dave the Leader decided that the current storms are caused by man-made global warming (having just stepped off this bandwagon), and he'll be using them to justify further assaults on the taxpayer in the name of stopping the unstoppable – after all, you can't stop something that isn't happening. So much for ditching the green crap – evidently, Dave has made no effort at all to study the scientific evidence in order to make informed decisions.
Even the Met Office, a recognized haven for Warmists, thinks that Dave is off his head if he really believes that the current storms are a product of the mythical man-made global warming.
The storms are due to entirely natural variations in the course and speed of the jetstream in the upper atmosphere rather than anything not seen before.
 Let's be clear about this
A lot of the recent flooding is due to the failure of the Environment Agency to dredge drainage systems and the boneheadedness of politicians, who let developers build houses on flood plains. And it's nothing to do with non-existent man-made global warming.
The BBC has spent £20,000 of licence-payers' cash on lawyers in an attempt to cover up its decision to push the man-made global warming agenda and suppress contrary views.
 Hands off!
A survey conducted by Southampton University and Massey University in New Zealand has found that the public doesn't want the Warmists to indulge in large-scale attempts at climate engineering aimed at preventing climate change. The bottom line is that the people just don't trust the "experts" to do something clever because the expectation is that the "experts" will just make things a whole lot worse if they start meddling.
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Some police "services" seem to have given up on crime completely. Criminals are being allowed to rack up 40, 50 or even more cautions instead of being prosecuted, taken to court and punished.
What have diversity and multiculturalism done for us?
There are senior judges around who think that if Moslem lawyers become involved in failed attempts to pervert the course of justice, then their crimes should be covered up and kept out of the public record to spare them embarrassment in their "community". So much for justice for all under a common system of laws!
All in the name of saving the planet, of course
The police raided a camp of anti-frackers at Barton Moss in Salford after someone fired a flare at a police helicopter as it was landing at a nearby airfield. No arrests were made, of course.
More of New Labour's legacy
If you are convicted of drug possession, common assault, fraud, cruelty to children, causing death by reckless driving or a firearms offence, you have at least a 70% chance of getting away with it if taken to court.
For burglary, sexual assault, child abduction, conspiracy to murder, arson and car theft, the odds in favour of getting away with it are evens or better. In fact, only one-quarter of those convicted of a serious offence actually went to gaol in 2012. That's how soft the courts are on serious crime these days.
Someone showing some spine? (or just posturing?)
The Justice Sec. C. Grayling, has junked the notion of cosmetic 100-year gaol sentences to smooch the ECHR because such sentences would still be subject to review and life would not mean life in gaol for dangerous criminals.
The plan now is to tell the 'uman rights mob in Strasbourg to get stuffed and give Britain's Supreme Court the final say in all legal matters. All that will have to happen after that is the appointment to the court of judges having more than 2 brain cells to rub together.
Value for money?
After spending thousands of hours and millions of taxpayers' money, the Gategate-Plebgate-Plodgate inquiry has resulted in a court appearance; of a copper who threw in the towel and admitted he'd lied. PC K. Wallis admitted he wasn't a witness after all to the incident between Tory chief whip A. Mitchell and the coppers manning the Downing Street gate in September 2012. Everyone else involved is expected to get away with it.
[Much has happened in recent years to place the competence of the police and other investigative bodies into question. Add a lack of confidence in the integrity of police officers, and the collapse of public trust is complete. Ed.]
The Met Commish, Hulk Hogan-Hyphen-Howe, has been forced to make a grovelling apology to sleazed Tory M.P. A. Mitchell after proclaiming in November 2012 that his coppers do not lie.
PC Wallis is offering as grounds for not being sent to gaol, a claim that he was suffering from psychiatric problems at the time of his Big Lie. Which raises questions about why he was on duty at that time and the competence of his senior officers to judge whether their staff are fit for purpose.
"Smile for the camera, please."
The Metropolitan police "service" plans to spend a world record amount of money (despite The Cuts) on the world's biggest trial of Copper Cameras. £1.6 MILLION will go on strapping 1,000 cameras to coppers in an attempt to restore some trust in the conduct of police officers in confrontation with members of their wage-paying public. Cynics are expecting a plague of glitches and accidental switchings off in case of bad behaviour on the part of guardians of the law.
The Gadget of the Year has got to be an add-on for a iPhone, which turns it into a stun-gun for zapping muggers.
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| He's certainly done his bit for destruction
The Brown Hole – created in commercial company final salary pension schemes by Gordon Brown – has now reached £71,000,000,000.
Now you see it, now you don't
Last month's much heralded "study" by 2 characters from University College, London, contrived to prove that migrants are doing wonders for Britain. But close inspection of their statistics by an expert has shown that they are very dodgy and full of assumptions weighted to make the case for more migration. In other words, our 2 friends got the answer they wanted by a method reminiscent of those used to create the notoriously bogus Hockey Stick Graph created by Global Warming Swindlers in the United States.
Something else the advocates of more migration neglected to mention is that getting on for 100,000 migrants from the EU don't pay taxes here; they pay lower taxes in their own country; but they do claim British benefits – housing, unemployment, child, etc. – which doesn't do a lot for the British taxpayer.
 Liberals dash for porn vote?
The Liberals' president has announced that he will block Dave the Leader's attempts to introduce an opt-out porn filter for all on-line services. His stance is believed to be part of the manoeuvring to succeed Calamitous Clegg as party leader when the useless Cleggy is shunted off to another EU sinecure post.
 Surprise!
Liberal and Labour europhile lords, including Mandelsleaze & Kinnock (the anti-corruption commissioner who sacked the only person who was trying to stop it), are trying to prevent the British public from having a referendum on our EU membership as they see it as a threat to their pensions and the cash they scrounge from the EU. Their problem is that they just don't trust the electorate to vote the right way.
The BBC is satisfied that its coverage of the proceedings in the House of Frauds was fair and biased to the Left, as it should be.
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Make Room, Make Room
The government plans to pay railway companies to reduce the number of normally empty first-class compartments on trains and replace them with 2nd class accommodation. The object is to create the illusion of some relief of the chronic overcrowding on commuter services.
The Labour party, which sees this as a threat to its right to swan around the country, travelling 1st class at the taxpayer's expense, will oppose the policy.
They're a tough lot, these Germans!
German Kanzler Angular Merkel went on a Xmas/New Year skiing holiday, and actually returned from it with a broken pelvis without realizing how much damage a fall had cause. Still, she gets another 3-week holiday out of it to recover. [Sounds like something British MPs will be trying on in the near future to reduce their tiny Parliamentary year even further. Ed.]
There's no guarantee that the H2S rail link will ever be built, but the government has just allowed the appointment of a construction chief (who has nothing to construct) at a salary of £750K (plus perks) – from out of the taxpayer's pocket, natch.
Against the law? So what?
The UK Border Force has decided to ignore the law and not bother arresting people with "personal use" amounts of cannabis in their luggage. And anyone who is arrested and found to be high on drugs is promptly de-arrested and released!
 Stansted, Britain's 4th biggest airport, is officially the best place to smuggle in dodgy goods because it has almost no Customs staff.
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Just don't bloody mention it
The Germans are in trouble with British and French badgerers for not being wildly enthusiastic about doing all sorts of commemorations with their co-belligerents of the beginning of the Great War, which they started in 1914. The Brits and Frogs, in contrast, are looking forward eagerly to blowing vast amounts of taxpayers' cash over the next 5 years – and trousering a goodly chunk of it for themselves, naturally.
Tierweiler to Tearweiler?
France's First Girlfriend, just back from glad-handing out taxpayers' cash in Africa, has suddenly found herself out of a job. Pres. Hollande's two-timing has been exposed in the gossip magazine Closer and the 1st GF has now become a political liability and someone to be ditched ASAP.
The latest news is that Tierweiler is prepared to put up with the cheating if she can be allowed to keep her glad-handing job, so it's obviously not that big a deal to her.
 So that leaves Europe out?
President O'Bummer has promised to stop spying on "close friends" in the wake of the exposure of the full extent of the No Such Agency's activities in this area, as revealed by renegade contractor E. Snowden.
Analysts are now trying to work ouf if there is any substance to the pledge, given that few nations are now inclined to do what Uncle Sam tells them to do.
Happy dining, mate!
A Russian cosmonaut admitted that the thing he really dreams about at mealtimes in space is chips. In the spirit of international co-operation, Greek researchers funded by the European Space Agency tried to make it happen, but found that fried potatoes just go soggy rather than crispy in zero g. But if you put them in a centrifuge and spin the cooking process at 3-g, then it's possible to make a nice, crispy crust and fairly good chips. So that's a new bit of kit booked for the next supply mission to the ISS.
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 The Church of England, which still has cash invested in wonga.com despite the Archbish of Cantab's promise to drive pay-day lenders out of business.
Tim Tebow, the megastar quarterback of the future, who's now reduced to being an analyst for ESPN.
P. Tucker, failed heir in waiting to the job of Bank of England boss-job, who was involved with Barclays' Libor rigging and who's been given a K.
All the political cronies on the New Year honours list.
Quisling Clegg, who's on the EU payroll, and his pretence that getting out of the EU will damage the country's economy.
The woman who threw a prolonged and public hissy fit over getting chicken instead of a vegetarian meal. Ruined her entire life, indeed!
Whichever Looney Leftie it was who came up with the daft idea that showing Blackadder episodes in schools would teach the kids about World War I under the pretence that they are documentaries.
The European Court of 'Uman Bluddy Rights, which thinks that sparing the wolves is the best way to protect the sheep.
J. Straw, who is under the delusion that he could have kept Tony B. Liar in the prime monster's job for longer than 10 years if Mr. Liar hadn't sacked him from the Foreign Secretary job in 2005 on the orders of Pres. G. W. Bush.
BT, which is introducing stealth charges for previously free services, e.g. 1571 messages, and obliging customers to opt out in the hope the won't notice the rip-off to pay for all the stuff bought for BT Sport.
Sir T. Robinson, actor in Blackadder, who'd like us to believe a knockabout comedy series really is an historical series about World War I.
The Liberal alleged MPs who want to lumber babies into and out of the voting lobbies at the House of Common Criminals.
C. Hole, the legal lady who turned up to a picket line for a protest against legal aid cuts with a handbag that cost more than a grand.
C. Adamson, the senior "financial regulator", who gave the top job at the Co-op Bank to the Crystal Methodist P. Flowers knowing that he was totally unqualified and had a criminal conviction.
L. "potty-mouth" diCaprio and his film containing 506 instances of F-words. Also, the author of the screenplay, the director, the producer and everyone else associated with such laziness.
E. Milipede, self-proclaimed saviour of the middle classes (what's he been smoking?).
Clueless Clegg, for his craven failure to stop Lord Gropington in his tracks.
EU figurehead J.M. Barroso, who had the cheek to take a pop at G. Osborne for demanding reform of the EU's corrupt finances. Barroso is such a financial genius that he drove his own country, Portugal, to a £66 BILLION bail-out from its neighbours and 19% unemployment.
UKIP figurehead N. Farage, who suspended a councillor for daring to blame the Xmas and New Year floods & storms on Dave the Leader's obsession with same-sex marriage. Does Farage have no sense of humour?
The Police Federation, which is too heavily politicized for its own good, secretive about its accounts to its members' detriment and lacking in openness and the ethics expected of police officers.
The Balls Monster, who's still talking down the British economy despite the enthusiasm of the IMF and others.
The Liberals, whose efforts let terrorists known to the secret services roam the streets of Britain unchecked because of 'uman bluddy rights – safe from identification by the news media – among their intended targets: the British public.
E. Milibandit, who wants to dump on the British economy, the economic policies which have proved to be a spectacular failure for the much reviled Pres. Hollande of France.
"Far queue, far queue very much!" – Frank Zappa.
The Far Queue: the traditional parking place for everything "not wanted on voyage". |
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top | Created for Romiley Anarchists' League by workers in revolt against oppression
to set the record straight in the 3rd millennium. © RAL, January MM14. |
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